LeahBea

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I had posted a while back about how I had a weird thing about making cupcakes (not eating them, just making them) and a believe I also mentioned that I did the cupcakes for a friend's wedding back in July.

Well I finally had the time to upload the pictures from my camera to the computer so here are some pictures of how they turned out, since I remember someone asking to see them.

There is also a picture from at the wedding and a recent party with some friends.











My sister and I at the reception


At a friend's house party, crystal light makes my mouth red... lol


That's all, hope everyone is doing well!

It seems that time has gotten away from me! I apologize for not posting nearly as often as I should and not being more of a presence on this board. I do still read most posts every few days when my life simmers down enough for me to have "me time". I do spend more time over in the maintenance group these days, but I am still around, even if it's not as much as it once was.

I celebrated my one year surgiversary on May 31st and have spent the last couple months trying to figure out maintenance. While I knew that it wouldn't be easy, I don't know that I ever expected it to be this hard. In weight loss, I found a routine. I knew what was allowed, what wasn't allowed. I knew exactly what I needed to do to keep myself in check, keep losing and be successful. I can honestly say that the transition into maintenance has been a struggle. I've been having issues reaching carb and calorie goals most days and have continued to lose weight. My "final" goal weight was 145 lbs. I'm currently sitting at 135 lbs as of this morning (up a pound from my lowest weight).

I never intended to lose quite this much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still well within normal BMI ranges and doing well health wise, but I do not want to get any smaller. I have been having friends tell me with concerned looks on their faces that, "You're getting too small! I'm worried about you, eat a sandwich!" etc. And quite frankly, I'm concerned at how bony I'm starting to look!

I've changed a hell of a lot in the last year. I'm 195 lbs lighter for starters. I'm starting to realize that I have a lot of work to do on me... Not just the physical (though there is that as well!) but especially the emotional. I have body image issues that I need to confront, I have confidence issues that I need to work on and I need to be comfortable just being ME and accepting that girl for who she is. Whoever that happens to be.

All that being said, I'm incredibly happy with where my VSG and the journey that it started has taken me. I look a hell of a lot better. I'm healthier, which was the ultimate goal. And as far as I'm concerned, the happier part is ALWAYS a work in progress.

So, if you made it through the babble I've just laid out, thank you for all the continued support. It's been a hell of a ride! As always, I don't know where I would be if I hadn't had OH for support, answers to questions and the immense amounts of info I gathered from the forums. So for that, thank you!

And now, for the fun stuff... pictures!


At dinner with a friend, I make crazy faces... it's just who I am


Out celebrating a friend's birthday




Celebrating my one year surgiversary! And my first drink in over a year...




All of my tequila is gone! ::Sad Panda::


And... I'm a cheap drunk, lol


Lots of love everyone!

This has been a crazy couple weeks!

I turned 25 on April 29th, crazy that this is the one birthday I've ever had (in memory) that when I considered all the things I want to accomplish in the next year that I didn't think to myself, "it's time to lose weight". NSV of sorts I suppose. However, some things I do want to accomplish in the next year are keeping on with my New Years Resolution to take better care of myself overall, run a race for my friend Joe that passed away, start taking ballet classes and get closer to finishing/finish this damn degree!

Speaking of my degree, the last week or so has been that time of semester where I flip out and breakdown about how much I put on my own plate. I generally have a moment or two of crying and the "I can't do this!" stuff, then I tell myself to man up because no one is going to do it for me and get whatever it is finished. It always works out, but not without my "what the hell have I gotten myself into" moment. Anyway, as of an hour ago, I turned in my last paper for the semester and can finally breath for a couple weeks before I do it all over again. 17 credits was a little much this semester so I'm thinking only 15 for the fall. I say it now but I'm full of lies and know I'll be signing up to torture myself WAY MORE than full time come fall, I'm a masocist, apparently.

And lastly, yesterday I took a road trip with my work Boo to see another friend of ours that used to work with us (he moved to California in October) while he was in Fort Wayne. Fort Wayne is about an hour and a half drive from where we are but it was well worth it to see our old work bestie. He hasn't seen me in person since October so he was pretty shocked at how different I look. Infact, he called my tiny several times! LOL, a word I never thought would be associated with me! We went to lunch downtown, hung out for a couple hours to get in some quality bestie time and then dinner with a group of his buddies that are from Fort Wayne. Roadtrip = Super amazing time and a great success. Sad that it had to end...

