sallyj

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Happy New Year! 

While I almost made my weight goal of under 200 for Jan. 1st, (200.6), I did keep my more important goal of behavioral/eating changes for the year.  In the long run, that is more important.  But I won't deny the power of the number.  I had to stop weighing as often because that number didn't align with the effort.  So I now have another 42 lbs. I need to lose, and I know it will probably be much slower, so I've got to get my head around the behavior.  I won't lie and say vanity doesn't play a role in my motivation--I want to wear better clothes and look good in them--as well as health and how I present and take up space in this world.  So while the behavior is the foundation, the weight is the visible evidence. 

I have a couple of other new year goals that align with the weight loss.  One is more about physicality--being able to get out of a chair without using my arms and being able to get up off the floor without it being a production!  I may start doing some yoga--a co-worker told me about a YouTuber she uses. 

I also need to get my walking up--I have a trip planned to Italy come April and that will require a lot of walking.  The weather being what it is (too d* cold) this year, doesn't help.  But I do have my stationary bike to start building some leg strength.

Only somewhat aligned, as it has to do with clothing, I want to focus my creativity away from cooking and towards sewing/knitting/etc. fashion.  I have signed up for a coat making class online, so that will be my first step.  It will include more of the tailoring skills than just sewing, so it will help me up my game and actually finish the project.  Bought a beautiful fushia cashmere and alpaca fabric for it.  Will line it with a printed silk crepe de chine--couldn't find a charmeuse I liked and wanted to pay for!  I tend to start projects--or at least by all the tools and supplies--but not finish them because they don't turn out right.  So no more of that!  I want to focus on treating it like a real project that can take the time it needs, be redone if needed, and be about the process as well as the product.  So I have this coat for spring and finishing the sweater I'm knitting now for fall.  I'll need to learn how to fit a pair of pants to go with it, so maybe that will be another class.  I'll be busy knitting and sewing so won't have time to worry about eating!

Will still, of course, cook and enjoy good foods--want to have a healthy relationship with food not fearful or foolish. Today for the new year, it is a new thing--roasted pheasant for dinner after a lunch of Hoppin' John--good luck for the new year.

I had my yearly check in and blood work done last week, and I had to laugh a bit at myself.  My doctor didn't say anything about my 75ish pound weight loss.  I was disappointed!  But then again, he has never said anything about my weight--even as it was going up.  All my vitals are good, so it isn't that it was affecting my health in that way.  Good cholesterol, good blood pressure, no pre-diabeties, etc.

I listen to a podcast, Maintanance Phase, that is all about the wellness industry and the habit of connecting weight to health simply isn't supported by the scientific studies and in ways that promot discrimination against obese people.  And here I was, linking my own weight loss to medical care (if not health) but my doctor wasn't.  Good for him.  In truth, I think I just wanted some affirmation--I know I'm healthy in those key ways. More about ego than health! 

It has been a tough few weeks, feeling stuck with the weight loss going up and down but not really getting lower.  Then I had two out of town trips for work back to back.  They probably were a good thing as they got me out of my rut.  Because most of the meals were not completely within my control--other people chosing the places and none of them really "healthy"--I was able to focus on portion control rather than calorie content.  And here's where again I think the RYN is a great tool--I get full faster, have to eat slower, and my nose starts to run if I have even one bite too many!  So the portion control is easier; my body lets me know. 

It was more difficult getting back on track with the fasting schedule (simply too awkward to deal with traveling).  But I did this past Sunday to Monday, so I am pleased with that.  I have to have a way of eating that is sustainable--which includes travel, holidays, special occassions, etc.--and still be able to return to a more intentional way of eating. 

Even with all the dismay and disruption, I've lost ten pounds this month.  So I am still  on track.  Today I have an appointment with my doctor to refill my blood thinner med, which will be the first since this year.  So it will be interesting to see what the number is on his scale.  I expect it to be higher as it will be later in the afternoon after a day of water and lunch. 

I think I am at a bit of a "reconsider" point in my weightloss habits.  I'm still being regular in my focus on protein, fiber, and water, but for the first time since January at least, I am having the desire to eaat for the sake of enjoying eating vs. just being hungry or time to eat.  So far, whatever I ate was satifying, but now I'm getting to where I want specific "comfort food" or a dessert (other than just fruit).  I'm not hungry, but I'm not always satisfied either.

I'm trying to address this by using more ingredient recipes (chicken taco chili instead of just shrimp in broth for example), but I then wind up with constipation issues!  I know a lot of my up and down weight this week was due to that.  But whatever I do has to be sustainable --I'm only half-way to goal.  But I also know in the past, the weight loss process has slowed down, so I knew that was coming. 

Perhaps now is the time to start adding some exercise?  I do hate exercise.  I've never felt "better," "more energetic," "stronger," etc. all the things people say.  I just feel tired and achey.  Doesn't matter what it is--swimming, walking, biking, jazzerize, or the latest fad.  But one does what one must.  Got to figure this out. 

