nynativecagirl

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I had another WOW moment on Monday. I went in for an injection in my back, and of course since I was sedated I couldn't eat since the night before. Afterwards, the nurse brought me some water and crackers, and said "you are so tiny, you are probably getting real dehydrated" what?? tiny??
I was about to ask her what did you say? but I just took it in. I have never in my life been called anything close to tiny, and I am nowhere near tiny, still have a chunk of weight to lose but I guess I appear tiny to some people LOL - I like those eyes. I would expect to have people who knew
me when I was heavy say wow you're tiny now, but strangers?? well I'll take it wherever it comes.
and I'll be okay with where I am now if I don't get down to my desired goal of 145. I lost 11 lbs in the last 3 months so I may still be able to move the scale. I am now 157 and I wear size 8, so that's good but because of these flabby thighs and loose skin I am not a happy camper at all. oh well, unless God grants me a financial windfall I will have to live with it. we shall see. as long as there is hope, there's a chance :)

So on Sunday the 23rd it will be my 13th month out. Today was my weekly weigh in and I'm down to 157, wearing 8's and sometimes 10's depends on style (of course) I'm still losing, Thank God. Got this thing moving! going slow but at least it's going. When I had my gallbladder surgery on 5/20/09 I was 168 (can't forget they kept asking my weight in pre-op) so in 3 months have lost 11 lbs. not great, but pretty good considering honeymoon period almost over and the stress of not losing anymore and possible regain is looming over me.  I'll take each ounce happily at this point whatever I lose is a gift.
lots of frustration and do overs (had bad yesterday paid for it) but so far keep on truckin' - need 12 more pounds to get to my goal. I will get there, one way or another!!! although if I had ps on this tummy and boobs that would probably cover those 12 lbs LOL! but that's not gonna happen so I have to do it with working at it, being a better patient, doing what I'm supposed to do, eating better than I do. don't eat right or when I'm supposed to it's such a chore!
oh well, another day another lesson learned. we shall persevere!!!

1 yr ago today I went into surgery thinking this is it, big drastic step. Hours later when I threw up blood (did it several times) I thought oh what have I done to myself? Between those episodes and the pain and the terror that something had gone wrong and I had to go back to surgery I regretted having surgery for that moment. By the time I got home, safe and sound I felt better about my decision. It's been a hard year, ups and downs, last 5 months have been hard because I've been sick for most of this time but now that gb is out, and my pain has calmed down I feel better. I'm still having pain issues but I am now under the care of a spine specialist to see if he can find out whats up.

It's been a year of learning new things, making new friends, and every day is a new day a new battle. this is not easy, I didn't think it would be but it is harder than I expected. Although we do this to not ever diet again, we basically are on a permanent "diet". we still have to watch what we eat, when we eat, how we eat and why we eat! But I must say I can eat most things, except alot of sweets. I can however, have a little bit of sweetness like a mini bite of candy, a piece of cake w/lil frosting, just basically a bite but it's enough so I don't feel deprived and it doesn't hurt my "diet" Carbs are still a problem, I have to watch them carefully or my sugar shoots up and drops and I get the shakes and feel crappy. Sometimes it's pretty much a hit and miss situation.  Some things make no sense, like how come I can eat eggs but in some forms it can make me feel crappy and down right disgusted. Some foods I eat 2 bites and I feel like I'm going to explode, other foods I can eat quite a big amount. Like I said a learning curve each time.

This week someone told me I was so skinny I was going to disappear NOT! I am far from skinny, I am however skinnier than I was. Someone else asked me if I was mentally through the hurdle, I told her no. some days I see myself the same, fat, others I look and say wow I look thin. on the bad days I swear I can see an extra pound on me and I feel heavy like I gained 20 lbs. other days I feel small and feel proud.

Don't get me wrong I was given a blessing, I was referred, approved and had surgery all within 9 months, it was pretty easy for me to get to surgery day and for that I am truly thankful. I am thankful every day that I got this surgery, but somedays it's so hard I don't know if I can make it. I am terrified of gaining weight again, but yet when I want that piece of candy I just want it, weight be damned. Do I eat a whole candy bar nope, can't wouldn't won't but do I want it, yes of course. I eat 1 slice of pizza, but I want 3 more, I can't so obviously I don't but my mind is stuck there and I swear I think about it for the rest of the day until someone else eats it and it's gone out of my sight. Like they say the surgery was on my tummy not my brain. I have my before/after pic here at work on my wall so that I can remember and make better choices. It's hard, it's sad sometimes, it's painful sometimes but getting past each hurdle is so worth it.  I still have 16 lbs to "my" goal weight, but at 161 my surgeon considers me a success. I am down 101 lbs since I began the program, I am wearing a size 8 jean (my daughters) my 2 girlfriends at work say I am gonna get thinner than they are and want to kill me (with love). so it's all good, the good and the bad days, the ups and downs. it's all a blessing to be thankful for, even when I feel like a failure (and yes I still have those days too). I am proud that I am here that I've come this far, that this year has taught me alot, has given me a new goal, given me new friends and the chance for a new life. I guess now that I made my year, I'm almost at goal, my new life begins in earnest. still looking towards what is to become and what I am going to do with this tool. 
THANK YOU to my wls family, my sisters and brothers in this fight we share in common. Without all of you I could not have made it through this journey. Extra thank you to Debby, my angel, I appreciate your friendship.
Take care :)