Anyway, thought I'd share some pictures of my adventures:

One of my best friend's and I on my birthday. I make crazy faces, I know...


My arm looks kinda scary, but rocking the sleeveless look anyway


Love standing next to him, he makes me feel tiny


Armed with my decaf and my Boo with her jet fuel we were ready to go on our adventure!


At dinner with my loves


Anyway, I'm thankful for the opportunities that my sleeve has made reality. I couldn't ask for more, well except some extra money for plastics... but ya know... lol

Well kids, today was the day! I woke up and hopped on the scale to find this...



And my reaction:



I had just woken up, please don't judge me on how crazy I look in this picture.


First goal weight reached in just under 8 months. Pretty proud of myself at the moment. So what does this mean for me? Nothing, for right now...

I will be staying on plan for the forseeable future to see where it takes me. MY goal was 160, my surgeon's goal for me is 145. I don't know that I'll ever get to that but I am going to see what happens. I've said from the very beginning of all of this that I wasn't going to obsess over a number, and I didn't. Why start now?  The way I see it, I'm going to stay on plan to see where I end up and my body will settle when it's ready. I'm not going to fight my body just so my scale reads a certain number (just not my style).

So what has changed in the last 8 months? I've gone from wearing a snug size 28 to wearing a size 10/12, my boobs have gone from a DDD to a C , I have given up all the things I thought that I never could/would (soda, potatoes, pasta, rice, bread, alcohol). If you had told me 8 months ago I would prefer a cup of hot tea sweetened with stevia over a diet coke I would have called you a liar, but here I am telling you it's true. I have dated a few different guys that I normally would have never dated before, not because they wouldn't have wanted me, but because I was comfortable enough in my own skin to let them like me. I have had my heart bruised when one of those boys started dating someone else without bothering to mention it to me (found that one out today as a matter of fact) and realized if I am strong enough to have them cut out 80% of my stomach and change my entire life that I am strong enough to walk away with my head high... knowing I'm better than being treated like that. I have learned that being smaller didn't change who I am, it just changed how I look, and some people in my life couldn't handle it... but the ones who could are the ones that are worth having around.

There is so much that I've learned, and that list isn't even half of it! But I wanted to post this so the newbies out there and the people that have struggled or are still struggling know that it's not easy but IT IS doable. You are the one that wakes up every morning and makes the decision to make it happen or not. VSG was not the quick or easy fix, but it made it possible for me to change my life. It's a tool, and when used wisely can change your world in all the right ways.

Much love to all of you for your love and support through everything. Wouldn't have made it here without your love and guidance. XOXO

So about a week ago I was going through some old pictures and found pictures from one of my best friend's wedding. At her wedding I was at my highest weight ever. I'm not sure exactly where I was number wise but I know it was my heaviest. I had just split with my boyfriend of 2 years, lost my job and I was hurting. I look back at that time now and realize I was using food to dull the pain I was going through. I thought I was doing well, but I was slowly killing myself with my actions and didn't even realize it.

Fast forward to almost three years later and I now weigh less than I did the majority of highschool (maybe all of it). Not seeing anyone but I've dated my fair share since splitting with my ex, which now looking back is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I have an incredible job at an amazing company, and I'm happy (for the most part  )

That's not to say there haven't been struggles. Last night was an incredible struggle. Had a late meeting for work so they had it catered in for us. They got Papa Vino's which if you're not familiar with it is mostly pasta in heavy calorie-laden sauces and bread with dipping oil. I don't eat those things anymore. I had a veggie sausage patty with me and ate that and tried to tell myself that I didn't need anything else. But the smell of the amazing pasta was calling my name. So what did I do? I excused myself from the situation. I got up and walked away because I have worked too damn hard to let some stupid pasta fuck me up.

And that simple action of getting up and walking away for a minute is what hit me as odd. Three years ago, hell, six or seven months ago I would have said, "Oh, a little pasta isn't bad for you!" and eaten a huge portion of that pasta, probably felt stuffed for an hour or so while feeling guilty about what I'd just eaten. I don't do that anymore! I have taken control of myself and my eating. Something I wouldn't have been able to do without my sleeve.

