Amanda S.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Well I have to have foot surgery on my two torn tendons on May 10. I'm suppose to go back to work on May 1 and since recovery is 6-8 weeks no weigh barring on the foot - I'm not sure how that's going to work out - I put a call into the supervisor to find out what she wants to do - postpone me coming back or what I just don't know.  She has to talk to her supervisor to find out - just waiting for the call back now.  Doc says I could go back to work about a week after surgery but I will be on crutches can't drive myself.

What's really buming me out is that I have to rely on my hubby or someone else to take me places - I'll have to find something to do during the day (if I'm not back to work) to keep busy while hubby is at work since I won't be able to get out and about.

There are so many things I wanted to do and this is just going to postpone things a bit.  I wanted to start a Sunday walking group but since I won't be able to walk - I'll have to see if somone else wants to head it up and join them once I'm healed and ready.  There's this great place near by to do scrapbooking - I guess I just have to do it at home.

One thing I have to make sure of is to have something to do - otherwise I will turn to food for entertainment and that is no good - that will defeat the whole purpose of getting the band in the first place - I know the weight loss will slow during those weeks but I want to at least not gain anything.

So that's my sad/bad news - I just can't believe the timing of it all - to say the least it sucks!

Lost 3 lbs this week. 

I'm feeling much better than my last couple of posts - I think I just need to get out more.  

I didn't eat as well as I should have this week - I'm starting to slip up and eat sweets to frequently - a treat now and then is fine but everyday is not good.  However I do try to keep my calories below 1200 but this week I've been at that 1200 mark - Need to eat a little bit better than that.  It's been tough for me since I don't have restriction yet - I'm just not satisfied after I eat only a cup of food - so instead of 3 meals with two snacks - I've just been eating 3 larger meals.

NSV this week I had to move the seat forward in my car and I had to get a ring sizer for my wedding ring - don't want to resize it till I've lost all the weight.

I've noticed that I'm becoming more critical of my body as the weight comes off.  I always thought I was happy in my skin - but now when I look in the mirror I see sagginess everywhere.  The flap under my arms, saggy boobs and I start to wonder what it will look like when all the weight is gone - will it magicly shrink too or will I have the loose skin?  I didn't think that this was going to affect me - because I was getting healthy - It wasn't so much about looks but more about my health - I think that fact that people are starting to notice the weight loss I'm starting to notice the unattractive parts.  Why is it that when we get compliments we have to find something to negate them even if we don't do it in that moment - we are polite say thank you and then later be more critical of ourselves.  I think I might be getting a bit vain about my looks - this is a new experience for me and I don't know if its good or bad.

The last couple days I've been on the depressed side.  I'm sure there are lots of things that are factoring in there.  First and foremost this stupid walking boot - if I stand or walk too long I get pain in my foot and ankle - I really want to exercise I think it will make me feel better but I'm not able to go for a walk so I sit and do arm exercises - I ordered a DVD today chair exercise for seniors - now I know I'm not a senior but the reviews for it were positive and at least I'll be able to sit and do some exercise - I really think it will help me out a lot.

I currently have no restriction and want to just keep eating after I've finished my meals.  I feel like I'm dueling with my mind and stomach against each other - one telling me I'm not statisfied the other saying this is for your own good - so shut up and think of something other than food.

I'm trying to find a hobby - I tend to weave in and out of hobbies over the years and now I'm having trouble finding something to occupy my time.  I just don't know what to do with myself.

I go back to my temp job from last year on May 1 and I'm scared to go back - I will be doing a different task than before - I won't be so in the back ground - more up front customer service type work.  I'm really nervous about the amount of stress from that.  Can I handle it?  Everybody there seems to think I'm going to do great and is very happy to bring me back. I'm just very doubtful right now.

The other thing that can be contributing to my sad feelings is that fact that the anniversary of my mothers death is coming up and I tend to get a little depressed during this time of year.

Listen to me already - whoa is me! I really need to find something positive - I know my WLS is a positive but I'm still working on the mental catching up with the physical. My body may be banded but my mind is not totally ready to give up food as a coping mechanism.

