Annie B.

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Talk about a LONG day!!!  *sigh*  My appointment was for 8:30am - since I was to do fasting blood work.  Ummm...well then, why didn't  they send me to blood work FIRST??? Or at least second?  Nope...didn't get to the lab for blood stuff until about 11:30!!  By that time I was very shakey.  So I asked if there was any way I could get it taken care of right away because I was really shakey and was doing a fasting test.  They said nope, go sit and wait.  *#*%#*$!  

Everything before that was pretty uneventful, but just lots of waiting!!!  I had forgotten my book - but thankfully had Sudoku on my phone, so I played that a bit.  Shelley was coming to visit Jill, so she stopped by and said hi to me while I was waiting...THANK YOU SHELLEY!!

I saw the nurse to have vitals done.  I thought the blood pressure cuff was gonna kill me - and my blood pressure was 180 over something.  It was pinching my arm really bad.  So then she used the larger cuff on my other arm.  Then it was 130 over something.  

Then I had to go wait some more!  Then I met with the Anesthesiologist...he was a very little man - short and skinny.  Very nice guy.  We talked a bit.  He said if I had a little bit of a cough that was dry and no fever, then they wouldn't cancel my surgery - but if there was a very wet cough or I had had a fever, they would have to.  I asked about it since I have two little boys who are sick right now.  Though I plan to keep them as far away from other kids as possible from now until surgery!

After the Anesthesiologist - I met with a Nurse again (oh...after waiting quite a while too).  We talked, she gave me papers that had instructions.  NOTHING 8 hours prior to surgery (not even a SIP of water).  That's gonna be HARD!!!  Well hopefully it will be early in the morning and I can just wake up and go.  She gave me my wipe things that I have to use on my tummy before the night before and the next morning.

Then I went out to wait wait wait some more...for the EKG.  So...when I got called for that - I saw the same nurse who did my vitals earlier - why didn't she do the EKG then???  Wouldn't that have been more productive??  *ugh* anyway!  That was over really quickly.  And I was on my way to the lab for blood work...

After waiting some more - and talking to this really nice lady who said to me, "I didn't know they did that surgery on people so young." I asked her how old she thought I was - she said 23! Oh Bless her!!  I told her I am 29, and she looked VERY surprised!

The blood draw was bad.  BAD BAD BAD.  The lady I got poked my arm and started to dig.  BUT then thankfully she stopped *whew*.  Then she decided to try the other arm.  When she couldn't find a good vein there (no pokes thankfully) then she decided to do it on my hand.  OUCH!!  And I did cry out a little when the needle went it.  She asked if it was really that bad...I said YES!  I think I'll have a bruise there!

After that was done, I stopped at the snack bar area and had some sushi YUMMMM and some Teriyaki Chicken mmmmmmmmm.  When I was feeling a bit better, I went to Admissions and got that paper work done (and YES, more waiting!).  

Then I went up to visit Jill (around 1pm) and got to walk with her a little bit.  Gotta tell you...that was the highlight of my visit to Madigan today!  She's doing GREAT!  She looks great!  She doesn't look like she had surgery just yesterday!  

Well that's it for now...just wanted to update a little...

I came across a great post today...someone had asked about what people are doing when they're at goal...and this was a response...

~Admitting to myself that WLS is a tool and I still have an eating disorder
~Allowing myself what I want without over indulging
~Forgiving myself for over indulging
~Asking for help from WLS peeps when I need it...Civilians have NO clue
~Allowing myself a reasonable fluctuating weight with a cap weight gain and NEVER going above it...run like hell if I do! No really...RUN!!!! Sneakers and all!
~Working out harder the day after the bad choice days...
~Buying healthy food and putting all my love into cooking it and serving it to my family
~Never buying bad foods that will tempt me nor stock them in my house
~Always have healthy a few snacks for those sneak "snack attacks" (But never stock up too many and be tempted to try them all...in one sitting)
~Have a mental daily meal plan two or more days in advance
~Always remind myself to go back to the basics when things don't feel right
~Pouch RULES!!!!  They really work and they mean it!!!!!
~Carbs are not our friends no matter how sweet they look. Fruits/ veggies/whole grains not included (Those are our friends)
~Eat five different color fruit, veggies a day for a rainbow of vitamins
~Enjoy my second chance at health...happiness and life and know it is a blessing
that I could throw away by giving up....so don't give up!
~Drink drink drink water ...all day long drink water til you grow gils....