                                     

Finally, -100 has been keeping away from me for weeks. been stuck at -99. twice this week i got on scale and it said 162, and I thought finally. ran got camera and then it was back to 163, deceived me. but today after verifying 3 times it said minus 101!!! yes 161. I am so excited finally this is a huge milestone. whats odd is that i thought for sure i had gained cause I know I ate well yesterday, but it was pretty much all meat :) lots of protein yesterday :)














PICTURES Posted from 4th yesterday. AND IT WILL BE MY 1 YR POST OP ON THE 23RD, I didn't make goal but I hit one big milestone and I am so grateful. THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU ON THIS BOARD THAT GIVE YOUR UNENDING SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT AND LOVE, I REALLY AM GRATEFUL YOU ARE HERE.

so i woke up had coffee, scrambled eggs w a lil cheese and avocado, started my water. decided not to weigh myself as soon as i got up but then 4 hours later couldn't resist, and voila down some more. on weigh day Wednesday i was up 3 lbs and couldn't understand why but now i lost those 3 and an extra 1. yippee. what is it with our bodies.  i do know all week we walked at lunch so maybe that is helping and for sure gonna keep that up. i am now 18 lbs from goal, and 1 month from my 1 year surgiversary. its a struggle but gotta keep going. wednesday 7/1 is my 1 yr post op appt. just had my labs on friday haven't checked them yet but i'm about to and i sure hope they are at least a little better or i'm gonna get scolded big time. so thats it for now. hot sunday, sitting in dark trying to stay cool. enjoy the week.

so today I am 11 post op and down 98 lbs in total (pre/post). it sure is slow going but I lost 4 lbs in the last month, probably due to my gb surgery. I think it jolted my system and thats why I dropped the pounds. BUT for the past 3 Wednesday weigh ins my weight is stuck again! UGH I need 2 measly lbs. to get to -100 and it's taking forever, and only 19 lbs to goal. boy this is just annoying.  I am able to get into my daughter's size 8 jeans, yippee, but I am wearing 10's cause I don't have funds to go out and buy clothes that fit. so I am wearing baggy jeans and trying to hold them up with a belt LOL.
here are my progress pics for 11 mos post op. I shall post again asap.

So I'm back to work. YUCK - no choice. I went to dr. yesterday for my gb post op. she said all looks good and we still don't know why I'm still in pain. she's going to talk to my primary dr. and see what they can figure out. UGH!. I was glad that the dr. scale read 166, although mine said 165 the day before, the dr. one is never on the money with ny home one and the last few times it has been right on target. it used to read 3+ lbs but it had to be the scale because it was the same for all the folks I know that go to my same HMO.
So today is my oldest childs b/d, my son Joel is 27 today. wow I feel old. he's in school in Sacto so I don't get to see him, he was here last week for the wedding. also, today I sent my cousin pics of the wedding, he was my partner. and he replied that the pics were great. He said I looked gorgeous! and that he was proud to walk beside me. now isn't that sweet. wow that was an awesome compliment. I printed out pics and have them here at work and everyone is very impressed, and they say I looked great. very cool. don't know whats under that dress  LOL so i'm counting the minutes until I can go home. work is quiet, almost my entire staff is out for one reason or another :) and even alot of the attorneys are gone so it's been very very quiet. i just want to go home and lay down. I won't of course, I'll end up walking around doing stuff, Travis and his little self will keep coming into my room pointing at stuff and trying to torture my dog. He is so so cute, he's 1 now and he's so into everything, so curious. anyway. that's the updated.

So today is weigh day and I'm down 97 lbs. I've actually lost 3 lbs. in 2 weeks since I had my gallbladder out, very odd. I am sick sick sick, can't get rid of this pain, gb is out, now what is going on. still haven't gone back to work. tomorrow is my post op we shall see what happens. I just got back from church, today i became a member of Shiloh Christian Church in Oakland, California, very sweet feeling to belong :) going to bed soon, hopefully I can feel better and get to work tomorrow. That's All For Now - Be Blessed In All Your Steps! Stay Strong! Judy