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Being positive even when negative things happen is a job.  I am not unlike the masses & have experienced more than my fair share of heartache & disappointments~perhaps a little more than most but still less than some.  Our scales of hardships in life have all been too much for us to hold at one time or another.  I could go into my darkest times in this blog, about how something terrible happened to me when I was younger, about being in bad relationships, about fighting my horrible ex-husband for custody of my precious angel daughter not once but twice...dealing with some of his new wives, losing a house, losing a job, being fat - I will talk about that...but the other dark dark times that broke my heart, spirit, & almost killed my parents - yes stress caused by things people put you through does affect your health; and my Dad nearly died...I will not talk about those times. 

I'm not perfect I still have my moments of impatience & anger & unforgiveness.  I've learned that if you choose to not forgive someone for something that they did or said to you that it only hardens your heart so it's best to let it go, live & let live.  The rule of what goes around comes around or sweet karma will & does always catch up to those who do you wrong anyway. 

I guess I'm blogging about staying positive because I know that I, we, you...if this is read by anyone, is going to, has, will face difficult days on our weight loss journey.  There is great power in positive thinking, God rules my life & gives me peace in situations sometimes where there is none & I make no apologies for that; I've turned my back on God in my youth but He waited patiently for me to return & I owe Him all the praises of my life.

Losing weight is hard, surgery or not; if you finally have surgery like me thankfully after waiting to get insurance approval for two years, if you have surgery you still have to change your old ways of thinking & your old habits & just basically the life you led before weight-loss was just plain wrong & not healthy so you're, I'm gonna have to learn a new way to think about things, food, situations; so I gotta be positive.  I get on my husbands nerves always trying to see the positive in things so I'm sure I'll get on folks nerves on here as well but it's just my nature.  I wasn't born this way; I didn't always think this way, I even gave in to thinking "well I've always been fat guess I'm always gonna be fat." No & I have to quit thinking of the dark times in my life because I am finally starting to see a faint glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

First I gotta say thank you Katy Perry for putting a little pep in my step as I climbed onto a treadmill for the first time in years again today...I usually prefer to listen to silence in my car but my teenager always has other plans; meaning I'm hip to some of the current Pop music & artists because I have no choice.  My alone/prayer/meditation time is spent listening to Enya or wind chime sounds, but if you want to get into an exercise frame of mind that Katy is cool; I noticed I got to going a little faster when eye of the tiger & dark horse came on; think I'm gonna have to invest in her cd, wonder if my daughter will steal it from me...hmmm,

Mind you folks I don't think I've been on a treadmill since the Black Eyed Peas first came out & even then I was thinking like Will Ferrell in Blades of Glory "throw me some chicken."

In all seriousness I did 40 slow extremely sweaty mins. on the treadmill today & I feel great, since my surgery just 8 short days ago I feel better than I've felt in years, YEARS people.  Thank God for this surgery.  I'm the girl that always made excuses about not exercising before such as "I'll wait to join a gym after I lose a little bit of weight first so it won't be so obvious how bad of shape I'm in," I only got fatter.  "I don't want to walk around the circle driveway in my yard cause some kids driving by might make fun of me," I got fatter...Going by my Docs book no gym/hard core working out til 6 weeks out but after surgery he wants us to walk an hour a day, gotta put in 20 more mins. later on my circle driveway, & gotta buy a Katy cd.

Note to self:

A lot of you already make/made this simple cream of chicken soup, low-fat/fat free sour cream with boiled chicken recipe.  I always loved it for my family because it's so easy- minus boiling & hand shredding all the chicken breast like I did way back in the dark ages before I owned a food-processor.  Why did I not think to buy a food processor when my daughter was eating baby food?  I dunno but Mamma could've saved some wads of cash back then.

