Brenda C.

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Today, I did something that many considering surgery worry they cannot do after surgery... I baked cookies for my family, and didn't have a need or an urge to EAT any!

I have been having some great conversations with folks worrying what life will be like, "AFTER SURGERY..."  No, it isn't some punishment that you will have to endure.  You will not die from having cravings that you cannot act on.  You WILL have a better relationship with food, and portion control.

When I was asked yesterday to bake cookies, I didn't even wince.  The best thing, when I was getting all my ingredients together, I decided to make a SMALL batch, instead of my usual four dozen.  My daughter looked a little hurt, but I told her two dozen is enough, and I would make more, when needed.  You wanna hear the best part?  I didn't even lick the bowl!

Having read an email today from a friend who just got her surgery date, that she was having some treats now, before she will never be able to have them again.  I enjoyed writing her back, telling her that it isn't that she will never be able to eat those things again, it is that she won't be able to eat AS MUCH as she did.  I am far from being the Kitchen Nazi, and realize that from time to time, I will have some food NOT on my diet.  The difference in me now is, I can have some - not a huge serving, and I will know what the nutrition is and make an educated decision as to how much I can have.  It really is all about math.  If you do not already have a food journal, start one.

The whole thing is knowing what we are doing to ourselves.  Not going through life eating with blinders on.  Raising my hand, I can now admit that I had issues with food.  The amount and frankly the quality of my decisions.  If you are lucky enough to live in a State that requires restaurants to list the nutrition - STUDY THE MENU!  After surgery, I do not have the cravings I used to have, and I have LOTS of leftovers to eat later.  This isn't deprivation, this is re-education (or for some of us, an education), and a chance to eat like normal people do.  Put your fork down between every bite, it really works!

For those of you worrying about "Life After Surgery," it really isn't some terrible torture, and you will (hopefully) be thankful you did it.  My life isn't so different from before.  Well, excluding the need to change my wardrobe.  Losing weight is wonderful, you finally fit into those "thin" clothes in the closet!  Oh, and feeling more energetic.  Yes, it is a terrible thing to now FEEL like cleaning house, because you can!  Getting off medications is so terrible, too!  All the money you get to save, what a terrible burden.  I think the worst part of "After Surgery" is actually being in control of my emotions.  I used to be an emotional eater, and maybe it is too early to say this, but I really do not feel the need to pick up a cookie when I am having a bad day.

Brenda  : )~

I saw both my surgeon and primary doctors yesterday, with some mixed results.  Sixty-three pounds has been lost in my first three months - bringing my total weight loss just below one hundred pounds - but before I get to celebrate, I should have lost a higher percentage in my first three months.  Either way, my primary doctor was thrilled by my results.

Most Gastric Bypass patients lose the majority of their weight in the first three months - key word, MOST.  My circumstances are a little different from others starting out with a BMI well above 50, as I was not allowed to exercise most of the three months after surgery (my blog tells the tale of a seroma and wound caused by it).  I am still not allowed back in a pool, but may be given a release as soon as tomorrow - I have to meet a wound specialist to say I am healed enough, or what needs to be done to call me "healed".  Trust me, there is nothing more frustrating than to drop a large amount of weight, and being told to "take it easy".  My plans of joining the gym at the medical center are on hold, until I get green lighted.

In the meantime, I am happy to use my resistance bands, climb the two flights of stairs in my home, and try to keep my walking to a daily routine.  Two and a half miles - with hills - is nothing to sneeze at.  Oh, and I did get both a high five and a look of disapproval when I announced I did indeed swim in the surf when I was in Hawaii!  Stupid wound...

My blood pressure is perfect, my lungs clear with fabulous capacity, and my heart was happy to sing to both doctors.  The blood draw was ridiculous - I felt like I was donating for a blood transfusion - but looking forward to hearing my initial numbers.  My hair isn't falling out, so I must be doing something right.

Reality has hit, I am home to Winter in Seattle, but looking forward to schlepping down to the gym for some release!  Having left temperatures of 80+ degrees for below freezing was cruel, but it gives me more reason to keep active - or I may freeze.  Doesn't Spring usually arrive sometime in March?  Here's looking toward Spring!

