God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change

Jan 19, 2010

Hi everyone!
I have been soo busy being sick, trying to keep up, working, and living.  haha
I hope everyone is doing well.
I am still sitting at 146.6 but Im just saying my weight is fluctuating 8-10 lbs (up that is, a few weeks ago i was in the 150's again-NOT good!)Any how..

Isn't life crazy!?  One day everythings fine, and you have all of the faith in the world, your a light shining so brightly- and suddenly, that same old dark cloud takes you over, and before you know it your upside-down, trying to find your way back.
Well, I was doing good- I was sober mostly, and I had a run-in emotionally with the Ex, and 11am sunday, I had a drink, which then led to several drinks, before you know it, I have no ruined the new relationship I started with an amazing person, and look nothing but foolish. I dont know how, or why. I dont know how I let that ghost of my past get the best of me, yet again.  I feel so ashamed..

I put up some new pictures. I am not going to lie, I only want to drop another 10-15 lbs, I love my body thicker.  I'd hate to be too small. LMAO- doesnt look like thats a problem at this point!

I just really wonder- does anyone else fall off the wagon as often as I do?
I just know--If i keep taking the wrong path, im never going to find the right one, I'd just like to ask any of my friends to say a prayer for me. Please, help me ask God to show me the way, and to give me the strenght to make good decisions, and to live my life for him- as I want to- many of us know walking with God isn't the easiest task. but Its well worth it.  Id give anything to find my way. to find my soulful purpose and calling in life. I know who I am, and I know my heart, but I just ask that I have support in staying strong. that darkness is NOT going to continue getting the best of me.

I hope everyone had a great holiday..this christmas was the first time my family got along, everyone. My nephew made it all worth while for me, he is such a blessing.

I cant wait to start the rest of my life.  I am getting impatient.

=)

I am still praying, emailing prayers amongst everything else, just because I am struggling doesn't mean I cant keep pushing forward and trying to help raise others spiritually.

Please pray for permanent sobriety for me! It would mean the world to me, and the people who love me.

feel free to email me
[email protected]

all my love,
valerie.

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