kristi M.
10 weeks
Aug 27, 2009
I can't believe it's already been 10 weeks since surgery. It feels like it was so long ago. Life just seems so different now.1. I'm down almost 80 lbs from my highest (which would have been May, I think). I think it's almost 60 lbs since surgery. I'm still weighing every morning that I'm home so I can track how it's going. I weigh less than my 16 year old son (who is a 250 lb nose guard on his high school team). I'm around 240 and hope to be under 200 for New Year's Day.
2. I've done two 5K's and make it to the gym almost every morning. I'm used to getting up at 4:30 and heading over for treadmill or elliptical. I've been watching entire seasons of Survivor (maybe 8 altogether) to pass the time. The 42 minutes per episode is perfect; sometimes two episodes on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Now I'm switching over to Amazing Race seasons that I haven't watched before. I haven't really gotten back into working with a trainer (Mike). Schedule has been insane but my plan is to get back to 3x per week on September 1.
3. I'm wearing size 18 for the most part, down from size 24. Clothes are slightly problematic at the moment. James pointed out yesterday, "Is it worse to wear clothes that are too tight or too loose?" I still have size 16's in the closet so I'm reluctant to buy clothes right now. I've had to retire most of my underwear because it's baggy; weird baggy and uncomfortable. Luckily I have some old smaller ones (size 7?) that feel good.
4. Eating is still foreign to me. I get very hungry and want to eat but I really can't. If I'm starving, I eat too fast and have to choke it back up. If I eat slowly, everything is cool. I've learned that my "soft stop" is a lump in my back. If I eat beyond that, I have to choke up everything I've eaten. It's not really bad since there's no stomach acid but there is copious saliva. Honestly, I've had to research bullemia because aspects of this scare me. If I eat too much and choke it back up, I'm not hungry anymore. I haven't done it intentionally yet (hopefully I'll never do it). I haven't attempted bread, pasta, or other carbs. I've had rice twice and I just choke it up. I do allow myself potatoes as my one starch because it's too hard to just avoid everything.
5. I had one fill at 4 weeks. I've had this "lump" feeling since surgery so I'm not sure if it's due to the band fill. I'm scheduled for another fill next week (I've postponed it once). I'm not sure if I need it. I'm losing weight well. I get hungry but I can tolerate it. I don't have carb cravings. I'd hate to get a fill then have to get an unfill.
6. Head hunger is still there. Sometimes I get so frustrated with not being able to eat. My mind wants to eat, wants that old feeling of fullness, but my body can't tolerate it. .This frightening to me. I shudder to think that I can't do this without the band. I'm really not strong enough to fight the cravings on my own. I've really wondered about the brain chemistry that makes food/fullness so desirable. I've tried to relate it to alcoholism (which has never been an issue for me but is, inexplicably, for others). If I think of it as a sickness, I can understand why my head wants what my body can't have.
Overall, this has been life changing. I'm so happy to be running again. I'm slow but methodical and my knee isn't hurting like it used to. I have stomach soreness over near the port that I don't understand. I'm scared of being hit in the stomach. I hate to feel my port. I'm nervous to do ab work. Overall, I feel like this is seguing to a lifestyle that I can handle long-term. I love that I can ride in a plane without a seat extension; that my bra straps don't dig into me; that I don't feel like a freak of nature walking around. I like that I can feel my collarbones and that my cheek bones are prominant again. I love feeling pretty again.
