LeahBea
Serious disappointment and a kind of NSV
Sep 14, 2011
Today was a super hard day. I only got 2 hours of sleep before I had to get up and take my car to the shop, I then finished the homework I left undone from the night before and made my way to class. I'll just explain I HATE THIS CLASS. It makes me super cranky just thinking about having to go to it, let alone being there. But I soldiered through, came home to change and then went to work.
Work was alright toward the beginning, and then turned into a mess toward the end of the night. Then my supervior pulls me aside and says he'd like to have a chat with me about the promotion I applied for. So we go to the office to talk and he explains that he doesn't feel like I'm ready for it and that I didn't get the promotion. It was a slap in the face. It hurt like hell to hear that after busting my ass for the last year and that they feel like I deserve it, they don't think I'm ready. But I held it together and finished out my shift.
I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. And when I got home I still hadn't eaten dinner so I needed something to eat. And what do I find when I open my fridge? A big container of left over mashed potatoes from the dinner my family made while I was at work. Potatoes are a HUGE weakness of mine. Especially mashed potatoes. They are without a doubt, my favorite food in the entire world. Since surgery I have chosen not to eat them (or bread, pasta and rice). And I will admit I stood in front of the open door of my refrigerator for a good minute or two debating whether I should just say fuck it and eat them.
I am proud to say that I got out an egg and the milk and made myself a scrambled egg instead. I wanted to eat those potatoes sooo badly. I wanted to eat the pain and disappointment I felt today. But I didn't. I chose what was better for me instead of what I thought might make me feel better.
So needless to say, I'm proud. I'm proud of the weightloss I've had so far. I'm proud of the changes I'm making, physically, mentally and emotionally. And most of all I'm proud that I had a surgery that could give me the help to overcome those issues. I'm not out of the woods, I know there will be other times where I want to eat things I shouldn't. But now I know I'm strong enough not to.
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Work was alright toward the beginning, and then turned into a mess toward the end of the night. Then my supervior pulls me aside and says he'd like to have a chat with me about the promotion I applied for. So we go to the office to talk and he explains that he doesn't feel like I'm ready for it and that I didn't get the promotion. It was a slap in the face. It hurt like hell to hear that after busting my ass for the last year and that they feel like I deserve it, they don't think I'm ready. But I held it together and finished out my shift.
I cried most of the 30 minute drive home. And when I got home I still hadn't eaten dinner so I needed something to eat. And what do I find when I open my fridge? A big container of left over mashed potatoes from the dinner my family made while I was at work. Potatoes are a HUGE weakness of mine. Especially mashed potatoes. They are without a doubt, my favorite food in the entire world. Since surgery I have chosen not to eat them (or bread, pasta and rice). And I will admit I stood in front of the open door of my refrigerator for a good minute or two debating whether I should just say fuck it and eat them.
I am proud to say that I got out an egg and the milk and made myself a scrambled egg instead. I wanted to eat those potatoes sooo badly. I wanted to eat the pain and disappointment I felt today. But I didn't. I chose what was better for me instead of what I thought might make me feel better.
So needless to say, I'm proud. I'm proud of the weightloss I've had so far. I'm proud of the changes I'm making, physically, mentally and emotionally. And most of all I'm proud that I had a surgery that could give me the help to overcome those issues. I'm not out of the woods, I know there will be other times where I want to eat things I shouldn't. But now I know I'm strong enough not to.
Almost Halfway There!
Aug 10, 2011
Today is a really strange day. I woke up feeling absolutely awful. I was having intestinal distress last night before bed and figured the hummus I ate didn't sit well. Well, when I woke up I just felt gross. Weak, shaky, etc. So I went downstairs, ate about 3/8 of a morningstar chik patty topped with some of that hummus (it's so good! And how else am I supposed to figure out if that's the problem if I don't try it again?) and a slice of cucumber. And after I let my food settle I realized I felt a little better so I decided to go ahead and do my C25K run since I was supposed to be doing it today.
And after the run I felt even better. So I went over to my doctors office and weighed in. I now weigh 252.6 lbs! Which means that I am almost halfway to my goal! Halfway will be 245 so hopefully it doesn't take long for me to get there.
It's insane to me, to think that I've lost over 77lbs since the beginning of all of this back in May (3 months ago today that I started the liquid diet, actually). I'm proud of myself, but at the same time am trying to keep myself in line and on track because I know there so still so much to lose.
So I guess that's an update to how I'm doing, minus the occasional not feeling well (as mentioned above) I am doing pretty well.
Now, to go to the viewing of a friend that passed away over the weekend. I'm trying to keep this positive attitude, even about the viewing. April would have wanted us to celebrate her life. So I'm going to do my best with the blessings that God had given me.
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And after the run I felt even better. So I went over to my doctors office and weighed in. I now weigh 252.6 lbs! Which means that I am almost halfway to my goal! Halfway will be 245 so hopefully it doesn't take long for me to get there.
It's insane to me, to think that I've lost over 77lbs since the beginning of all of this back in May (3 months ago today that I started the liquid diet, actually). I'm proud of myself, but at the same time am trying to keep myself in line and on track because I know there so still so much to lose.
So I guess that's an update to how I'm doing, minus the occasional not feeling well (as mentioned above) I am doing pretty well.
Now, to go to the viewing of a friend that passed away over the weekend. I'm trying to keep this positive attitude, even about the viewing. April would have wanted us to celebrate her life. So I'm going to do my best with the blessings that God had given me.
Feel like I should give an update
Jun 08, 2011
I'm doing fairly well. Pretty remarkable how good I've felt for the most part. Been hungry cause I'm still doing clear liquids and that goes right through. I get to go up to full liquids on Thursday. Sooo ready for cream soup! Getting in all my protein has been a struggle but that should be easier come full liquids (protein shakes and such). Other than that I can't think of much else.
Oh, maybe my small SV...
Stopped by the Doctor's office to weigh myself after my dentist appointment this morning. Down 8 lbs in the 8 days since surgery! So I'm down 35 lbs in 30 days if you add in the weight I lost during the pre-op liquid diet. (Which I am, lol)
Well, I think thats about it.
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Oh, maybe my small SV...
Stopped by the Doctor's office to weigh myself after my dentist appointment this morning. Down 8 lbs in the 8 days since surgery! So I'm down 35 lbs in 30 days if you add in the weight I lost during the pre-op liquid diet. (Which I am, lol)
Well, I think thats about it.
