Amalia S.
Before - After Pics
Feb 11, 2010
I can't stop looking at the Before and After Pictures. Nothing inspires me more than seeing people "magically" become thinner, more beautiful, healthier, younger looking and certainly happier!
These pictures are my inspiration and an assurance that if so many people can do this, then maybe I will too. I know it wasn't easy for any of them. How can you become half your previous size without shedding some tears along the way? How can you change your entire outlook on life and many of your habits without some pain? You can't. But I'm so proud of the ones who made it and it redoubles my resolve to become a member of the big losers' Cliub!
0 comments
These pictures are my inspiration and an assurance that if so many people can do this, then maybe I will too. I know it wasn't easy for any of them. How can you become half your previous size without shedding some tears along the way? How can you change your entire outlook on life and many of your habits without some pain? You can't. But I'm so proud of the ones who made it and it redoubles my resolve to become a member of the big losers' Cliub!
I'm an emotional mess
Feb 10, 2010
Perhaps I'm more irritable lately. OK, I AM more irritable lately. And how can I NOT be? The area around my drainage tube hurts like the dickens, I get moments where hunger is overpowering (though not as often as before, thankfully), I feel very weak and faint at times so that I can hardly get out of bed and my MS symptoms are getting worse without the meds I took pre-op. I do sneak in a Neurotin once in a while, then feel guilty about it, but what can I do? The combo of the sore tube area plus the infamous "MS-hug" is unbearable.
Anyway, I was talking about irritability. Everything seems to me to be moving in slow-motion while I play the waiting game. I want this phase to be over with already. I want to start eating like a grown human again, instead of a baby with no teeth. I want to get out of this house and see the outside world, even if it's just for a moment. My husband's procrastination and my brother's dependence on me are getting on my nerves. Yet, it's how they always were. They haven't changed, I have. My meddling mother-in-law was always meddling. My despotic brother in law was always despotic. My "couldn't care less" sister, always couldn't care less. I had learned to live with these people (mostly by avoiding them) for years now. So why am I no longer able to overlook their flaws and go on with my life?
One part of the answer lies with my own increased dependency these weeks after the surgery. I feel more vulnerable and I take to heart every snyde remark. I know most of them blame me for spending a large amount of money (for us) on what they consider an unnecessary surgery and no amount of explaining or rationalizing on my part gets through to them.
I'm angry at my husband for always giving a detailed report of our life to his family, thus giving them the right to express opinions and interfere.
I'm upset at the total lack of support from my sister. Most of all, I am angry at myself for having let myself get into this position in the first place. And I'm angry that I'm dependent on these kind of people.
I wish to be independent, as I was a decade ago, when people leaned on me and I had no need to lean on anyone. I know that the dependency due to the WLS is temporary. I can take that. But the dependency due to the MS is permanent and only getting worse.
I'm surpised of this anger I feel. Perhaps I've always felt it but I did not express it. Lately, I feel it's choking me. I've read how fat traps hormones that are released as the fat is burning up with the weight loss, but this was an unexpected side-effect.
0 comments
Anyway, I was talking about irritability. Everything seems to me to be moving in slow-motion while I play the waiting game. I want this phase to be over with already. I want to start eating like a grown human again, instead of a baby with no teeth. I want to get out of this house and see the outside world, even if it's just for a moment. My husband's procrastination and my brother's dependence on me are getting on my nerves. Yet, it's how they always were. They haven't changed, I have. My meddling mother-in-law was always meddling. My despotic brother in law was always despotic. My "couldn't care less" sister, always couldn't care less. I had learned to live with these people (mostly by avoiding them) for years now. So why am I no longer able to overlook their flaws and go on with my life?
One part of the answer lies with my own increased dependency these weeks after the surgery. I feel more vulnerable and I take to heart every snyde remark. I know most of them blame me for spending a large amount of money (for us) on what they consider an unnecessary surgery and no amount of explaining or rationalizing on my part gets through to them.
I'm angry at my husband for always giving a detailed report of our life to his family, thus giving them the right to express opinions and interfere.
I'm upset at the total lack of support from my sister. Most of all, I am angry at myself for having let myself get into this position in the first place. And I'm angry that I'm dependent on these kind of people.
