lilmiss6678
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart..
Dec 01, 2009
Hi Everyone!
So, as I have been posting, I was struggling, badly.. But I have turned my life over to Christ, and have tried my hardest to walk as close to him as possible- which by the way- isn't easy. You are only as good as the company you keep, and well- my company isn't always the best, nor do they make the best decisions. I have found a new part of myself, it grew with more self respect than I ever thought was possible. I have found myself proud, and fighting more for things i believe in, because I no long fear anyone telling me hey shut up fat girl. I have found myself unafraid to run at the gym- in the main workout rooms. I have found myself more willing to step out and help others. I have found myself reaching out and helping people more, because I can. I am not afraid. Not that I was ashamed before, but I feared rejection more.
I am not afraid to finish college anymore, Im not afraid to walk into a classroom late and to be the fat girl that has to squeeze between 70 seats all the way in the very front and sit in the smallest desk in the class. I am just, finding motivation, finding myself.
I have learned truely- what goes around, comes around.
Karma happens, and people get what they deserve.
I am making my own way. ;-) finally.
I thank God everyday for keeping a handle on my life.
I thank God for never letting me get too far.
I thank God for my heart healing. Yes, I said it. emotionally, and physically.
For the first time in my life my cardiologist said 'you sound great,maybe you wont need that surgery after all'
I felt, so happy. I felt like I was on fire. I felt like I worship a God that heals, promises and delivers.
I felt like I prayed so long for God to touch my heart, and to wipe out the hurt and anger, and let me tell you- my God was strong enough to do so. I dont carry the hate and the hurt like I did before. I wont, ever again.
I love myself. I love my heart. I love my intentions. I love my expectations. I am just, grateful everything came together in the time that it did.
My God's timing is literally impeccable.
My family is upsidedown, and I have found the strength to love and repair the best I can, and contintue my life day to day with few hard feelings. I had my heart broken by the love of my life (to date) and let me tell you, I have found it in myself to forgive him for all he has done, and support him through his trying times, strictly and merely as a loving supporting friend-and love of the past.
I met someone who is broken himself. Walks with a lot of grief in the world, and he found trust in me, something he hasnt seen in years. He is a 'hard-ass' as we'd like to say, but he has a heart of gold, and I believe in all of my heart that his trials will turn to triumphs. =)
Life is hard. for everyone right now. Things we thought would always be there, aren't. Places we would always go- we can't. the things we turned to for comfort have left most of us now. Growing up never seems to get easier. I always thought people got places because of who they know, and let me tell u- I know a
=) don't give up.
Forgiveness is scary. But its purifying. Hurting is inevitable. We will all experience it one time or another. Let it go, it doesn't have to hurt forever. Be proud of who you are, and make a difference, because you can. And you should. =)
Forgiveness doesn’t make one weak, it is an attribute of the strong. I am strong.
Being angry is draining, being sad is draining.
If anyone is struggling that reads this, I’d like to pray for you, feel free to shoot me an email. Let me be encouraging. I want to encourage everyone I can. My surgery ‘didn’t bring me here’ but it DID in fact open up doors for me. It forced me to change my life. It forced me to change what comforted me. It forced me to see things for what they were, and to help me realize that big of small I am who I am. And I am not afraid to reach out anymore. I was 6 years old, and suspended from school weekly for being a ‘weird kid’ I laid hands upon so many people, to pray. I am a warrior for Christ, and I know he puts words in me, to touch others. I am so grateful for it.
I am no longer a ‘victim’ or a ‘broken little girl’. Yes, I have wounds. Yes, I have a past that hurts, Yes, I did things I am not proud of. But those things brought me here. Right here, and will continue to take me there, over there.
My calling right now in life is to be motivated. God has put a movement in me so strong, that I just cant get enough. I want to push so hard to keep going, and just think- a week ago…I thought I had nothing left to keep fighting.. I thought ‘FML’
Yeah, ‘fml’ its funny. But I don’t feel that way, not one bit.
Anywho—im back up to 151 from a 144-146. I’ll get it off though.
God bless, and don’t be afraid to contact me!
‘Trust in the Lord with all of your heart’
