Happy Birthday to me!!!

Jan 21, 2009

I love how obnoxious that sounds... 

Okay, so I'm late by a few days.  But what a FABULOUS birthday I had!!  Someone I didn't know a year ago has become a dear friend, along with a whole mess of OTHER dear friends I've made along this whole WLS journey.  She is fortunate enough to own a beautiful lake home up north of the Twin Cities a bit, and invited 7 of us up for the weekend!  Well, that's PRETTY much how it worked...  Yeah, we'll go with that.  She invited us. 

ALL of us have had WLS.  You'd have never GUESSED it by looking at the plethora of snack foods on the counter!  But they were, for the most part, pretty WLS-friendly, I must add that.  Still... if we'd been up there a WEEK, we wouldn't have run out of food.  Does the brain ever really catch up to the body?

They surprised me Saturday morning with gifts - totally unnecessary, but EXTREMELY appreciated!  There was a beautiful necklace - a circle of peridot (you know, the LIME GREEN stones?  My mid-life crisis color of choice - lime green!!!), and there was a gorgeous bracelet!  I'd been admiring this bracelet for some time, but it was not available to me.  Little did I know...  I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!  You KNOW who you are, THANK YOU for making my birthday something TRULY SPECIAL!!! 


Anyway, what a FABULOUS TIME we all had!   It was relaxing, yet hilarious.  Some took advantage of a quiet winter evening by staying in front of the fireplace and watching movies, while some (myself included here) went out to a bar to hear a really good band and SHAKE OUR BOO-TAYS!!!!  I LOVE that people didn't feel like they HAD to go out to help me celebrate - that would be a drag!  No, the whole WEEKEND was the gift!  Doing whatever the heck we each felt like DOING was the gift!  Some shopping, some snoozing, some game playing, some cooking... it was just wonderful.

I really AM glad I was SMO.  Had I not been, I would never have found such a wonderful CIRCLE of friends!
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Ending 2008 on a positive note!

Dec 30, 2008

I am now just over 20 months out from my WLS.  I have lost between 151 & 155 pounds, depending on the day, and I'm THRILLED by that!  And the fact that I am off ALL pre-op meds for BP, diabetes, EVERYTHING - except for one teensie little pill for my thyroid.  THAT, I can handle!

I do not, however, feel that I am down to where I want to be.  Hell, I don't even have an exact number in mind, but I DO know that I want to see a "1" in the front!   I take responsibility for that - no one else to blame but me.  I've put things in my mouth I shouldn't, and I haven't gotten my arse into a regular exercise habit yet.  To some extent, I suppose I've been taking my WLS for granted, which I never should.

But THANKS to that little cutie pie, Lisa Joy, and to my new (FREE!) iPod shuffle, I have every intention of kicking myself in the hinder and getting these last 25 (?) pounds off!  I got on my Gazelle last night - yes, even tho it's in the spare unfinished room and staring at studs and insulation - and ROCKED IT!  As much as I HATE the idea of exercising (old tapes playing there, no doubt...), it was FUN!  I loaded a mess of my favorite tunes from my cd collection on that little sucker, climbed on board the Gazelle, closed my eyes and let the spirit move me!  From Neil Diamond and Huey Lewis & the News, to Big & Rich and Elton John, I didn't even feel like I was "working out"!  I think I managed to sing along in silence, but if I DID burst out loud into a singalong, well, my family knows me.  They'd just roll their eyes and smile. 

Yup, WLS has been the gift of a lifetime, straight from God above.  I just need to re-dedicate myself to working my tool better than I have been.  I haven't been awful, but I could definitely do better.  AND I WILL!!!
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Just 'cuz it makes me smile...

Dec 16, 2008

http://picasaweb.google.com/mndarlin/HazelWinterShots#5190661364438138834

I hope we get some good snow this year, so I can take some more video of the crazy pooch!
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I'm HAPPY, but...

Dec 05, 2008

....  bodies are SO RANDOM!!!

3 days ago, on Dec. 2, when I wrote my last blog?  I was at 227.5.  That was post-morning doo-doo and all, so pretty accurate, but I was FRUSTRATED!!!! 