Anyway, my husband & daughter are skinny okay!  My husband is very tall & after having thyroid surgery as a teenager lost about almost 100 pounds, & my daughter can just eat whatever & not gain weight too...I'm jealous of em but I still have to feed em.  Their chicken casseroles get topped with ritz crackers & squeeze butter - but those days are over for me.  Here is a link to the recipe which is so simple, the only thing I do different is use squeeze butter for my family because it seems to make the topping more crunchy & stick together better

https://sites.google.com/site/thelandrumwiferecipes/home/chicken-casserole?tmpl=%2Fsystem%2Fapp%2Ftemplates%2Fprint%2F&showPrintDialog=1

OKAY the pureed part: I know I know why & am blogging about skinny people & squeeze butter cause I'm fat?  On my diet I'm allowed creamed soups & finely shredded canned chicken; MEH not too tempting...so for myself I pureed the chicken in my new food processor, stirred in the cream of chicken soup & low-fat sour cream and made a separate small bake dish full of that just for me with my skinny people getting the ritzy/buttery one all to themselves.  My 6 baby spoon fulls of it tonight was AMAZING.  Leftovers tomorrow & the next day & the next day...cause a few bites & I'm done.

If you're unable to open the above link: 

Chicken Casserole

Ingredients

• 1 chicken's worth shredded meat (I used a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store) - I use bagged boneless chicken breasts & boil them for 20mins.
• 2 cans cream of chicken soup (we actually ended up using three)
• Approx. 3/4 container of sour cream (you could use a whole container instead and just not use 3 cans of cream of chicken soup) - LOW FAT or FAT FREE
• Approx. 1 1/2 sticks of butter - I use Parkay squeeze butter
• 1 package Ritz crackers, crushed (Note: by package I do NOT mean a whole box!)
• Copious handfuls of shredded cheddar cheese (not pictured) - I don't do this

Directions

Mix together the chicken, soup, sour cream, and cheese in a bowl.  Pour the mixture into a baking pan and spread evenly.  Add crushed Ritz crackers all over the top of the mixture.

Melt butter completely; spoon over the top of the cracker crumbs.  Bake in a 350° oven for about 35 minutes, or until casserole is heated through and the cracker topping is nice and crispy.

Serve and hope your family/guests/loved ones don't devour it in one sitting =) 

  Recipe link:  http://www.thelandrumwife.com/2011/09/chicken-casserole.html

I was so happy to get out of the house for the first time today after my surgery last week & I was so anxious/excited to see what my Doc's scales said because I have waited to weigh until today at his office...I started eating healthy on 3/1 started out at a whopping 282 pounds and surgery was on 3/13 TODAY MY WEIGHT IS 259! WOO-HOO  down 23 pounds.  I know I have a long way to go, I know I'll hit stalls & brick walls but I haven't been able to ever lose 23 pounds without starvation in the past & it would have taken me 2 or 3 months to see any progress like this.

My folks took me to my appt. because my Mom wanted to meet Dr. Mathews as the day of my surgery he only spoke to my husband after he was finished...my Mom had walked off somewhere with my daughter.  Then we went to Wal-Mart where I bought a scale; which I refuse to step on again until this time next week!!! A new blender-as mine died & a food processor.  In the past for diet/weight loss celebrations I would buy myself a cookie or snack cake-makes no sense but I figured my starvation deserved some kind of reward, albeit that wasn't the right kind cause I kept getting fat, but today my reward was getting myself some tools to help me stay on track.

Thank you JESUS, Thank you Dr. Mathews for hearing my prayers.  I Just started my journey I know but I already feel amazing & walked all over the store today without my feet or ankles hurting or getting out of breath or sweating like a horse.  I am also able to wear NORMAL shoes again and wore a cute pair of flats that haven't been on my feet in over 3 years to my appt. today but then switched to tennis shoes for my shopping & walking.  Am i going to miss Dr. Pepper, Birthday cake, pizza & Mcdoubles from McDonalds? I might but I'm not EVER touching any of that stuff AGAIN because the rewards are far greater than the short term taste could ever be.

