Kathy1212

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This morning I woke up craving a protein shake.  I always put some in my decaf as whitener, but today I wanted to actually drink a shake, a Vanilla shake, to be exact, and I couldn't figure out why as I haven't had a shake in ages.

Then it dawned on me; today is January 11th...my I year anniversary of starting Optifast!

Last year on this date I was in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, starting my first day of Optifast.  The previous day I had gone to meet the surgical team.  I was excited, but also anxious.

I remember how awful that first vanilla Opti tasted, mostly because the people I was staying with didn't have any bottled water or ice.  The second day was better, but the first opti tasted awful, and also, it gave me the runs.  I wrote in this blog, last year, that Optifast must have the word fast in the name because it makes us run to the bathroom, fast, lol.

That day I went to a big mall in Toronto.  I weighed 304 Lbs and it absolutely killed me to walk in the mall.  I had to stop often to sit and rest, and take my ventolin. It was especially hard because of the super low calories I was getting compared to my normal caloric intake back then.  It's funny, because Opti provides 900 calories a day and I now consider 900 calories a lot, even though I try to get that in, it scares me after months of getting in 350 calories a day, then 500 calories a day, and most recently 600 calories a day.  I now try to get between 800-1000 calories a day and my brain now sees that as a LOT.  Last year at this time, 900 calories seemed like such a tiny bit. 

Last year at this time, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to stick to the optifast; I was terrified I'd blow it and cheat like I did so many times before in the past.  I was determined though.  I ended my blog post last year with "I can do this. I will do this.  I am doing this."   And now, 1 year later, I can say, "I did do this!"  

1 was 304 Lbs last year on this date and today I weighed 172.4, which is 131.6 Lbs lighter.  That's a whole person!  I am really hoping to break into the 160's by my 1 year surgiversary on Feb. 1st. 

I've been back on track with eating and walking or riding my exercise bike for 10 days now, and it feels so good to be back in the swing of things.

In honour of my 1 year Opti anniversary, I'm going to drink a protein shake as a snack today .

And now, for no reason whatsoever, here are some photos of me and my hamter, Chunkers, and some photos of the lovely weather I get to walk in every day, lol.

I need to vent, lol.

I am a person who loves solitude and I need control over the foods in my environment.  My family are a bunch of party animals who love food, love feeding people, and are super generous.  

For the entire month of December and all of January so far, this house has been filled with home baked cookies of every kind imaginable, including several varieties of sugar free cookies made just for me (thanks, Mom), pies, cakes, cheese cakes, chips, chocolates, nuts, pizza, Italian pastries, pasta...enough to feed an army.

Just when I think it's over, they throw another party and the house is full of people eating.  The dining room table is covered in food, and so is every other surface, including folding tables. There's nowhere to get away.

For a food addict like me, the tempations are awful.

I made it through though, and I think yesterday was the last party.  It was a last minute unexpected party, thrown together at the last minute and even though I made it through all of the other parties without too much issue, last night I was talking to my cousin and grabbed and ate some chocolate without even thinking about it and oh my gosh, what a bad idea. I have no idea why I did that.  I know I can't have chocolate. It was right in front of me and I just did it automatically, I guess.  I wasn't even thinking about it or craving it; I just did it.

I felt nauseated, dizzy, hot...dumping is real. I didn't eat enough to actually get sick but I felt awful.  Bleah.

Weight wise, I held my own.  I did gain a bit over Christmas week but lost it plus a bit more again, but I am so happy that it's finally over, and am praying that this time, I'm right that it's finally over and the family won't plan another impromptu party here.

It's easy to avoid parties at other people's houses, but when they're here, there's no avoiding them.  My Mom is Italian and parties mean food to her, and plenty of it, all of it fattening.

It was nice to see everyone, but OMG, I'm so glad to just have a quiet house again.  The food is stil here though.  I hate that.

Wow, it's January 1st, 2018!  I can't believe how quickly the holidays sped by!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season!  Our family celebrates Christmas and it was lovely.

I got to catch up with family and friends, and went to so many dinners and parties.  We have another family dinner today, and another party tomorrow, and then we'll be done.

