sallyj

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So I decide to do two wellness events per day and life goes crazy!  Work is a bit overwhelming right now--big projects as well as niggly little ones that must be done.  And meetings, endless meetings.  So I've been coming in early (around 6:30) just to get caught up with the paperwork type things and I'm still behind.  Yesterday morning, I decided not to do cardio (hadn't slept well and was feeling pressure to get into work).  I had strength training at noon and yoga at night, so those would be my two events.  So sure enough, the training gets canceled.  While that didn't break my heart time-wise (definitely took advantage of that extra time), it did mean I wouldn't do any demanding exercise and be down to one wellness event.  I didn't have time to add anything (nor funds), so I've decided my "wellness event" is not worrying about it!  Life happens, so we'll just go with the flow.  Won't make it a regular occurrence (did cardio this morning again), but maybe I need to come up with some other options for when things get messy.  

I was also thinking about how easy it is for me to not really pay attention to how I slide into eating poorly.  We have a break room in which all types of foods gather.  This week there are sizable bowls of mini pretzels.  I can stay away from donuts (clearly bad for me) and other such treats, but I find myself grabbing just a few pretzels here and there.  Just because something isn't "bad" for me doesn't mean I need to eat it!  It is so easy to just graze little bits until it all adds up.  And I know that I can/will overeat even "good for me" foods--like fruit.  I've had to cut back on using fruit as a snack because I will wind up eating four or five pieces of fruit a day.  And that is just too much for me to lose weight.  So if I need to say no to that extra apple, I surely need to say no to the pretzels.

I've decided my next effort is going to be doing at least two wellness related activities a day.  So some days that will be cardio and a TOPS meeting, some cardio and strength training, and some cardio and a facial!  Pick up the theme that cardio is going to be a standard?  That's because it is the one I can most easily control as I have the bike at home.  So I can ride it any day I'm home.  And if I travel, most hotels have at least one bike or treadmill.  So no weather related or out-of-town excuses.

So far so good for the month.  

Blood work from my check up was good, doctor really happy with my cholesterol but I can't claim any kudos for that as it is genetic.  He's okay with my weight, but I'm not.  

I did think of a real contest for TOPS.  I'm going to propose that whoever loses the most for the quarter (at least 5 lbs.) and keeps it off (so no regaining and losing the same five pounds) will win a week's worth of meals prepared by me.  They can chose the recipes from dr.gourmet.com.  I'll do all the cooking at home, wrap/freeze, etc.  and deliver it.  Now I need to think of something for the least successful person.  Maybe I should do that as well--just not tell them in advance.  I wonder if we did a program in which I showed everyone the website then had them select a week's worth in advance.  That way it would all be available regardless of who won.  Hmm, I'll think about that.

I have to say, now that there is someone else there who is post-RnY, I am a lot more excited about going.

I'm going to work with Jesse sometime to set some strength goals as well.  I am still amazed at how little strength I have in my upper arms.  Everything still hurts and seems almost beyond me.  I guess it isn't really true, but just shows how weak I was before!

It is now 8 years since my RNY. I am at 198 pounds per my annual check up. All my bloodwork looks good (and even though it has nothing to do with my actions, the doctor was thrilled with my cholesterol numbers--pure genetics). Myonky health issues are arthritis and constipation. Both are manageable. So my goal is to be down to 160 by next year's check in. There were a couple of new people at TOPS last night, one of which is just a few years out from gastric bypass. We had a really nice talk afterwards and I think I might have found a good wellness partner. Her husband is a really good cook, so it wounds like we share some perspectives about food. The other new woman is not morbidly obese and is younger, but I don't have a sense of what she wants from the meetings. I get frustrated when we spend 40 minutes or more with busyness and silly rewards. One woman even said she liked that because it kept the programs short. And I want the programs! It is difficult for me to not think ”and that's why you don't lose the weight!". I just don't know if the regulars are really interested in losing weight. I suspect it is really secondary to just having something to do. Which may be great for them socially, but it defeats the purpose of being a weight loss support group. Well, I will use them for the accountability piece I need and just find the weight loss support elsewhere, I guess. Since my minor goal was to be under 200 for my doctor's visit, I'm going to set my next sub-goal as being at 190 by New Years.

I did a pretty good job of staying with my 'system' while traveling.  I did exercise each day, did try to walk during breaks (not as much as I planned to though), ate a fish entree when there was an option, and kept the sweets down to a dull roar.  So while the scales went up from before to after, they also dropped back down back to before the next day.  I suspect some of it was just water retention.  So I didn't gain, an achievement.  Oh, and while I did stay up a bit later and watched some TV, it wasn't the usual marathon late night like usual at hotels.  And the earth did not stop spinning on its axis

So now things are back to normal and the next trip isn't until February.  Maybe by then, I'll have some better strategies.