So I modified my eating a bit, increased my water a bit, but still haven't  implemented any formal exercise.  (Seriously?  There just are NOT enough hours in the day.)

Today, post morning doo-doo and all, I was 222.5.   Seriously??? 5 pounds in 3 days?  There is no rational explanation for that. 

...  


... but I'll take it!

Time to re-dedicate myself to WLS

Dec 01, 2008

I'm a little over 19 months out now...  and struggling a bit.  No one ever said this would be easy, right?  I mean, it's been a lot easier than NOT having had WLS, having a tool to FORCE me to eat less and make better nutritional choices, that much I'll admit.  But it's been said a million times - they don't operate on your head.

So my weight has remained in the 221 - 226 range for a MADDENING amount of time!  I haven't yet broken south of 220, which I will NEED to do in order to reach my ultimate goal of ONEDERLAND!  Yes, my Dr. is happy with me where I am.  But I'm not.  I don't feel done yet, 220's is still obese.  I'm in 16's and 18's, I'd much rather settle for 14's and 16's.  Not that I ever DREAMED I'd be where I am right now, but it's just not enough! 

So what's my problem?  2 things.  Mindless munching on things I don't need/shouldn't have (Travis' chocolate Christmas pretzels?  Rich's chocolate stash?  Hello, this is true confession time here...), that - and not getting any "real" exercise.  I have never been a slug - not even at my highest weight.  I don't watch tv, I don't sit around much at all - I'm always doing SOMETHING!  But I have to believe that my body now needs me to actually WORK OUT.  Break a sweat (which I HATE), get my heart rate up.  I can not afford to join a club ( no flaming here, that's the God's honest truth ).  I can walk, and I do, although not as regularly as I should.   I need to pull my Gazelle out into the family room and MAKE TIME to get on it for 20-30 minutes a day!  I know that would do the trick.

So, I'm re-committing myself to doing it now.  I've been harboring some rather sad, negative thoughts about this lack of progress lately, which is stupid.  I always preach to people that they need to DECIDE to be successful, to do the things they know they need to do.  So it's time to listen to my own advice.  The definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.  Or something like that.  So I need to change my routine - eliminate the things I KNOW I shouldn't have (DAMN, I wish I dumped more easily!), and MOVE MY BODY!  I WILL be successful!  I WILL see a "1" on the front of my weight!  Hopefully THEN I will be happy with myself! 

(Dang you, Susie - seeing tiny little you last weekend just FREAKED ME OUT!)


THANK GOD I have no junk food at work...

Nov 20, 2008

Bailey had knee surgery - torn meniscus - on 10/3.  Her surgeon wrote a "prescription" for her gym teacher, directing her to work in the weight room on upper body strength and conditioning, and PT exercises, in lieu of participation in regular gym class activities.  Her phys ed "teacher" (and yes, I use the word loosely here), DID NOT respect that prescription, and threatened to FAIL her if she didn't play bb, vb, floor hockey, etc.  ON A KNEE RECOVERING FROM SURGERY!!  Now her knee is NOT healing properly.  Her PT is concerned that she isn't progressing better, and the clicking noise it was making pre-op is back.  The quarter ended 2 weeks ago, but I'm not letting the school brush his holier-than-thou attitude under a rug.  The surgeon is PISSED OFF that a gym teacher would even CONSIDER denying that prescription.  Bailey's counselor is upset that I'M handling the bitching - she thinks Bailey should handle it herself!  HELLO??? she's a KID, you f*ckin' idiot!  She's supposed to CONFRONT a teacher who is BLATANTLY disregarding her recovery?  Yeah, 15 year old girls have that kind of balls...  