I allowed myself to indulge this holiday season, just a little bit, but a little bit every day adds up and I am not looking forward to weighing in on Wednesday, lol. I read an awesome post today on the wls board, about how we have the best tool ever to get back on track.  Just add protein and water and we're good to go!  It was the perfect time to read that, and I'm feeling blessed to get that message right when I needed it most.

Here are some photos from Christmas this year.  Wishing everyone all the best for 2018.

I am so happy!  I stepped on the scales this morning and weighed 174.6, which is a 1.6 Lb loss for the week, and a 129.4 Lb loss all together, and my BMI is now within the OVERWEIGHT range!  

Here is my starting BMI, followed by my current BMI:

I went from Obese Class 3 (Super Morbidly Obese) to Obese Class 2 (Morbidly Obese) to Obese Class 1 (Obese) to Overweight!  

I am still 29 Lbs away from "normal" but it feels great to get out of the Obese classes.  I know they're just numbers and I'm not certain that I do want to lose 29 more Lbs, but I would like to lose at least another 15 Lbs, to get down to 160.  From there I'll probably want to lose another 5 to get into the mid 150's, and from there I'll only be 10 Lbs away from goal and will probably want to keep going, lol, but I have to see how I look and feel as I go.  I can't afford surgery and so far the loose skin is not too bad, and I dont' want to end up with a ton of it.

My next mini goal is to get out of the 170's and into a size 10 from my current size 12.

I've been sick with a fever and asthma for the past week, but last night I was able to get some sleep without waking up with asthma attacks, so I think I am starting to get better.  I moved the hamster out of my room into the spare room, in case she (or more likely, her bedding) was triggering my asthma, and now I miss her, lol.  I still go visit her next door and feed her, etc., but it's not the same as having her right next to me.  I'm crazy, I know, lol.

10 months ago today I had RNY gastric bypass surgery in Toronto Ontario, Canada, with Dr. David Lindsay.  

My starting weight, 3 weeks prior to the surgery date, was 304, and I managed to lose 23 Lbs in those 3 weeks with Optifast Protein shakes.

Today I am 176.2, down 127.8 Lbs from the day I started Optifast, and down 1.2 Lbs since last week. 

My size 12 pants and size medium and large tops are getting loose.  I was wearing my old fleece pajama bottoms even though they were huge on me, just holding them up with the draw string.  My Mom said she had two pairs of thermal fleece pajamas that she never wears, one in size large and one in medium, and that I could have them as she finds she gets too warm in them.  I'm always freezing so I thought that was perfect.  She also said the mediums probably wouldn't fit me as they are too tight on her, and I tried them on and they fit.  The large are super baggy, but comfy so I took those too (sure beats wearing size 3 and 4 X pajama bottoms, lol). 

So, my NSV is fitting into pajamas that are too tight for my Mom. I am smaller than my Mom.  Her clothes looked miniscule next to mine on the clothes line just 10 months ago.  I can't believe I am now a bit smaller than she is; wow. 

I haven't been getting much exercise because every time I go for a walk I get sick. I've been battling a cold or flu for weeks now and it's here in earnest now; my asthma is pretty bad.  I couldn't sleep at all last night, and maybe got 2 hours sleep total.  I drank a lot of tea and my Mom made me some chicken soup broth today, so I'm going to be getting lots of nutritious liquids.  I've been taking extra Vitamin C, and had to go back to taking my asthma puffer, which is a real drag, but I can't breathe otherwise.

I have a sore throat again, and thought I was taking sugar free halls. I had two of them and my tummy started rumbling and feeling off, and I double checked and discovered they were NOT sugar free; I was accidentally taking the regular ones.  So my Dad said he'd bring home the sugar free kind for me later today, since he'll be in the mall anyway.

I'm just going to watch Netflix and sip on soup broth today.  Hopefully I'll get better soon. I hate not being able to breathe properly.

I'm writing this a day late, but as of yesterday morning, (my official weigh in day), I  weighed in at 177.4 and am down 1.6  Lbs for the week, for a total of 126.6 Lbs gone.  I am still 177.4 today (I checked, even though I don't normally weigh every day).

I'm so glad the weight is coming off again as that stall was deadly.  

I am still not feeling 100% and every time I think I'm feeling better and go for a walk, I start getting sick again.  It's not too bad but the sore throat, headache, aches and pains, sneezing etc., keep coming back and it's annoying.

