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SO AS I WAS LOOKING AT MY PICTURE I PUT UP ON 2/7, I NOTICED MY WEIGHT FOR THAT DAY WAS 299.2 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. SO TODAY WHEN I WAKE UP AT 296, I FEEL ALMOST LIKE IVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THESE PAST 2 WEEKS B/C IVE ONLY LOST 3 LBS. NOT! IN THE PAST 14 DAYS, I HAVE BEEN TO THE GYM AT LEAST 8 TIMES, IM STILL BARELY PUSHING 1000 CALORIES AND ON A 4 MEAL A DAY WONDER DAY, IM AROUND 800. AT MY CURRENT WEIGHT I BURN ABOUT 3400CALORIES JUST SITTING ON MY ASS, SO ANY MOVEMENT WHATSOEVER IS GOOD FOR ME. IT TAKES 3500 CALORIES TO BURN A POUND OF FAT...U GET THE POINT RIGHT? SO WHY, WE MAY FIND OURSELVES ASKING, DID WE ONLY LOSE 3LBS IN 14 DAYS: 2 WORDS--MOTHER NATURE. THATS RIGHT LADIES. SHE CAME AND VISITED ME LAST WEEK/WEIGH IN, AND I WAS TIRED, IRRITABLE, BLOATED, AND HEAVY AS HELL. I THINK I GOT UP TO 300, 301 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT LAST WEEK. SO BEING AT 296 ISNT THAT BAD. SO IVE DECIDED TO TAKE THE HALF FULL APPROACH AND STATE: I HAVE LOST 5LBS THIS WEEK! HA! COOL.

SO I HAVE A MINI GOAL. IM IN A WEDDING IN JUNE, THE 27TH TO BE EXACT. FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER BEEN IN A WEDDING, BESIDES MY OWN...YOU KNOW THE SAYING, ALWAYS A BRIDE NEVER A BRIDESMAID! WELL, MY DREAM HAS COME INTO FRUITION AND I WILL BE A BRIDESMAID IN MY AUNT'S WEDDING IN VEGAS!!!! SO ITS 1 WEEK AFTER MY BIRTHDAY (GOOOO GEMINIS!). SO MY MINI GOAL IS TO BE 250LBS OR LESS BY MY BIRTHDAY. WITH THAT SAID...

IT WILL ALSO BE THE DAY THAT I WILL REWARD MYSELF, IN THE COMFORTS OF MY OWN HOME, WITH A HEINIKEN LIGHT! THAT WAS MY DRINK OF CHOICE AND SINCE SURGERY, I HAVE BEEN A GOOD GIRL: NO ALCOHOL, NO COOKIES, CAKES, SUGAR, CHIPS, CRACKERS, SNACKS -100 CALORIE PACKS ARE THE DEVIL TOO, NOTHING. i HAVE ONLY HAD FOOD THAT IS APPROPRIATE AND GUILT FREE. THE ONLY GUILTY SNACK I CAN SAY IVE HAD IS GRAPES AND STRAWBERRIES, BUT REALLY?

NOTHING PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN TO GO ON THE BAF BOARDS AND HEAR QUESTIONS FROM FRESH POSTOPERS TALKING ABOUT THEY CAN EAT AN ENTIRE PAN OF CORN BREAD, BIRTHDAY CAKE, COOKIES, CAKES AND PIES...AND I DONT DUMP. REALLY? HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THIS EARLY ON? COME ON PEOPLE? WE HAVE THE REST OF OUR LIVES TO CHEAT AND SCREW UP THE SURGERY, WHY SO SOON? I DONT KNOW, BUT THAT VERY REASON ALONE IS WHY INSURANCE COMPANIES MAKE IT SO HARD FOR US REALLY TRYING FOLKS TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE DAMN HOOPS TO GET THE SURGERY DONE. THEY DONT WANT TO SPEND ANY OF THEIR MONEY, LET ALONE WASTE IT ON PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO DENY THE URGE AND SABOTAGE THEIR SURGERIES. LETS COMMIT TO OURSELVES TO BE BETTER. DONT BUY THE SNACKS, CARBS, OR 100 CALORIE SNACK PACKS AT ALL. IF ITS NOT IN YOUR HOUSE YOU ARE LESS LIKELY TO EAT IT. WORK IT OUT PEOPLE!

HOLLABACK.

(editorial note: i did consume tostitos at the end of December at a card night at my friends' house,and I paid for it deeply...beware of the kindness of others.....)