Ok a list of positive - I have a supportive and wonderful husband, I'm building new friendships, I've lost almost 35 lbs so far, I'm taking steps to a healthier me - well I guess it's a short list - I'm just having difficulty focusing on the positive when I feel so negative.  It's just a phase and I will be better for it on the other side.

Things I have found handy I will update this list as I find things that are needed or helpful:
*a drink shaker (tupperware has one)
*magic bullet
*kitchen scale
*kitchen timer
*lots of measuring cups and spoons
*the 1/2 cup and 1 cup containters ziploc/glad makes them
*eating off a salad plate makes your meal seem a little bigger than it really is.
*baby spoons to control my bits
*heating pad
*Bathroom scale (I didn't have one had to buy one)
*I also used a wedge pillow when I first came home for sleeping in the bed it.
*Gax X
*Multi Vitamin (chewable)
*Papaya Enzyme
*Peppermint Tea
*Jello
*Bouillon
*Crystal Light or flavored water
*Splenda

Fridays are offical weigh in days for me - this week I lost 4 lbs so I guess all my worrying about gaining weight once I switched to foods from clear liquids was for nothing.

I still have some tenderness around the port area.  I'm sure it doesn't help matters that I'm a belly sleeper and wake up every morning on my belly even thou I try to sleep on my back.

I currently do not have any restriction- I eat my cup of food and feel very hungry afterward. This is a big struggle for me until I have a fill it is pure will power.  I do plan to check with my Nut to find out hints to get me through this phase - she also is banded so knows what I'm going through.  I eat and I just don't feel satisfied and I know its not head hunger. Sometimes I wonder did they only put the port in and not the band?  I have to just trust its in there - I'm sure I will find out when I get my fill which is still 2 weeks off.

******************************
Here's the response I got:
Amanda,
It's normal not to feel satisfied when you are unfilled on 1 cup of food, it's hard work, but you can do it! Your first fill will help so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
_________________
Dr. C

Well here it is the "What the hell did I do" phase.

My coping mechanism "food" is no longer an option.  I eat my cup of food and sometimes I want to continue to eat just because it tastes good.  I'm an emotional and stress eater and the last couple days I've really wanted to go to town on the food and know I can't - this makes me cry - I guess I'm finally mourning my friend food.  I find that I feel hungry but I know I've already had my cup of food I shouldn't be hungry so at that point I know its head hunger.  I need to find something to replace food - I would take a walk but with the walking boot on that's just not an option at this point.

I just keep thinking did I really make the right decision getting the band?  On an intellectual level I know I made the right choice and this too shall pass.  But man in the moment I just really doubt my decision.

Had my surgery follow up visit today - I get to eat purees I'm so excited.  My first meal Wendy's Chili and baked potato - Into the magic bullet out comes one of the best meals I've had in weeks.  The small chili makes one cup and the potato I put the soft stuff minus the skin with the sour cream and some skim milk gave me 1/2 cup serving. Using a baby spoon to eat it to ensure that I don't bite off more than I can chew oh wait I can't bite yet - ok so it will help force me to eat slower.  Of course I did not eat all that food at once. I ate about 1/4 cup of the chili and maybe 3 tbsp of the potatos and I felt very satisfied.  I did have a hard time telling if I was full or not but I thought I should stop at that.  I'll have to figure out what my signal is to tell me I'm done or just stick to a specific measurement of food.

I asked which band size I have - I got the 4cc one.  Lisa said my insides were picture perfect and I did a great job shrinking the liver.  

I also had some NSV today - I was able to wear a shirt that I haven't worn since 2003 and I was able to zip up my winter coat which I haven't been able to do since 2005.

I'm in week one clear liquids only - today I feel like a space cadet  - I feel very out of it - my mind feels lost.  I tried Isopure protein the clear liquid ones and they make me nauseous.  

I've slept most of the day been very tired.  The area around my port is very tender.  The gas pain in my shoulder is almost gone.  The diarrhea seems to be here to stay.  I've taken some Imodium it helps for a while then my body just starts making these brewing noises and every hour I'm back on the toilet. (I know TMI).  I can not wait to move on to the puree phase - all this clear liquid is just going right through me.