I went to Value Village and bought a new full length winter coat, size 12.  I was ecstatic!  I never would have believed a size 12 coat would fit.  I mean, I know I can fit into size 12 pants, but I didn't even THINK to try on a size 12 coat; I was grabbing 14's and 16's.  The 14's and 16's were all way too big so my friend told me to go down to the next size.  I was so thrilled the 12 fit,  especially since I was wearing a really thick sweater when I tried it on.  It was the nicest coat on the rack too; the newest looking, from Cleo's.  It's down, with a furry edge around the hood, and even though it's thick and warm, it's lightweight   It has a draw string along the inside to tighten at the waist, so it gives some shape, and it's long enough to cover me down to me ankles!  I really enjoyed my first walk wearing it; I was nice and warm (except for my face, which was so cold I had to pop into the dollar store so I could buy a ski mask hat, with slits for only the eyes, lol).  It wasn't even that cold out, only -7 C, (19 F), so I don't know how I'll cope when it gets really cold.

There was a fun thread on the boards today; people were posting their before and after pics, so I made one and realized I need some full length photos of myself; I only have head and shoulder shots.  THis was the best I could do:

My friend recently shared the first, heavier image, on facebook, and I was really mad as I no longer look like that, and he made no mention of the fact that I've lost over 125 Lbs since that photo was taken.  

I'm so tired today, because my hamster not only ran in her flying saucer all night, she decided to put her wood chew toy in the saucer with her and it kept clunking around as she ran.  I took it out and she put it right back in.  She's crazy, lol. So am I, for not taking the chew toy out all together.  I think she was getting even with me for waking her up while she slept to give her a blueberry yesterday, lol.

I finally broke my few weeks stall where I have been fluctuating between 179.8-183, since I last wrote.  This morning it finally dropped below 179.8 to 179, which is only a 0.8 Lb drop on the low end, but as much as a 4 Lb drop from the high end.

I think it's because the weather has been cold and snowy so I've not been getting much exercise.  Or I'm retaining water.  Or the constipation was at fault. Or all of the above.

I've been eating right, totally on track, careful to keep my total carbs under 30 for at least 5 out of 7 days of the week, and under 50 for the other two (where I need to eat bran buds, which up the carbs a lot). 

My calories are between 600-800 most days, but one day was higher because I missed supper and later ate a Quest Protein bar to get my calories and protein in.  I don't eat them often because I don't like them.

Yesterday I went to the movies with my friend and stopped at the GNC and bought Quest Protein Chips, BBQ ,which I do like, and Quest Cravings Protein Peanut Butter Cups, which was a really nice treat.  I was worried my calories would be too high yesterday because of that but I had slept in and skipped breakfast so it all worked out and I was well within range and ended the day at 760 calories, 33 grams total carbs, 9 grams fibre, and a whopping 85 grams of protein.  So that was good.

My dietician says I should be eating between 1000-1200 calories a day by now, at 9 months out, but my weight loss would totally stop if I do that, I think.  I'm scared to try.  She also wants me eating way more carbs, which for sure would stall out my weight loss.  I do love carbs, but my body is sensitive to them.

It's hard now that berreis and watermelon are out of season as they were my go to for fruit.  Blueberries are still good, but the other berries taste awful this time of year.  I used to love apples but now after a few bites I start to feel nauseated. I tried some pineapple the other day and it went down nicely but it has such a high sugar content that I don't want to eat it very often, plus we rarely buy it.  Mangos are out, as are pears; both make me ill.  I loved Pomegranites pre op and am looking forward to trying one when they start showing up in stores around here again...usually closer to Christmas. 

I suppose I could start adding frozen berries to my yogurt, but I do so enjoy fresh berries.  

My friends and I saw Bad Mom's Christmas last night and it was so funny!  I usually go to action/sci fi/fantasy movies so it was a nice change to see a chick flik, lol.

In other news, I adopted a cute hamster names Chunkers from the local humane socitey two weeks ago.  I was told she was a boy and believed them until she felt comfortable enough to let me handle her and I checked myself; defintiely a girl, lol.  She came with the name Chunkers and it suits her; she's so fat, lol.  She's very cute.