Listen up pre-ops...no one said your life will be all peaches and cream once you have the surgery. With that said, the same bitter monthly cycle you experiences pre op, will still be the same bitter monthly cycle you experience post op. NO less. And i mean it. Including the bloating, fatigue, and either weight gain or no loss at all. So from last week I think I lost 2lbs, which to me is sad. B/c i kinda gained 1 lb since my waking up saturday at 299.2. This am i was 300.2.  Down 66lbs since 9/18, down 51lbs since surgery. Which is cool, but check this out: I havent been to the gym since thursday. Now i know some of you are like, "SO", especially since some of my fabulous post op friends have not been to the gym at all...but i do feel like a slacker. So NO gym since thursday, i havent worked out since Friday (walk around the neighborhood), although I did go skating Monday night. My cycle just makes me feel heavy, miserable, and extremely tired. With that said, im getting ready to put on my shoes and go to work so i can get off in time to go to the gym, then another night of skating. I'm learning. My new mini goal is to be 250lbs by my birthday! June 20. I'm 50 away. Its been 12 weeks since RNY. Other than my precious time of this month, I'm good. NO complaints (other than the obvious) and no complications. Praise God. Enjoy your Hump day!

Hollaback!

so today i spent 2 hours in Ross. which is a milestone. Usually im in and out of the home section b/c i can never find cute clothes that fit. but girrrrrl, the gate is open. I tried on all 2x dresses, 16 of them. All the sundress summer dress type dealies, and a maxi dress. LOVED every last one of them. For the first time ever in ever forever ever ever, I fit everything. So to reward myself, i bought absolutely nothing! B/c the bigger goal is to wait until the summer is closer (in florida, that means march) and then purchas a dress or two. Seriously by May. BUt i was so excited, I felt so good to finally be in a dressing room and 1. not be huffing and puffing and sweating, 2. putting stuff back to get a smaller size 3. no longer being a 3x. 4. loving my curvaceous size 24 body for once in a dressing room mirror. See that is how the devil will trick you. The devil is telling me that I look fabulous now so I should begin my career as a plus size model. But reality kicked in and said, NO, that plus size model is a size 8 so.......lmao. anyway, just a quick note of enjoying losing weight. Today i woke up at 300, im hoping by tmrw or sunday to be 2 something. HOllaback!

Greetings all. This will be quick. 1 day late, but im 306.4, lost 60lbs since my journey began. I have been doing ok. Still working out 4 days a week. I have a new love, roller skating. Ok at first it was roller blading, but i realized its not for me, so I picked up a rented pair of skates and GIIIIIRRRRRRLLLLS, Let me tell you. I'm no "ATL" extra, but I can skate on beat. In a few months, I'm going to be a rollerderby girl! Anyway, still going. Thanks for your comments, questions, and hellos. I really appreciate them. My friend circle isnt that large and it can get kinda lonely after I get off of work, so Thank You.

Good morning. It has been 9 weeks of wls journey. I really dont have much to say about it. Im happy about my weight loss, but I wish it was more. I wish it was -75! Its crazy, we push and push ourselves and constantly want more and living in this moment is not good enough? I have never lost 55 anything, I dont remember ever weighing myself at 311. Maybe if i did, i wouldve never got to 366? Not sure. May never know. I need to stop asking myself questions I either dont know the answer too, or wont ever find the answers for. Anyway, getting ready to go to work.

Question: does it irk anyone else when coworkers only ask you "how much weight have you lost!"....every damn day? Really loud? or period. Ok, im at the point in my life and wls that I want to keep to myself. I want to be alone. This is the me time. I really dont want to answer any questions. Especially to you. You dont even talk to me any other day, we are not friends. We do not go to lunch. My weight is my business, no? Or when someone feels they need to say something and they go " I can really tell!" or "It shows in your face." Really? I didnt fucking know that last night as I tried on 32 pairs of pants and none of then fit, that it was really showing? idk MAYBE im just being mean. But I doubt it.

When did my total existence. The very being of who I am, start to resolve around my weight? I actually think I was far more interesting before I lost weight, to tell you the truth. B/c I found myself in everybody's happy light and being the center of attention, everybody's Oprah. Is this how thinner people feel? That they are just there in a mediocre office, mediocre world? Where everyone looks alike, vying and fighting towards the same goal? Now that I'm losing the weight, sometimes I feel like I'm losing my self. Literally and figuratively. Its scary. I hope this smaller voice in my mind doesnt make me feel like I need to be bigger in order to feel like being bothered. Usually ppl become more social, more popular, more likeable after the weightloss, however, for me, take that thought and those feelings, and flip them 180. I think I'm becoming a total self absorbed, self centered, dont want to be bothered, bratty, female. Is that what is to come? I really hope not. ++