Stay positive, and do not dwell on the numbers.  Yes, I have a lot to celebrate about, and yes I have some things to improve on.  Staying positive is what will bring me the numbers I am not dwelling on...

Brenda  : )~

Who would think it would be hard to lose weight while in Hawaii?  Yes, sarcasm was implied.  I was talking with friends about their trips - we all had about the same amount of time in Hawaii from the Mainland, and I was scared  by what I was hearing.

Jeff's dad (my almost Father-in-Law) gained a whopping 15 pounds, his buddy gained 20 - and they are active and near normal BMI/weight.  Mike & Carol, both said they had put on 20 - 30 pounds (oh, lord, they have been so good on their diets, I am in for trouble).  Here I sit, considering all the little things I have been consuming, and starting to worry.  Macadamia nuts (roughly 200 calories per ounce)  - "But aren't they GOOD fat?"  Hersheys makes macadamia nut Kisses - "But, I can only have three at a time..."  Looking at the calories - nine Kisses with macadamia nuts is 220 calories, time for some quick math!

Alcohol isn't a factor, I cannot drink it.  Frozen fruit delight - made with tropical fruit, something I have made at least four times.  Time for more math.  My worst problem by far seems to be the snacking my friends have been doing - okay, not them - MINE!  I cannot do anything but take responsibility for my actions.  Yes, the food was just sitting there, but I didn't need to eat it.  My biggest lapse in judgment had to be, "My shorts fell off, I have lost so much weight... This little snack won't be bad..."  Well, now I am starting to sweat the lack of diligence on my part.

Before I left, I vowed not to look at a scale, looking forward to a dramatic weight loss.  I was so sure of myself, so on the right track, I did not think I needed to worry.  Well, I am worried, so I did peek at a scale.  My weight before I left, and the weight it showed me today, I am in for some trouble.  I haven't gained weight - by the number shown - but, I haven't lost enough for the time gone.  Self justification:  I wasn't home, so I couldn't eat my usual diet; I am on my period; I haven't had a bowel movement; the last two weeks has been bad weather, so I did not do as much activity... Monday will be my moment to either sink or float.

I have my three month follow up on Monday, February 28th.  I have to say Aloha to Hawaii, and I am already wanting to plan next year's visit.  The feeling of dread, facing both my surgeon and primary doctor, "Did I lose enough weight in this last month?"  Accountability, that is what I have to remember.  When I weigh myself once a week, I am accountable for that weeks actions.  I have gone three weeks without a scale to make me face reality, now I have to pull my big girl panties (which really are loose) and get my tubby butt moving!

Monday, I will post the numbers, and take responsibility for whatever the scale says.  I am feeling happy about my blood work - that is something I did not get lazy about, taking my supplements.  The trip has been wonderful, I am actually physically more fit than I have been in years.  The trip also was a learning experience for me - do not take your food journals for granted!  Okay, I am officially back on "The Wagon," and filling out my food journals.  Even if the scale doesn't show a gain, I am still not pleased with my behavior.  This is my NEW lifestyle, and I need to keep watching what I do and consume, as it does show and I do not like being an underachiever.

Brenda  : )~

I just popped online to update what I've been feeling, and I realized that I just hit my three month surgery "anniversary".  Wow, I feel like a Newly Wed, counting the months before the years! 

Haleakala is the dormant volcano on Maui, and over 10,000 feet above sea level, here is my update... The altitude, in years passed (including just last year), left me huffing & puffing, but still determined to hike up to the highest point allowed to visitors.  Guess what?  This year I was giddy, bouncing around, traversing the paths as if I lived at that elevation!  WOW!  Okay, I know, but I tend to say what I am thinking - and write whatever is rolling around in my head - excuse the usage of excessive exclamation points.

The three folks who accompanied me to the Sunrise over Haleakala loved the feeling, although one had issues with the altitude (see last paragraph - I totally knew how she felt just a year ago).  Only two others were willing to follow me up (thanks Jeff, you are my conscience and best supporter!!!), amazing is almost too bland a word to describe being on top of the world.

