April 2009

Apr 27, 2009

4/29/09

Still staying at 120ish.  My husband actually had the nerve to ask me if I was 'working the program'.  I hit him has hard as I could. 
Man, it sucks when your own words come back to haunt ya.  I know....I am NOT following the program.  I'm not doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I have been trying though.  I have eaten all the ice-cream in the house so that is now gone.  I should be OK now!! 
On a serious note, we ALL know that 120 pounds is NOT bad.  I honestly can use to gain the few pounds which is the reason I gave myself the 5 pound cushion to begin with.  I always wanted to be at 120.  My doc said 125.  I stayed at 116 for a long time.  So, in all honesty, I could go as high as 125 and still be ok.  I just CHOOSE to stay around 120.  I am going to try to get back to where i was at 116.  That way, when I keep gaining and losing the same 4 pounds, I'm really not OVER my goal.  See how my brain works?  Its all ok and this is much more than the numbers on the scale.  My fears lie deeply in not wanting to gain it all back.  My doctor always told me that having a little bit of fear was a good thing.  I agree.  Having that fear makes me realize that I will NOT regain it.  I am already making steps to correct the bad eating habits.  Making good choices really isn't that hard.  I have been doing it for 2 1/2 years now.  Its just so easy to fall back into the bad habits.  When I was eating like I was supposed to, I stopped craving sweets.  I didn't want the ice-cream because I was satisfied with the food I was eating.  I obviously am not satisfied anymore and want bad stuff.  That is where the re-grouping begins.  I know the problem...now its time to FIX IT!  Like I have said a million times on here and will continue to say it because it drives me CRAZY  to hear ppl say that the "weight is gone forever".  I say... WAKE UP!!  The weight is never ever ever gone FOREVER.  A food addict is always a food addict and don't let anyone tell you differently.  Change your life...change the way to think and feel about food...be a little bit scared of it....and work the program...  There, I said it!  Ok...enough psyching myself up....I'M GOING TO DO IT!!!   Haven't y'all realized yet that this is a MIND game? 

4/27/09

Ok...this sucks!!  My month has been a good one.  I went to Vegas the first week of April and had an absolute BLAST!!  I can't wait to get back there.  Making good choices with food and alcohol was pretty tough and I would say that I would get about a "C" on the food and an "F" on the alcohol.  I came back dreading the results.  Surprisingly, I only gained a pound.  I guess all of the walking helped.  However, I am making up for it now.  I am at 121 today.  Yep...that is 5 pounds GAINED since the beginning of the month.  What's worse is that I tried to wear pants this morning that I wore last summer and could not get them on.  I can't remember if they were tight last year...I can't imagine that 5 pounds would cause that but it was quite disturbing.  Maybe the fat around my stomach has shifted and that is the reason.  Too bad it won't shift to my butt so that I don't look like a board from the back.  My goal has always been to be under 120 pounds.  I was staying between 116-118, which is PERFECT for me.  Looks like I need to get back on track and follow the bandster rules!!  I'm not totally freaking out... YET!  However, if the weight keeps going up, I will then begin to panic.  All I need to do is follow the rules....I can do that.... right? 
I'm going to San Francisco next week (May 4th) and Michigan May 14th.  My husband is getting his hip replaced around May 19th.  So, May is going to be busy busy busy!  With the weather starting to get nice I will get out and walk again.  That will help to lose those 5 pounds!
I mention these things because for most people...5 pounds is NOTHING to worry about.  For those of us that live in fear of gaining this back and re-living old habits... 5 pounds is HUGE.  Is it out of control?   No..of course not.  Should I be concerned?  Yes!  I know what I am doing wrong though so that is good.  If I struggle, I will go see the good doctor and get a fill.  Easy as that!!

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