i am so going to print that out if thats ok...i really like that and it will be good in the future when i eat that piece of pizza i think i shouldn't and already know i will.  I think its ok you did that...at least you didn't eat 3 pieces or a whole pizza.  and you know what you need to do the next time you have a craving and how you felt.  Still i don't think its bad to give in to a craving sometimes as long as you don't overdo or or give in to a craving everyday..or get into that " just one won't hurt"  thought process.

I have yet to be able to eat more than 1/4 cup of food each meal so i am in for all this fun stuff ahead of me in the days to come.  

I'm not even sure why you say you have done a "bad thing",,i mean ,we have to live our lives,,everything in moderation,,,just make sure you compensate your calories and carbs and excersise accordinly,,thats life,,to beat yourself up for this will only make you not like yourself and that can lead you to thinking you are not worth doing the things you need to do to stay healthy and you sooooooooooo are worth it,,

I would just echo what Nicole said.  The cycle of eating and then feeling guilty and negatively about yourself is a vicious and self-destructive one.  Food is just food.  Some choices are better than others and, realistically, people who have WLS are not going to be able to always stick faithfully to their food plan each and every day, never have a certain favorite food again, or never have any treats (planned and unplanned).  As a counselor, I can tell you that -- for most people -- having "forbidden" foods leads to wanting thsoe foods even more, and that labeling foods as "good" and "bad" often leads to you identifying YOURSELF as "good" or "bad" when you choose to eat those foods.  Beating yourself up over this will not help, so stop it!   

The important things are that you are aware of choosing those foods (it sounds like you are) and that you eat the cookies, pizza, etc. in small amounts and infrequently. 

Lora

Right now, in my refrigerator, there is a sugar-free brownie calling my name.  Will I answer?  Yes.  Will I beat myself up over it?  No.  I also eat sugar-free chocolate but try to keep it at 2 small pieces a day.  Do I ever over-indulge?  Unfortunately, yes.  My two greatest weaknesses in life are BUTTER and CHOCOLATE.   I tried to eliminate these two things from my eating, and all that did was make me crabby and miserable.  This is for life, not just a short-term quick fix.  So we have to learn how to keep our weight off but still enjoy eating.  It's so hard to get rid of the "diet mentality" that most of us lived with.  I'm trying.

Sooooooo...... don't beat yourself up!  And the next time I come on here beating myself up, you may give me a virtual kick in my butt!  

Try really hard to find compassion for yourself. Beating yourself up only serves to alienate your best impulses. Talk to yourself like you were your best friend instead of yourself. Keep your best interests in the forground. When you fall down, find ways of learning from it. Ask yourself what's going on, try to write about it, post about it, talk to someone about it, go to a support group. The more you interact with the cause of it, the less power it has and the better your choices will become.

Best,

~Mo

I to have been craving Pizza.  But its WAY to early in fo rme to think about it.  One slice isnt gonna cause a problem.  Our bodies will crave to tell us what they need. Since surgery i have craved chicken.  Didnt care how, just wanted chicken.  Then it was another protein,  then the last one was tomatoes.  I normally dont like tomatoes except fresh from the garden, salsa or pizza sauce............But my body wants it, and i'll figure out today how to blend some up and get them in.

Learning moderation, is easy right now for me, cause 3 or 4 bites and i'm done...lol  But the learning to replace the emotional eating, with something more constructive.  That is harder.

Hang in there, love yourself,  and dont be so harsh.  This is a new lifestyle.  We have to live as well.  We're on the journey together to find an balance with food.

I think everyone else covered this beautifully. It is okay to have what you want at times. In the past would you have been able to stop at 2 small cookies and 1 slice of pizza? No. That in itself, self control, is a HUGE accomplishment.

I agree with others on not beating yourself up. There is no purpose in it.

And while I cannot tell you why YOU do what you do, I can tell you what I discovered about myself.

I had very low self-esteem. And in that low self esteem, the temporary pleasure of the taste of a cookie always trumped the bad feelings I'd have afterward. In short, I simply didn't find my long-term own peace of mind valuable enough. And in that environment of self-worth I desperately craved something to make me feel good, if only for a moment. The cookie made me feel good. It tasted good. And I personally do this "zone out" thing when I am eating for reasons other than hunger. It's like sedation. It takes me away from the stresses of my life and puts me in another place - one where things don't hurt quite as much.

That's one of the many gifts RNY gave me. Eating that cookie is not a great experience anymore. For as good as it tastes, the yuckiness that followed in the beginning just wasn't worth it. Now I don't get sick off of cookies anymore (and eat one or two occasionally). Here's the key to being able to do that (for me):

First, I don't demonize the cookie. A cookie is a cookie. It has calories just like any other food choice. I can CHOOSE to offset those calories with activity or I can CHOOSE not to. Either way, the cookie is not the devil. Embracing that somehow diminishes the cookie. Half the time once I go through that thought process I've worked out my feelings of emotional deprivation and don't even want the damn cookie anymore.

Second, I know when something is going to make me feel crappy. For me, yesterday, that was some chicken skin. It looked so good. So crispy and salty. Just what I love. But it makes me sick. Every. Single. Time. Even at 3.5 years out. Whereas the Nikki that existed 4 years ago might not have given much credence to that thought, this Nikki knows she deserves to feel good - physically and otherwise. So while the chicken skin still looked good, it wasn't worth feeling crappy the rest of the evening. It just wasn't.

Bottom line: you can't fake self-esteem. You have to build it. And once you build it you realize you are simply too good, too precious, too special and too valuable to be putting just anything in your mouth. It comes. It takes time but it comes.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to make peace with the cookie and stop demonizing food (there is no good food or bad food - choices, yes, there are good ones and bad ones but there is no such thing as evil food).

 I agree with everyone here. Eating one piece of pizza and one cookie is life and no big thing. The relationship I want to have food is to be not obsessed with it.  But I totally am. If I ate a cookie here and there and ate all healthy choices at other times then I would completely say I'm being to hard on myself. The thing is is that it is starting to become a habit. I am making these choices more and more and like Nicole and Lora said, one thing leads to another leads to another. I seriously need to get out of the cycle.

I've decided to write down everythng I'm eating and plan a little better. If I plan to have a cookie or something that is okay as long as it doesn't happen everyday. I also think I am going to start a vlog or a diary where I write down or record the emotions I'm having when I eat. I think that might really help me. Because eating junk every once in a while is fine but I do agree moderation is the key. I've honestly lost sight of moderation.

Thank you everyone for your words and thanks Alice for posting what you did too. I need to work on thinking food is just food and not the badness of the world. I need to also be nicer to myself!

This was a good thread for me to read and I really understand what you're going through. The one thing I've noticed personally is that sometimes I think I miss the drama that food brought to my life. There was so much energy in my obsession like a constant roller coaster of highs and lows where, like every addict, I always focused on the highs and put the rest out of my mind. Also, my entire identity is built around food since I'm seen as a good cook and a "foodie" of sorts. It's taking some time to discover who I am without my main "hobby" of food and emotional chaos of overeating. In fact, some days I feel sort of bored and I miss that "high" of something delicious. My therapist often reminds me that food will always be the easiest and the best when it comes to changing how I feel. I remember having moments when I felt like I was having an explosion of happiness in my mouth and brain when I ate something I loved. It's powerful stuff. Now, I'm off the roller coater (most of the time) but I do miss the ride. Something that has helped me is to also identify what my emotions are when I want something and specifically when I say "no" to a food. It's amazing how I can turn into a 7 year old having a tantrum then slowly other feelings will emerge- for me it's often boredom or loneliness, maybe veiled fear. Sometimes, I will sort of meditate on the process I go through when going to eat while just sitting quietly at my home. I try to identify how I feel before and during and after eating. Then I do it again but I imagine not eating and try to walk through those emotions. It's interesting to see all the emotions I have around food. Anyway, it's good to share and read so many others who feel similar things. So nice to have support and not feel alone.