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 July 30, 2010

I'm trying to write things down before surgery so I don't forget.

1.  Gas is a bitch after surgery.  
2.  Sip, sip, sip.
3.  Walk, walk, walk.
4.  Advocate for yourself.
5.  Quite a few people go up and down emotionally after the surgery.  In blogs that I've read, some have wondered in the first month if this is worth it...and then those same people one month and/or one year later say YES.
6.  Some people stay the same weight or even gain some weight one week after surgery due to the fluids from surgery.  Don't worry about it.  
7.  Plenty of people get nauseous or have diarrhea for awhile.  Most of the time, it passes.
8.  Don't freak out.
9.  One day at a time.

July 29, 2010

Reading these boards are both a curse and a blessing, and I wish I could stop reading them.  I've been looking at WLS for a couple of years, and last year my friend had an RNY and said it was the best thing she's ever done (or something to that effect).  But these boards are like waves of positivity and negativity -- and then there are the strongest and most vocal of the bunch -- the DSers!  : )  It's all really confusing, and reading negative comments do not make me feel better.  

I want to figure out what makes for a good surgical patient, and what makes for a good WLS patient in general.  I hear support groups and food diaries are key.   And exercise, of course. 

I also like trying to find people with positive attitudes and good WLS stories -- esp. those who are more than 2 years out.  Where are you?

I'm not really scared about the RNY surgery in as much as I'm a bit nervous about the after effects and complications of it.  I'm already anemic -- both B-12 and iron -- and my hands and feet have already experienced some nerve issues because of it.  I'm sure I'll be diligent with my pill taking because my hands and feet get prickly every once and awhile and it's not fun. 

I also have gallstones.  Today I was told that they will be taking my gallbladder when they do my RNY.  I imagine that's going to be a little rough on my body.  

Wow, this post is all over the place -- but I guess I am, too, since surgery is in just a few days.

July 27, 2010

Today my best boyfriend posted a photo of me on Facebook.  And then tagged me.  It was a highly highly unflattering photo -- my eyes half closed and as big as a house -- I was so pissed!  Of course, I untagged my name immediately and then wrote him a note and asked him to delete the picture.  I was pretty upset about it.   

I don't see myself as being that large person, and frankly, it's hard to confront that reality when it's right there in front of you.  I would just rather not have it.  He begrudgingly deleted the photo and asked me to replace it with another one of me.  Doesn't he know that I don't do photos anymore?!  I much rather taking it of other people.  

I have, however, kept some candid photos of me so that eventually I can look back and say WOW.  I've come a long way.  I may post them right here on the OH website.  But this will be difficult for me.

On a lighter note (no pun intended), my wife ordered up a bunch of different protein drinks for me, as well as all the vitamins etc that I'll need come Monday, the day of surgery.  She's been very supportive and is very excited for me.  When I told her I'd go to the gym with her the other day, she said, "I thought the day would never come..."  

Thank you, lamb.

xo

July 26, 2010

Ack!  My surgery has been approved!  I know this should be a good thing, but am I the only one who has mixed feelings about this?  It reminds me of taking a pregnancy test after my first time trying -- hard to believe.

There are a bunch of different feelings, whirled into one.  Excited, nervous, scared, happy, sad -- Can I really not eat a thing for 3 weeks?  That CAN'T be a good feeling!

I know life is going to change as I know it, which should ultimately be a good thing in terms of quality of life issues.  And I know this is really the only road I can take.  Still, I wish I didn't feel a bit ashamed getting here in the first place, and wish I could have been able to do something without taking this route.  Why has it been so hard for me?  Is it hard for all the healthy-sized folks?

My hope is that I will stay strong and remember two years down the road that my knees and feet were aching, I couldn't run after my kids and I felt uncomfortable and worried sitting in a chair that wasn't mine.  I hope I don't cave into foods that got me here in the first place and I really hope that I can figure out whether I can really ever eat anything in moderation -- or if  "having just a little bite" causes me to go down a slippery slope ...  soft baked cookies and ice cream come to mind.

We shall see.  We shall see.

I've been researching what foods would be good for me once I come back from the other side of liquids.  I'm both iron and b-12 anemic pre-op (but the surgeon doesn't seem too concerned about that) and I have arthritis.  So I just made a spread sheet that helps me figure out what are the best foods for me now...and am wondering which one of these foods will be hard to digest post-op.  

I'm also trying to figure out how to attack my mental aversion to seafood, which, according to my research, would be good for me.  I'm wondering if the surgery will help me accept things from the sea as a possible food source.  In the meantime, I'll take some Omega 3 Fish Oil.  

I suppose I am now moving from "sedentary" to "mildly active."  I'm trying to get myself out there, and even had my wife and  friend take me to the gym.  Sure, my knee hurt a bit, and I couldn't do the Elliptical, Treadmill or Bike for much more than 5 minutes at a time, but hey, together that was 15 minutes, right?  And we walked to the gym which was...5 or 10 minutes each way.  So that counts for something, right? 

In the meantime, my last meeting with the nurse is in a couple of days, Monday.  I had my PCP do the final medical clearance last week, but we have still not heard back from insurance.  The Hospital is hopeful that the insurance will give the go ahead since I meet the criteria in terms of BMI and co-morbidities. 

I'm slightly obsessing about everything bariatric:  food, exercise, pills.  I figure that having this RNY done is like being reborn.  Like my daughters when they were babies, I'll be on liquids for awhile, then move up to puree, and then toddler food.  :)  Hopefully this will help push the reset button for me so that I can start over and try again.  

July 18, 2010

I think of WLS as my last chance to change the trajectory of my weight gain. 

In some ways, I feel ashamed that I couldn't just knock this weight off by myself with diet and exercise.  In other ways, I'm proud of how I lived my life -- living life to the fullest (and eating whatever I want!).  But the bigger I have become, the more difficult it has been for me to look forward to playing a game of tennis, or hiking, or playing in the lake.  It hurts my joints too much, and I'm embarrassed that I huff and puff on what should be a simple walk.  And most clearly, I don't want people to see me in a bathing suit.  

I am here now because I see that my quality of life is slowly beginning to deteriorate, and I'm only 43.

My RNY has been scheduled for August 2 at Danbury Hospital with Dr. Laura Choi, pending insurance approval and hopefully getting a medical clearance from my doctor who gets back from vacation tomorrow after a long absence.  Crossing my fingers that she'll see me even though I don't have an appointment.

On another note, I have become slightly obsessive about looking at this OH website daily; I enjoy looking at before and after pictures.  I wonder how some of the people who had their gastric bypass years ago are doing now.  And I notice that when people lose weight, one can see their eyes more clearly.  I hope to be able to join the group soon, and perhaps 6 months from now I will feel more comfortable in jumping into pictures, instead of jumping out of them as I do now.