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 Ok, all went better than I expected.  I actually lost one pound over goal for the month.   Since my insurance company doesn't require a 6 month mandatory medically supervised diet, I guess my next step is psych.  I have a large packet of paperwork already done.  My appointment isn't until 5/28.  I did however, call her office and told them to put me on their cancellation list.  Hopefully they will call me earlier than 5/28.   It will then be time to submit my paperwork to the insurance company.  Then I will get to play the waiting game.  

I found some of my childhood records, as recorded by my Mother when I was a "WEE WONDER"  

AGE 2     36" TALL AND 40 POUNDS     BMI 21.7
AGE 3     38" TALL AND 50 POUNDS     BMI 24.3
AGE 4     42" TALL AND 52 POUNDS     BMI 20.7
AGE 5     46" TALL AND 58 POUNDS     BMI 19.3
AGE 6     50" TALL AND 70 POUNDS     BMI 19.7

I know I have a school days book around here somewhere.  When I find it I will record the weights from it.  Some of it might be untrue though.  I have always been ashamed of my weight and I have always lied about it up until now.
As you can see, I was an obese child and have always been an obese adult.  Anyone believe this is a health condition?
 I sometimes don't understand why the insurance companies like to put you through so many paces. 

 I am nervous about my second appointment with the nutritionist.  I don't know if she will think I have dieted to her expectations.  I have lost a total of 16 pounds since April 1st.  I have learned alot though.  I am actually reading labels and all of that.  I even made sugar free jello twice.  I don't remember the last time I ate Jello.  I think it was about 20 years ago when I was in the hospital...  
I will update again after the 30th.  This will tell me that I didn't need to fear the dietician.

 Funny how it seems to be that last year I made the appointment that took place today with my Primary Care Physician.  NExt years physical isn't until June!  That is one busy lady.  
That is just another step that I had to check off my list.  Two things left to do now.  My psych exam is not until May 27th.
That is a long time off.  I can wait though.  Once that is done, it is pre-op blood work time.  I am amazed at how quickly I have managed to get all this pre surgical stuff done.  My insurance doesn't require a 6 month medically supervised diet.  I will be seeing the nutritionist again on 4/30.  So far I have lost 16 pounds since I started my 1200 calorie diet on April 1st.
I am happy with that.  I am amazed that I am not starving for food.  I am starting to learn how to cut calories and buy calorie low food.  I made some sugar free jello yesterday, with fresh cut strawberries mixed in.  A dollop of cool whip and there you have a very low calorie desert. Yum.
I am not overly stressed about anything right now.  My PCP is rooting for me and is writing me a letter of medical necessity.  She is so happy for me.  It feels good that my tight jeans are feeling looser.  

 Just a little blog to say that as for the upper endoscopy and the colonoscopy, the worst part was the prep.    MOVIPREP is the nastiest thing that I have ever passed over my tongue.  It is horrible.  To add insult to injury, I had to take the first part of the liquid after I got home for work.  Started at 6:30pm and by 9:00pm I think I was in the bathroom at least 6 times  before it all stopped.  Then get this, I had to set my alarm for 2:00 am to take the second liter of this drink.  Can you imagine waking up to an alarm to drink a liter of this stuff?   Then do the bathroom thing, and go back to bed?  Awful!  But anyhow, it is over. 


I have lost a total of 14 pounds since April 1st and my 1200 calorie diet.   Since the weather is getting warmer, my dog and I have been taking longer walks.  We are walking 3 miles per day, 4 days per week, plus all the small little 3 block walks we do during the week.  It is good for her and me.  She actually inspires me to get out and just do it.

 Isn't this a day of importance for all of us.  It is the day I stopped smoking 9 years ago.  It is the last day to file income taxes without an extension.  It is the day I have to prep for a upper and lower endoscopy.    I wasn't aware, but I have to pay an outpatient copay.  So,  another financial cost for me.  I guess compared to what the cost would be without insurance, I shouldn't complain.  Once this is completed, I will have my appt with my PCP on the 23rd, my Psych appt at the end of May.   Preop bloodwork and all done.  Then everything will be sent to the insurance company.  I am in high hopes that all my medical conditions will prompt a positive response for surgery.  I am just praying everything will be ok.  Many times I have turned my life over to my Higher Power, and once again I will do so.  That is where I feel safest.  
Just want to wish everyone a very Happy Easter, and a fruitful Spring.