I wish to be independent, as I was a decade ago, when people leaned on me and I had no need to lean on anyone. I know that the dependency due to the WLS is temporary. I can take that. But the dependency due to the MS is permanent and only getting worse.
I'm surpised of this anger I feel. Perhaps I've always felt it but I did not express it. Lately, I feel it's choking me. I've read how fat traps hormones that are released as the fat is burning up with the weight loss, but this was an unexpected side-effect.
OT - For my mom
Feb 09, 2010
I just saw someone post about her father's death and I was poignantly reminded about the death of my own mother only three and one/half months ago. It still seems unreal that i can no longer pick up the phone and call her. I expected (and wanted) to have her beside me during this surgery and I knew she would have been there helping me with all her strength even though she didn't approve of it.
I loved my mother more than I can express and felt I still needed her to be around even though I'm no longer young. She was not just my mother. She was my best friend and my confidante. She was as much a part of myself as my arm and much more precious to me. If there are angels, I know she must be among them now.
Goodbye again, mother. I love you.
0 comments
I loved my mother more than I can express and felt I still needed her to be around even though I'm no longer young. She was not just my mother. She was my best friend and my confidante. She was as much a part of myself as my arm and much more precious to me. If there are angels, I know she must be among them now.
Goodbye again, mother. I love you.
A little better
Feb 05, 2010
Started mushies today and for the first time in 2 weeks I felt a semblance of satiety. I made a sort of runny puree with a little boiled chicken and its broth, mashed potatoes, mashed carrot and mashed brocoli, added some lemon juice, an extra chicken broth cube, plenty of paprica and a little mustard and I thought the result looked a lot like baby food but it tasted pretty good. It would have been better if I'd used a little less broth, but I thought I'd make a gentle transition from the previous all-liquid diet.
I had my first Jell-o since the surgery too, since that too had been forbidden to me and although I never liked Jell-o before, I felt like I was eating one of the best deserts! LOL
I don't like the fact that I'm thinking about food so much. For years I have been trying to learn to not center my thoughts and activities around food and for the most part I had been successful. Now, however, I have to re-learn how to eat with my new baby stomach and I can already tell it's going to be a steep learning curve, as old habits die hard.
0 comments
I had my first Jell-o since the surgery too, since that too had been forbidden to me and although I never liked Jell-o before, I felt like I was eating one of the best deserts! LOL
I don't like the fact that I'm thinking about food so much. For years I have been trying to learn to not center my thoughts and activities around food and for the most part I had been successful. Now, however, I have to re-learn how to eat with my new baby stomach and I can already tell it's going to be a steep learning curve, as old habits die hard.
9 Days Post-Op Update
Feb 03, 2010
Many people have told me that this is the most difficult period and that it will pass. I wonder, however, how their experiences compare with mine. Could it have been equally bad for them as it is for me and if it was why haven't I found any posts referring to similar problems?
The nightmare of the surgery is starting to fade a bit -- not completely! -- as my current situation is just another form of torture. My first week in the hospital was hell, since I was not allowed to even drink water until the sixth day! Coming home, I was given strict orders to have nothing but clear liquids - no proteins, not even Jello! 2 glasses of milk per day is the extent of "real food" I am allowed, otherwise it's clear soups and some juices. I am HUNGRY! I thought I wasn't supposed to be hungry with a VSG - removal of the grenalin gland, etc., so why am I so hungry? Did they botch up the operation? Am I simply incapable of adapting? What tf is wrong with me? Is it my imagination or do I truly feel ready to faint most of the time? I was never provided with a nutritionist, so I can't ask these questions there, and my surgeon is just a surgeon - worried that something may happen to his handiwork (as if I am not!) All I know is that it's one thing after another and I have never felt so bad before, not even when I had gone on starvation diets in the past.
I can go on and on about this, as for instance why I can't take my MS meds properly and how I'm scared to death that it will all lead to a monster exacerbation, how I'm starting to feel like puking if I drink another drop of water, how I'm ready to just chuck it all up in the air and do great harm to myself but never mind.