This week in my eight year anniversary and yearly check up.  i should be under 200, so that's a goal met.  Forty pounds to go. Sounds like a lot, but it isn't too bad all things considered.  I'm aiming for hitting it in early summer.  

I managed to hurt my elbow somehow right before the trip.  I'm thinking I had it over-extended when doing yoga.  There's a lot of reliance on the arms in poses like downward dog and the one with the legs extended.  I'll ask the teacher about it tonight.  I'm not all that thrilled with her--something very brusque about her which doesn't work for me--and I really don't like the cross-town traffic that time of day.  I might have to find another, closer, place to try.  I am surprised that I can actually do most of the moves--even if at the newbie level.  Maybe I'm not as physically incompetent as I was led to believe.

Read an interesting posting about the complex realities of having lost a lot of weight--how the body still doesn't look 'normal', that not all things are wonderful, that one can still be unhappy, etc.  While there wasn't anything new it in, it was nice to at least see these issues acknowledged in the main stream media (like they ever get anything complex right!).  

 

I'm traveling this week, so I'm trying to plan ahead.  I was reading a blog (Summer Tomato) in which the author wrote about being able to stay on track when she was in her "system" but then struggling when out of it--like when traveling.  Makes so much sense to me.  So I need to come up with a "travel system." I know when I travel, I don't sleep the same, I watch TV (don't even have one at home), eat out, and take advantage of too many snacks and way too much coffee.  So, can I create a 'no brainer' travel system?  It has to accommodate eating out, lots of sitting and waiting, and variations on ability to exercise.  

For the eating out, I can make a commitment ahead of time to select a fish option (if available and not fried).  If not, just as healthy as I can and half the portion.  It is just never easy when eating out.

And for the snacks chose only the fruit (if available) but maybe also find some kind of protein snack I can take--jerky?--and not feel weird eating when everyone else is eating muffins and cookies.  And since travel is a treat in my mind, I need to acknowledge that and find something special to take as just a travel treat.  I'm thinking maybe the chocolate pureh tea.  I can drink that instead of coffee (in which I always want sugar and cream).  That would address both the treat and the coffee issue in one.  

For the exercise, I can take my yoga band and do some yoga, and I have my timer to do some simple exercises in the room.  If I don't stay up too late watching TV, I should be able to take advantage of the exercise room--most hotels have something.  I don't really walk fast enough to get cardio benefits, so I really should try to find an exercise bike or treadmill at the very least.  And I think I will try to do at least one flight of stairs (if there are stairs) during each session break.  That should help with the constant sitting.

So, there's my plan.  Let's see how well it works this week.  Updates to come.

I will miss the TOPS meeting, so won't have an official weigh in, but I will try to weigh in at the hotel on Thursday evening.  Don't know if that will be possible (some workout rooms have scales but others don't).

It has been a full week already—I feel like I’ve been running since last week.  We had the outside evaluators here Thursday and Friday, so I wound up working some Saturday and Sunday just to try and catch up.  Then Monday I was at a meeting in Olympia, so lost a day of work there.  And we had the baby shower for the co-worker Tuesday, for which I baked the cupcakes and brownies (more on that below), and then had to scramble to get a couple of projects that were handed to me last minute finished.  And now it is already Wednesday, and I forgot that the TOPS meeting was moved to this evening because of Halloween.  So I had to get the “traveling” gift pulled together and wrapped so I could take it tonight.  And of course the wrapping paper didn’t cover the box so I had to scramble to find a different box.  But it is done and in the car ready to deliver.  Whew.

I haven’t done as well this week with the eating.  I haven’t had problems with the baking until this week.  I think it was a combination of stress (see above) and the lure of Jelly Bellies.  I made baby pacifiers out of Life Savers and Jelly Bellies (really cute) for cupcake toppers.  I can do without the Life Savers, but before I realized it, I’d eating two servings of Jelly Bellies.  So I dumped the rest in the trash just to get them gone!  I also ate a cupcake and icing while putting them all together.  It really was more stress than I like the taste of these.  I didn’t do that with the brownies I made earlier—and I really like brownies.  But I did eat one at the party (a very small one). 

And my exercise has been off this week due to traveling and Jesse opening his own place.  So I missed workout yesterday although I did start my yoga class.  Not bad, but I can’t do the downward facing dog.  I think it is a combination of the strain on the feet and getting my butt up in the air from the floor position!  My left foot was giving me grief after class last night, and I was a bit worried about how it might impact my sleep, but I was okay.  I’ll have to watch that and try to build up some strength.  But I have been trying to do the exercise bike each morning, but that was another thing I missed Monday—just couldn’t get up in time to do that and leave for the airport at 5:00 a.m.!

