Focused on My Goal - Shit Just got real - real scary

Jan 07, 2015

In November I got a kidney stone, then Thanksgiving happened, then daughters birthday, then passed the kidney stone then Christmas Then a 2 week vacation to Oregon. I had a lot going on and somehow didn't care about me for a bit. I wanted to care. I kept telling myself tomorrow I will do better, same old excuses. Somehow being busy and on vacation gave me a case of the F-Its.

I just had a serious wake up call.

I am pre-disposed to diabetes, heart disease, sleep apnea, breast cancer, arthritis and more. I am doing this surgery to get healthy. I started this roller coaster in June 2014. I started my classes in October. I feel like this has been my worst crash diet yet. Funny thing is, I am changing things. I just can't seem to be consistent. Having to log and pay attention to every bite has made me loose my shit more than once a week and I am beating myself up worse now than I ever did before this started. I think maybe that could be because it took me a while to know, actually be fully aware of how big I was. I usta eat and say to myself "oh I'm not that big." That was bull shit. I was bull shitting myself. Now I pay attention and I know what I am doing and it is hard. On one hand, I am so glad I am becoming aware of my habits and am looking forward to a brighter future. On the other hand, I have gained because of it.

Here is the big kicker. My husband just got the news from a biopsy that he has cancer. Shit just got real. I know there is a lot of successful treatment out there and we don't know how bad it is or anything until they can do a PET scan done. (waiting on apt to open) But no matter what the positive side is, it is still happening and we still have to deal with it. This makes me want to try harder at this 10% weight loss. I have 71 days to loose my weight. I have to loose it to ensure the fastest route to a surgery date and a to ensure a fast recovery so I can be healthy for whatever comes up in the next year. I am freaking scared. I know now how important my health is now, not that I didn't before but, my husband and I have a 5 year old daughter. We need to live long and be a healthy family. I am hoping for some luck here. We desperately need it.