I need to keep these in mind and have these here to look back on...since I know I will need to keep these "rules" too!

Well, I am still here...plugging away.

I went to visit my mom this last weekend...it was great. I have missed my mom a lot, and it was nice to be able to go down there and see her without two kids in tow.  

I got to spend some time with my gramma too - that was nice too.

Well, not much else going on...except waiting for surgery...I went off my liquid diet and will start back up on that Wednesday - if not before.

Until next time!
~Annie

Well, every day it's getting closer to surgery date.  I am now under three weeks!  How cool is that?

I don't have pre-surgery gitters yet - I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

I have wondered about my decision - am I doing the right thing?  Should I really have surgery?  But then instead of just dwelling on those thoughts, I have taken them and asked "WHY am I asking these questions?"  That has been very helpful for me!

I have found for the most part - my response to WHY am I asking this I have two reasons - one is that I don't want to give up the junk food and the food addiction that I have.  But you know what?  That IS my food addiction talking!  

My other reason is because I worry about what other people might think about me because of it - since there is a lot of stigma for this kind of thing.  But you know what, I can't let what other people think rule.  I have for so long worried about what other people think of me...it's time to stop that!

Until next time!
~Annie

Wow...I've noticed quite a bit of discord between some RNYers and some DSers.  Both sides have been pretty ugly.  You know, I am really of the mindset...just do what's best for YOU.  Yes, everyone should make an informed, educated decision.  That is VERY VERY important.

I found this website that compares the various surgeries....it was pretty cool...http://www.lapsf.com/weight-loss-surgeries.html

I found it very interesting!

Now, I have spent some time reading about what the DSers feel is their advantage, and what the RNYers feel is theirs.  And I suppose I'll post my opinion of things.  

I also found this comparative statement of RNY vs. DS - I'm going to post it here, and add my personal comments!  There are times I would like the DS - that would mean I could eat WHATEVER I want...no restrictions...I could keep eating stuff that is bad for me - because I wouldn't absorb it.  But then, so would my family and the example I would set for my two boys wouldn't be such a good one.  

Instead, I plan to change my eating habits - eating healthier foods.  I will also show my boys that my food addiction is broken, and what it looks like to NOT have that.  (I'm still wondering because I grew up with food addiction all around me - and I took it on for myself).  I don't want that for my kids.  I want them to learn how to be healthy people free of addictions!

Ok, so on to the list I saw...
just to cover my bases, and give credit where credit is due (she put this list together) - I got it from ~~@ Lola @~~ blog, here's a link: http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/291652/uzone,blog/action,comments/blog_id,23193/blog_post_id,115995/
that's where I found the link above too.  

RNY - I got the surgery so I'd dump and the fear of that would keep me away from sugar.
DS - I got the surgery so that I wouldn't dump.
*Ok...yes, honestly I want the fear of dumping to keep me from the things that I shouldn't eat and the things that will be a bad example for my kids.

RNY - I needed the restriction to correct my relationship with food.
DS - I didn't want the restriction because I want to enjoy my relationship with food.
*I do need help correcting my destructive relationship with food.  I am a food addict.  Admitting so is the first step to overcoming any addiction.  If you can take away the drug from the druggie, they have a better chance and recovery - this is something I need.  I NEED HELP!  I don't want to be tied to food for the rest of my life.  It has taken over so much of me. I want to be free.  I know that won't happen automatically.  In fact, it will take a lot of hard work. It will take counselling and it will take prayer. But the tool to help me is the RNY.

RNY - I wanted/needed to change my eating habits.
DS - I've dieted my whole life -- I want to quit dieting.
*This goes along with the other stuff for me - I NEED to change my eating habits - my kids depend on it. I, and my husband, are their primary role models.

