Cleopatra_Nik

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Are you a “before” or an “after”?

 

Forget the scale, forget that “number,” forget the clothing size, the measurements, forget even your co-morbids.  In your head and your heart…are you a before or are you an after?

 

Don’t know how to tell.  This may help.

In my observation “before’s” (of which I may still be included to a certain extent) tend to define themselves by the same criteria that they defined themselves as fat people.  Do you beat yourself up over one French fry (raises hand), do you freak when your food diary shows an appropriate amount of calories for a day (hand raises a bit higher), does every decision you make start with “will this make me gain my weight back?”  (ok this is as high as my hand will go…)

 

This is the behavior of a “before.”

 

So how does an “after” behave?  Again, from my observation, “after’s” behave much differently.  First off, they know that the number on the scale is a tool to use, not the defining factor by which they should live their lives.  If the scale moves up and down marginally, they tend not to freak out but they do take note.  If it goes up a little more they adjust.  After’s also know about moderation.  Food is put on the earth for us to enjoy and they tend not to feel so guilty about enjoying it.  Granted they enjoy it differently than they did before surgery, but they enjoy it nonetheless.  But the most important thing I’ve observed about after’s is this:  they are not thinking about the “what if’s” (what if I eat this?  Will I gain the weight back?  What if I don’t exercise today, will I get fat again?), they are out there LIVING THEIR LIVES.  They have interests, they have passions, they are people not simply pouches.

So I ask you again.  Are you a before or are you an after?

 

If you are a before, I challenge you to work on becoming an after.  After all, this is the rest of our lives we are talking about.  There will come a day when we are so far out from surgery that we don’t even identify ourselves as post-ops anymore.  What does life look like for you at that point?  What things do you think will be/should be second nature by then? 

 

If you are an after, I encourage you to keep sharing what you know and how you think and act with us before’s.  You really don’t realize how much your presence here at OH and in life helps those of us who aren’t so far away from that fateful day when we thrust ourselves into this new way of life.

 

Have a great week.

Animum rege, qui nisi paret imparat

 

“Rule thy passion, four unless it obeys, it rules you”

-Horace, Ancient Greek poet

 

 

Very few things these days make me take pause, stop, and reflect.  Sure I see and here many things that are worth thinking about but I tend to store those away for planned reflective time—a hot bath, during yoga, or something of the like.  Last week I read this passage and it actually made me stop what I was doing and think about it.

 

And, of course, it made me contemplate how I could share this powerful passage with all of you.

 

I think it’s very relevant to all of us.  One of the members of the RNY board often tells me that she used to be addicted to eating.  Now she’s addicted to food.  In a way, that connects to the above wisdom.  The addiction to eating lead to weight gain, health problems and, ultimately, weight loss surgery.  The addiction to food has ushered in a season of change, better health, more awareness of nutrition, and a plan that person feels they can live with on a day to day basis.  There is no less passion.  This person simply rules their passion instead of their passion ruling them.

 

Don’t take this all the wrong way.  Passions are not all unhealthy.  Having passion in your life can be a wonderful thing.  Having something that you feel strongly about, that motivates you and fulfills you, it brings a whole new dimension to your life.  But too much of anything is still too much.  Learning balance is always key.  Having a passion is a part of a complete and healthy life.  We should spend time tending the other parts as well.

 

So this week I challenge you to first identify your passions.  I am accepting that one of mine is movement of the body.  I love exercise and physical activity.  It makes me feel strong and powerful, centered and connected, progressing and better.  But in feeling passionate about it I also have to remember that nutrition is important.  Rest is important.  Relaxation is important.  So this week I seek to rule my passion by balancing out the time I spend on fitness with time spent doing other things that are good for me and my family.

 

Second, I challenge you to contemplate what role your passion plays in your life?  If, all of a sudden, you could not do what you are passionate about for a time, what would be left of you?  Would you be lost?  Out of sorts?  Or would there be other things in your life that could fulfill you until you could pursue your passion again?

 

Lastly, depending on the answers to those questions, find ways to rule your passion.  Make it work to create a better you. 

 

No matter what stage of the game we’re in, every day is a new opportunity for change in our lives, of discovery and a renewed sense of commitment to ourselves, family and communities. 

 

Now go to it!

 

Have a great week.

As each day passes and I get further out from the date of my surgery, my mind turns more and more to longevity.  Ok, I had this operation.  Ok, I am losing weight.  But what about the rest of my life?  I’m 32 so I got a ways to go (God willing) on this earth.

 

So all this leads me to contemplate well-being and quality of life. 