So with the mixed eating and reduced exercise, I will not be surprised if I don’t lose anything this week, but I still hope I will.  I would hate to break my streak.  So any loss will be welcome. 

Update: well, I wasn't surprised.  I didn't lose any but I didn't gain either.  Given the crazy week, that's appropriate.  Even if I had eaten less, I doubt I would have lost given the stress levels.  And, this fits my pattern of a few good weeks then at least one little or no loss weeks.  The challenge is next week--I'll be traveling again.  I was reading a blog about how to think in terms of systems instead of goals, and it made perfect sense.  When I am in my system, I can do fine.  But take me out of the routine and poof!  I guess I need to build a 'travel system.'

Tonight is weigh-in at TOPS, so I thought I'd do a check of the difference between my scale in the morning and theirs at night.  So this morning, with clothes, I was 199.6 (love that first digit).  I will update after weigh-in.

As I was doing the exercise bike this morning, I was thinking about weight-loss and choosing wls.  I was thinking about change theory and how at some point the decision has to shift from the cost/benefit analysis to the goal.  If someone were to offer a guaranteed 2 lbs. a week loss if I took 30 min. to prepare each meal (I was thinking about the ladies at TOPS who don't cook), would I agree?  What if it were 1.5 lbs.?  If I am still in the contemplation stage, I think about the cost/benefits.  But at some point, I have to say the goal is worth whatever the cost  (within reason), so I quite 'thinking' and do what is necessary to achieve the goal.  How one crosses the line to that, I don't know.  I don't even know in myself.  Why is it that one attempt proves to be just another attempt and another time, it makes a difference?  

I thought of when I decided to do the wls.  It was like I had crossed that line and was looking for the way to achieve the goal.  I knew what I had done in the past would not work.  That nothing I could do on my own would work.  The image I came up with with a leaky boat.  There were so many holes in the boat that I literally could not bail fast enough.  I needed a new boat.  And, in essence, that is what the RnY provided--a new body chemistry/digestive process that allowed my bailing to actually be effective.  Yeah to new boats:)

I was plotting out how long I think it will take me to get down to my goal weight.  Using rather conservative figures, I'm thinking end of May.  I know things will slow down as I get closer to the goal, so want to plan for that.  I still have a mindset that sees just a pound or two as "not much" and a bit disappointing.  But that's not true anymore.  And today I put on a pair of pants that were tight late last week, and they are significantly more comfortable--with the loss of just a pound or two.  So it makes a difference.  I need to remind myself of that.

And my trainer has decided that I need some new challenges!  Yikes.  Combine that and not being able to breath well due to a lingering cold and I am really pushing myself.  But it is okay.  Good aches and it is making a difference.  Still hate exercising though!

Update--201 at weigh in tonight.  So, maybe next week I'll break the 200 barrier.  But this was my 5th week of losing for a total of 9 pounds.  

It has been a full week and a half at work.  We had our accreditation visit which was pretty stressful, but I think it went well.  There were several occasions of validation of my work and what I had been saying for the last couple of years.  That is always nice.  We had some recommendations, but they were specific enough to be evidence that we are also doing a good job--but we can do better.  Where have I heard/lived that before!  And this week we have another external visit from yet another group, so that keeps things at a high pitch.  I'd really like a month just to get some work done!  If anyone knows how to stop time for everyone else while I get this work done, please let me know.

Thursday is my weigh-in but I did want to document that Monday the scale showed me under 200 pounds again.  By .2 lbs, but still, the number started with a 1!  Today when I weighed with my close, I was back to 202, which doesn't surprise me.  So until I am 'officially'--with close and in the evening--under 200, I'm not counting it.  Isn't it funny how we chose arbitrary numbers and instill them with such meaning?  But getting under 200 was my goal for the rest of the year, so this gives me a chance to reset my goals for weight loss over the holidays.  I think it is good for me to have the intention to lose, not merely not gain, over the holidays.  It gives me a challenge to keep me on task.  If I went with just not gaining, I suspect I would lose some motivation and then let things slide again.

Jesse has also decided now is the time to up my workouts.  Ouch!  It helps me in the long run, but man, it confirms that I have so far yet to go.  But I am also pleased with some of the things I am able to do--like sit-ups in the tire.  I sit on the inside edge of a huge tire, use the internal rim to hold my feet and then lean back and bring myself forward.  I can't believe I am even able to do that without falling over backwards, so to do 30 of them in 3 minutes is quite a 'treat' for me.  Now, let's not even talk about the upper arms (wimp), but that is to come.   He complains about how cold it is in the gym and I'm sweating like a pig!

