slow slowslow

Jan 19, 2010

WEll, My weightloss has slowed, to be expected says my logic brain, my emotions are like WTF..HELP. I have been working these past 2 weeks (51 hrs work plus 4 hrs school at night, then homework and massage practice)...I am spent and needed time off, GOD saw to it, he made my babysitter awful so i had to fire them, and now i cannot work as much. Funny but probably good. The work was good for me though, very physical running, bending, stretching, lifting..all in a pharmacy.
I am at 165 which should be so exciting but the reality isnt that or it still hasnt hit. i am a size 11 pants and a medium top (depending Old Navy sizes are off, i am a medium in both there). skin skin skin...uck. thankful my face is still tight.
going to see doctor for first follow up in a while. sucks not having insurance the visit is 125 - 175 and the lab is...879. but i gotta do it, i need those labs and my rx for iron.
nervous about graduating school and going back to work or starting to work in massage. it is my life and my love though. when i am finished giving a massage, i am so happy and at peace...strange but true. i never was a giving healing helping person much not for just any body but with massage, i am. i connect to them in a way that only lets me see the good, feel the good and help them get better, to calm the mind and body and restore physical and emotional wellness. and from that we both walk away breathing and smiling in a better place. its just still trippy to me. so is it when i see my leg or a photo of me..wow. even funnier is a fat photo..i am like "that isnt me, i was nver THAT FAT...,was i?"
Still have food issues, try and stick to the doctor advice, protein shakes 3x day and all my suppliments then i try and have a bit of nuts or cheese or that. i do have sugar free chocolates...but i dont feel guilty and i only eat 1 or 2 tiny pieces. i do still measure my food because i know i can eat more, more then i should and more then i want to. me and food got a long road ahead of us! Trying to make peace, and find a healthy happy place.
I do love this sandwhich place called Jimmyjohns, they make a lettuce wrap...mmmh and guilt free! but still, i can eat too much of it, if i dont cut it and portion it out...food is funny because an alcholoic never has to drink again, a drug addict never has to use his heroine again, we, we still have to eat and be surrounded by eating people, smells, commercialls etc! But i am doing it!
supportive family and friends!
well...i gotta go go go!
xoxoxo

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