RNY - I'm sick of dieting and failing.
DS - I'm sick of dieting and failing.
*Something we can all agree on! *whew*

RNY - I want a tool that I can work.
DS - I want a surgery that does the work.
*Ok, sure I'd like it to be super simple...I'll admit, I don't want to work, I want the surgery to do it all for me...really...but I know that I will have to work the RNY - and I'm ok with that.

RNY - I didn't want to be able to cheat the surgery.
DS - I want to be able to 'cheat' from time to time.
*This one's tough - because there's the addict part of me that wants to cheat, but there's the part of me that wants to be healthy.  And you know what? I'm gonna let the healthy side win this time.  There are lots of things that taste good that RNYers can have occasionally - ok, so maybe I can't eat a bowl of ice cream, but I can have a sugar free fudgesicle or popsicle.  I will say goodbye to my Tillamook Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream - and I am ok with that.  Because it's part of MY addiction.

RNY - I want to be healthy.
DS - I want to be healthy.
*Yay...more agreeing!  I also want to show my kids how to be healthy - eating candy bars every day is NOT a good way of doing that!

RNY - I didn't want someone cutting off my stomach.
DS - I don't want a blind stomach.
*Hmmm...well both procedures require cutting the stomach...so I'm not sure I really have much of an opinion on this one.

RNY - I don't want to have to eat massive amounts of food.
DS - I want to be able to eat what I want.
*Ok, admittedly, I would love to eat what I want - but I think that's the addiction talking. I want to learn to eat to live, not live to eat. 

RNY - I needed to change my habits.
DS - I've been trying to change my habits my whole life!
*I have been trying to change my habits my whole life...now I have found a tool to help me - RNY!

RNY - I never want to eat sugar or fat again!
DS - I don't want sugar and fat to be 'off-limits'.
*Sugar is a big addiction of mine...so NO I never want to eat it again.  Fat...well we all have to have SOME fat in our diets. I don't believe RNY says I can't have fat - in fact as I've been reading and learning - fat is essential to bodily functions.  So I will still have fats - just less of them, and ones that are healthier.

RNY -- I want the convenience of a close by surgeon.
DS -- I want the convenience of a one-time surgery.
*Ok...well I like to think I won't need a revision done in the future - that it is a one time surgery...but who knows...and I'm ok with that.

RNY - My insurance would only pay for the RNY.
DS - I fought my insurance long and hard for what I wanted.
*Well, RNY is certainly easier to get through my insurance, though if I wanted the DS bad enough, I'm sure I'd be willing to do the long hard fight. 

RNY - I need to not eat fat because of my high cholesterol.
DS - I need to not absorb fat because of my high cholesterol.
*Ok, this doesn't apply - I don't have high cholesterol. ^_^

RNY - I didn't want to risk that much malabsorption.
DS - Based on my own diet history, I knew that I needed the added malabsorption to keep off the weight.
*I don't know...a little more malabsorption might not be bad...but then I don't want TOO much either...and mine will be proximal RNY - no options for distal (which I may have chosen if I had the option). But I will work with what I can get!

RNY - I need help to lose weight.
DS - I'm great at losing weight, what I need is help to keep it off.
*I need help with both - losing is SO very difficult for me - as is keeping it off!


Until next time,
~Annie

Well...I got my surgery date!!  I'm so excited.  

29 days from now, I will be on the loser's bench!

My surgery date is: February 20th!  I will be having the laparoscopic RNY.

I am unsure if I'll continue my liquid diet all the way until surgery...but until I make a decision, I will stay on it LOL.  

I got to meet my surgeon today: Dr. Sebesta!  He's great!  I have every confidence in him.  He was very nice and very detailed about everything.  I am glad I got him for my surgeon!

Mini-goal 1: COMPLETE!!!

Just had to celebrate...I made it...I weighed this morning - my scale is kinda weird - though it is digital - so I weigh until I get three of the same...this morning it was 298.5.  Though there wasn't  a lot of variance...I got 301 once...all other five readings were UNDER 300!!  I got 298 once 299 once, and the rest 298.5!!!!  SO...I am under 300 FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo-hoo!!!

So...I went on a liquid diet to lose the weight I gained over the holidays...I have an appointment to set my surgery date on Tuesday, and I didn't want them to see I had gained 8 pounds and say, maybe it's not the right time for surgery.