 

When someone asks a person in Europe how they are feeling, it is not uncommon for them to say something that can be translated as “so-so.”  In the U.S. the next natural question would be “what’s wrong?” because, to us, so-so means something is wrong.  But what they mean by so-so is that they are not overly happy, not overly sad.  And, really, what’s wrong with that?

 

Think about it.  When you’re overly happy, your focus tends to be on the macro.  The big picture.  Yes!  I did it!  Life is great!  I’m going to achieve all my hopes and dreams and be happy forever and ever.  We tend, in these manic moments of euphoria, to forget the little challenges, struggles, and successes that are the inevitable part of anyone’s life path.  And when we hit one such challenge, we tend to discredit the macro—in short, if stuff hits the fan, as it often does, life is not so great and wonderful, you’re not going to achieve your hopes and dreams, and it’s dubious whether you’ll be happy forever and ever.

 

Conversely, when we are in a state of sadness or depression, we tend to focus on the micro.  Every little thing compounds into a heap of negativity that we perceive as being aimed directly toward us.  Every challenge is an additional burden and you can feel it as you struggle to trudge along life’s path.  In these moments, we tend to forget the macro.  We tend to forget how far we’ve come from places we’ve been before.  We fail to see our troubles in the context of our overall lives.  In short, we fail to see that sh*t happens sometimes and that it’s not the end of the world, our plans, or our dreams.

 

To be so-so is to be cognizant of both the macro and the micro.  It is to celebrate milestones while knowing there is still work to do.  It is to take each day as it comes while planning for the future.  It is to let go of who you were yesterday, embrace who you are today, and be hopeful about who you’ll be tomorrow.

 

This week I challenge you to look at your life in “so-so” terms.  To be corny, carpe diem!  Seize the day.  But don’t lose sight of the “prize” (whatever that may be for you).  Think of the person you are now—your newfound strengths and weaknesses, the things that have endured change—and consider what that can teach you about the person you are trying to become.  Most of all, however, start to think about the person you are trying to become.  You are more than your stomach, more than your operation, more than this weight loss.  Who do you want to be?  How can who you are today get you to that point?

 

Have a great week.

Dr. King says it much better than I could ever hope to, so for today I will leave it to him.

My only comment is that we are living in an historic moment in time.  Embrace the freedoms we enjoy which were not enjoyed by our grandparents.  Fight for the freedoms we want for our grandchildren.

Have a great week!

"I Have a Dream"
by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Delivered on the Washington Mall, August 28, 1963

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Made the quesadilla today.  First off...yuuuuuum...

BUT there were lessons to be learned from the process I outlined.  So here they are in a handy-dandy numbered list:

1.  The stats weren't bad:  208 calories, 10g fat, 16g carbs, 2g sugars, 8g fiber, 21g protein BUT it had a whopping 1,335mg of sodium!!!  Next time I need to find low sodium lunch meat.  Or I could use left-over beef from dinner or something.

2.  The quesadilla will melt closed wrapped in the foil, however, it will NOT become crisp.  To do that you need to unwrap it and stick it back in the broiler for thirty seconds on each side.  This produced the effect I wanted.  The tortilla got crisp and bubbled a bit and it was all just too delicious looking!

Making the au jus was way easier than I anticipated.  I used a can of beef broth, some garlic, a pinch of salt and some coursely ground black pepper.  I simmered and served!  This made me feel like I was eating something really bad but it was really, really good (nutritionally and taste wise).  So if you're hankering for a french dip sandwich, make this substitution instead.

OR if you like Philly cheese steaks, add green pepper (I didn't use green peppers this time) and maybe some hots directly in the quesadilla and do greek yogurt w/ some onion soup mixed in as a dip.  I've had that before and it is seriously gooooood.  

So I've been posting some of my favorite recipes on the boards.  Some of them, like my taco casserole (which technically I didn't invent but I did tweak and advertise) are quite popular.  Some, which shall remain nameless, I accept that only I probably like since I haven't gotten particularly good feedback.

Many newbie's wonder how to get creative with food.  For me, it starts with a want and the fun and challenging part is figuring out how to get what I want while on plan.  To that effect, I'm going to post a preview of something I'm going to try this weekend.  

I've been missing French dip sandwiches.  Have you ever had one?  They are DREAMY.  Hard crusty bread...roast beef...melty cheese and onions and then you dip it in this really flavorful broth called au jus.  YUUUUUUUUMMMM...ok...what were we talking about again?  Oh yeah, modification...right...

So here is how I'm going to ATTEMPT to make this work for me:

French dip quesadilla

Why a quesadilla?  Well a couple of reasons.  First because you can get tortillas in small sizes that are WLS, are whole wheat and low carb.  French bread generally is not low-carb. 