Here she is:

I made her a big bin cage, out of a 100 Litre bin and some chicken wire. The guys at Home Depot were kind enough to cut a big rectangle into the lid for me, and my Dad drilled holes around the lid so I could attach the mesh with zip ties.  I cut a hole in the mesh to run some hamster tubes through so she can access the bin from the cage she came with.  I was originally just going to keep her in the bin cage and get rid of the Katee cage but she is very attached to it and sleeps in it every day.  She plays in the bin every night and runs on her flying saucer for hours.  She never had a wheel or saucer before, so she is likely going to lose a lot of weight, lol.

She's very tame and sweet and seems to like me, maybe a bit too much, as I was rudely awakened at 6 AM yesterday by the feel of tiny hamster hands on my chin.  I opened my eyes and was very shocked to be face to furry face with her, lol. I said, "oh, hi" and then woke up fully enough to realize what was happening, and sat up and caught her and returned her to her cage. She promptly climbed to her sleeping area and went to sleep. I have no idea how long she was out of the cage, but I'm glad she found me and woke me up to put her back, lol.  There were no tell tale little poops on the carpet or bed so I don't think she was out for very long.  She got out through one of the tube connections that I had apparently not put in properly, but it's nice and secure now, that's for sure, lol.

I stitched up a little plastic canvas hamster and she is very interested in it.  She's a Syrian Hamster, and needs to be kept alone as she'll fight with any other hamsters, so maybe she wants to fight it, or simply eat it, lol; I don't know, but I keep it safely out of reach of those little paws, and it's still intact so she left it alone when she escaped.

I also made some minecraft characters in plastic canvas and she grabbed the little sword and held it in her paws, like a little furry sword fighter. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen but I didn't have my camera on hand, unfortunately.

Here are the minecraft items I made:

 Minecraft characters are made up of squares, so I figured they'd be perfect for plastic canvas. 

The weeks are just flying by!  I was 183 Lbs this morning, for a weekly loss of 1.4 Lbs, and a total loss of 121 Lbs!  Woohoo!

My Dad's 78th birthday was a lot of fun.  He and Mom went out to dinner 3 times but I only went with them once, to wing night, and had wings for the first time since pre op.  Omg, the were sooooo yummy!  

I had a great NSV too; I tasted a crumb of chocolate cake, the size of a pea, and it tasted AWFUL to me.  So I was able to watch everyone eat the cake and not feel deprived.  Plus, my Mom made some apple strudel with splenda, so I had a tiny piece of that. It was yummy too.  I was worried about having a treat so soon after Thanksgiving and the pie, lol, but my weight is still going down.

I went for lots of nature walks and bike rides over the past week.  I hiked the 4 km trail twice, and rode about 30 km this week. I'm glad I was ale to enjoy the nice weather as it's been raining for the past 3 days and today it snowed for the first time.  Snow!  I hate that, lol.  It didn't stay, thank God, but it's cold and icky out.  I'm all bundled up in heavy blankets.  I really feel the cold now, big time.  My whole body aches from it.  I had to take some tylenol this morning and now I feel OK.

I met with the dietician from my center via an app similar to Skype, and it went well. She was a different dietician from my regular one, and I really liked her.  We had a great chat and she said I'm doing great, and have already lost 77 % of my excess weight, and they don't expect to see that until 1 year post op (if then, as some people only lose between 60-70% of excess weight).  I told her I want to lose at least another 20 Lbs and she was OK with that. My ticker goal is 145, but my first goal is 165, as I used to look really good at that weight. I'm already in size 12 pants and want to get to size 9, so I think I'll get there by 165.  I don't know what my body would look like smaller, or if I want to go smaller than that as I don't want to deal with the loose skin, and so far it's OK.  I do have some but it looks OK and doesn't freak me out.  I'm on a fixed income so plastic surgery is out, although if i have health issues with my panni in the future, OHIP will cover it. I can also get a free breast reduction if I need one, but nothing for the arms or thighs.