Well, sorry for the rant, but this is how i feel at 9am on a Wednesday during one of the greatest weeks ever. On a lighter note: i THINK JAYONCE IS PREGNANT AND MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!

hOLLABACK

really quick: im exhausted and i need to eat: Just left the gym. worked it out. im down 51 lbs since I started in september. down 36lbs since surgery. I guess thats not bad. I dont think i can lose 15 lbs in a week, so i missed dr. dlc notion of being under 300lbs, but he shouldve know that i wasnt going to lose 37 lbs in a month. anyway, im kinda bummed about it, but i reallly dont feel that bad. screw it. ummmm, nothing else going on here. still working which is cool. yesterday i wore a belt for the first time since.......high school? it was funny, i forgot i had it on, but going through the metal detectors at  court, forgot i had it on!

Getting dressed in the mornings used to be so easy for me. My entire closet is filled with 26/28 from Lane Bryant and a very few pieces from Avenue. They are all the same size. To put this in perspective for you: The master bedroom closet is a walkin closet. 3 walls. 12 ft ceiling. OK, nice size closet, very  nice sized. Well, I dont share a closet. My husband uses the closet in the 3rd bedroom. Its all my closet. All filled with one size. Im pretty much on a 60 + day rotations with outfits. And still there are things i have never worn. So It was kinda fun getting dressed everyday. Now, I hate it. I ABSOLUTELY HATE getting dressed for work. I have to try on everytyhing at night to make sure it barely fits and i keep frumpiness to a minimum b/c everytyhing is saggy and baggy. I hate it! I have clothes that I bought before surgery saying to myself i will lose a few lbs in the beginning and i will then wear it, NOPE! Totally missed out on a few of my favorite pieces. Never got a chance towear it. My Pea coat, never wore, put it on last night to walk my dog. So sad. I hate it.

I dont really want to go anywhere b/c i have nothing that i can fit to wear. If there is anything that sucks about wls, this is it. So those 2 pair of jeans i had left out of the 27, yea, cant fit those anymore either. so now i have no jeans. I guess its minimal to complain about, but i want to go shopping so bad, but whats the point? I keep scouring Oldnavy.com to see if they got any cheap pieces, but sucks b/c you cant try it on. OH Well. I guess its time to eat......

OK, i COULDNT WAIT, about 3 days ago i was 316lbs! I've lost 50 lbs and I swear that heffer better not ever bring her fat ass around here again! Ok, I'm back. That is all for now.....I love you guys....(I love me more, can't you tell)....

Weight loss is still going. I think i was 324 last wednesday. so there is a change. I cut back on weight training and am only doing cardio with a little bit of weight training, very little. My clothes are starting to look like, "why dont you just buy your own damn size." I think my weight loss is speeding up b/c of work. Now dont get me wrong, i am no longer the workaholic i used to be. I am strictly an 8 hour a day kinda girl now! I wasnt before, but its all about me this year! I still work out at least 4 days a week. One thing i noticed though, my hair is starting to come out more than the usual strands. You cant tell but i noticed in the shower while washing my hair i had like 5 strands in my hand. Then, if you look at one of my pics with my lil brother, my hairline looks a different color than my face. That is not makeup. I am not wearing any foundation at all, thats where my hair once was. I think that is from wiping sweat from my face while workout out, my hair is getting caught in the towel, or whatever, i guess i will start blotting instead of wiping. So weird, i just noticed it while looking at the pics last night. at first i thought it was from going to the beach on christmas and not putting sunblock on my whole face or maybe i missed a spot, but then i looked closer and saw there were tiny missing spaces of hair. whatever. thank good for thick hair. i need to get in more protein and pray!

shopping is still not a pleasure b/c im in between sizes and being a black girl with a ghetto booty, makes jeans fit like hell. they're either too big, too short, or not long enough in the butt area. which brings me to this: Big Girls, Thick girls, teenage momma's, grown people, pimps, playas and hustlas. know this:  WHEN YOU EITHER HAVE CHILDREN OR BECOME A WOMAN, YOUR SEAT BECOMES LONGER! THE SPACE BETWEEN YOUR BUTT AND WHERE YOUR BACK ENDS. THAT IS LONGER. WITH THAT SAID, LET GO OF THE JUNIOR'S CLOTHES. YES YOU CAN FIT IT, BUT NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THE CRACK OF YOUR ASS! OK. i GET SO SICK OF SEING WOMEN/GIRLS with these literally "little assed" jeans on. They are made for "juniors." girls who have not had kids, or have not had sex, or who have not had their period. NOT YOU! ok...I digress......So I still hate to shop, but i can fit Target Shoes! My feet have shrunk a tiny bit. Well, I'm off work today so im going to take my early afternoon nap! TTYL.

