cutepuppy

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

 The tests are done, everything is normal.  Three days of fasting to get it finished, but finished it is.  The labs, x-rays, scopes and exams, all of it. DONE.  What an awesome feeling.  It's kinda like freedom.  You forget when you are so into it and trying to get where you need to be, when you need to be, that a time comes when its peaceful.  And, then you hear the Temple Builder speak.  "Be still and know I am God."

He comes with all His strength and might to hold you up when the testing seems endless.  He holds you when your own strength is exhausted and gives you His.  I was so ill following all the tests last week that my husband wanted me to go to the ER.  The Temple Builder saw the distress and lifted me up.  By Saturday I was feeling great.  What did I learn?  I once again was amazed at how quickly I recovered from hypoglycemia and dehydration.  There is no other way to say it.  The Builder repaired the temple and strengthed the walls and provided support to heal.  If He is capable of that, how much more will He bless the surgery this week.  I go confidently to surgery.  I've seen what He can do, and all glory to Him as He does it!!!

Excited is not a big enough word for today.  The anticipation is huge.  I see myself getting thinner, maybe not perfect, but healthy and fit.  I know it will happen and that just overwhelms me.  All these 62 years of carrying around this weight and its all going to change for good this week.  This old temple sure is in need of repair.  It leaks,  and it creaks,  and it aches.    But, its getting a remodel by the Master Builder on Thursday.
The day has finally come, and praise God I'm ready.

Hello, hello, do you know what time it is?  It's 10 days until surgery and you have not scheduled the endoscopy and colonoscopy that you say is necessary before surgery.  Hello, is anyone there?    I've been on the phone for about a week now.  My surgeon has called and asked them to make the appointment.  Well, met with the gastroenterologist today and he does not have time to do it before my surgery date, but he thinks he can get one of the other docs in the pratice to do it.  Really, sign me up!!!  No phone calls today, maybe tomorrow. 

Hubby and I are pretty tired, all this drama has got us going.  Nerves are a bit frayed as well, and sleep, well, what's that?  It's over-rated anyway.

While I dread drinking that "stuff" and another day of clear liquids, I'll do just about anything right now to keep that surgery date.  I keep hearing the Big Boss whispering "its all right, trust me."  Okay, I will.

  Drowning in a river of tears as I write and feeling stupid because I am so emotional.  Such a high last Wednesday, June 10, when I got "the call."  After all the endless testing I got a date, it was real, and it was happening now.  Oh the highest of highs.  Oh my I called everyone, and my children responded by making airline reservations so they could be with me during the days of surgery and recovery.  Everyone, DH, kids, family, and friends made their plans to take time off work and be around me when the day came.  My OH friends were cheering with me and sharing my great joy.  Sunday at church I shared my happiness with everyone.  Oh the highest of highs.    Yesterday was my pre-op appointment with my surgeon, the last one before "the day."  My husband and I were so pleased when she said "okay everything is in order."  All the months of tests and all the anticipation was finally reaching fruition.  Got on the scale at the office and wow another 7 pounds gone.  Officially lost 45 pre-op pounds.  Feelin' good now.    We left the surgeon's office and went out to lunch, then shopping.  Lots of talking and planning for the days ahead.  Until we got home and there were 3 messages from the surgeon's office.  Two from Dr. T herself trying to catch me.  Oh dear what could this be???    Neither DH or myself slept much last night.  I called at 9:01 this morning to find out what all the excitement was about.  Oh my goodness, so sorry, but here's the deal......  It seems one of your tests, done over a month ago, came back positive for blood.  Now we must do a colonoscopy and endoscopy quick.  How quick?  Well, don't know for sure because we have to get authorization, and find someone to fit you in their schedule and on and on and on.  Well, say, what about that July 2 surgery date?  Well, that's hard to say at this point.  You will just have to wait and see.  Wait and  see?  I've been waiting for 5 months now, and several years before that.  Wait and see!!!  I can't see, I'm crying too hard.  I'm one exposed nerve right now, sick with emotions.  I suppose it could still work out.  I do know--- God works miracles.  I believe His timing is the best, but He gave me a time, didn't he?    The tears are dried up at this point, and just resignation exists.  The joy of yesterday has been swallowed up in bitter disappointment.      But it could still work out right?  Yeah, it could.  Don't give up too quickly a little voice is saying.  (I think I know who the little voice is....and it belongs to Someone BIG).