So, this week, while everyone else binges on crazy amounts of food in the "Spirit of the Holidays" I'm going to take a step back and instead of stuffing myself like the turkey most people put on their tables, I'm going to be thankful for the opportunity I've been given at a new life with my sleeve.


Here are some of those pictures from the wedding and then a before and now picture.

So I realized that I posted a few pictures from the wedding I went to last weekend and Halloween on the VSG board but not in my blog, well I feel like that should change... so here they are. I'm sorry if anyone gets tired of seeing me picture whore... I'm just proud and still amazed when I look at them! LOL

After dancing at 202, 201.5 for the last several days I hopped on the scale tonight and this is what I saw... I had the biggest, stupidest grin on my face! Excited doesn't even begin to cover this.

I never thought 5 months ago that I would be where I am now. I am wearing a size 16/18 in jeans, which is mind blowing all in itself.

Just thought I'd share my joy with the people that have supported me on my journey. Thanks for everything guys!

So as I'm sure many before me have experienced, my feet have gone down in size. This is quite a problem for me considering the thousands (yeah you read that right, it's a problem) of dollars I've invested in shoes over the years. So currently I've gone from a size 10 to a size 9. Some shoes you can fake it for a while but never with heels. So needless to say, the heels don't fit anymore.

So I needed to get a pair of shoes to wear with the dress I got for the wedding I have this weekend. Found a glorious pair of Guess shoes that would have been perfect but I know I would never wear again, they are navy like the dress and I hardly ever wear blue. But then I found a pair of gold glittery Steve Madden's (Steve Madden is my favorite shoe designer) and they were cheaper than the Guess so I got them. Beautiful.... just beautiful.


And then I was thinking about how I'm going to accessorize since I generally don't wear gold. And I thought to myself, "Maybe my grandmother's diamond pendent will fit now..."

My grandma left me a stunning diamond pendent when she passed away and I have never worn it because the chain didn't fit around my fat neck, lol. And when I tried it on... it fit! And it hangs just right! She would be so happy to see me wear it.

Anyway, another NSV to chalk up thanks to my VSG.

Have a good one guys!

Been a super busy weekend, my sister was in town from DC and went to Chicago yesterday to see a friend and drove back this morning. Needless to say I'm wiped out!

My sister was super suprised by how much I've lost and how I look now, and even said she was proud of me. A big deal considering she was completely against surgery at the beginning of all of this. But while my sister and I were spending time together on Saturday we went to Old Navy to look around.

I didn't know if anything there would fit me yet but I tried some stuff on anyway. And some of it was too big! I also found a dress that I really liked so I tried that on thinking, I have a wedding to go to at the end of the month, it could work...

The first size (XXL) was too big. The XL was a little big too and I thought, by the end of the month when it's time for the wedding there would be no way to pull it off. So I tried the L thinking, "There is no way in hell I can fit into this bitch!" And I'll be damned if it didn't fit!!! And actually looks pretty good. Needs some spanx underneath but doable. So I bought it since it was on sale.

I OWN A SIZE L DRESS FROM OLD NAVY AND IT FUCKING FITS!!!  I'm still amazed and shocked.



Thanks for reading!

edited: fixed the picture!

Elina posted about motivation on the VSG board today and I thought I would repost my response here.

My motivation through this entire process has been my health. For a fat girl I was pretty damn healthy. No diabetes, no high BP or cholesterol, no mobility issues. But I knew if I continued the way I was going I would get there sooner or later (probably sooner). I look at my grandmother who has been overweight for as long as my mother can remember and see all the heatlh issues she has because of her weight and I didn't want to end up there someday. So I grabbed ahold of what I wanted and I took it.

My other motivators:

My little brother, who has been my biggest cheerleader through everything.


My sister, who told me that surgery was crazy and I shouldn't do it. She's on board now, but it still feels good to know I knew what was best for ME.


My fur-baby, who is gonna need her mommy around a long time, who else is gonna buy her treats?!


And me, the fat girl with the pretty face that always knew that she was better than what she was. That she could do anything she wanted and would do it someday.