Let's switch gears.  Since I am enjoying life so much, I haven't even told of my two flights on Inter Island Hoppers.  Just a year ago, I dreaded taking a flight Inter Island, the whole "buy three seats for two people thing".  This year, we got away with just two seats - doing my Snoopy Dance due to the savings of a couple hundred bucks!  Honolulu wasn't so bad, but Kauai is becoming near & dear in my heart.  Presently I am on Kauai, and literally the beach is just outside my lanai - it's rocky, so I have yet to take on the waves on this beach (see my blog posting Sand and Surf).

I have purchased a few clothing items, and still going to check out fabric & more clothes while staying on Kauai.  My biggest dilemma: Do I WAIT to make clothing or just alter it later?!  The two dresses I bought will be easy to modify as I continue to lose weight, so I am feeling good about those purchases.  My two pair of denim shorts are not fitting too well, I tried them on before the trip, they weren't too loose then...  I walked up to the Check In Honolulu and LOST MY SHORTS!  Here I am, with my shorts past my hips - quite impressive hips, at that - doing the quick "yank & hope no one saw that" move and couldn't stop laughing.  It is difficult to explain to a stranger why you are laughing and trying not to be embarrassed and proud at the same time, so I kept it to myself.  Needless to say, I will be doing a little alteration on the shorts, before I have to consider which pair of panties I plan to share with the world next time!

The thought of not having to build clothing (I never was taught how to sew, I just "build" things) or buying through catalogs is such a fabulous feeling.  I have been so used to not buying off the rack, it didn't really hit me until this trip.  This may be controversial, but I have to say it anyway... Thank You Wal-Mart, I really didn't think I could get something so cheap (swimsuit, $5 - cute tee $3) that actually FITS!  Here is my disclaimer:  I am on VACATION, so my fugal side is showing!

Okay, I am about to head out on my adventures, Mahalo for stopping by!
Brenda  : )~

After spending a lovely day circling the Island of Maui - took the entire way to Hana - through Up Country - ending in Kahului - we made a few trips to local stores in Kahului.  The funniest store was Walmart, as I haven't ever looked for clothing there for myself.  Anyhow, I was thinking that my tops are too large - I did not try them on until two days before I flew out - so I thought I would grab a tank top.  Holy smokes, swimsuits on sale?!?  I darted over to the clearance racks, and found a few swimsuits, between $5 and $9.  I started laughing, "Better than a $5 Footlong, and isn't going to make me gain weight!"

Now you may be like me, what kind of swimsuit costs $5?  It isn't the most gorgeous suit I have ever seen, but at this point, it is smaller than the two I brought with me.  I haven't tried it on yet, but I doubt it will end up over my head in the surf or down to my ankles (see Surf & Sand entry).  The two swimsuits I brought, are already too big.  I was wearing my halter swim dress, and as soon as I got out of the water, it is below my knees - I feel like I am wearing a "Modesty Suit" from 1920!  If the new swimsuit fits, I will take photos.  I did buy a 22/24, figuring I already had suits in my current size - or just a little loose.  So crossing my fingers that I do not have to put it in the drawer for another month or so!

Tomorrow, we head up Haleakala, so I will be happy to share how I do hiking at over 10,000 feet above sea level.  I have a photo of me in an old jean dress,  it is a fair representation of how much I have lost.  Dawn rising on a volcano is something I recommend to everyone who visits Maui see at least once.  It is a special feeling, and the memories will last when you are forced back to reality (in my case, The Mainland).  I have many photos of the clouds while up on Haleakala, looking down on the top of the clouds.  Again, a spectacular feeling that is not easily conveyed with words - maybe I should share photos...

Next year will be even better, maybe I can even consider taking a boat out to Molokini for some Scuba as my reward!  I won't need as much weight in my weight belt.  It is great to finally feel like my body is cooperating with me.  I knew I was big, I knew I needed to lose weight, but finally realizing it, that is really rewarding.  Here's to the next 90 pounds!

