missrocky
EVERYTHING I post here is RAW and REAL... I use this profile as a my own personal journal so I can work out all my craziness before I have the surgery. Depression has been shown to effect patients after WLS and since I'm prone, I use this as my outlet. Yup- you get to read about just how crazy I am...aren't you LUCKY?!
I have to admit that I've been through a lot in the past few years and you may read this and think, "What a wack job!" Honestly, I'm really NOT a wack job. Just confused about where my life has been and where it's going... Honestly- I'm happy most of the time, but other times I feel such great dispare that it just rips me apart from the inside out. This is why I'm blogging...so I can soothe some of the mental pain and go on to be HAPPY and Successful!
THE PAST
I've been on and off this site for the past 4 years. In that time , I have seen many LUCKY people go through all they needed to go through to get this surgery. Alas, it has only been a dream for me...
I had insurance, but was denied. I acquired new insurance through Kaiser and was put on a waiting list 2 1/2 years ago...everytime I called there to get an update- no one could find me. Needless to say, I wasn't on any list and even though I took the initial classes- nothing ever came of it. So I gave up- but now I'm back and going through the process all over again.
MY EARLY LIFE-
I was born FAT and have NEVER had the experience of being thin. When I was in High School, I wasn't HUGE but I was told I was and that took a real toll on my self-esteem...I spent my pre-teen and teen years in the Los Angeles area and I was surrounded by movie star's kids and child models and actors...so the pressure to be skinny, skinny, skinny was especially difficult. If you're FAT in LA- you're nothin' Baby! You might as well be invisible!
THE "WHY"
I began this whole "Journey" thing at 394lbs. I was probably heavier, but I don't think the scale could go any higher! ANYWAY- I have taken off 100 pounds without WLS and want to take off at least another 30 to 50 pounds before I even HAVE the surgery. YES- I still need it...Even if I kept losing at the rate that I am, I'd need to take off at least another 100-150 pounds and the way I've screwed up my metabolism... my body is going to shut down LONG before I make it to my goal so WLS is the tool I need to get me thru the next 50 years of my life.
February 25th, 2008- my NEW Birthday!
YES, I am now POST OP....and feeling great! Check out my posts for information as to how I am currently doing!
Music Video:http://videzonn.com/videos/g/goo_goo_dolls/iris_live-2.html" target='_blank'>IRIS (LIVE) (by Goo Goo Dolls)
Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone
