llben79

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Well, tomorrow I'm officially 2 months post op ( 9 weeks EXACTLY). I have lost 35lbs as of today!! I experienced my first "stall" that seemed to last FOREVER, but in the past week alone I have lost another *7* pounds!!! I still have a long way to go, but all in all I am very pleased with how things are going. 

My clothes are a ton looser, but I have not tried on "new" clothes yet to see my size. 
I try to workout every day, but I definitely go to the gym every other day. 
My body is feeling better, and stronger.  
I feel more limber and able to move better. 
I do not tire as easily anymore. 
My feet are hurting less and less. 
My knee is getting better and stronger. 
My heart feels stronger when I workout. 
It is not a struggle with my body's aches and pains to get out of bed or out of a chair, or off the couch anymore. 
I am getting healthier.
 I have the energy to work all day, and then go to the gym at night. Before, I barely had the energy to work all day, and then lay on the couch and sleep all night.

I need to take my 2 month pics and post them. I'll work on that in the next day or so. I'm also going to be posting my weigh ins to help me stay focused.

 11/14/08 (Surgery day) - 246lbs
11/29/08 - 2 wks out - 231lbs  (-15)
12/12/08 - 4 wks out - 225      (-6)          (-21 1st month)
1/9/08 - 8 wks - 218                (-7)
1/15/08 - 9 wks - 211              (-7)           (-14 2nd month)

Total lost:   35lbs

The scale was hovering somewhere's between 218 and 220 for the past MONTH. I had my 8 wk. Doctor's appointment on Thursday. I weighed 218 there. So now I know that my scale is right on. I was really depressed, thinking that Dr. C. was going to be disappointed, because I only lost 28lbs. 

He was actually very pleased. Said that since I was a "light-weight" I was actually ahead of expectations according to his chart. They said that I am doing awesome with my workouts and to keep it up. But then, they said what I was afraid of. 

INCREASE MY CALORIES!!!!  I am finding it hard to get in anything over 400-600 calories a day. And all my water. But they said I definitely need to increase my calories, and my weight loss will speed up. I'm finding it hard to comprehend this, but ok. I'm trying. 

I also had been having a terrible problem with my chewable vitamins. I have not been taking them cuz they make me want to throw up. So I went to bariatriceating.com and ordered their vitamins. TROPICAL OASIS MULTI-VITAMINS AND CALCIUM CITRATE LIQUID. They are WONDERFULL!!!!!! The multi-vitamin tastes like and orange/peach nectar. One tablespoon 2x/daily. A little strong alone, but tastes awsome mixed in a small amount of low-sugar pineapple or orange juice, just a couple of sips worth!! I highly recommend it, especially when the chalky chewables just aren't cutting it. 

And then, all of a sudden, it happened!! I got on the scale over the weekend, and the numbers dropped from 218 to 214...then, 211-212. SIX WHOLE POUNDS in just a couple of days!!! Amazing. Lets just hope that it keeps going!! YAY! 

Did I mention that I also made it to the gym 4 times last week, including Saturday? I spend 40minutes on the elliptical on level 5, about 107rpm, and burned about 426calories. HR between 160-174bpm. I walked another 10 minutes on the treadmill. SWEATY!!! I love it!!! 

Ok...so I went to the gym Saturday after work for an hour...split my time between the treadmill and the eliptical. I seem to be walking at a steady 3.9 for most of my treadmill time. Yesterday, (Monday) I did my 30 minute squat/lunge/push-up and ab workout at home, then went to the gym for a hard 45 minutes on the treadmill at 3.8 / 3.9. I ran for 1 minute at 4.8. I still cannot run very long. But I kept my HR at about 172 for the whole time (the high end of my target zone). 

And guess what?!?! The scale STILL has not BUDGED. Not one bit. Go figure. 

Yesterday after work, I went to the gym. I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill. I hit 3.9 for a while. Then I went over the elliptical. 25 minutes there. 55 minutes total. AND....THE SCALE STILL HAS NOT MOVED. FOR MANY MANY MANY DAYS. 

Extremely frustrated, but going to keep going.... 

Hello there. I know it has been a long time since I've updated, but I went to Florida to stay with my Aunt and escape the cold NY!! I was gone from Dec 3rd to Dec 19th.  All I have to say is that it was wonderful being in the warm, sunny weather.