Well, here we are a few days later, after the euphoria of knowing a surgery date is at hand. I'm try to be patient and process all that has happened in the last three days.

I read someone's post, on Wednesday, who was talking about calling the insurance company and checking up on the authorization process.  I thought, of course!!  Mine should be done and almost on its way back to Dr. T.  So I called to see how they were doing.  I said "I'm just calling to get an update on the authorization for Dr. T. to do bariatric surgery."  This nice lady said, I'll look, and she looked, and looked, and finally said, "what authorization?  I don't see any request for authorizations for you!"    I thanked her, boy that was hard, and immediately placed a call to the surgeon's office.  I had talked with the person there, last week in-person, who handles the authorizations and she assured me it was going out that very day.  (last week)   I asked to speak to her this Wednesday, but she was "at lunch" and would call me when she got back in the office.  At 4 p.m. I thought lunch might be over and called again, after a wait on hold for a while she got on the phone, kinda of huffy and defensive, and said "all your paperwork went in."  No hello, nothing, just that statement.  I said when, she said "a few minutes ago."         Disappointment-----you bet.  But, my OH friends     jumped in to cheerlead, and we move on.

But, when it rains its pours.      I saw my rheumatologist on Thursday.  He was running so late, and was kind of frenzied when I finally saw him, after a 2 hour wait.  I told him about my surgeon's request, that he replace Cymbalta with something not time released, and he just didn't seem to understand.  I said it has to be crushed, and therefore time release will not work.  He offered me a sample of a new drug THAT IS TIME RELEASED.     Oh my goodness.  I kept trying to get across to him what we needed to get accomplished.  DH was there too and tried, in vain, to get across what needed to happen.  It was so strange.  Usually this gentle man is so attentive and so attention to the tiniest detail of your health.  I said I also needed to change my regular pain med, again time released, and he said just take the not time released version of it.  I said its not working either way.  He did not give me any other options.  I did get cortizone in back and hips, which will help with the pain that keeps me awake at night, but not with the drug that helps me sleep because it is TIME RELEASED.       We left after all the office staff had gone, the X-ray tech let us out the side door after X-rays of my back.  I am doubly disappointed.  This is a physician whom I sincerely respect and trust.  The trust is rattled, badly shaken, in light of how serious my situation is at the moment.   
This morning, Friday,  I went to the cardiologists office for the stress test he ordered.     I am proud to say I can walk that treadmill with the best of them, lol.  It's all that practice at the gym.  Unfortunately, that's where the fun stopped.  They found an abnormality, some PVC's showed up on the cardiogram.  Dog gone it.  More advanced tests have been ordered for next week.  I was so fortunate that I could get in next week.  The next test is a Thallium stress test, lasts 3 hours.  I sincerely hope we have answers that are positive here.

After I left the cardiologists office I went to the rheumatologist office and made my normal 3 month follow-up appt.  While there I made an appointment with my PCP, who is in the same office.  I hope she can help me with the medications.  I know he prescribed them, and that may be problematic.  But at the moment, most are "unprescribed" and on their way out.  If I cannot affect resolution with the medication issue, I'm not sure what my next step will be.  The issue revolves mostly around the Cymbalta, which is specific for fibromyalgia and depression.  It has a pain inhibitor in it, unlike other tricyclics.  I also have not taken anything that gave me as much relief and just pleasure in living that the Cymbalta provided. 

I realize that my God is a lot bigger than any of these issues.  I have reached that point, where I will just lay it down and let him take care of me.  He will.  He does.  Never fails.  Never disappoints.

