hatda
IT'S A STRUGGLE
Nov 17, 2008
I hope this update finds you all well and continously losing and/or maintaining.
For me! Well, I'm struggling with cravings and giving into those cravings.
I"m still losing inches, even though the scale doesn't say I'm losing weight. I think inches are still falling off cause My clothes are a bit loser and/or I"m able to fit into more size 6 clothes....but I'm at a point where I don't want to measure..I guess I should for accountability purposes right? At this point I don't know what my goal weight should be. When I first started this journey, the NUT told me I probably won't go below 160 because of my build and muscle mass...My goal right now is 150..., but I can't get below 168-170. My husband doesn't think I should go below 160. My mom thinks I'm good where I am...but I think I want to be 145-148 cause that'll take me to a 'normal' BMI...but the BMI is debateable and may not be good for me to get that small, who knows....OK..that was a little off topic....I feel like I"m in never never land right now.
Anyway, my sweet tooth is so bad and I"ve been giving into it alot lately and sometimes I feel like I'm out of control with it. The bad thing is that although I haven't dumped lately, I still get nauseous if I eat to many sweets, so I do get nauseous, but that doesn't seem to help keep me away from the sweets. I"ve also fallen off with my vits/mins, water and exercise.
I look at my old pictures and say "I'LL NEVER BE THAT WEIGHT AGAIN", but how can I avoid it if I can't control what I put into my mouth? That thought is depressing and revolting. Sometimes I think "what in the hell are you doing? why are you eating that? You're going to get addicted to it and then what?"
I decided to start the 5 day pouch test to get those carbs out of my system. We'll see what happens. At this point I feel like it's a now or never sort of thing. get back on track now, or suffer the consequences of never getting back.....
Hopefully I"ll find out today why I've been having that pain at one of my incision sites. Coiuld be a hernia, but the doc couldn't feel it so sent me for a CT Scan on Thursday. Could be scar tissue too. She said whatever it is, the CT scan should identify it. She said I could exercise, but I'm so scared because i can feel the pressure at the incision site, so I don't . Once I know what's up...I'll hit the gym again, which I'm hoping will also take me out of this funk.
Oh, BTW, my anniversary weekend was awesome. We had such a great time together. I felt so complete.
Anyway, take care and I'll update you with the 5 day PT results.
The same as before
Nov 01, 2008
Wassup OH fam!
Well, I weighed in today and it's the exact same as it has been for 2 weeks. Good that I didn't gain, but frustrting cause I"m the SAME. I didn't meet my halloween challenge. Oh well, there's always the Christmas challenge. I"m gonna keep doing then til I meet a goal.
Also, I think I have a hernia. The left side where my J-tube was is really aching and getting progressively worse. I was in the store last night getting a 12 pack of soda (not for me 
though) and I had to put it down, The pressure from that spot hurt so bad....not to the point where I"m doubled over, but definately something that is causing me concern now. I went and did my labs on Thursday, so I"m gonna call the doc on Monday and hopefully he can squeeze me in. He said he'd need to send me for an ultra sound or a CAT Scan. I don't feel a bulge when I press on the site where the pain is coming from,.....but something is going on. He also said it could be scar tissue too. We'll find out soon.
today I leave for my anniversary celebration. I'm so EXCITED. I have so many things planned for (BC) as Nikki calls him....The place we are staying is beautiful; and we;re staying in a spa suite....i've ordered chocolate covered strawberries....we're going to a wine tasting while we wait to check into our room...then this evening to our favorite seafood placei n San FRancisco and then to a jazz club....THEN, back to the spa suite......OK....TMI.
Talk to ya soon!
No longer OBESE
Oct 24, 2008
Posted a few new pics of me headed to church last Sunday.
My weight from the last time I weighed took me into OVERWEIGHT land and no longer OBESE LOL (God I don't ever want to see my name and OBESE together EVER again...In Jesus Name).
Things have been going pretty good this week, other than not going to the gym at all. Another really busy week and I had to complete lots of documentation for an audit; so needless to say, I was in the office early and leaving late.
I have been eating pretty good this week. Not sure how the scale will act tomorrow; but I feel pretty good about it (fingers crossed 
)
Two things will happen next week: 1) Halloween challenge ends on Friday and as of my last weigh in I was 8 lbs away from my challenge goal (PO-LEZ let me hit this goal). 2) My 23rd anniversary is on 11/3. I really want to be at 160 or less...that'll be the gift to myself (or the gift from God to me)...We'll see how it turns out.
Have had lots of funny things happen. In two seperate occassions on the same morning guys were hitting on me...One even disrespectfully...but I was like flattered....how bizarre that a guy dang near eating me up with his stares and comments would flatter me...but hey,it's been a long time since I got that kinda attention from anyone other than my hubby, so it was cool. I was exploding with laughter inside. I was like, dude! if you only knew what I've gone through to get here....He was young though....like in his early-mid 20's. Not that it makes a differece, but that's how they talk to these young girls I guess. Anywho, will update with my results tomorrow.
In the meantime, have a blessed day!