So THAT'S been fun.   Then THIS week, it's been Travis.  He's ADD (no H for Hyperactive), and has a helper in some of his classes.  Monday, she asked some kid named Sammy a question, and Travis blurted out the answer (kids will do that!).  She called HIM "Sammy", and according to him, has been doing so ever since.   He asked her not to, but she continued to.  Kids were laughing at him, and he was embarrassed and angry.  Now granted, he could be exaggerating, but I told him "Trav, if I'm going to take this issue to your teacher, you need to be 100% honest with me about what's been happening - we can't make false accusations."  He didn't back down or even BLINK.  I had just set up an appointment with his SPED teacher for his new IEP, and had mentioned to her that he's been less focused lately, leaving lights on, not picking up after himself at all, and I asked if she had any materials that might help ME help HIM be more attentive to stuff like that.  So YESTERDAY, she sent a book on "Living with ADHD" home WITH Travis, to give to me.   

Can you spell S-E-N-S-I-T-I-V-I-T-Y??? 

The poor kid... it was all he could do to NOT cry on the bus on the way home.  He was so frickin' ANGRY and HURT he locked himself in his room, tried to rip the book in half, and BUSTED HIS CLOSET DOOR out of frustration!  He is 97.3% HAPPY - so for him to be that upset was REALLY upsetting to ME. 
 

So I called his SPED teacher and set up a meeting with her for tomorrow.  His helper WILL apologize to him for excessive teasing with this Sammy thing.  And I WILL point out to his teacher that sending home such material WITH TRAVIS was an extremely bad call on her part, insensitive and hurtful.  GOOD LORD, wouldn't you think they'd know better?  My mom was a SPED teacher for 35 years - I called her last night IN TEARS, asking if Travis and/or I were over-reacting, and she was MORTIFIED that teachers would be so hurtful!  

I swear to God, they are NOT above reproach.  

On top of all that, Rich is fearful his shop could lay them all off soon, and my income does NOT cover our expenses, not by a long shot.  

So yeah, Darla's not in the best emotional shape today... 

"Normal"

Oct 30, 2008

I was pondering a rather WOW afternoon yesterday, when I realized that it was my 18 month "surgiversary"!  So I thought I'd share...

Forgive me to those of you who already know this, but last year my boss and I took over coordination of the High School Nordic Ski program with the Park District.  Basically, any and all schools who use the Park District cross country trails for practices and meets throughout the winter, all the forms and fees and legal issues that entails, scheduling, yada yada yada.  It was handed to us at the last minute LATE last fall, and we ran with it.  My boss and our manager went to all the coaches meetings - I just helped prepare all the info/form packets that they distributed, and was RELIEVED to not have to actually go face all the coaches and Athletic Directors, seeing as how I wasn't exactly a positive example of physical fitness & all...  My boss works part time, 3 days/week, so the majority of the day-to-day coordination of the program fell to me, and I LOVED it!   The season was FABULOUS - good snow, lots of action, I have NEVER had a busier winter in 18-19 years with the Park District! 

Okay, so yesterday were the first two coaches meetings, and this year, it was my boss and I that attended.  She felt it was important for me to meet all these people I got to know so well last year via phone and email interactions.  All the old "fat chick" tapes were playing in my head  I was nervous and embarassed to walk into those rooms, knowing I would be surrounded by people who's lives revolve around phy ed classes, sports, coaching....  I was sure I'd get all kinds of "those looks".

I didn't!  I was greeted very warmly, and many of the coaches said they were HAPPY to finally have a face to go with my voice!  They were genuinely interested in what I had to say, asked questions, laughed....  It wasn't until we were heading back after the second meeting that I realized I had even HAD a WOW moment!  I'M NORMAL!  These people looked at me, and didn't KNOW I was once 155 pounds heavier - I was just Darla, the woman who would be coordinating their efforts to get trail time for their teams. 

I had WLS to live longer, to improve the medical issues I had pre-op, to get healthy.  And yes, to maybe even LOOK better.

NEVER, did I EVER consider what a blessing it would be to just become NORMAL!!! 

Taking Control

Oct 21, 2008

Yup, that's what we have to do.  Take control over food, not allow food to take control over us.  Sounds simple, right?