Brenda : )~

For those following the mis-adventures of Brenda, I had a fabulous day, yesterday!  We took some friends just to "shop," when I got the wild idea, "Hey, let's take them to Iao Valley," one of the most amazing views that everyone should experience.  Iao Valley is part of the reason Maui is known as the Valley Isle, with the Iao Needle over 2000 feet in elevation.  Why am I giving a travel segment?  Because even just last year, I couldn't have climbed the stairs to Iao Needle - I would just sit in the upper parking lot & play Scrabble.

Yesterday, I went all the way to the top, and no one was there to take my photo - but I do have a couple to share - wink wink!  Since I am not weighing while in Hawaii, I can just say that I am at least 90 pounds lighter from last year, and I am LOVING IT!  Just look at the 2011 Album, and compare the Before Surgery Album to see the difference.

Today, we are headed to Hana, to swim and in general, soak up the vibe.  Yes, there is a "feel" to being in Hawaii, I so miss it the other eleven months of the year!  Tomorrow, Haleakala Volcano, over 10,000 feet elevation -- and I am looking forward to seeing how much easier it will be to hike the volcano.

For those waiting for my response to personal notes - I love you all, please excuse me while I get a little giddy!  To be able to do all the things I used to do, and thinking of all the things I cannot wait to do, losing the excess weight is lifting a great weight from not only my body, but also from my heart!  When you become complacent, you just settle doing less.  Being the dog at the front of the pack is fabulous, and hope my friends will be inspired to try to keep up with me!

Brenda : )~

The beach was choppy yesterday, but I insisted on taking my snorkel gear and try to get far enough out to not get battered in the surf.  Guess what?  It was a disaster. 

Having lost over 90 pounds, I did not take a few things into consideration... My FEET are smaller.  My size medium fins tightened to the last notch kept slipping off my heels - so I need to buy water socks (neoprene) or maybe new, smaller flippers.  My swimsuit GREW upon hitting the water.  I was wearing a cute floral swim dress (just mid thigh), that ended up halfway between my knees & ankles - ARGH!  I had two people trying to TIE my skirt behind me in heavy surf, and it wasn't working.  Oh, I forgot the about one wave that THREW me tumbling, tangling the skirt over my head.  Not so subtle, huh?

Now, when I go snorkeling, I have long nails, and hate getting sand under them, so I wear gloves.  When you put gloves on, it should be AFTER you put the three scrunchies in your hair - trust me, on this.  I am rolling around in the surf, looking like a cross between sea otter & manatee, and wondering why I am so pig headed.  One of those, "You know better" moments!  I swam out, away from my group, into murky, sandy water, just to say, "This sucks," and turn around to swim back.  Great exercise, no doubt, but I was having technical difficulties!

Remember the fin problem?  I was messing around with my feet, had my mask on top of my head, got hit by a BIG WAVE, off with the mask & snorkel.  Yes, I did yell out an obscenity - at least in my head.  I told my boyfriend & friends - which brought LAUGHTER.  Oh good, I am the entertainment for the afternoon, glad to bring a moment of joy into your lives... Grrrr.  I did not give up, I still messed around in the surf, did some body surfing -- fat is better than most boogie boards -- before we all headed in to the shore.  The whole time I kept an eye on the beach, "Maybe my mask will wash up..."  Nope, it was probably halfway to Lahaina (the other side of Maui from Kihei).  At one point, one of my friends says, "Hey, maybe you can buy new gear with your newly lowered interest rate credit card..."  The name I called him rhymes with shucker.  That's what I get for being overly excited about anything (the credit card was GREAT news in a crappy economy).

Last night, I cruised Craigslist, sent out three or four emails looking to buy some used equipment.  Hmmm, no responses as of this morning.  I guess I will be shopping this afternoon (it is still only 11 am, here), and maybe I will use that lower interest rate credit card!  The morals:  Check your equipment for size issues (flippers, swimsuit); Consider Mother Nature when you want to have fun - she is kind of cruel in her own fun loving way!  Hmmm, one more: Don't announce, "Hey, they just lowered my interest rate by 10%!"  Last one, this one is really important!!!  If you hang out with buttholes, don't get upset from the smell!!!