Lets see,  to briefly summarize my progress thus far. I am down somewhere between 28 and 30lbs. It's only been 6 1/2 weeks, so I guess that's good. But I feel like I don't eat enough to sustain a rat, and I have been going to the gym every other day and working out HARD for an hour each time. I either start out on the treadmill walking at 3.8 for 40-45 min, and then finish out on the elliptical, or vice versa. I spend 30-40 min on the elliptical, and then finish out walking on the treadmill. I just started adding a running burst in there, but my knees cannot handle much. I was able to run at 4.9 for 1.5 minutes the other day!! It just is frustrating because I FEEL so heavy. I sweat like I have never sweat before. It's kind of embarassing when someone looks at me, because I get beet red in the face, and I KNOW I look like I'm gonna drop dead. But I'm not. That's just me. I get hot, and I get red. Really, really red. Anyway, no scale I get on is the same. That's why I'm not really sure where I am. Right now, I am sticking to cardio at the gym. I haven't started any weight training yet. I have some really good videos to do at home...Slim in 6. I lost a considerable amount of weight doing those videos several years back. They are a lot of lunges and squats, hamstring lifts, arm band work, and abs. I love those videos. They really work. But right now, my knees cannot handle all the lunges and squats. I'm really trying to protect my knees. Hopefully it will get easier as my weight goes down. Like I said, I just feel like it's going SOOOO SLOW. I am supposed to be getting in 600-800 calories a day. It's not happening. I try to eat, but either I have no desire to, or I just can't fit enough food in my stomach in a day to get that many calories in. I have tuna fish on a half a piece of toast...I have chicken, I can eat meatloaf...lots of shrimp and fish. My favorite???? Dump Salad!!! It's low-fat cottage cheese, a pkg of sugar free orange jello, FF cool whip, and some canned mandarin oranges....All SF!!! and almost FF!!! Plus it's got some protein in there cuz of the cottage cheese. I am not doing good on my water intake. I just can't seem to get all the water in. I drink water and crystal light. I'm so sick of water. I am having trouble with my vitamins. they are the optisource chewables. They make me very nauseaus when I take them. Probably the chalky consistancy, I dont know. But I try to take them. I am also finding trouble finding a protein powder/drink I can tolerate. The taste is becoming terrible. Some of them are nauseating because they almost are too sweet. I have tried the Isopure...can only handle the chocolate in milk. The Unjury vanilla is not great. I really need to find something I can handle. And quick. I have been craving celery sticks and carrot sticks for some crazy reason. So I have them with a little low fat blue cheese dressing. No real nutrition in celery, I suppose. But it's lite, not heavy, and it sits in my stomach good.
So to anyone out there, PLEASE HELP!!!  I know I am frustrated from the complete overhaul in my lifestyle. I miss comfort food! I miss alcohol! I am depressed...blah blah blah. But it's true. This sucks, but I am still trying.  Do I seem to be losing slow to you?? What protein does anyone recommend?? Any tips on the water thing?? Am i working out hard enough?? I could cry...

Hello there, just wanted to say that this is my 3rd day at home, and I'm alive. I've lost about 8 pounds so far, today is my first day of full liquids.  I have been very achy and sore, and sitting here at the computer hurts, so I will post more when I am feeling up to it!!!