0 comments
The nightmare of the surgery is starting to fade a bit -- not completely! -- as my current situation is just another form of torture. My first week in the hospital was hell, since I was not allowed to even drink water until the sixth day! Coming home, I was given strict orders to have nothing but clear liquids - no proteins, not even Jello! 2 glasses of milk per day is the extent of "real food" I am allowed, otherwise it's clear soups and some juices. I am HUNGRY! I thought I wasn't supposed to be hungry with a VSG - removal of the grenalin gland, etc., so why am I so hungry? Did they botch up the operation? Am I simply incapable of adapting? What tf is wrong with me? Is it my imagination or do I truly feel ready to faint most of the time? I was never provided with a nutritionist, so I can't ask these questions there, and my surgeon is just a surgeon - worried that something may happen to his handiwork (as if I am not!) All I know is that it's one thing after another and I have never felt so bad before, not even when I had gone on starvation diets in the past.
I can go on and on about this, as for instance why I can't take my MS meds properly and how I'm scared to death that it will all lead to a monster exacerbation, how I'm starting to feel like puking if I drink another drop of water, how I'm ready to just chuck it all up in the air and do great harm to myself but never mind.
What the hell did I do to myself?
Jan 31, 2010
This is the stage I'm in now, I'm afraid. They did let me go from the hospital yesterday and I'm home now with a pack of directions to follow and various meds I'm supposed to be taking, but boy! I'm very far from being happy yet. I'm in a lot of pain from various reasons:
1. There is a tube sticking out from my gut that I have to keep emptying.
2. They had a horrible time trying to find veins, and not only are both my arms black and blue, the final vein they tried is up on my neck and I feel like I have been stabbed there!
3. For the entire week I was in the hospital they wouldn't give me any of my MS meds so all the symptoms I've been trying so hard to control for years are back with a vengeance!
4. I'm starving!! My surgeon doesn't want me to take any proteins just yet, and clear liquids are not filling me up at all.
I hope that I heal quickly, I'm not sure how long I will be able to stand this.
1 comment
1. There is a tube sticking out from my gut that I have to keep emptying.
2. They had a horrible time trying to find veins, and not only are both my arms black and blue, the final vein they tried is up on my neck and I feel like I have been stabbed there!
3. For the entire week I was in the hospital they wouldn't give me any of my MS meds so all the symptoms I've been trying so hard to control for years are back with a vengeance!
4. I'm starving!! My surgeon doesn't want me to take any proteins just yet, and clear liquids are not filling me up at all.
I hope that I heal quickly, I'm not sure how long I will be able to stand this.
Two Days to Surgery
Jan 23, 2010
Two days until surgery and I'm getting nervous. It doesn't help that hubby keeps telling me to bail out and not go through with it. Thank goodness I have a wide strubborn streak in me and I'm not letting him influence me. This is the first time in a long time that I'm putting myself fist and I'm, determined to see it through to the end no matter what. I did write my will just in case!
Still, it hurts not to have any support at home, especially since I foresee that reaching my goal will be a steep upward climb and I'm in no physical shape to climb. I try to focus on the future, on the final result so I keep looking through all the Before and After pictures. I keep telling myself, if all those people could do it, why shouldn't I be able to achieve at least a fraction of what they did? I don't have much of a choice anyway. My alternative is to continue to be housebound while I get weaker and weaker and my body deteriorates from fat related complications.
I didn't ask to have MS. I was doing fine with my weight and shape before the last exacerbation that left me with quadraparesis, destroyed my sight so I could no longer drive and made me gain 30 kilos in 3 months from the medley of drugs my doctors kept perscribing, trying to control the onslaught of symptoms that hit me all at once. And then everyone left me to cope as well as I could but mostly alone. And quite frankly, I couldn't cope. I left my job of 12 years to find something I could do from my home... anyway, that's another story.
I don't know why all these thoughts are plaguing me right now. I should be happy that I'm finally doing something for my obesity and yes, I am. I'm looking forward to being lighter, moving more easily, not being afraid to fall and not be able to get up again, maybe even walking again. Despite my confessed love of food, staying on a simple and healthy diet doesn't scare me, it appeals to me.
I'm ready for this and whoever says nay can kiss my ***** !
1 comment
Still, it hurts not to have any support at home, especially since I foresee that reaching my goal will be a steep upward climb and I'm in no physical shape to climb. I try to focus on the future, on the final result so I keep looking through all the Before and After pictures. I keep telling myself, if all those people could do it, why shouldn't I be able to achieve at least a fraction of what they did? I don't have much of a choice anyway. My alternative is to continue to be housebound while I get weaker and weaker and my body deteriorates from fat related complications.