Brenda - looking for new snorkel equipment  : )~
Oh, and SAND... The sand is so fine, it gets into places you really do not want it!  I felt like an oyster making pearls!

Just a quick blurb, I am so excited to be "home"!  The best and worst part of losing weight - my old clothes don't fit.  I had some halter tops I loved wearing last year, but alas, I lost the "back fat" that held them up!  There was no time to do any alterations, so dang it, I guess that means NEW Hawaii attire needed - grin!

I have donated a total of 8 Hefty bags of clothing, since the beginning of my weight loss journey!  I haven't bought many new items, living in Western Washington most of the year, I have LOTS of support group items & old, outgrown clothes from my closet.  But herein lies the rub: Hawaii is definitely NOT Western Washington, so I needed more beach friendly attire.  Darn it, I am FORCED to buy new, sexy, cute clothing?!  Bummer.

Heading out to Makena, Wailea, and looking for the Great Honu!  Mahalo for checking in with my ongoing adventures!
 
Brenda  : )~
P.S. Patio furniture and beach chairs are so much easier to get in, sit in, and get out of - I am so happy!
P.P.S. I FIT in the airplane bathroom!!!

I am preparing to return to Hawaii tomorrow, and decided to weigh myself.  As of the start of my journey, March 2010, I have lost ninety pounds.  Wow, about forty pounds lost before surgery, another fifty since.  My surgery was just two and a half months ago and I haven't been cleared to normal exercise, yet.  Then I factor in the forty pounds in eight months, that makes the fifty pounds in two and a half months pretty amazing to me.

Getting ready for a five hour flight, I am looking forward to the seats fitting better, and not worrying about having to use the bathroom on the plane.  I still have a very long way to go on this weight loss journey, but this is a big motivator.  Roughly a year it took to lose the first ninety pounds, which I bet took a little longer to put on.  When I started this journey, I will admit  the amount of excess weight I have to lose made me very upset, but I decided to set interim goals, instead of just focusing on the whole amount.   Making multiple goals to the finish line keeps me motivated and those hurdles seem a whole lot easier to jump.  Think of many battles making up a war.  Here's to my war on my excess weight!

I started playing around with what weighs ninety pounds, here are a few things:

one 42 inch plasma TV
two checked suitcases
three 3 year old children
three cinder blocks
six car batteries
nine 10 lb bags of sugar
eleven gallons of water
twenty gallons of ice cream
twenty six packs of soda
twenty-two and a half pound cakes
three hundred iPhones
1440 ounces of GOLD

The thought of carrying all the things listed above really puts my weight loss into perspective.  Oh, and it made me smile.  I have lost the equivalent of 1440 ounce of gold, and damn, that was worth it!

Brenda  : )~

Another day, another good feeling.  Last night I spent the evening with 12 friends, got rid of lots of clothes, and had leftovers for lunch from going out with said friends, I am happy.  Did my daily walk, did research on protein powders, their pricing, and in general, getting ready for my trip.  I wonder if TSA will give me trouble for all the stuff I am dragging along?!

Ahead of me today, shopping for my daughter (she is not going on the trip), shopping for my trip, and of course, banking.  I had a really good conversation with my boyfriend, he thinks I need to have more small REAL meals, and stop just drinking protein when I am sitting behind my laptop.  Damn it, I hate when someone else points out my flaws!  He is correct, he actually made me name off all the meals I "supposedly" eat everyday.  Damn it!  I had been having only two a day, lately, so I am working to correct this behavior.

Getting food is important for healthy weight loss.  Just reducing caloric intake and bumping up protein through protein drinks does not give our body all the other fuel and nutrients we need.  Ask a nutritionist, three small meals, two protein drinks.  Okay, okay, I have confessed, now I need to follow the plan.  I already started making up for my "bad" diet in the last couple of days.  Food, shake, food, shake, food - maybe a shake before bed -- from what I read - it is a good idea.  Oh, and water, supplements, and exercise.

My daily life isn't a struggle. If you approach your life with a positive attitude, the bad days (Tuesday) don't stay with you as long!  Life is good, tell someone, anyone, something nice about them -- it will make YOU feel better!

Brenda : )~