The dietician says I'm eating lower calories and carbs than most people who are as far out as I am now are, but she was super impressed with my logging everything daily on myfitness pal, and was OK that i had pie with splenda at thanksgiving as a treat and then adjusted my calories and carbs for the next few days to try to make up for it. She said that is what think people do; allow themselves occasional treats and just watch for a few days after, and that it's good that I'm aware of exactly what I choose to eat and am not eating mindlessly.  I was shocked that not all WLS patients use myfitnesspal or something like it...why wouldn't they?  

She asked me to increase my carbs but I told her I can't as they stall my weight loss.  I told her I do eat carbs, but try to keep them under 50 total carbs per day. I didn't tell her I often try to keep them under 30, as she thinks I should be aiming for 100 carbs a day. I would gain weight if I did that. I told her I eat higher carbs on days when I go for long bike rides, and that I carry protein,  fruit, and lots of water with me on my bike, which made her happy.

So that was my last visit with my center for awhile; I won't have to meet with anyone until I'm 1 year post op.  I can't believe that's coming up so fast; Feb. 1st will be my 1 year surgiversary.  The year has simply flown by.

Here are some photos from Dad's birthday, of me, Mom, and Dad (we all have difficulty with keeping our eyes open for photos, lol):

I dropped out of the CAMAW challenge, lol.  I had to; I forgot I was on it on day one and ate some carbs, and felt super anxious because it triggered my pre-op diet mentality.  

I weighed 185 last week, and this week am 183.8, for a loss of 1.2 Lbs, which is great as it's shark week and I'm super bloated.  So that makes my total loss of 120.2 Lbs.  Wow, that is hard to believe.  Last year at this time, I would NEVER have believed I could lose 120 Lbs.  I wanted to but didn't really believe it was possible. I was so worried that I'd be trapped in my big body forever.

This week I went on some nature hikes and had a wonderful time.  It's beautiful out, cool and sunny, and the leaves are gorgeous, the fall colours are brilliant this year. 

Today I have only been drinking water because I had to fast for blood work.  I dread getting blood drawn, and this is going to be a doozy; they need to take 15 vials.  I just need to finish my bottle of water and then drive over. If I'm not totally dizzy and light headed after, I'm going to go for a hike.  I'm bringing a pepperette and cheese string with me so I can get some food in my tummy.  I think I'll bring a bottle of G2 gatorade as well, to get my electrolytes up after having all of that blood drawn.  So not looking forward to it.

Well, I'd better get going. The sooner I get it over with, the sooner I can stop worrying, lol.

I can't believe how quickly the weeks are passing.  36 weeks already.  I was 185 Lbs this morning, so down 119 Lbs total so far.  I need to lose another 10.5 Lbs in order to leave obesity behind and get into the overweight category...so close!

Today is a beautiful fall day; bright, crisp, and clear, and I can't decide whether to go for a nature walk or a bike ride. I'm leaning toward nature walk.  I'd like to get into the woods.

This weekend was our Thanksgiving, and I allowed myself more carbs than I normally would because I had two dinners to attend; one on Sunday, the other yesterday. My Mom made 7 home made pies for dessert and there were only 6 of us.  She made the apple pie with splenda so I allowed myself a slice and it was to die for!  Totally worth the extra carbs, lol.

Other than the pie, which I planned, I was "good" and ate protein forward, turkey at the first dinner, ham at the second.

I was happy I still lost 1.8 Lbs this week, even with the pie, but it is nice to not be faced with all of the temptations any more.  My neighbor had two cheesecakes, blueberry and cherry, and her blueberry cheesecake is my absolute favorite.  I didn't have any of course, but wow, I sure wanted some.

I had a fun NSV this weekend too; my uncle Carlo came over for dinner and he hasn't seen me in awhile.  He said he kept looking at me and wondering who "that girl" was, lol.  He couldn't recognize me as me, lol.  That was fun. He said I looked great, which was nice.

My parents, uncles, and cousins, as well as all of my Mom's friends keep telling me I've lost enough weight and need to stop, that size 12 is a good average size and it's small enough.  It's nice to hear but I'm not done yet; I'm still obese and i want out of that category.  I definitely want to go down to at least a size 9, which is what I was wearing before I gained all the weight for the first time. I think it's doable, perhaps by Christmas.

Here's a photo of me and my best friend, Laurie.  We've been friends since she was 2 years old, and I was 4.  She lives out of town now.  It's so weird that we both ended up wearing stripes, lol.