23 pounds lost so far! 23rd Psalm

Raised as a Southern gal my Mamma taught me to always say thank you, I feel it very necessary to say thank you to those that have changed my life & body recently; my first PO after VSG is tomorrow & here is what I wrote in a couple of notes that I will be giving the Insurance Coordinator & My Doc.  Folks I know these people get paid but they have changed my life & deserve more praise than I'll ever be able to give.

To the Insurance lady Nancy I wrote; God places special people in our lives to help us out along the way.  You are an ANGEL in my life! Thank you for all the hard work that you put in to helping me finally get my surgery insurance approved.  For the longest time I felt as if my life was on hold & now I feel that I've been given a second chance.  Words can not express my thanks to you, Dr. Mathews & the entire staff.  God bless you for all that you do to help people get another chance at life.  Love, Stephanie

& to Dr. Mathews I wrote; I can't say thank you enough for giving me a new lease on life. You are a wonderful man that God has given great knowledge to so that you can help many people.  You don't know how much it meant to me that you took a moment to pray with me before surgery, it really meant A LOT! Thank you for helping me because for the longest time I've let my weight keep me from living the life that I want to live.  God bless you and I will be eternally grateful to you and your staff for helping me. Stephanie

Today is my POD #4 after having VSG on 3/13; I have a new relationship with food; well pureed foods thus far.  Before I think I did live to eat and not eat to live; Yep Benjamin Franklin said that-oddly enough as everything I remember learning about him included not only his great accomplishments but also his love of drink & food; a fellow struggler. 

Today is my second day of actually being able and allowed to eat pureed foods- Breakfast: 4 tiny spoon fulls of 4gram sugar/low sugar oatmeal, snack: Atkins Caramel Cafe protein shake maybe 8 ounces which took me about 4+ hours to drink, Dinner: 4 spoon fulls of mashed potatoes made with skim milk, & no-salt & a 1/2 slice of low fat mozzarella cheese.  Trust me as others say; your new stomach will let you know when it's time to stop so do not listen to the brain that says "this is good maybe just one more bite."

So many helpful OH posts & members have told me about this site: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2007/08/pureed-foods.html  -newbie or oldie & well trained folks alike need to check it out.  I saw my future Birthday sugar free cake on there earlier that I'm planning to make when that time rolls around.

I was only able to take pain meds once as the liquid made me ralph & have thankfully been feeling fine, starting to get cabin fever & just basically want to go walk around inside a Wal-Mart somewhere.  My husband & daughter have gone to visit my in-laws as they had cabin fever too, I chose to stay here and slowly savor my few bites of mashed potatoes in silence.  Something funny I said today with an explanation first...I am 5'8 1/2 gotta count that 1/2 inch & was always a big boned gal, when skinny through starvation times my collar bone/clavical bones always stuck out, today my husband came up to me and tapped me on my chest asking "What's that?" to which I laughed & replied "it's bone honey that's been hidden under all that fatty fat" - we both got a laugh out of that.  This might not be amusing to you but I'm just thankful to have some bone showing and glad I was able to laugh at myself.

I have not weighed yet as I am not going to be a slave to the scales + we don't have any decent ones here & I want to wait for my Doc visit on Wednesday to see what my progress is thus far.  Maybe after my Dr. visit I'll feel like rambling around in Wal-Mart & buying a nice digital scale but I plan to only do weight checks twice a week, that's my plan anyway...we shall see if I can stick to that.  Already got my 6weeks from now gym lined up too. 

I have blogged once before about my nightly candles/prayers/meditation rituals that I follow.  I have a healing companion that enjoys these quiet peaceful times just as much as I do.  I try & share these moments with my daughter & though she calls me her Sensei she gets bored or thinks my classical/peaceful music is boring.  Tonight's playlist is Enya- Love her Angelic voice! & here is my little companion Dixie, the only dog that I've ever owned that I watched being born.  Note her peaceful expression too, I think she's tapped into my Peace vibe.