  Do you remember that old song?  It's going around and around in my head.  The girls are all going to the OR, and I'm watching them go by.  Pretty soon it will be my turn, but I've got to say, the waiting for the authorization for my VSG surgery has been the longest, and most difficult, part of the journey thus far.  This week I am going to the pre-op class where they tell you about all the stuff that is going to happen when you do go in for surgery.  My surgeon has you inject Lovenox twice daily for two weeks following surgery, so that will be part of this class.  I have in my hot little hand all of the pre-op information, the consent forms and surgical information.  That, in and of itself, is some encouragement.  I'm down almost 45 pounds.  Incredible what you can do when you are accountable.  All pre-surgery stuff is done, but got to ride the treadmill for my cardiologist this week and reassure everyone my heart is up for the task.  So much to do to get ready, now I'm there..... I never was very good at waiting.
  I had an absolutely wonderful day this last week with two OH'er friends.  We met at a Starbucks and just chatted for a while.  It was soooooo much fun to be with the people from here, and see them face to face.    It was like we have always known one another.  The common denominator, WLS, brought us together and it just got better from there.  The big topic, "Chicken Soup."  The 'proper' way to make chicken soup.  We compared ingredients, and yes someone else uses parsnips too.  After all that talk I decided to make a batch of Chicken soup and freeze it in ice cube trays for post-op enjoyment.  I ordered some Unjury unflavored protein to add to my homemade soup.  Hope it tastes as good as it sounds right now. 
Now a moment for a commercial for my favorite food products thus far.  I really like Diet Snapple Peach Ice Tea, but it has caffiene so its not for much longer.  The Atkins products are so-so.  The protein bars average 200 calories each and have about 20+ grams of protein.  I eat them because they are a known quanity, not because they are great.  With the exception of the chewy carmel and chocolate Indulge bar, mmmmm sooooo gooood.   I really like the protein bars from Focus 28.  I got several kinds and didn't find a 'klinker' in any of them.  I also ordered protein samples from there.  Then I ordered a bunch of protein samples from vitalady and Bariatric Advantage.  I haven't tried them as yet, but have them on hand for post-op.  What I have tried is from Chike.  I got the protein that comes in a bottle all premeasured, just add water.  Tried the orange smoothie today.  Pretty darn good.  Great meal replacement at 170 calories and a bizillion grams of protein.  Love beef jerky, particularly the one from Costco.  70 calories per ounce and lots protein.  The Premier protein drinks, premade, from Costco are very good too.  I found Fage yogurt there recently, didn't know they sold it.  My all time favorite, thank you Robin, is PB2.  I love it.  Two tablespoons of powder to one of water and whala, peanut butter.  I've been enjoying peanut butter on wheat crackers, or toast.  Boy do I feel like I'm getting away with something.  I also like the frozen fudgesicles that are sf/ff, and Jello pudding that is ss/ff, made with skim milk, yum.  Wow, look at this list.  There's plenty to eat, and lots of choices.  It's not as dismal as some would like to think.  We are so fortunate to have all of this available to us.
I thank God for my DH, and my family.  I thank God for my sisters from OH who enrich my days, comfort my rocky times, and who always seem to know just what to say.  I love my one sister who says, "don't whine, just do it."  There's wisdom in that.  I love her for her strength and determination.  That same friend, who is prophetic for sure, said I'd get that authorization this week.  I'm encouraged.  What an inspiration.  So very much to be thankful for.  Thank you God, to you be the glory on this journey.