Ok, so I'm LESS THAN A WEEK away from surgery...and starting to get pretty nerved up.  I couldn't feel more alone right now. My biggest supporter (my aunt) lives in Florida...she is in AFRICA right now!!!! She won't be home until November 27th!!! (My cousin - her son - and his wife work for the govermnent, and just had their second baby (Yay!!) and they need help settling into their new home in Zimbabwe). So I can't even TALK to her before surgery. I asked my Dad if he was coming to the hospital to be there when I am under the knife, and he said, "Well, someone's gotta claim the body!" I know he was only joking....BUT!!!! 'Nuff said. My boyfriend is a completely different nightmare. We went out last night, supposed to be my last night out to drink before surgery. He spent the whole night ignoring me cuz he was apparantly mad that I didn't let him take a picture of me. Now let me defend myself. It's not that I wouldn't let him take a picture, it's just that I HATE turning a round, and having a camera phone two freaking inches from my face, and being instructed to smile. I would have been perfectly cooperative if he would have been in the picture WITH me, but no. So then we end up fighting when we got back to his house, about all the things about me that apparantly don't make him happy. He gave examples of, (and pardon the TMI factor) how when we are laying in bed, he has to think of things to turn HIMSELF on when it's "that time", because I come to bed with clothes on, and I don't usually let him see me w/o clothes. He thinks the reason why I fight about my picture being taken is because I think that I am fat and ugly. (well....what do you expect?) I know I am not ugly, but you can't deny the obvious about my weight. I wouldn't be sitting here on this website, 6 days from surgery, if I wasn't fat.  Then he proceeded to b**ch about how he loves me for who I am RIGHT now, and that includes me being fat. He b**ched that after surgery, I am going to change. He said that I am going to look different, act different, dress different, go out different, and just BE DIFFERENT. He apparantly thinks that I am going to evolve into this DIFFERENT person who will not be the same one he fell in love with. He is not 100% sure that he is going to like the DIFFERENT person. So, that said....WTF????? I just cried...pleading with him that I am going to be the SAME person, just smaller, healthier, happier, and maybe a little more confident. What am I supposed to do....stay fat just to ensure that I don't change one bit? Well I'm sorry to enlighten you, but I am a very sad, lonely, unhappy, self-conscious fat girl who doesn't think much of herself. Is that what he wants?? I'm sorry, but I don't think that is very attractive. Or appealing. How many times have I read in Cosmo (ok you decide if you think it's credible) that from men's point of view, confidence is what makes a woman sexy. I'm very far from confident. Then, he started in on the fact that I take care of the wrong people. He gets mad because I clean my house...I do everyone's laundry...clean the bathroom, cook, do the dishes, buy groceries. In case anyone didn't know, I live with my father, my brother, my sister, and my daughter. My mom passed away last year, and I guess I am trying to help my Dad with the house and the kids. My brother is 17, my sister is 18, and they are all screwed up since Mom died. It's such a long, sad story, but I guess I feel obligated to my mom to make sure that everyone is ok. I know it's not my responsibility, but I feel like I owe it to her. And I also know how terribly unfair her death was to us all. But I'm more worried about my Dad, my brother, and my sister. My brother was only a month away from turning 16 when she died. I think he is the one who has taken it the hardest. He is turning to drugs and alcohol to deal. He went from being the kid on the honor roll, the kid receiving the presidential award for excellence in school every year, to barely passing. My father is just sad and alone, and beside himself, not knowing how to deal with my brother and sister. My sister is so angry and indifferent, she never shed a tear. She goes about her business like she is the only one in the world. She does not care about anyone but herself. I am just a mess. All the time. Everywhere. My aunt (the one in Africa right now) says that I am the most normal one of all. She said that I am coping the way normal people should. Well I don't feel normal. I don't feel like I should be such an emotional basketcase a year and a half after the fact. Well, anyway, back to what Andy has a problem with. I do all these things to take care of the house and such, and he says that I am just stressing myself out over the wrong people. He says that I need to worry about MY family, which is me and my daughter. Not anyone else. He said I should not do anyone's laundry but ours, cook for only ourselves, clean up after only ourselves, and let the rest of them take care of themselves. I do understand a little of his point, but what I am trying to say is that in order for me to take care of MY DAUGHTER, I need to take care of the WHOLE house. I cannot let my daughter live in a pig sty, because then she will think that not cleaning up after yourself and living in squalor is perfectly acceptable. It is NOT. I don't want her learning that. She needs to learn that EVERYONE in the house needs to contribute. Just because the mess on the floor isn't one YOU made, it doesnOT mean that you leave it there indefinitely, and walk over it cuz the one responsible for it is not there to take care of it. Granted, I know that my family takes advantage of the fact that because the mess is there, I WILL pick it up, because I can't stand to look at it. So most of the time, no one will lift a finger to help me. Half of the time, no one ever comes home. So needless to say, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. And he refuses to see even a little of my point. Am I wrong? Should I just abandon everyone and let the house fall apart so that they don't take advantage of me? I don't think it's fair to me or my daughter to live in a mess while we are living there. And then there is his issue with me not moving out of the house. Well, I have too many bills right now and I was stupid when I was younger, and I never finished school. I just have a mediocre job making only 11.45 an hour, and I waitress every friday night for some extra money. I cannot afford to move out. I only have 400 dollars in my savings account. What the F am I supposed to do with that?? Well, his argument is that I would have more money if I didn't spend it taking care of the 'wrong family'. ARGH!!!!   I just don't know what to do. So, we went to sleep. Without touching, without a kiss, without our 'I love you's', on separate ends of the bed. In silence. Well...maybe you could hear me crying, I don't know.  Then, when I got up to go to work this morning, I just left. All that normal stuff we do EVERY morning...the hug, the kiss, the I love you, have a good day...nope. Not this morning. Like I said, I couldn't feel more alone right now....BUT, I'm a survivor, that's what I do, I guess. I'll be fine, I'm always just fine. Just a little more thicker shell on me, that's all. I need help. I need a therapist I think. But then again, I'll have to do that on the sly, too. See Andy doesn't believe in mental issues, or shrinks, or therapists, or anti-depressants. He doesn't believe in depression, or any other mental disorder for that matter. You know those psychopathic killers who are like bi-polar and have multiple personalities?? You know all those VERY real mental illnesses? Yeah, those. He thinks it's all bull and it's just an excuse for bad behavior. He thinks that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the brain. He thinks anyone who take anti-depressants is just a pill popper, and they don't need it. You know all the mental problems people end up with because of years of childhood abuse, or any serious abuse from anyone, anytime in their life? Yeah, he doesn't think that is real either. He thinks it's just an excuse. So if he was to find out that I wanted or needed counseling, or antidepressants, he would roll his eyes and be a jerk. He would say it's just an excuse for whatever reason. I really don't know if he REALIZES how ridiculous he sounds, but he does. But I love him none the less. I would marry him tomorrow. BUT, I AM PREPARING myself now. I am getting ready for him not to handle this well, I am preparing for him starting more fights. I am preparing for him to leave. I hope he doesn't, but I am getting myself ready. How terrible is that?! I just hope that in the process of me preparing myself for the worst, I don't make things worse by withdrawing from him. I could feel it happen last night and this morning. I just hope it passes. I have enough to worry about.  Like surgery in six days. woo hoo.  Don't get me wrong, I am VERY HAPPY that it is finally here, and I will be losing weight, and this summer will the be the best one that I can ever remember, because I will be able to be completely active with my daughter, and all the things that we will be doing together will bring us together. I will be getting healthier from here on in, and hopefully I do not have to worry about dying young like my mother did. But right now...today...I am just depressed...like i said, I have never felt more alone...Sorry to be so long winded. I just needed to vent. So, if you are reading this and have gotten this far, thank you for listening:)