Some of my prayer candles

My POD #3 If you are having WLS surgery & aren't given any medicine sip cups or baby spoons from your Doc you need to get some.  I remembered having this tiny little mug in my china cabinet that I've started using to drink my skim milk out of today.  The contrast of my before coffee mug to what I'm using now is just mind blowing to me.  Thankfully I haven't thrown up anymore which I attribute to God hearing my prayers last night!  I was able to eat a few spoon fulls of mashed potatoes for lunch & have been sipping on water off & on.  Plus I have had a mini mug full of skim milk.

Also I'm, well I had to become a tennis shoe girl because my ankles have stayed so swollen.  At around 230 pounds they just blew up.  I don't plan on wearing these sexy little shoes for a long time but just the miracle of being able to get the straps around my ankles is amazing to me.

Happy Sunday to all.  Today is POD #3 for me, still have a lot of gas/air bubble pains in my chest but it's working it's way out.  Did what my Doc told me to do yesterday & every hour on the hour drank 2 medicine cup sips-o-water to combat dehydration.  No pills/vitamins/food just water.  I was able to eat 1 crushed up red sugar free popsicle; but it took me all day- had to keep putting it back in the freezer.  I Haven't thrown up again, but a few times I did feel like I was going to again yesterday.

My family has been so sweet.  My daughter slept in the living room with me because I've been sleeping on our reclining love-seat.  My husband spent the whole day in the living room with me yesterday & went outside with me & our dogs when I did my baby walks on the sidewalk.  My Parents bought me all kinds of foods that I can have when I feel better; skim milk, apple-sauce, sugar free pops, baby food-yes I asked for some Hawaiian Delight Gerber baby food, it's a fruity dessert the consistency of apple-sauce I tried my daughters once long long ago when she was a baby.  My Mom also made me some mashed potatoes which I might try to get down a few bites of at lunch today.  My sweet Ma even cooked a meal for my family & is going to do so again today.

Today's miracle so far: though I still have a lot of pressure in my chest I was able to get down 4 baby spoon bites of baby food.  I prayed last night "Lord please help me to feel better so I don't get dehydrated and so I can eat a little food" Thank you Jesus, so far so good.  My nutritionist said wait 30 mins. before & 30 mins. after eating to drink anything but I'm playin it safe & waiting and hour & then dare I may try a tiny sip of skim milk. 

In reflection I am glad I was able to come home one day after surgery because I've been resting better here + I hate being all hooked up to machines, & I.V. lines, but folks if you're still throwing up just ask to stay in hospital.  I'd rather be home but I know if I hadn't contacted my Doc & been taking my 2 sips of water every hour on the hour that I'd be dehydrated.  Getting better is a different process for all of us.

Yea, here is what I was able to finally eat 4 baby spoons full of earlier

Am I complaining? NO because I know that I'll eventually feel better; and that I will always be thankful for having had the sleeve surgery.  Day two after surgery; tried to take my thyroid, HBP, & acid reflux pills-all are small pills, drank two medicine size cups-o-water to get them down.  Less than 5mins. later blech-threw up a bunch of yellow stuff.  Last night after blogging I had dry heaves after taking the liquid pain medicine that my Doc gave me.

I have been in contact with my Doctor; he said don't try to take any of your medicine or vitamins today & every hour sip two medicine cup sized sips of water so I won't get dehydrated.  Fine by me because there isn't a food or drink in the world that I'm wanting right now anyway.  still have gas pains in my chest but I knew that would happen from other surgeries that I've had in my lifetime; when I take my dogs outside I've been walking up & down the sidewalk 2 to 4 times; it's a short distance but it does help.  Can't wait til I feel better and I know that I will.  Rome wasn't built in a day; & I didn't expect my body to be used to losing 70% of my stomach in just a few days either.