Hubby took the scale
Oct 14, 2008
I've been eating alot and been hungry alot....so not sure what's up with that.
Regardless, I'm pushing right along. I can't wait to get the scale on Sunday to weigh and see if there is any difference.
Husband is taking the scale AHHHHHHHH
Oct 12, 2008
He says I"m making myself anxious and that's not cool.
I told him take it and hide it for a week and let's see if I can calm down.
Weighed myself today and I'm still in the 172.6 I've been in the 170's since July...that is crazy.
I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. Nothing has really changed much. OH well.....hmmmmm. we'll see what happens.
I guess the good part in all this is that ALL my pants are a size 8 except one pair that FAVORED gave me and they are a 10...but a little loose in the crotch,,,,but cute none the less....
I changed my insurance at work and made an appointment for the 22nd with the PCP...who will refer me to Richmond Bariatrics for my post-op care. I"m looking farward to that. THey have a really good staff there and also a behavorial therapist. Ir eally need to go visit her. Hopefully I'll have all this 'mental' stuff wrapped up in the next couple months and feel good again..right now I just am in a place and can't seem to really be happy for me...I"m not depressed...just kinda THERE in a place. that damn scale
...it really does control your mind.I am hoping to look back on this post and say "LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME...MENTALLY".
What to do?
Oct 08, 2008
AHHHHHHHHHH! The scale is showing up 1.2 lbs up this week. What's up with that? I"ve been in the gym consistantly and I've gained 2 weeks str8.
Well, I"m logging all my food intake again to make sure I'm eating the right amount of calories (whatever that might be) and getting in the protein. That's all I can do at this point.
I guess I"m not discouraged, I"m just in a place right now. A place that asks "Will I be in the 170's forever? Is this the weight my body is going to keep me at?". I feel like when I workout I gain. When I don't workout, I stay the same..within a couple of pounds up or down. Whta does one do?
WEll, I said screw it! I feel better when I'm in the gym and my body is tighter (cause my tummy is flabbier since I stopped going to the gym consistantly). Anyway, work is becoming a bit more managable, so I'm able to get away and hit the gym....so that's what I have to do. We'll see where this road leads me.
I am doing the halloween challenge and I'm supposed to be 160 by then...SIGH....we'll see.
Also, my 23rd wedding anniversary is on 11/3....so it'd be really nice to be able to celebrate with my hubby at 160.
I'm so blesse
Oct 03, 2008
I have been on my job for more than 15 years....been through 2 outsourcing deals during this 15 years and have never been in threat of being laid off.
About a month ago I was given the responsibility of takng on an additional group
to manage, but no increase in pay 
Since I've taken on the additional group, I"ve started commuting to the office several times a week (140 miles round trip and gas is no joke) and working 50-60 hours in the week on top of the commute (which is my excuse for not being able to hit the gym
(but I did go twice this week 
)). There are times I've had the audacity to want to complain...then I think about the man or woman who would give anything to be in my shoes. Working, making more $$ than someone with a degree, making ends meet every month, being able to meet the needs and also the WANTS of the household.
God is a faithful God. He is one of abundance. He has favored me for so long, despite me being undeservant of it. I"m glad He's not like us...not a God that holds grudges. Not a God that turns His back on us.
HMMMM! Why am I saying this? Who knows. Maybe you (one of my friends) are complaining today about something and you needed to be reminded that you are blessed. Despite what things may look like in your situation, you are blessed. God can and will....but we have to Trust.
Take Care.
Pissed!
Sep 30, 2008
Trying to get back in the swing of things with the gym. Went on Saturday and did the treadmill and weights. Went again last night and did the same. Woke up this morning 2lbs heavier.
This is so frustrating. If I don't workout, I can't maintain...but if I do workout, I gain. There is no win-win for me in this as far as the gym goes.
What's a girl to do? I am still going to go again tomorrow morning and do the treadmill and weights....but dang! it's just not fair...so frustrating...
WOW moment while in the doctors office
Sep 24, 2008
They give me the little paper cape thingie to put on (you know, strip from the waist up). Anyway, I put that thing on and it wasn't to small...I didn't have to keep a death grip on it to keep it closed...it didn't tare as I tried to hold it together....it just stayed there all by itself and didn't pop open..it was almost a sexy little something on me too (yes, I looked in the mirror
ROFLOL) I was so jazzed. I told my doc (PCP) and she laughed (probably been skinny all her life so she wouldn't know how it feels when you experience something like this).
This made my day....as miserable as I feel today with this cold....I am still jazzed.
I should have taken one from the office so I could model it for my husband later
LOL... oh well. shoulda, woulda, coulda
FINISHED THE 5k
Sep 21, 2008
When I got out there and saw all those fit athletes and obvious runners, I was like "PLEASE God, #1) Let me finished, #2) don't let me come in last". Well, I didn't. I actually started in the back because I didn't want to get run over, but actually passed alot of people once I got flowing. I finished somewhere in the middle. The first place 5K person finished in 19:10 WOW.
The pic I posted is of me crossing the finished line!