FIRST OF ALL: NON SCALE VICTORY: I CAN FIT TARGET SHOES!...i RAN ON THE TREADMILL TODAY!

SECOND, IF YOU CLICK "DECEMBER" TO THE RIGHT, YOU CAN GET THE LATEST POSTS.---nevermind, deleted some cookies, its working now...i think. january 2009 just popped up, but the weight tracker is still broke.  OH IS TRIPPIN' RIGHT NOW. AS YOU CAN SEE BELOW, THE WEIGHT GRAPH HAS REVERTED BACK TO 2008 ITS OFF. AND MY RECENT POSTS ARENT SHOWING UP EITHER. IDK WHATS GOING ON. ANYWAYS. IM DOING GREAT.

IM STILL ON MY WORKOUT REGIME OF ONLY CARDIO, PUT THE WEIGHTS DOWN! TREADMILL, BIKE, AND ELLIPTICAL-MAYBE. BUT AT LEAST 30 MINS ON TREAD AND 15 ON BIKE. IM GOOD. I FEEL GOOD. MY SPACE IS GOOD. MY HOME IS GOOD. MY MARRIAGE IS GREAT. MY HAIR IS SURVIVING THE WORKOUT AND IT HASNT STARTED FALLING OUT YET, ACTUALLY, ITS GROWING UNCONTROLLABLY AND ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME, KNOWS I HATE LONG HAIR ON ME AND I LOVE MY HAIR SHORT, SO IM TRIPPING.....I DIGRESS.  MY DOG IS....WELL, WE MUST STILL PRAY FOR HIM.

MY NEW YEAR WAS COOL. I DONT HAVE ANY UNATTAINABLE, UNREACHABLE, GONE BY THE 30TH RESOLUTIONS. I FEEL LIKE I ALREADY HAD MY START IN NOVEMBER WITH RNY. THIS TIME ITS GOING TO WORK. ITS A DEFINITE RESOLUTION. AS DEFINITE AS I MAKE IT. I GOT A VERY VERY BUSY YEAR THIS YEAR, GRADUATIONS, 2 WEDDINGS, 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH MY HUSBAND, AND OTHER SECRETS AND SUPRISES TO GO ON, SO I GOT TO KEEP MY MIND FOCUSED AND RIGHT. HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A COOL NEW YEAR AND ARE SAFE AND SUCCEEDING ON YOUR PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS!

HOLLABACK.

OMG: SORRY IMANI, TOTALLY FORGOT. BUT YOU TUBE IS UP AND POPPING. Well today is new years eve. My husband is at work unti the wee hours of the morning. I got off work at 5, but tomorrow is my holiday to work 8-5pm. so I'm off friday, then I have to work this weekend. It could be a good time to complain, but hey--I GOT A JOB WITH BENEFITS!!! So i definitely won't complain. I praise GOD. Well I'm down from last week as you can see. I feel ok about it, finally. You see the last time I worked out and lost weight, I got down to 327.7. That was my lowest weight. So being under that seems like an accomplishment. I have 24 pairs of jeans, I can only fit 4. Jeans run me anywhere from $34.50-79.50, so you can imagine how I feel.  I keeps recycling the same pair of jeans, I dont care. **sidenote: Imani, remember those 'hot girl' tight ass jeans I bought from LB when we were in orlando for Mardi gras? And they were so tight I could barely breathe, and you go "you need 1 pair of hot girl jeans when you go out, you dont need to be able to eat in them. " remember that? Mmmmhmm, well, a Non Scale Victory: I can take those jeans off without unbuttoning them. Sad. And the booty is saggy. Worse.

WEll thats 10lbs this month. Slow but oh well. It could be nothing. i have also decided to stop weight training for a month. I firmly believe this is why I was gaining weight or not losing any. I put on muscle mass really easy and I think that's what was happening. Thanks TY for the advice. That's my new experiment for the next 4 weeks.

Bills: Now the hospital bills are finally rolling in. Did you know the hospital charges $5000 pharmacy fee? I know good and damn well I did not use $5K worth of pain meds. Did they not know I have a prescription plan? I tell you. So im only responsible for $2500 out of pocket, however, My surgeon still has not submitted their claim and I Paid my 20% to them up front, which means, they owe me my 20% back b/c my ins should cover it 100%. Same with the psych eval I had to pay for. I tell you........

Well It's 931pm, i guess me and the puppy will see whats on pay per view. My husband's at work, and Im working tmrw. That is the story of our life. Work Work Work. But again, I wont complain. We are comfortable in our living and doing fine--Praise Jesus! But it does get lonely.....ttyl

hollaback!