Week 4 & 3/4 (ok almost week 5)

Jun 17, 2009

Well, its been good, its been bad its been. I have gone back and forth in my feelings about having had the surgery. My husband has mostly been positive since he cant believe how quickly I am getting so small. but when i am sick (nauseated and complaining), he wishes i hadnt done it. I think i have moved past those feelings now.
I still cant seem to get protein shakes down, and if i get them down they hurt my tummy for a good 45 mintues and then i feel sick for a while still. I have tried lots of tricks. I am still going to keep trying but for now, i am just backing off a little for a little while. A new friend made me some SF protein pudding, i can eat that, but not really enough to get enough protein, i am just feeling like every little bit helps. I tried a tiny piece of egg today (whites) and so far so good. I had some fage yogurt last night (less then 1/2 oz). i am just focusing on protein that isnt in a shake for now. Possibly this weekend i will give the shakes another go. I did take a few vitamins yesterday and might again today (depending on how i feel).
Work is work ( a four letter word). I have discussed with my boss and coworker trading hrs with her, she is only alloted 24 hrs per week BUT has been working 32 hrs per week for over a year, when upper managemnt was asked if she could lock in those hours, they said no. I have a 35hr alloted hr per week schedule but have only been about to work around 25 hrs a week to date (I cant help that i need my nap). So my boss seemed supportive, my coworker did not. Right now she has the best of both worlds (she can work 32hrs/wk if she wants BUT doesnt have to). i am going to push this issue. For me i could get in serious trouble if i contine working short hours after my FMLA has expired. I also want to go back to school. there is a class in september but i wont be ready financially or probably physically. the next class starts in March and i HOPE to be financially ready for that one, at a worse case senerio i could go Sept 2010 (ugh). I need a different career. Responsibility be damned MY SOUL needs feeding now that i am not feeding my gut! So if  i can get part time hours, i can hopefully work and go to school at the same time. THE SCARY PART...medical insurance. I cover my family through work, we would end up going self insure when i graduate and begin working as a massage therapist. SO HERE OS HOPING President Obama gets HealthCare Insurance through, becasue as it  is now, i think covering my kids, husband and self would cost me a 2-3 thousand a month (rough estimates from friends). I think i could get away with 1 thousand to 1500 if i worked enough (getting started in massage therapy takes a second). But AGAIN, i need to do this for me, for my own happiness, i need to put this first. My current job/career is and has been eating away at me, making me eat away. My dietician pointed this out and said its pretty common cause for people to eat who are miserable in their job, its what most of their time is spent doing, so if you are not happy with it, you are mostly not happy. (most of the time). GOD will help me find a way to make this work, i just know it!
What else? the unofficial weight is 233???
well, gotta run, thats enough for now anyway, right.

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