So here's how we're gonna do this:

Ingredients:

1 soft taco sized La Tortilla Factory whole wheat, low-carb tortilla - if you're gonna do a carb, this is the way to do it
2 oz. of Hillshire Farm Deli Select Roast Beef
1 slice of deli cut Provolone cheese - this is the splurge.  Cheese is evil.  But good
Some slices of onion, sauteed
Optional:  sauteed green pepper and mushrooms (might...might not)

Now with a quesadilla my main beef is that you have to fry it.  Mind you I use EVOO and all that jazz but I'm trying to live better.  So I'm going to attempt something crazy...a BAKED quesadilla.  WOOOOOO...

So I will take a piece of aluminum foil and spray it with nonstick.  Place the tortilla on it and load it up with the ingredients on one side.  THIS IS IMPORTANT: you need to cut the cheese in half.  Do a layer of cheese, a layer of meat/veggies, and a layer of cheese.  The cheese is the glue that holds the damn thing together!!!  It is also important that this thing is seasoned well.  I plan to season the onions/veggies well b/c Lord knows the roast beef has enough sodium without me adding anymore. 

So once I got it all loaded up I'm gonna fold it as if it were already a quesadilla and I'm going fold the foil over it.  I'm going to secure it with a toothpick.  Then I'm going to put it in the broiler for about 3-5 minutes. 

What I'm HOPING will happen is that the cooking spray will cause the tortilla to become crispy inside the foil while still providing that wonderful nonstick property.  Meanwhile the cheese will melt, the beef will warm and hopefully what I'll get is a gooey disc of cheesy beefyness.

While all this is happening I'll be busting my ass to bring a can of au jus (they sell a mix in the store) to a boil...on second thought perhaps I should make the au jus before doing the quesadilla and then warm while it's cooking.  This is a learning process.

Once it's out I'll transfer it to a cutting board and cut it into wedges.  Pour the au jus in a little bowl and eat immediately.  French dip sandwiches hinge on getting a crispy, melty, beefy sandwich together with warm broth, so I won't let it sit.  I'm going to eat it right then and there and I'm gonna love it.

Hopefully.  If it turns out right.  

I'll let you know how it goes. :-) 

Nik 

I woke up this morning with this amazing feeling of optimism.  I had lots of energy, which was surprising since I didn’t go to bed until 1 in the morning.  As I prepared my lunch I was humming, as I got dressed I swayed my hips playfully, and there was a bounce in my step as I took the walk from my parking lot to my office building. 

 

In this moment of euphoria I began to think about my plans for the year, which could be considered quite ambitious.  I plan to start grad school in the fall.  I’m renovating my basement.  I’m going to attempt to pay for another year of private school for my daughters out of my salary and my modest child support check.  But in this moment of good vibes I felt empowered to think, “you know what?  I can achieve anything if I want it bad enough.”

 

WRONG!  (That is totally not where you saw that going is it?)

 

I want to make a million dollars this year.  Chances are I won’t break $50,000.  In addition to wanting to achieve a goal you have to have the will to achieve it.  You have to be committed to your goal and you have to work at it everyday.  But most of all you have to be willing to make the sacrifices that it takes to get from where you are to where you want to be.  No progress comes without sacrifice.  So my proclamation was, in fact, wrong.  I should have said, “I can achieve anything I have the will and desire to do.”

 

Making this distinction is important for a couple of reasons.  First, because no path is paved as a straight shot in alabaster.  That means it’s bumpy…and curvy…and there are detours…and car crashes…and lots of rubber necking.  Many times when we believe that we should be able to achieve something simply because we have the desire to achieve it we develop a sense of entitlement about it.  And then when the challenges inevitably come we feel jaded, as if the world has done us wrong because it dared to still function while we were trying to conquer the world.

 

Second, focusing on your will to achieve a goal weeds out those things that are idealistic, or overly ambitious, or just plain not probable.  Anything is possible, that is true but many things are not probable.  I am probably never going to be a brain surgeon for example.  It’s possible…but probably is not going to happen.  We can also gauge the priority of our goals by measuring our will to achieve them.  If you set a goal and you find yourself not working toward it, is it something you really want that much?  We put our energy into what we want, so what does your energy allotment say about you?

 

This week I empower you to find those things that you have the will to achieve and begin working on them.  Last week I droned on about resolutions.  I have a weekly resolution this week which is to fill out the darn grad school application and at least e-mail some of my old professors for letters of recommendation.  I have the will to go the distance with my education and therefore I am eager to get to work on it.  What will you do?

 

Have a great week.

