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Talk about Patience is a virtue, I am trying to live proof of that, but boy is it hard...Okay, the Weight Loss Center submitted my information about a month ago this week and I am still waiting to see if I am approved..I am not bugging them b/c while I am waiting I am trying to see if I can lose as much weight as possible...Since I can't weigh myself on a regular scale, I have to go certain places to weigh myself..When I went to the GNC the scale said that I lost about 8 pounds from when I went to see the doctor 3 weeks ago...well I feel skeptical b/c I don't want to get my hopes up and then find out I didn't lose the weight that I thought..I have been working out 5 times a week..and I am going to try my hardest to work out twice a day, 5 times a week. I have cut back on my food intake..even though I do have my moment of weakness..overall I am doing okay..
My back has been really sore..I have been trying not to stress is too much, but I am on a mission..I have to lose atleast 15 pounds this month..I have two weeks to lose an addtional 10 pounds...so I just have to remain focus and pray...Pray hard...

My job is driving me up the wall right now and I want to throw up the duece sign and leave, but right now is not the time to be looking for a job..but TRUST-Once everything falls into place..I will be looking for another job!!!!! 

Yesterday I finished the last of my appointments/classes.  I took the big nutritional class to teach you about your diet after the surgery.  All I have to say is WHOA...I think my biggest challenge that I have been working on is chewing my food properly and also not drinking while eating.  When you are use to doing something for so long its hard to break the habit...

The session was about two hours and it was 7 of us in the room going over the diet plan. It was interesting and comforting to know that other people are having the same/similar problems.  When the people that were having the Lap-Band done and they heard that bread will have to be eliminated from their diet...the room came to an uproar..can you imgine all these fat people being told that they can not have bread anymore..it was like they were told that they were going to prison...people were plea bargining and promising stuff to the nutrionist..and the lady was just standing there giggling and shaking her head No.

Also, we were told that alcohol now has to be eliminated from our diets..people also was upset about that...I can feel their pain and also felt some type of way, but have to get it in my head that if I want to lose weight sucessfully after this surgery, I have to commit to the diet..

I spoke with my doctor's office and they told me that they will be mailing off my 5 year medical history either today or Monday..I am giving them until Thursday and I am going to start harrassing them..  Its hard to believe that over the past 9 months I have been to some type of doctor's office atleast 25 times..its crazy...I have had every type of test known to man kind.  No wonder I am so dam broke...between co-pays and paying a percentage..my pockets are empty. I decided to take on a side job at a ocncert for some extra money..I hope everything turns out okay with my back..We are supposed to be standing up for long periods of time and I normally would decline the offer due to my back, but I thought of the extra money and accepted.  Please pray for me!!!

This past weekend I got tested for sleep apena at Emory hospital. The room that they had me in was nice. When I arrive there, the nurse that helped me was very nice. She made me feel at ease. I also found out that she too had the GBS five years ago. She was still a little bit heavy, but not as she was before. She stated that she wieghed over 400 pounds. We talked for a good half an hou about our journey. She told me that she too had to go through several test.  She was very inspirational.  Its weird how I am coming across several people that had the surgery or was thinking hoving the surgery.  

She then hooked me up to several wires after I changed into my night clothes. they I was covered from head to toe in cords. I was already sleepy from getting up early that morning and then going swimming, but when it was time for me to go to sleep, I couldn't. I eventually went to sleep around 11pm and kept getting up b/c I couldn't breathe out my nose. Between the plugs in my nose and my sinus draining I was miserable.. After taking some sinus meds, I finally able to fall asleep. I then had to sleep on my back, which I don't do. They woke me up at 6am and I was gone by 6:30am . When I got home I was able to go back to sleep the way I wanted too.

Things have been going fine lately. I have been walking in the mornings since its too hot to walk after work. I went swimming and am going to try and go swimming at least 3 times a week after work.  I am wrapping all my testing...all I have left is this diet evaluation and then I cam make an appointment to see the surgeon so that I can submit all my information...I can not wait until I hear those magic words: I have been approved.  The diet that I have been on has been horrible..I can't seem to stay on it...I think I am losing some more weight b/c my body feels different..a little lighter..I won't be able to see my nutriionalist until next month sometime..so that should wrap out my supervised diet...