I didn't ask to have MS. I was doing fine with my weight and shape before the last exacerbation that left me with quadraparesis, destroyed my sight so I could no longer drive and made me gain 30 kilos in 3 months from the medley of drugs my doctors kept perscribing, trying to control the onslaught of symptoms that hit me all at once. And then everyone left me to cope as well as I could but mostly alone. And quite frankly, I couldn't cope. I left my job of 12 years to find something I could do from my home... anyway, that's another story.
I don't know why all these thoughts are plaguing me right now. I should be happy that I'm finally doing something for my obesity and yes, I am. I'm looking forward to being lighter, moving more easily, not being afraid to fall and not be able to get up again, maybe even walking again. Despite my confessed love of food, staying on a simple and healthy diet doesn't scare me, it appeals to me.
I'm ready for this and whoever says nay can kiss my ***** !
Am I Paranoid or What?
Jan 16, 2010
Maybe I'm just paranoid. Still from the moment my surgery date became finalized, I feel as if the entire universe is out to get me! Yesterday we received a nice tax bill for 8,000 Euros! That's twice the amount of what the Sleeve will cost me (my share). They calculated some back pay I received from disability concerning the previous year into last year's income and now they taxed me as if I'm rich!! DH is too upset to go figure things out, so I called BIL who has a cooler head for help. He will take things to an accountant and we hope for the best. With all this, however, the subject of my WLS came up, with BIL trying to convince me to put it off and DH sitting on the fence about it. I flat out REFUSED to postpone my WLS. I'm afraid that if I give in, there will always be something and I will never do it. At any rate, I have been preparing for months for this!
Then, another subject came up. We have been hosting my brother since my mother died last October, in a small studio owned by MIL. Suddenly, MIL wants to kick DB out and use the studio for storage space. Since the studio is on the top floor of our building, I am counting heavily on DB to help me after the op. I can't do this without him, DH is just not so committed to my WLS. (Neither is DB but he said he will support me no matter what I decide).
I got so upset over the callousness of my in-laws that I couldn't stop crying all evening. Just what I need on the eve of major surgery!
It's quiet now, DB offered to pay for storage space and stay in the studio. I have no idea what will happen with the taxes but you know something? I don't care! I will NOT give up my sleeve!
0 comments
Then, another subject came up. We have been hosting my brother since my mother died last October, in a small studio owned by MIL. Suddenly, MIL wants to kick DB out and use the studio for storage space. Since the studio is on the top floor of our building, I am counting heavily on DB to help me after the op. I can't do this without him, DH is just not so committed to my WLS. (Neither is DB but he said he will support me no matter what I decide).
I got so upset over the callousness of my in-laws that I couldn't stop crying all evening. Just what I need on the eve of major surgery!
It's quiet now, DB offered to pay for storage space and stay in the studio. I have no idea what will happen with the taxes but you know something? I don't care! I will NOT give up my sleeve!
My new RE-Birthday!
Jan 14, 2010
JANUARY 26 2010!
This is the day I become re-born. Yep, you guessed it, it's the date of my WLS, which in my case, is the Gastric Sleeve. I selected the Sleeve because it seemed the least scary of all the available options, at least for me. I hear it has good results and I am hoping for the best.
My surgeon wants to keep me in-hospital a few more days than usual for observation, which is fine by me since I do have the MS to deal with anyway and I have no idea what the WLS will do to that! (Nothing I hope).
At any rate I'm now trying to get psychologically ready for the big day and it's not that easy. You see, I live with 2 men nowadays - my husband and my brother who moved in with us 2 months ago when my poor mom passed away suddenly. My brother is dead set against my having any kind of surgery for two very understandable reasons: 1. He just lost his mother and doesn't want to lose his sister too. 2. An old girlfriend of his had gastric bypass done a few years ago, things went terribly wrong from the doctor's fault had to do SEVEN surgeries afterwards and then disappeared from sight. We are not sure if she is still alive or not.
My husband is supportive and backs whatever decision I make, however, every time I express a fear regarding the upcoming surgery, his response is a flat "don't do it then!" I tell you that is not very helpful at all!!! All I want is a hug and him to tell me that everything is going to be all right.
I feel that 100% of the responsibility for whatever happens in regard to the WLS from now on rests on my shoulders and I'm not sure I can bear the weight if things go wrong.