Anxious, excited and unafraid of the surgery, but afraid the week won't turn out as I am expecting it too.  Everything hangs on my visit Friday with my surgeon.  Last visit to the office I was weighed in and a chart check was done to make sure all my pre-op stuff was in order.  I have only a couple small things yet to do, and the doctor's assistant said, that won't interfer with your surgery date.  My what??  I said to her, "did you say the 's' word?"  She said yep, I said, "say that louder, we'll say it together!!"  Thinking about being done with all the tests and appointments that are pre-op is quite exciting.  It's like graduating or something similar, you did it, you have reached a high point in your goals for WLS.  Now ya know, I'm going to worry 'cause that's me, that something is not going to satisfy her, the doctor, and I'll be delayed from getting a date.  The staff told me, and others have told me, she is a stickler for every jot and tiddle being in place.  I keep reviewing what I have done to prepare for this, going over the list, and over the list.  I can't think of anything that hasn't been in accord with her written instructions.  I am a bit proud  of the weight loss I have achieved prior to surgery.  Wow, I lost 40 pounds, as of yesterday, but up 2 pounds today.  You can bettcha by Friday I'll be solidly standing on 40 pounds lost.  My requirement for surgery was 25 pounds, but I've always been an over achiever, lol.  First born and all of that, lol.  I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is really happening!!!  It's easy to go along each day and do what ya gotta do, and the surgery is somewhere off in the foggy future.  Now, bam, here it is!!!  I've tried very hard to live as if the surgery were already a reality, in terms of my diet.  I do drink the 64 oz. of water a day.  That was a hard habit to get into, and with my Crystal Light, I would not have done it.  I do exercise regularly.  Although I feel guilty saying that because last week was a wash-out.  I was called to help my mother who lives 3 hours from my home, and it wacked out my week.  I finding I'm on a very straightforward "schedule".  I have adopted my ways of dealing with the diet and exercise, and interruptions are going to happen, but I hope not too frequently.  I've found a new excitement in my life, and the future seems so promising.  I see myself running with grandchildren, walking hand in hand with my dear husband, and the fun stuff like, flying to see those grandkids and fitting comfortably in a seat without an extender.  Oh, I forgot to mention shopping!!  Yes, another "s" word.  This one is fun too.  I bought a new pair of pants this last week so that I'd having something that didn't look like an old ladies bloomers when I walked.  I went into the tent and awning store where I usually shop and bought the pants.....2 sizes smaller.  That small victory was so much fun.  I'm rambling along here, and it kinda matches the state of my mind.  This week will pass quickly as I keep a pretty intense schedule most days.  Friday, come on Friday, and please God let it be the fulfillment of my dream for WLS. 

I am excited.  No getting around it.  When I went to the doctor's office for a physical on Monday, they said the "s" word.  Yeah, surgery!!!!  "Since you are getting close to surgery."  Oooooh that sounds good!!!  I'm trying to be patient but not doing a very good job......I'm jumping up and down.....well, I would if I could!!!  I really thought, so naive, the testing was done......ohhh no.  The nurse practioner that did the physical read labs and said, oh my you are a 7.  A seven, oh, I dreamed about that for years, and here I thought I was a 26/28!  No silly, a 7 vitamin D level.  Darn.  Well, what does that mean?  It means you have to take mega amounts of vitamin D before surgery and get that level up to the normal range which is 32-100.  Oh, and by the way, I think you should have a sleep test, a scan of your thyroid, a cardiology clearance, and throw in some more blood work.  And I thought I was done with tests and on my way to the OR.  Darn again.  I still have my surgery appointment on the 22nd of this month (May).  It will be interesting to see if these tests are done by then.  I've got to call that office today and start nagging for the referrals.  They are notoriously slow to get things done in there.  Don't they know I'M HAVING SURGERY?  Patience Mary....nope, got none at this point.  Still working on the temple, got it down by 35 pounds on my scale.  (I love my scale, its 2 pounds less than the surgeons lol).  For all of us waiting, the time seems to go so sssslllllloooooooooooooww.  I'll look back at this and say "silly duck" what were you making all the fuss about!  (No I won't, I'll think, poor old thing, why did you wait 62 years?)

Today I sat in the surgical waiting area of our hospital while one the OH family had surgery.  noregrets is now officially "sleeved."  Surgery went well according to her doctor.  It took 3 long hours.  I was hoping for 2, which was expected.  I got a little anxious about 2:15 and unhappy at 2:30, totally impatient at 2:45, and forgot anything I was thinking except being happy at 3 p.m. when Dr. Solomon came and said she was doing great.

Wierd.  I'm having surgery in this hospital, with Dr. Solomon's colleague, of the sleeve variety.  So much went through my mind about noregrets new life.  I wondered if she'd be terribly uncomfortable when she woke up.  I wondered if when I stick my head in the door tomorrow if there will be a huge smile on her face.  I wondered if a jar of PB2 is the same as a vase of roses, lol.  (She is getting PB2) 

Happy to hear that Brenda is home from the hospital.  Boy that was quick given it was major surgery.  She came home with four drains.  Ouch!!!  But, happy to know she's home and recovering.