I had a consult with the Gastroenterologist on Friday.  Very nice and very young.  I think I will be in capable hands though.  I will be going to the hospital for an upper and yes, lower endoscopy.  I turned 50 on Saturday   and the Doc noted that on my paperwork.  So he suggested it,  as we are all supposed to have the lower endoscopy done when we are 50.  So, why not get a baseline now.   Since I don't particularly care for being knocked out.     I will also be seeing my PCP in a few weeks.  After this month, all that will be left for pre-op stuff is the Psych, which isn't until the end of May!  I was hoping to be able to get everything done during the month of April, but it isn't going to turn out that way unless someone cancels with the psychologist.  Oh well, I guess July will be just as fine as June.  

I lost 3.6 pounds on my 1200 calorie diet.  I did cheat a little though, one day.  I found a cool website called Sparkpeople.com, that offers free food logging as well as having a lot of foods bought in warehouse type stores, IE Costo=Kirkland (their brand) which is cool because we buy a lot of food at costco.  A great way to log diets and also exercise.  The great thing is...it's free.  

My husband and I bought bicycles on my birthday.  I haven't ridden a bike in about 30 or more years.  But it's like they say, you never forget how to ride a bike.  I need a bigger seat though.  The one that is on it will probably suit me when I am about 24 months post op.  We rode them a little on Sunday.  My dog likes to run along with us.  She was really tired after her exercise.

So were we.  I want to become more athletic, as even though I was always overweight in school, I always was very active.  It has just been the past 5 or so years, that my weight has caused me great back aches.   I usually go for a massage once a month, which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn't.  Oh well, as I travel on in my journey, I will blog.  

I am having a busy week.  I met with the nutritionist on Monday.  She was actually a RD.  I hope my insurance covers her fee.  If not, today's visit was $165.00.  I learned a little at the appointment.  She took down a lot of information and when I left the office, I was told to follow a 1200 calorie diet.  Yikes..... I think I eat about 1200 calories a meal......
I started the diet on April 1st.  I figured April has always been a month of signifigance for me.  I was born in April, almost 50 years ago,  I quit smoking in April, 10 years ago.  I also lost 2 important people to me during April.  Ironically, they both passed away on April 6.  It was my Mother and her Mother, my Grandmother.  No, they died in different years, just the same day.  My mom died from Pancreatic CA.  Due to a very high fat diet.  My grandmother died of a stroke, which rendered her unable to eat and speak.  We decided not to feed her mechanically as she had quite bad dementia.   I can only hope they are looking down on me and providing me the guidance that they always have done.
The diet is going OK, only day 2 today, but taking in 2000 cc of water a day makes a huge difference.  I am giving this my best attempt.  I am not sure that the limit of exactly 1200 calories will/can be maintained, but I am doing my best to keep it around 1200 calories.  I am also mixing my full strength Starbucks coffee beans with decaffeinated Starbucks coffee beans.   Going from full strength to half strength, to quarter strength and then to decaf all together.  I have not drank any diet Pepsi for 2 day.  I drank a lot of that stuff too.  I am using flavored water and crystal light.  It is good, and I think this will be an easy one to give up. (soda)  I am also quitting chocolate, one of my many food addictions,,,,,this one is going to be hard.... I have a huge weakness for cadbury eggs this time of the year.  I ate 4 of them on the past weekend, before the RD appt.
I went shopping for healthy diet food.  Cost me a small fortune, but lets hope it helps.  
I have also decided to have a RNY GB and not a band.  I told the RD that my major downfall is ICE CREAM and CHOCOLATE.  She said that the band is not a good choice as the band patients eat ice cream and hence, blow the chances of good permanent weight loss.  SO the RNY it is.  This is what I think I really wanted to do anyways.  
Tomorrow, ultrasound of my Gallbladder and consult with Gastroenterology.  I need a upper endoscopy due to severe GERD.  I had one of these many years ago, and had some erosion on my esophagus.  Lets see how the past 15 years have been.  I think it was that long ago the last test was done.  Hopefully the Zantac saved my from any further damage.