Bull crap.  It's HARD!  But after my previous post, I decided I had to.  I got rid of the evil snacks that had somehow found their way into my desk at work.  I had a talk with the goodies at home that are for my husband and kids, NOT me!  I had a talk with my butterfly, and asked her to remind me of what I need to do and NOT do to keep going with this whole WLS thing.  I started taking walks several nights a week, out in the cold evening air, and I've dropped the pounds I put on and then some!  I feel I still have a way to go, although I really don't know where my body will decide it belongs.

See, I know a lot of people look at me as an "inspiration" to them.  Believe me, I have a hard time wrapping my brain around THAT idea.  Me?  Inspiring?  I STILL feel ginormous!  Not OBESE, but REALLY BIG!  So how on earth could I be inspiring to anyone? 

Well, I guess that doesn't matter.  It's kind of a responsibility.  I need to keep doing well with MY WLS journey, so I don't disappoint myself or anyone else who might look at me for that little push THEY need to keep going!  Yes, I'm a big woman.  Not nearly as big as I once was, but at 5'11" and in size 16 jeans, I can feel my hip bones.  Not sure I'll get down below a 14 ever, but that's okay.  I can be big and STILL be successful with this thing.   Small is not in my future.  Healthy is.  Heck, I've already got that going for me!

I should have titled this post "Random ramblings of a tired woman".

Keep on fighting, everyone - we can ALL be winners in this game!

Ugh...

Oct 09, 2008

Okay, so all is NOT happy in Darla-ville.  Lots of stresses going on that are beyond my control, and a few that ARE.

Hubby's job sucks more and more every day - and now he has been told he can not have 3 days off to go camping with our kids over MEA!  So we had to EAT $38.50 of our reservation in order to save $30 when I cancelled.  I could have gone with them alone, but I DON'T THINK SO.  Now I'll have to face them BEGGING me to do something fun, only Bailey won't be up to doing a whole lot just yet.

'Cuz last Friday, she had surgery to take care of a torn mensicus in her right knee.  Her first surgery ever.  So Nickelodeon Universe is out.  Camping - she would have been NO help, thus my cancellation.  We could maybe do a night in a hotel with a waterpark or at least a nice pool, but they don't exactly hand those out cheap.  Still, that might be a possibility.  Holiday Inn Maple Grove, or Grand Rios?  Not sure... they might be nutso with MEA, too. 

And I've been unhappy with ME lately!  Why am I eating more than I need to?  I don't even think it's head hunger, I think it's mindless eating, and I have to nip it in the bud.  I was hoping to be BELOW 220 this week, but instead, the scale went UP a couple pounds!  TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY SNACKING!  Oh, I'm not eating a plethora of stuff I shouldn't, it's MOSTLY healthy, but dang, what a precarious perch our weight is on.  I need to DRINK instead of SNACK!!  Got rid of most of my temptations here at work.  Ordered some jerky and "Just the Cheese" from Amazon, to at least give me PROTEIN when my mouth needs something to do!  ugh...

I need to set my 18 month appt. with Barb at the end of this month, or maybe early next month if she won't be back yet.  I want to be at 215 for that, but I doubt that'll happen - unless MAYBE I can talk myself into exercising?  I know that'll be the key to my dropping these last 30 that I'd like to drop.  'cuz I've been pretty lousy at it up until now. 


This has GOT to be a boo-boo...

Sep 17, 2008

I had some time between meetings yesterday -  not enough to head back to my office, but enough to stop in at Avenue in Knollwood.  I was hoping to buy an extra pair of size 16 T jeans, as I only have 2 or 3.  I'll need more than that to get me through the winter, right?

They didn't have any that I liked in 16T... only 14T, and 18T.  (you can see where I'm going with this, right?)

I thought - "Oh, what the hell, I'll just TRY ON the 14's." 

THEY FREAKIN' FIT ME!!! 
Oh sure, they're the kind with a wee bit of spandex in 'em, but HOLY SHIZZ, BATMAN!  I got 14's on - and they didn't look half bad!!!

Of course I bought them.  You think I'd have left them there?  Silly monkey...


About Me
Maple Grove, MN
Location
26.5
BMI
RNY
Surgery
04/27/2007
Surgery Date
Jan 12, 2007
Member Since

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