Haven't been here in a WHILE
Mar 20, 2014
I back slid a bit but the Dr. told me that I would probably top out at 250 and he was right. I haven't been very happy about it but it is what it is. I'm exhausted all the time and I'm trying to heal myself nutritionally before I have to spend a million on doctors...we shall see how it goes.
On a good note- I moved to Las Vegas and started to hike again. Please visit my blog...it's more upbeat than this post! www.fatadventures.wordpress.com
Another year has gone by...
Sep 29, 2011
I adjusted my head, lost my way and had to readjust... life is still good but Im disappointed that I let myself go.
Check me out on www.fatadventures.wordpress.com
Wish me luck on my newest journey to regain myself!
I haven't updated for a LONG time...
Aug 21, 2010
It's the best place to get to know me and see my updates and such!
The Best That 2009 Brought To ME
Dec 31, 2009
Caiden Riley Johnson -Strong
August 28th 2009
8lbs. 3 oz
The End. (of 2009 that is)
Dec 31, 2009
My ending weight for this year is 206 lbs. I had a really hard time and gained up to 211 but have lost it and am in the process of losing it. I constantly had what the Doctor said to me in the back of my mind and I think that it bothered me so much that I made it almost an excuse to eat (he said he didn't think I'd get below 180- ever).
I fucked up my own head and the weight gain came with that. It's my own damn fault because the surgery didn't fail me- I FAILED me but I'm back on track and heading in the right direction...that direction is DOWN (scale wise). Every stress, problem, upsetting moment or even HAPPY times- I used as an excuse to eat. Now that I have recognized it- I'm ahead of the game and have taken off a pound a day for the last 4 days. Progress is an ego booster. Control is Power for me at this point.
WHAT AM I PROACTIVELY DOING ABOUT IT?
I am on www.livestrong.com logging my food EVERYDAY. I am exercising in SOME way EVERYDAY. I am holding myself accountable EVERYDAY. I joined a binge eating challenge and I post my progress on it EVERYDAY. I ask for help from friends AND total strangers on weight loss related sites- EVERYDAY. Asking for HELP is hard sometimes, but very necessary!
Yup. This surgery is NOT a quick fix and if someone tells you that you'll never be on a diet again- they're lying. This is a FOREVER diet, Kids...for real.
WHAT ELSE? Hmmm....
I continue to update my www.freewebs.com/fatadventures website and I'm planning on turning it into a web cast this year. Maybe I'll get famous? Want my autograph now so u can sell it on EBay later? (wink) I just hope my site helped at least ONE person become encouraged to exercise...that would make it all worth while.
My daughter Jade (21) had a baby boy and my Grandson Caiden is the Apple of my Eye and my new FAT ADVENTURES partner.
My daughter Bailey (17) is graduating on time (and not late like the idiots at LAUSD said she would), with a 3.75 GPA and is going off to Santa Barbara City College in the Fall of 2010 for 2 years and then will transfer to UCSB. She wants to be a Photo Journalist!
No one in my Romantic life at the moment. I'm so tired of BULLSHIT that I started to date MYSELF...we have FUN together!
Same job. It sucks but money is money and it pays the rent.
I'm beginning to work on a novel and I hope it will be finished by this time next year...Wish me good luck and NO WRITERS BLOCK. After the 1st book I co-wrote came out, I had 12 years of writer block to deal with and then it came to me- It's not writes block, it's lack of self esteem. Now that I have some, it should be a little easier to get words on paper.
2009 has been a journey of SELF for me. Being that I've always been the caretaker of others, I finally gave a little and started taking care of me. Though I began that part of my journey within the last 4 months of the year I figure it's better late than never! Getting out into nature has really helped my awareness as to what's around me. Hiking and exploring makes me more grounded and focused on just about everything and gives me a sense of purpose...Nature+hiking+exercise= Peace of mind/Healthy Mind.
Rapping it UP
I battled myself, my mind, depression, loneliness, sadness and dis pare.
I found success, joy, renewed relationships with family, made new friends and kept some old, the love of my life was born AND I conquered some personal demons.
All and all...it was a good year.
Aug 02, 2009
201 Pounds Lost
Jun 25, 2009
Is it hard? Hell Yeah!
Would I do it again? HELL YEAH!
Food is My Boyfriend
Jun 14, 2009
I know everytime I eat I am trying to fill the void in my life. No matter how happy I am with myself, I miss having someone to wake up next to...cuddle with and just tell me that everything is going to be alright. I miss kissing someone randomly. It sucks and it's sad and I still eat bad things (and sometimes make myself sick doing it). I know it will take time to learn my lesson and I know I will get comments telling me I'm a good person and don't need a man or I need to love myself- or worse- you didn't deserve having the surgery if you're going to do that to yourself...
So again- I keep trying to fight the food demons and attempt to do anything other then eat my problems away. It's hard...really hard. I already know what my problem is but able to follow practice the solution is nearly impossible sometimes.
Blogging helps and I will try to do it more often just so I can get this off my chest and deal with my feelings. I'm really not THAT crazy...just trying to find my place in this world and someone good enough for me to stand by my side.
On a good note: I never reported that I'm under 200 lbs for the 1st time in 18 years! Good for me!
Almost at my next goal...2 pounds away from a 200 lbs loss
May 22, 2009
I lost weight at a slower rate than most but I am happy where I am so far...just need to kick up the exercise a bit and it should strat falling off again (I hope).
Today's struggle of the day:
There are 2 halves of 2 sheet cakes in the office fridge that are calling my name. My goal is to make it out of this office without eating any...this should be a real challenge!
I was working for a woman who decided not to pay me and didn't understand why I was upset. So I basically quit. $ wise, not a great idea but I am so much more focused and at peace that I think it's the best thing I ever did!
My work actually gave me another part time job as a Psychic Coordinator. I get to test all the new psychics that apply to our company! I'm so happy because now I should make WAY more money and be a little more stable financially!
My Grandson will be born around the beginning of September and his name will be either Caden, Cayden,Kaden or Kayden Riley...I'm already buying him STUFF! HE's gonna be a spoiled, little PUNK!
That's it for now! Next time I post I will hopefully be at my 200 lbs loss goal!
May 02, 2009
I know what it is: I'm lonely as all fuck and I just want to GET OUTTA HERE. Far, far away from everything. I feel unloved, unwanted and like a deflated balloon. Believe me, I'm thankful for my surgery but I just want to look better. Better than this.
AM I going to live my life completely alone forever? Came into the world alone was sold to the highest bidder and now I'll die alone too? What kind of life is this when you constantly dream about being somewhere else or SOMEONE else?
I want to feed myself to calm my loneliness. I look forward to the 1 junky meal I eat per week (on Sunday I have a Hamburger Happy Meal) like it's going to save my life. It's pathetic that my Happy Meal is the highlight of my week.
What the HELL is wrong with me? My heart hurts. I'm jealous of everything and everyone. Why am I NEVER happy? WHy do I need meds to feel normal? Why do I live my life with regret EVERY FUCKING DAY?
Why do I fall in love with idiots? Why do I form crushes on people who could never feel the same way about me? Why do I get encouraged and then discouraged so quickly?
Depression is killing me. I can't stand myself anymore