February 2nd, 2011

Feb 01, 2011

I had totally spaced off that it was my 5 year annaversary until OH sent me a reminder. 
I remember my doctor telling me that the 5 year mark would be significant.  That how I looked at this point would be how I would look and feel the rest of my life. That my health would be like now, the 5 year mark of health.  I am rarely sick, I have been in the gym for the last  year with a trainer helping me twice a week to shape my body.  The body that is curvy and natural looking with clothes on... LOL    ( ONLY my mirror knows the truth. )
So let me tell you this about the 5th year. 

My BFF died of cancer on December 22nd,2010  and her daughter gave her a grandson on January 28th, 2011.. and as a second mom... I was at the request of her daughter to be grandma.  The baby is beautiful and perfect.  and I was torn between all the amazement of his entering the world, and the fact I was there to be my BFF's eyes , and just wished it would have been her own eyes to witness the arrival of the gift her daughter wanted so bad to give her. 
Just two days ago my cousin passed from a massive heart attack.  She had a young daughter at home.  They were each others world.  Daughters without mothers.  My own mother whom I care for has been gravely ill.  I cannot imagine life without my mother. 
Why so significant?  Because the doctors told me in 2005.. that if I did not have this surgery, I would not live another year.  Here I am, 5 years after my surgery and healthy as a horse... and I am outliving the people of my life whom are my age.  It is heart wrenching and weird.  I am here and healthy because I made what felt like such a selfich and imposing choice to have WLS.   Now my drive to be healthy has affected me in the opposite way it has effected those whom gave up smoking and still dies of cancer... those who tried to rise above limitations and still were taken from us.  But I am still here.   My two daughters still have a mother.  I am still here.
Vitamins are a daily must!  Do not let them go wayside or you will not be at your best.  This is a  reality to WLS members. 
I still struggle with volumn eating, and have to stay very aware of how much I put in my mouth. 
I still hold up my jeans every morning and am amazed I even fit into them. 
I still drink coffee like it is going out of style.  I cannot live without my coffee.  The strong smell and taste appeases me to no end. 
Just last week I changed the picture on my badge at work .  It was the last old picture I carried around and I got tired of people telling me it didnt look like me. 
My daughter is in college,  I am so happy that she is there and I am seeing her bloom.
I am still single because I have been learning to love myself.  I have always loved my mind and soul... but I couldnt leave out body to really love myself.  I am learning to love my body.. imperfect, reactionary, curvy, and all! 
I have a trip to Hawaii to look forward to this May.  One without kids and mom... just me.   I wonder how that will go?   lol 

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