I got the wierdest thing in the mail today.  An envelope from my surgeon's office with a prescription in it.  No note, no explanation.  Just a script for two weeks worth of meds.  Strange.  Then I came across another envelope from the surgeon's office and opened it.  An order for a lab study, h pylori test.  No explanation nothing, nada, zip.  So I looked up h pylori and found it a stomach bacteria.  Mmmmm  I guess another pre-op screening???  Maybe I'll send an empty envelop back to them and ask?lol  I called the cardiologist today, as instructed, and they acted like I had just come in from outer space to make an appointment.  They said they would find out if I could????  How wierd is that?  Oh well, I'll play this out like everything else and just go with the flow.

I saw Marie's, nanny2u, new pictures.  Fabulous!!!  She is looking so pretty and seems to be feeling good judging by the smile on her face.

Well, I'm tired tonight.  Tired all the time.  I missed exercise today, and Monday.  Maybe when I get back to the gym that will boost my energy level.  Hope so.  Blessings to all my friends, you are very special to me.

Well the jitters set in in ernest last night.  I was so afraid of the psych evaluation, and happily its over.  It was pretty much what I expected to find.  It was particularly predictable in the written testing.  The interview portion lasted about an hour.  I liked the person who did the evaluation and we found a few things to laugh about.  Some things brought me to tears, but I didn't dissolve in a puddle.  (I was surprised)   I'm grateful for the prayers that came my way to reassure me and keep me calm.  It's over and I'm pretty sure "I passed."  At the end of the interview time she showed me a video clip of the type of surgery I want to have.  I signed some papers assuring the people that make up the rules that she had covered all the what and what if's.  Whew, over.  Oh sigh of relief.  Funny what bothers us, and how we are all so different in that regard. 

I have been plateaued for a couple of weeks, gaining and losing the same 2 pounds.  Maybe with Easter over and a more normal schedule I will begin losing again.  I'm trying to talk my husband into buying a treadmill off Craig's list.  He says I already have a gym membership.  That's true, but I could get in a couple of extra turns on the treadmill if we had one at home.  He's worried it will become the five hundred dollar laundry sorter.

Now a bunch of waiting ---again--- until the end of the month when I have my physical, and then clear into May to see the surgeon, who then sends of the fateful letter to the insurance company.

I have joined some others and begun using "The Daily Plate" found the the LivingStrong website.  What a cool tool!!!  I just type in the box what I ate, it looks up the item and  prints my choices in the columns for that day.  End of the day I can see exactly what I ate, how many fats, proteins, carbs, etc.  It's got a neat little pie chart that shows you percentages of proteins carbs, etc. and if you are too heavy in one section, just click on it and it shows you how that section got that high, which of your choices drove it up.  Very cool tool.

Well, I'm all in.  I can't believe how drained I am.  Maybe just enough reserve to enjoy a sugar free hot chocolate.  Hope all is well with my friends here at OH.  There are many I am praying for, and its so delightful when they post answers to those prayers.

What a glorious day this has been.  I have upload some photos from church this morning and was thinking that I wished I could invite all my friends to join me in the beauty of this day.  In a small way, I can invite you in, to my world, my church home.  I feel honored that I could participate in some small way in the construction of the Easter display.  It added so much to worship, and I felt it really honored the Savior.  So many people were blessed by it, and the children loved it.  Of course, it not about the "stuff" but about the Lord.  All of it to His glory.
On this day some of my OH friends are grieving the loss of family, and I think about their loved ones celebrating Easter with Jesus in a totally awesome way.  Some of my friends are anxious as they approach their surgery date, and I hope they find joy in the moments of this day that are beautiful.  Some of my friends are joyful, and that is such a blessing, to be able to celebrate their joy.  No matter where you are in this life, there is a reason to find good, to find happiness in this world.  We do have one another, and I am profoundly grateful for that.  What strength we gain from one another here, sharing the most intimate part of our lives, the funniest, the sadist, the most bizzare!!!  We are an amazing bunch of people, each individual and unique, but each exactly the same in sharing a common goal, to regain health and capture new lives.  Easter is about regaining life!!! May it bring that blessing to each of you!!  Loving you all for who you are as we walk this road together, Mary