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In the support meeting this week, Nikki said it best; this journey can make you feel bi-polar.....extreme ups and then when the scale doesn't move or you don't feel like you're seeing the results you want; extreme downs...........Gosh, seeing a psychyatrist post op should be mandatory.  I think I"m going to look into it at my appointment in January with my new coverage. STay tuned.

I don't typically talk alot at the support meetings because I'm more of a listener, but I really layed alot of my frustrations out there.  The folks at our meeting are so supportive and funny.  They really do understand and never make you feel like an idiot.  I was told that I should be eating more food for breakfast as opposed to drinking the protein drink first thing... We'll I"ve done that for the past few days (eating a h.b. egg with one sausage patty)...OMG, that fills me up so much...hopefully by eating this sort of food and drinking all my water, my body will let go of the weight and I can start to see a drop again.....The problem is when i'm 'hungry' (which I think is head hunger), I don't crave anything; which puts me in a posisiton of making not so great food choices sometimes.  my body is being selfish by holding on and maintaining at this weight for the past 4 months LOL....but when you think about it, at least I"m not gaining....but for real, it's time to get beyond where I am now.  My one year surgiversary is less than 2 months away and I" no where near my goal (20 lbs is a long wa away)...

Tonight is my hubby's christmas party. Can't wait.  Bought some new slacks (size 6 ; a little snug; but the 8's were too big) and a new top.  Hopefully will take some pics...my camera is at my sis house.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah; that's how i feel today,.....very chatty.

HAVE A GOOD ONE and talk to ya soon.

Oh yeah, been to the gym twice this week and will round it off tomorrow for the 3rd time...which will do for now.

I'm so frustrated AGAIN. Why do I do this to myself?  Phychological BS.

Every time I go to the gym, I gain weight.  I started again last week and have gone 4 times....GAINED 3 lbs since last Saturday.  I know, I know, muscle right.  BUT dang, it doesn't make it very motivating to go go the gym when the scale goes up...and the bad part about it now is that my clothes are not loser....so am i gaining weight for real for real?

Thanksgiving was good.  I used my little saucer like I planned.  Got my turkey first and then dolips of this and that afterwards.  I only ate 1/2 of what was on my saucer.  I ate the other 1/2 later that evening as I cleaned up. 

The WOW moment for me?  My cousin who hasn't seem me since Feb was there.  As soon as he walked in he said I looked 16 (OMG, was he serious?).  He kept making little comments thru out the day.  Then he said "What'd you do, have that gastric bypass thing?".  I was like, "Yeah, I did...in January".  He was speechless.....Finally he told me I looked 20 years younger than the last time he saw me.  (OMG, was he serious?).  That was a feel good mement cause he would tell me if I looked a hot mess....so getting the compliments from him was so uplifting.

Now back to reality.....I'm starting to HATE GOING TO THE GYM CAUSE I KNOW I'M GONNA GAIN ON THE SCALE.....How long does it take after you 'GAIN MUSCLE' FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY START LOSING ON THE SCALE?  THis I need to know....it's so frustrating.

Hey OH Fam,

Can you believe another Thanksgiving is upon us?

My words of wisdom....YOU ALL HAVE A NICE, SAFE HOLIDAY AND REMEMBER THAT FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE SO IMPORTANT.  VALUE YOUR TIME TOGETHER.  THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER THANKSGIVING 2008, SO CHERISH EVERY MOMENT and also remember that you did have surgery and dispite the holiday, you gotta take precious care of that tool....so eat, but don't gobble, gobble like an oink oink.

So now about me (lol)...Well, as for the pain in my ab..it's not a hernia.  It may be scar tissue or maybe just my imagination (was a good excuse not to hit the gym right).  I have an appointment with a bariatric surgeon under my new medical plan.  I hear he's awesome ..PROBLEM, my appointment is January .  Oh well....I'll grin and bear it.  It's not that bad though...it's there, but doesn't stop me from doing anything except the gym  ).   I started back at the gym on Tuesday and today.  Felt soooo good to be there. 

Funny thing, I can't see that much loss when I look in the mirror at home, but when I was at the gym in my workout pants, I did see that I'm smaller and my butt is getting on the flat side..just can't wrap my mind around what others see because they are telling me to stop losing...but I"m like, "I got 25 more lbs to go and I gotta hit that for ME)...

ANYWAY, I did 30 mins eliptical, 15 mins ab and 20 mins weights yesterday and 30 mins eliptical and 15 min abs today....so I am on my way back to where I was. Gotta build back up so I can start jogging again.
 
As for Thanksgiving...I"m gonna do what I always do and use a small saucer, put the meat and greens on first, then a dab of yams, mac/cheese, dressing. Yep, not depriving myself, but certainly not going over board.  I'm sure I"ll have a sliver of cake or pie...maybe both, who knows...but because I get nauseous and/or dump, it won't be that much.....I think it'll all be good and I won't be gobble, gobbling to much.

I am excited because a couple cousins haven't seen me since last February, so they will get a huge shock when they see me.

What else?  hmmmmm.  NOTHING.  Gotta start making my cakes and cleaning house.

PEACE,