 

I joined TOPS a few weeks ago because one thing I have learned about myself is that I need external support and accountability.  Simply having someone waiting for me to show up to the gym, to weigh in, to in some way participate, helps me do what I need to do.  I've been working out with a trainer now for several months, I've joined a yoga class, and now I've joined TOPS.  (i had visited the bariatric support group here when I first moved to Spokane, but wasn't impressed.) 

I'm a bit disappointed in the TOPS group because there is a very different level of commitment to weight loss than what I need.  this might not make a difference if it weren't such a small group--generally just five of us--and if there were more variety in the amount of weight needing to be lost--most I would guess have +75 lbs. to lose.  Most of the time is spent on 'paperwork' and little prizes.  If that was making a difference for them, I wouldn't have a problem, but the largest total loss for any person for the last quarter was just 3 lbs.  Whatever they may be doing sensibly, they aren't taking off pounds.  I try to remember that this is their group, they've been at it for years, if I understand correctly, so it really is a reflection of their needs and wants--and leadership style.  Very different than mine, so I will take advantage of the accountability and leave it at that.

One of the things that struck me when I first visited and signed up was a question about whether I think my gastric bypass is "still working."  It was asked in a way that suggested a degree of skepticism about wls and even a bit of a desire to hear it had "failed."  Well, it hasn't failed.  I ate what I shouldn't and too much of it.  So I gained weight just like any other person would.  But there is still this sense that somehow wls is 'cheating' or an easy way out.  I don't know enough about lap-bands, so maybe they do fail, but the research seems to suggest that gastric bypasses maintain their impact.  I'll have to look into that.  But the fact that I am losing weight --averaging 1.5 lbs a week--because I am exercising and eating right, tells me everything is working just fine.  Now I do expect the loss to slow down just like with anyone else (we lose faster when we first start) and just like it did around 18 months.  But the benefits of the wls--lack of hunger, ability to feel satisfied, need to eat small amounts, etc. is still there.  (As is the constipation when I do eat right.)

I did lose another 2.75 lbs. this week.  So that is good.  I do like it when the effort pays off, but I need to prepare myself for the weeks in which it doesn't.  I know those will come.  Had an interesting conversation at TOPS last night.  One of the ladies has diabetes (I think) and believes the problem is corn (really just corn based sweeteners. I think).  The whole focus of the night was on candy.  With Halloween coming, that makes sense but it is also one of her key issues.  As I was listening, it really made me think again about the change model.  Here is someone for whom sugar is really almost a poison and she's trying to find a way to keep eating it, if just in different amounts.  But one thing she kept saying was about needing to feel satisfied.  Another gold star for RnY.  The whole role of ghrelin and leptin. Challenge is to find a way to get that satisty.  

 

Just read the interview with Dr. Miller on this website.  I was so pleased.  Finally, someone who is talking about the physiological changes not just the restrictive ones that gastric bypass surgery produces.  I need to write him.  I would be interested in participating in his research if appropriate.  The fact that there is a ghrelin producing part of the stomach is new to me.  Interesting.  I think sometimes people don't want to know about the complexity of obesity because they fear they can't impact it.  In some weird sort of way, people would rather be at fault than not in control.  But that leaves them feeling in control of the wrong things and, therefore, unsuccessful in the long run.

One of the interesting things he said was that at one year out, one should expect to be at 60% of your starting weight.  That would have put me at 240.  I'll have to check to see what it was.  I lost 60% of my weight, so was at 40% of my former self.  And that is where I want to get back.  And I am getting there, slowly.  I lost another 1.75 lbs. last week and, I think, I've lost a couple of pounds this week.  If so, I may actually get back down below 200 by my anniversary date.  Yeah!

I know that the pounds will come off faster now than when I get closer to my goal, but in a way that's okay.  It confirms that I am just like every other middle-aged woman struggling with her weight.  My body isn't working against me anymore--even if my sweet tooth is.

Yesterday I read the new recommendations by the American Council of Sports Medicine for exercise--yikes!  All told it winds up being about an hour a day.  I like the breakdown of cardiovascular, neuromuscular, resistance, and stretching.  All the things I am aiming for using the exercise bike, BoxFit, and yoga.  For now I am just going to keep on my usual structure, but I think for next quarters Wellness challenge, I will try to build a plan that aligns with the recommendations.  

I am trying to pay attention to what I feel about how I feel--allowing myself to recognize the pleasure of losing weight, being active, being mentally engaged in exercising (even if I still don't like exercising).  The iRest yoga might be useful for that.  It is interesting being this old (compared to 18) and still working on 'creating' oneself.