Ok, so that's done....I went to the hospital, had blood drawn, and EKG, and a chest X-ray. Then I went to the nutrition class and got the low-down from Mark, my surgeon's PA (and surgical assistant). They said that the surgery takes about 45 minutes, no foley catheter!!! YEAH!!! I will be discharged Saturday, pending no complications. I got my post-op vitamins (Optisource) that I must take 4/daily FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!! They are about 25 bucks for a months supply. We also got some other samples of protein powders. I got a jar of Unjury unflavored protein to sprinkle on food, and then a jar of the vanilla flavored. I'm just going to start with that, and some of the sample packets I have for now, cuz I am REALLY BROKE!!!  They gave us the run down on the diet progression, and it's really not that bad. By day 14 AT HOME, I should be able to start on regular foods...that is, of course, all the others stages are tolerated easily. I personally think that it is a little fast for some things, so I plan on taking it easy.  I have also made a bunch of chicken broth and froze it in ice cube trays...I made a butternut squash pureed soup and froze it...and homemade applesauce with splenda...and froze it. I have plenty of SF jello and SF pudding to last me quite a while. So, if there is anything else, I will just ask my Dad to pick it up from the store. I need to get my car cleaned out before surgery...I need to get the house cleaned...I need to get my hospital bag ready...(I am bringing my portable DVD player, cuz the PA warned us that since it's a Catholic hospital, there isn't much to watch on TV, LOL)...I need to swipe my sister's ipod for a couple of days...I need to get my suitcase ready for FLA (I leave Dec 3rd) and I should pack my daughter's clothes while I can still do laundry comfortably...lol. OH! And MEASUREMENTS!!! I cannot forget to take my measurements and an official "before" pic...I will do that later this week. Now I just have to keep busy so I do not get nervous...I noticed that I am not sleeping well at night...probably just anxious. Oh well...I'll check in again day before surgery! Take care!!!

Well, I am off for my pre-op testing at the hospital, and then I go have my final meeting with the surgeon, and take the nutrition and exercise class! This is coming up so fast, I am soooo excited! Some mixed feelings, yes...more so about just wanting to be totally prepared:) Oh well...I'll check in later if I have any info to share from the nutrition classes later....later!!!

Ok, so before surgery, the doctor said to start taking supplements NOW, to start getting used to them. I have also come to understand that FROM NOW TO ETERNITY, we must ALWAYS take calcium, b12, and a multi-vitamin. I know that I have a couple of OH friends that have not had surgery yet, and so for anyone who doesn't know, this is what I found...
*Sublingual B12 dots...(500mcg in each one) 
 I found at Walmart, they are cherry flavor, and aren't bad at all
*Viactive SUGARFREE chocolate CALCIUM softchews (500mg CA)
 they taste like a treat!!
*Multi-vitamin  (I am just taking 2 of my daughter's Flinstones chewables right now, until I have to switch to the bariatric multi-vitamins after surgery)

One of my post-op OH friends (who is doing fantastic!!!) also recommended the website www.allthewhey.com for the bariatric protein shakes.  They are packed with protein, very easily dissolvable, and they are low carb and NO SUGAR!!  I just ordered the variety sampler pack, so I will be able to see how they are hopefully by the end of the week. She said that she uses them, she loves them, and they are obviously good tasting.

***Just a little FYI if anyone could find it useful!!!****