2009!!!  WOOOOOO!!!  So much excitement to look forward to.  Seeing the first African-American citizen sworn in as President.  My first Valentine's Day in forever where I have a boyfriend.  My first springtime/summertime as a non-obese person.  Life is absolutely wonderful and in 2009 I am going to live it like it's golden!

My New Year's Wish for all of you is to do the same.  Live, love, laugh, enjoy the changes and the challenges and always, always, always bring your A game.

See you all next year!

So what's your New Year's Resolution?

If you let out a chuckle when I asked that, you're at about the same place I am--knowing that New Year's Resolutions don't work!!!  So let's talk about what does work...

For some people long-term planning is really effective.  They make a big goal and then work fervently towards it.  I admire people who can keep the big picture in the forefront of their minds.  For me, when faced with some big, seemingly far-off goal, the here and now temptations seem so comforting.  I am not good at being confident that I will eventually cross the finish line.

I fall into the other main category of people:  those who make resolutions every day.  Every day I wake up and I resolve to do the things that are required of me--be it the things required by my decision to have RNY or my decision to be a single mother or the things required of my from my decision to be a professional writer.  To me, it's easier to resolve not to do something today.  Because today, for me, is manageable. 

I'm not saying either way is better than the other, but what I am saying is that most people fall into one of those two categories (or some variation) and it IS important for you to know which suits you best.  If you're a long-term person, the upkeep of daily goals might be nerve wracking for you.  If you are a day-by-day person, the enormity of a long-term goal may overwhelm you into failure.  Take heart--both ways are ok and both ways work, but only if you work them!!!

So this week I challenge you to figure out what kind of motivation suits you best and start to incorporate that into your life.  To give you a head start, I'll tell you that today I resolve to:

1.  Drink at least 64 oz. of water
2.  Eat at least 70g of protein
3.  Do at least 40 minutes of cardio
4.  Spend at least 30 minutes playing Wii with my children
5.  Clean my bedroom

I have not reached the end of any of these daily goals yet, but they are well on their way.  I hope you find resolution in each and every thing you do.  Don't wait until Thursday, get started now!

Have a great week.

The Best of my family anecdotes

"If nothing changes, nothing changes."

When I was a kid that saying, this one from my mom, used to get on my nerves so bad.  I'd mock her, mouthing the words as she would say them.  As an adult I find this saying comforting and scary at the same time.  In the last few months I've become keenly aware of my food addiction.  Whereas I could hide it behind many other things before, now it is staring me in the eyes and I don't like it.  I don't like that life is a collection of choices.  I don't like that the responsibility is always, constantly on me to make the choices that are healthy.  I am angry that I can't just "wing it" sometimes.  That never works and I know it.  So I have to do something that is very different for me.  I have to plan, I have to recognize my weaknesses, I have to ask for help.  Because if nothing changes, nothing changes.

"Excuses are tools of incompetence.  They build monuments of nothingness and those who specialize in them seldom accomplish anything."

My mom used to say this one too.  I think it came from the rooms of her AA meetings.  This saying is one of my favorites because it calls bullshit on all the lies we tell ourselves to justify bad behavior.  I was talking last night to a lady thinking about having weight loss surgery.  She was telling me all the things I used to tell other people before my surgery.  I don't have a problem with food.  I just eat a little too much.  There's something wrong with my thyroid.  If I could just take more walks I'd probably be fine.  I'm the healthiest fat person I know.  All excuses, all built to cushion the harsh reality of what we have let ourselves become.  I've learned to at least recognize when I'm making excuses (that's progress, right?).  I try to call myself on the excuses I make and to make a different decision (because if nothing changes, nothing changes).  Some days it's easier than others.

"I want to smell my roses BEFORE my funeral."

My grandmother used to say this and I never knew what the heck it meant.  She and my grandfather had one of those kind of deep loves that is so rare and beautiful.  My granddad never married again after my grandmother succumbed to breast cancer in 1984.  My mom carries this saying around with her and uses it very, very often.  Usually it is the impetus for buying me a gift (smile).  What I take it to mean is that so often we don't enjoy one another on a day to day basis.  I get so caught up in being the "single mom" and working and building my career that I forget to enjoy my children.  I am so concerned with getting to some magic number on a scale that will make me like myself that I forget to enjoy the process of this journey.  One of my many New Year's Resolutions is to start smelling my roses, enjoying what's good about my life now instead of waiting until I get to some milestone point. 

So there you have it.  That's the best of what I got in familial anecdotes.  I lay them out there to challenge myself to draw inspiration from other sources.  These continue to inspire and strengthen me everyday but...(once again...everybody this time) if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Have a great week.