 I honestly think that I am going to be a gastric bypass patient before the end of the year.  I have scheduled all the necessary testing and none of it goes any furthur out than the end of May!  We could guesstimate that all the reports would be in Drs files by the middle of June.  Off to the insurance company and then hopefully a date.  I am just coming to terms with what that really means.  This could be done over the summer months, June, July or August.  That would be wonderful.  I need to keep in gear though.  Not procrastinate.  Something I am good at.
I have made all my appointments.  Dr.  asked me which type of surgery I wanted.  I asked him to recommend it to me.  He said I could benefit from the band or bypass.  I am fonder of bypass for some reason.  He said that the results of the Nutritionist and the Psych will help make a more informed choice.  
Nutritionist appointment is tomorrow, 15 day diet log completed, Nutritionists other paperwork done.  
I am not sure what tomorrows appt is about, but will blog post appointment tomorrow.... Good night  

 OK....I feel as if this journey is actually going to move forward.  I had my initial appointment with Dr. Aranow and his staff.  As a medical provider myself, I found his staff to be very organized and efficient.  Of course my blood pressure was elevated as I was nervous during the appointment.  I found out that I will have a lot of steps to move forward in the journey.
1.) upper endoscopy (due to a lot of heartburn)
2.) Upper GI series
3.) Gall bladder Ultrasound
4.) Preop Blood work
5.) an appointment with my PCP.
6.) Nutritionist appointment
7.) Psych appointment

The good news, no mandatory 6 months of medically supervised diets, just 5 year weight history, which is easily supplied by my PCP as I have gone to the same office for the past 15 years. 

I know this will be a long well waited process.  I am sure that once my insurance pays all the pre-op stuff, they won't refuse me treatment.  The insurance people are great, very helpful on the phone calls.

I will try to get all the things done that need to be done, in hopefully a timely manner.  Seems like this will take forever.
All good things take time though.

 I am hopeful that I will be able to have a surgery that is probably going to be a contributing factor to my longevity, if I am to have that.  I have pondered this idea for 7 years now.  When I first strarted thinking about it, my motives were different.  I wanted to look "good".  I still do want to look good again someday, but I want to feel better now, more than looking good matters.
I have become so heavy that I am having a lot of back pain, and hip and knee pain.  I can not imagine trying to live my life out in this body that I have built.  I force myself to keep moving.  I walk between 1 and 3 miles per day, usually 5 times per week.  My dog demands it from me.  If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't do it.  Most days it makes me hurt to push myself along.  I don't want to feel like this anymore.  I want to be more athletic.  I was very athletic when I was younger, even though the majority of my youth I spent obese.  It was at that time in my life, that I felt the emotional pain of being obese.  The other kids in school reminded me of it daily.  Then my first marriage came and failed and left me with a baby to raise on my own.  My second marriage I spent married to a man who made it his mission to cripple me emotionally.  At one point disclaiming his love for me as he didn't want to be married to a "fat girl".  I was handed an ultimatum from him to lose weight or else!  Ok so I join a gym and start starving myself.  I lost about 45 pounds which was enough to make me sexy and acceptable to HIM!  What about me?  What did it do to me?  I felt better physically because I had lost weight.  It made me feel emotionless to this man, and in the end , it ruined the relationship.  I wasn't the "barbie doll" wife that my husband had desired.  I continued in this relationship for a total of 18 years.  I feared leaving it, I didn't ever want to have to raise a child on my own again.  I sacrificed my happiness in life, so my son could have a "father".  When my son ended up having drug problems later on, near the end of the relationship, my husband told me to choose.  "It's me or him."  I picked my son.  He still has drug problems, but I can not help but wonder if they are related to the horrible years that I put him through, because I thought that was best, and I knew that I couldn't find anyone else to love the "fat pig" I had become.  I started to take antidepressents in 1998.  I still take them.  I tried to get off them, but some of the same problems started up again.  I started to "stop caring."
In August 2006, I married a long time friend of mine.  He is a wonderful man who supports me with whatever it is I am doing.  He loves me unconditionally.  He is a little worried about the surgery.  I have gone over all of it with him.  He wants me to be around as long as possible and understands that this surgery is absolutely neccessary to limit any furthur weight gain.  
He is concerned about Sunday Brunch....  I told him we can share a plate.  He will get used to it, just like I will.  This man grows with me spiritually and he is a pillar of strength for me.  He will be an excellent support for me during my rehabilitation.  I also know some homecare nurses, because that is what I do, who have offered any help that I will allow them to give.  

I have handed this over to my higher power.  If it is meant to happen it will and it will be successful.  I have pondered this for 7 years.  Lets see what happens, for now though, I am excited and optimistic.

By the way, I have chosen Dr Aranow to be my surgeon after a lot of evaluation.  I guess that's another good reason for this to happen now instead of back then..