So yes, during the holidays, I had multiple "last suppers" knowing they would be my last holidays to indulge in everything I want to.  And yes, I did go overboard, and yes, I did know it.  

So...today...I am about one pound away from where I want to be when I go in on Tuesday - lost almost eight pounds since Monday! YAY!

All this time, I have been thinking about the restaurants I want to go to before surgery...places like Olive Garden, Melting Pot, even McDonalds (I am a sucker for their fries).  And today, sitting here, I realized...I don't REALLY want that stuff. I want the taste...I like how it tastes.  But usually after eating crap like that I feel horrible - guilty for eating it.  And after I've worked so hard the last week to drop those 8 pounds...how much more guilty will I feel?  

At this point I don't know when I will have my surgery, but I do know that whenever it is, I want to be down to 290 before I have it.  So...is it really worth eating all that crap that I think I want - just because I won't be able to eat it later?  No.  I have come to realize that it is NOT worth it.  

SO I am going to continue to eat low fat, high protein foods - up until two weeks before my surgery, and then I will do the liquid diet (even though it's not required by my surgeon - I want to make sure that my liver is small enough!).  

I have already had my last suppers...I don't need anymore.  No matter how tempting they may be.  

Alright, so I was thinking about goals.  My overall goal is to get down to at least 150.  That's quite a jump from my current 302....so I decided to break it down into MINI GOALS...that way I can be happy as I meet each one.

Goal 1: To reach Twoterville (under 300lbs) COMPLETED Jan 21st, 2008!!!

Goal 2: Reach 289 before surgery.  (I'd really like to get to 279 - so maybe that's my goal, but I'll be happy at 289).

Goal 3: BMI Under 40, which is 260 lbs (the weight at which I would not qualify for surgery).

Goal 4: Under 250 lbs

Goal 5: BMI Under 35, which is 229 lbs (the weight at which I would not qualify for surgery with co-morbs)

Goal 6: Make it to Onederland!  (under 200 lbs) - I want to be here before my family reunion Labor Day Weekend 2008!!!

Goal 7: No longer "obese" BMI, just "overweight" of less than 30 BMI: 196 pounds.

Goal 8: Under 180 - this was my all time low weight of my adult life (which lasted a few months cuz then I got preggo).  And at that point, I will wear non-plus size clothes!! 

Goal 9: Normal weight BMI less than 24.9 = 164 pounds.

Goal 10: 150 pounds. 

From the 150 pound mark, I will decide if I still feel the need to lose more.  My surgeon said that my ideal weight is 130..which I would like to strive to acheive, but we'll see.  Who knows how I'll look.  At 180 lbs, I had people tell me I shouldn't lose anymore weight - but I knew I had at LEAST 30 more to lose at that point.

I also have other goals I want to meet, but I am not sure where they fall - like fitting comfortably in an airplane seat with their seatbelt, no extender.  Like Riding a rollercoaster at Knott's berry farm - or any other amusement park.  But I'll post those separately...I need to think on that list more.  It will be more random...

Until next time,
~Annie

Not that there's much to update LOL.  I'm still on my liquid diet...though I cheated yesterday and ate a string cheese (6 g or protein) so I guess it was a good thing to cheat on.

But I really can't rely on my scale - and it's frustrating...I weighed myself tonight and it said "307" then "303" then "302" UGH!  then it went back up to "304".  I'll take the 302 thank you very much.

Anyway, I've been kind of depressed the last few days...feeling isolated and alone.  But I think it's getting a little better..I've met some fantastic ladies here on this website, and they've been great encouragement!  I really appreciate them! 

Our Washington area is planning a get together...very excited about that.  It'll be fun to get to hang out with some of these ladies.  

Anyway, my boys are STILL Not asleep...it's 9:30pm, and I put them in bed before 8!  It's so frustrating they won't go to sleep!  *sigh*

I decided we're going to get a month or so of Netflix when I have surgery.  I figure I'll be spending a lot of time in bed...and it's nice to watch something fun...we don't have cable anymore, so can't just turn on the TV.

Anyway, enough rambling for now!