Hi!

I am almost 5 years out from bypass. I have had to stop most of my vitamin supplements, I have no malabsorbtion and have had very little since the begining.

I first had a lap-band in 2007 which caused a lot of damage. My pouch was larger than routine due to this damage. (4oz) My surgeon sent me to a trained bariatric physician; she specializes in finding out why some bypassers aren't successfull.

I now follow the " intuitive eating" program. It works for me! This is trying to fix the brain part, the hard part of our journey!

I do wish Cathy or Nikki hadn?t deleted the well meaning and absolutely truthful and sincere post you refer to .

Abstinence- particularly twelve step abstinence carries a huge risk of self harm and deep depression and even real ,? successful ? suicide ( not just a call for help - which I personally think is very serious too ) .

I just think it?s not this site?s position to promote AA or any other twelve step program .

Naive people think there?s no downside to these abstinence based programs- as one whose struggled many years and sincerely tried to abstain the twelve step way I have personally seen and experienced their worst .

For what it?s worth my experience is that most people in these groups claiming to be sober are NOT . Go to the local bar after a meeting and you?ll be shocked who you see there ! Most long timers use these groups to CONTROL their use ... to socialize... not to abstain. Yes it shocked me too ... but check it out you?ll see I?m right .

Then you must not remember what you posted. "30 yrs in AA and OA". "I would rather be drunk than DEAD". From what I have seen of this forum I see no judgement nor any prejudice. I see honesty and I see people sharing their stories. When I have seen any comments that may be considered judgemental I try to reach the entire thread to see multiple sides. Do I see people being matter of fact, yes. Do I see people cautioning people on paths they are taking, yes. To be honest I think it is wonderful that it is so. We do not need stories sugar-coated or so watered down no one knows what is factual. So if you feel like this site is judgemental maybe you aren't opening your mind to all views, including those who differ from your own.

I cannot understand why anyone would assume I do drugs or even drink from my post .

I'm actually pretty much a straight arrow ... to get where I need to go .,.. to achieve what I want and need to .

I'm hugely successful now and uncomfortable with it .... too used 2 suffering . I wish I could give myself a hug cuz I'm a Brave and Bold Grrrl . I wish I could spend the munny I earned on myself and treat myself just a little bit ... let my guard down ... actually enjoy .

I?m just stating the Obvious... the world has changed .

Maybe we had our heads in the sand ...dreaming about achieving a fantasy that realistically died or went out of fashion twenty years ago ...

Please understand I?m DELIGHTED 2 witness our thousand different forms of success post WLS .

i LOVE us ! I think we?re just absolutely amazing survivors and beautiful inside n out strong chicks and hott boyz :) .

I?m just hoping for a realistic forum where we can b honest without judgment or ridiculously outdated prejudice. ((())) hugs

( I?m also that addicted or just- likes - to - party kid you don?t understand - don?t you VALUE having a means to communicate with that generation? ) and no I?m not high ..or crazy or drunk lol . But I bet you WISH you were :)

I read both your posts and I've sat on this for a while before I replied. I really think that they are more of a tirade based on the fact that you want to be able to talk about your ability to drink and function and NOT your struggles with overcoming alcoholism or drinking in excess. Yes, people are doing more drugs, but even more, people are finding sobriety one way or another. HOW you handle your sobriety is up to you, if you choose NOT to handle your sobriety and wish to drink, then that is also up to YOU. But, do not expect a website that is specific to weight loss surgery to have a "free pass" when you want to come and post about drinking. Those posts can trigger people who may be very successful at abstaining. It is not our right to tell you cannot drink, but it is our right to not have to read a post that is literally advocating for drinking and self-medicating to get beyond whatever issues are so deeply rooted.12 steps work, they are proven. Do they work for everyone, no. Some people find success with inner healing and getting to the root cause of their drinking. I never had an issue with drinking before I had surgery and my experience being this early out and seeing how it can spiral is a wake-up call for me. Don't try to normalize excessive alcohol or drug use and the ability to function daily. Everyone has a point where there is no return whether that is via suicide or drinking oneself to death. People struggle daily and even more now that we have encountered a pandemic. Don't come here to talk about your ability to function while drinking. YOUR posts could be ones that trigger another right down that same deep hole you seem to be rooted in. You want people to quit judging, then help yourself. Do you want help? Then help yourself. Talk about how you want to change things and focus on not drinking.If you drink and need to talk, acknowledge that you messed up and outline what you will do to get back on track and work on that. I bet you will get the help you need here then. But, glorify your drinking and you won't find one person who will want to help you, because deep down, you don't want help.