I'll be traveling for work in the next couple of weeks, so we will see what that does to my habits!  I try to focus on the habits rather than just the scale knowing that eventually the habits will lead to the scale changes.  Just always slower than one wants!

I've been following a 16 hour fast model with reduced calories with success, but found my "too restrictive" spot last night!  I thought I'd try the 18 hour fast as I am usually closer to 17 or 17 and a half comfortably.  But I was also restricting my calories a bit more.  Well, last night I was actually hungry for the first time--to the point I didn't think I'd sleep well or be able to make it to lunch the next day.  So I had a small meal, which took care of it.  Now I know I need to keep the calories a touch higher--still focused on protein and fiber. 

And I'd rather go over a 16 hour fast than not make an 18 hour one.  I don't like finishing dinner by 6:00, which is what I have to do if I only eat between noon and 6:00.  And noon works a lot better for me than1:00 for lunch.  So live and learn :)  I need a habit that is sustainable and an 8 hour eating window is easier than a 6 hour.  It takes me too long to eat, especially dinner to be done by 6:00! 

In today's paper there was an interesting article about the size of one's fat cells and that even moderate exercise can reduce them.  Smaller cells are healthier.  I know once you have a fat cell, it doesn't actually go away when you lose weight--without surgery or liposuction.  But this research was showing you could reduce their size even without losing weight through even moderate exercise.  So I need to get the extra fat out of them and then 'tone' them with exercise! 

I hate exercise--even when I was swimming regularly, doing the stationary bike daily, etc.  Never felt that great feeling, feeling strong, etc. that others claim.  Always felt like a chore, necessary, feet hurt, etc. But I have at least started to get up after lunch and walk around the building.  Just 15 minutes, but at least I'm moving.  Will have to work on this, especially with winter coming.  I still have my good stationary bike downstairs.  Sigh.  But I need to get the walking down as I know there will be tons in Italy:)

It's been better the last couple of weeks as I've been seeing the effects of my efforts.  Even went "shopping" and played in the clothes to see what size actually fits me.  As expected, it is all over the place as designers cut and size things so differently.  But with at least a couple of them, the large was too large, but for most the large was about right.  Fun to see the progress.

I booked my flight to Italy for next April--thinking of retiring there, so figured I needed to start looking around.  I splurged on the business class as one flight is 10 hours!  My feet swell just thinking about it.  So yet another reason to stay on track and start building up my feet and leg strength--lots of walking ahead.

I debated making some low calorie pumpkin muffins for my birthday.  I may still make them, but I decided to not do it for my birthday.  I want to separate milestones from food.  Not that holidays will ever be, but I need other ways to mark milestones without food (especially baked goods--one of my weakness!).  So maybe for Thanksgiving.  Or just because I'm want to bake muffins for people.  My go to is to take the baked goods to work--they polish them off pretty quickly.

I am now half way to my goal and should be under 200 in a month or so. 

It was a frustrating weekas I kept going up and down.  I know this is what my body tends to do, but for some reason it seemed worse this week.  But when I recorded my weekly weight, it was right in line with the trends!  Frustrated for no reason:(  But I guess it was good for me to have to "head talk" my way through it.  I know I need to just keep doing what I need to and the weight will come off.  Focus on the actions that support the goal, not just the goal.

It is a challenge not to think of weight number and clothes sizes as goals, because in truth, they are.  Health and wellness are also real, but I'll be honest--I want to look better, fit better clothes, take up less public space, etc. 

I am planning to take a trip to Italy--I hope the first of several--in April, so I'd like to be much closer to goal.  I know there will be a ton of walking, but it willjust have to be slow and steady.  I could weigh 90 lbs. and my feet would hurt!  Poor misshapen things--they do their best. 

I'm using the Lose It! app for tracking and like it.  I can put in recipes or just nutritional information from recipes or even use a bar code for a purchased product.  That helps a lot for tracking protein, carbs, and fiber.  The fiber is to offset all the protein!  Still have to work on reaching protein goals and still can't stand protein drinks.  I looked at the protein bars available and they are all so high in calories!  More like protein rich candy bars.  I really don't want to trigger my sweettooth.  So I'm sticking with low calorie, high protein seafood.

Working on getting the water in as I think that really helps.  Still have to have a bit of cream in the milk and sugar in the tea.  And I'm not ready to give up on caffine.  Maybe in a different year.

Hope to reach my halfway to goal mark by October 10th--my birthday.  We shall see.

It has been eight years since my last post!  I regained about 100 pounds through eating like I ate pre-surgery--what I wanted (baked goods and snack foods) when I wanted (for emotional and boredom reasons) and not exercising (still pain issues).  But last year I started to make some changes gradually easing my way back into the mental space I needed to get to.  So as of the first of this year I have been serious about getting the weight back off.  I am using a couple of apps to track my calories and key nutrients and intermittent fasting times.  I find I need to be pretty limited in my overall calories to get the weight off--lower than the normal person at 1,200--but it is working.  I'm down to 218 from 275 which is where I was at the first of the year.  I'm just about half way to my goal. 

