The (half) year in review

Dec 02, 2009

It's hard to believe that it's almost been six months since surgery. By all accounts, this has been a "success" but I'm still mixed. When I step back and look at it, I'm happy with the changes. When I consider life on a day-to-day basis, it's not so clear.

So, the good news:
- 107 lbs down from my highest; I'm like 2 lbs from being "overweight"; considering that my BMI was well over 40 when this started, that's pretty goo
- My physical condition has drastically improved; I'm doing BodyPump three mornings a week (5:30 a.m., ugh) and increasing my lifting weight steadily; I'm running again and officially training for the Austin Half Marathon on Valentine's Day
- I'm wearing size 16 pretty consistently; down from 24/26 at the beginning; I have saved one pair of shorts to horrify me later
- I don't obsess about my size. I don't worry about the size of chairs. I don't worry if I need to run across the street or climb stairs. I feel pretty normal in a lot of ways.

The other side:
- I throw up almost everyday. I wish I could make a list of "untouchable" food but I it's not consistent. Sometimes I can have corn chips, almonds, chocolate. Sometimes I throw it up like a monster.
- I've just gotten used to having a "spit cup" around for the slime. I'm not even as shy about doing it in front of the family. I'd hate to live with me; it's gross.
- My desire for food hasn't really gone away. When I get stressed, when I want to celebrate, when I just want to feel good - I want to eat. But I can't. And when I'm dying to eat, the first bites are too fast and I'm throwing it all back up.
- My digestive system makes noises; huge noise. And I have gas - a lot. I can't do anything with it, just feel uncomfortable.

In short, I feel like I'm in prison. But the prison gets pretty clothes. James mentioned (in an offhand way) that we're not longer the people on Wall-E. It took me a minute but he's right. I guess the good outweighs the bad. Honestly, if I hadn't been able to lose like this, I think I would be hating myself for doing it. As it stands, $12000 was a pretty small investment for the extra years of life that I'll get out of this.

At some point, I need to get my rings resized and it's time to start buying smaller clothes. I need to invest in some good running shoes. I just need to keep reminding myself - no regrets.

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