This week I had two appointments: I went to see the Dietation...This diet I am having a super hard time staying on...I find myself hungry all the time..I have been trying to snack on fruit and eat smaller portions, but man is it hard...I have been still working out...its good fine...My back still hurting, but I am able to walk twice a day now...I gained a hlaf of pound from the last time I got weighed..

The other appt was with the pulmonary doctor..It took me forever in a day to find the doctor's office..When I finally got there I was hot, irritated and hungry..then I had to take this hour breathing test that seemed impossible...They tell you to take a deep breathe and hold and then exhale and keep exhaling until you can't anymore..but keep trying...

I did manage to get clearance from the pulmonary doctor..I still have to schedule to take my sleep test..after this supervised diet I will be done with the pretesting......These 6 months flew by

Last month I tried my best to stay on track even though it was a my birthday month. I celebrated my 28th birthday. I went home to visit my parents and cousin in North Carolina for a few days.  Things were peaceful and I enjoyed it that way.  I mainly went away to get a piece of mind about some things that have been going on with my life and I have to say...you can never run from your problems..no matter how far you you travel..they will follow you.. 

Every year for my birthday something crapy would always happen to get me in a bad funk..it would be mainly becuase of the guy that I was dealing with...but this year there was nothing...probably b.c I stopped speaking to him about 3 months ago and I do not have any other male friends in my life...Don't get me wrong-I do miss him ALOT..but I do not miss how much I played myself to win his attention..I do not miss how he never wanted to spend time with me... But everyday I find myself wanting to pick up the phone to call him and tell him I am sorry for how things went down...but just can't see myself picking up the phone..for what...I was the one that decided to back away..I need time to get over him..I love that boy with all my heart, but I love myself more..For a few years I dealt with loving him and being rejected by him with food..and now I am trying to get my mind and body right..maybe in the future we will speak again or maybe not..but all I know is that I did all I could do to get him to love me...all I finally realize that I can not make anyone fall in love with me!!!

So I find myself waking up in the moring and wondering when this pain will go away along with my other physical pain in my body..I have been trying to remain focus with losing weight..I am still working out at lest 4-5 times a week and trying to start walking in the morning before heading to work...my back is killing, but I suck it up and keep working out...

Doubts run through my head that maybe this is not for me..but quickly shake off these deviiish thoughts..if its meant to be..God will clear the path for me to get this surgery...

Today, I had my appointment with the Nutrionalist to go over my first month on this diet.  I lost 6 pounds so I am happy about that..I decided to take the rest of the day off from work and relax.  My body was so sore and I was tired..It just felt good to be off from work.....

Today, I just got some very disturbing news and I just had to share with everyone. Please excuse me if I vent too much, but I am just so angry.  
For the New Year my job decided to start an aroebics class after work twice a week for $2 per class.  Since my co-workers and I are hard on cash to join a gym we thought this was excellent idea at a cheap cost. One of our co-workers has a extensive background in physical fitness and health offered to teach the class. Since the company I work for subleases the building from American Heart Association, we had to ask their permission to use one of their big conference rooms to work out in.  They agree only if we put everything back and sign a waiver. I decided to join them in February and fell in love with the class.

Well four months later, we get some upsetting news that the American Heart Association does not want us to work out in their building at all.  They tried to give our boss some crappy excuses about how we never put things back (which we do), next it was bad ventalition in the room, and then just said we had to stop.  I am just appaud that of all organization, that promotes excersising and living a healthier life can be so hyprocritical and close our aroebics class. 

I personally depend on these classes. They help with stretching my bad back and helping me lose weight.  It gave me the motivation to continue excercising so that I can get this surgery.  By any means am I saying that AHA is a bad organization, all I am saying that they need to think about who they hire at will represent their organization.  

I am not going to stop working out ...I am going to continue doing what I have to do to live a better life...but I am sure going to write the Better Business Bearu and let them know how I feel.