The fasting has not been difficult--I stop eating around 7 p.m. and don't eat again until noon. The bigger challenge is getting in the protein I need.  I struggle with the bulk of the food--get full before the protein is complete even though that is what I eat primarily.  I've never found a protein supplement drink I can handle, so I don't have that option.  I'm eating a lot of shrimp and fish to get the protein without the high calories. 

I have been frustrated with my body's pattern of good weight lose one week and then up and down the next.  But when I found my old blog and tracking spreadsheet, I saw that was my pattern back then.  So I'm trying to be okay with it. 

My other issue has always been the constipation that comes with high protein consumption.  I'm doing better with that--stool softener, fennel tea, prunes, and raspberries!  Whatever it takes.

Several people at work are trying to lose weight/eat healthy, so the temptations are not so abundant, just occassional.  But I'm a bit disappointed that no one has remarked on my success as I have lost over 50 lbs.  Maybe it is just no longer acceptable to say anything about a person's weight.  But someone else did say something at convocation and it felt affirming.  I know some people don't like comments on their weight, but I appreciated it.

I'm glad I was able to get back onto this site to continue my posting.  It re-establishes that weight control is not a one and done event but, for me, will be an ongoing process. 

It has been a tough winter.  I don't know if it is the cold (not as bad a Iowa) or the gloominess (again, not as bad as Iowa) or what, but it just seems like it has been long and my desire for spring started early.  I am so ready for it.  And everyone in TOPS seems to be struggling with the same few pounds--up then down then back up:(  I was feeling good about my weight on Monday but then by Thursday it seemed to have gone back up.  I did, finally, break the 190 mark, but I won't 'trust' it until I am below 190 for at least a couple of weeks.

It seems like I have had to work really hard to accomplish very little.  I'm working out six days a week, at least 30 minutes each day (averaging about 4 hours a week), and keeping my portions small and my choices mostly healthy.  Still give in to baked goods every so often but not as often as I'd like.  It takes a lot of effort just to lose .25 pound or not gain.  And then I have business trips during which I know I will gain simply because of the food options.  Even if I don't overeat--which is a big enough challenge--the food is just more caloric when prepared at a restaurant.  So it is discouraging just to think about.  Maybe things will look better when it is spring. 

Despite my mood--and the scale--I know good things are happening.  People are making comments, I can fit smaller sizes, etc.  I even have little muscle bumps in my arms!  Popeye has nothing to worry about though.  So I am trying to stay focused on things like that and keeping the mood in context. 

Speaking of traveling, I did set up with a lady from TOPS a plan to take photos of the food I order and what I leave on the plate as a way to keep some accountability.  Maybe that will help.  I need to plan what I am going to take for the travel days, what I can take for my vacation days to save on eating out, and so forth.  My goal would be to at least not gain anything.  I'll miss 2 weeks of meetings, so it will actually be 21 days between offical weigh-ins. 

I'm thinking about eventually getting a real metabolism test done.  Seems like I can eat very little without gaining.  So I'd like to know really what my caloric needs are.  Exercise doesn't use up enough (only 165-170) for my morning bike to really count that way.  And for me, exercise is really about health not weight-loss.  I know it helps with metabolism and efficency, but not enough to negate that cookie!

I've also started reducing my red meat consumption.  Problem is that beans and lentils are higher in calories--better for you but worse for you!  I'm not going vegetarian because I like the taste of animal protein and I have yet to find a decent vegetable broth.  So I don't eat much red meat but I'll make the beef broth.  And sorry, but my split pea soup will have ham hock based broth if not the ham. 

Oh well, I'll get through this winter, spring will be better, and life will go on.  So very cheery!  Actually, life is good.  Good things happening at work.  Fun times with friends. Just a bit of a winter mood.

I've been dealing with the same 3 pounds now for a couple of months.  Since the holiday actually.  But it is due to my choices vs. a plateau.  Part of it is the abundance of sweets around Christmas but part is due to stress eating and part just down right "I want sugar"!  But I did a bit of shopping therapy this weekend and that helped get me back in the game.  I find that when I can find something really nice to wear, that motivates me to want to fit more really nice things.  I feel better when I am wearing nice clothes.  May seem silly--I'm no different as a person--but it's the truth.  I was able to find a really flattering cashmere sweater on sale, so that started it.  More motivating than Bloomsday.  I am just starting to get some walking in--tough when the weather is nasty--in preparation for that.  I think I am going to need to stock up on some painkillers for my feet. 

I'm still working out with the trainer.  I can tell the difference, but I am still 'not strong.'   I still can't lift both of my legs at the same time or bear up my body on my arms or do 'planks' for more than a few seconds at a time.  None of which are crucial to my life right now, but are measures none the less.  Maybe next year.