But let's stay positive. Thousands of people have had WLS and they are doing fine, losing weight and getting healthier, why would I be the exception? I trust my surgeon, he is the #1 in this op in Greece and I see that he is concerned about me. Things will be fine and pretty soon I will be recounting here now my RE-BIRTHDAY went!
0 comments
This is the day I become re-born. Yep, you guessed it, it's the date of my WLS, which in my case, is the Gastric Sleeve. I selected the Sleeve because it seemed the least scary of all the available options, at least for me. I hear it has good results and I am hoping for the best.
My surgeon wants to keep me in-hospital a few more days than usual for observation, which is fine by me since I do have the MS to deal with anyway and I have no idea what the WLS will do to that! (Nothing I hope).
At any rate I'm now trying to get psychologically ready for the big day and it's not that easy. You see, I live with 2 men nowadays - my husband and my brother who moved in with us 2 months ago when my poor mom passed away suddenly. My brother is dead set against my having any kind of surgery for two very understandable reasons: 1. He just lost his mother and doesn't want to lose his sister too. 2. An old girlfriend of his had gastric bypass done a few years ago, things went terribly wrong from the doctor's fault had to do SEVEN surgeries afterwards and then disappeared from sight. We are not sure if she is still alive or not.
My husband is supportive and backs whatever decision I make, however, every time I express a fear regarding the upcoming surgery, his response is a flat "don't do it then!" I tell you that is not very helpful at all!!! All I want is a hug and him to tell me that everything is going to be all right.
I feel that 100% of the responsibility for whatever happens in regard to the WLS from now on rests on my shoulders and I'm not sure I can bear the weight if things go wrong.
But let's stay positive. Thousands of people have had WLS and they are doing fine, losing weight and getting healthier, why would I be the exception? I trust my surgeon, he is the #1 in this op in Greece and I see that he is concerned about me. Things will be fine and pretty soon I will be recounting here now my RE-BIRTHDAY went!
Some Pre-Op Thoughts
Jan 07, 2010
I am just starting this journey to places I have never been before, places I never believed I would ever go and I have been in a pensive mood.
This blog will not be just a calendar of events and progress or failure. I have a Meandering Mind (the title of my other blog, non-WL related) and in consequence perhaps, I also have a Meandering Stomach! You see, I LIKE life! I feel strange writing that, since I spend so much time complaining, but it's true. I enjoy experiencing the best that this world has to offer, both tangible and intangible. In regards to the very tangible subject of FOOD, I consider myself a gourmet and an expert! I don't eat large quantities of any specific food, that's never been my problem. On the other hand, I can be a pig in a buffet. I have to try everything! I enjoy tasting new and exotic recipes and I once had a dream of taking a gourmet trip around the world. I consider taste to be a serious sense, almost as important as sight for discovering the world around us, and no WLS will make me change my mind about that!
Still, enjoying different tastes doesn't mean I have to eat myself into super obesity like I have. One bite of food delivers the same delightful experience as an entire plate. It's the guilt complex about "wasting food" instilled in us by our folks that makes us clean up that plate.
Conclusion: Restrict, restrict, restrict portions!
0 comments
This blog will not be just a calendar of events and progress or failure. I have a Meandering Mind (the title of my other blog, non-WL related) and in consequence perhaps, I also have a Meandering Stomach! You see, I LIKE life! I feel strange writing that, since I spend so much time complaining, but it's true. I enjoy experiencing the best that this world has to offer, both tangible and intangible. In regards to the very tangible subject of FOOD, I consider myself a gourmet and an expert! I don't eat large quantities of any specific food, that's never been my problem. On the other hand, I can be a pig in a buffet. I have to try everything! I enjoy tasting new and exotic recipes and I once had a dream of taking a gourmet trip around the world. I consider taste to be a serious sense, almost as important as sight for discovering the world around us, and no WLS will make me change my mind about that!
Still, enjoying different tastes doesn't mean I have to eat myself into super obesity like I have. One bite of food delivers the same delightful experience as an entire plate. It's the guilt complex about "wasting food" instilled in us by our folks that makes us clean up that plate.
Conclusion: Restrict, restrict, restrict portions!
About Me
Athens,
Location
29.0
BMI
Surgery
01/26/2010
Surgery Date
Dec 13, 2009
Member Since
