OhButSheHasSUCHaPrettyFace
Still here, still fabulous, still fat...
Feb 19, 2009
But seriously, have I mentioned that I'm fabulous? Okay, I have. It's been one year and almost a month and a half since surgery. I'm at 230lbs. I've gained muscle, I've lost fat and while the process is slow...I'm still losing. And the process wouldn't be slow if I didn't cheat.We all cheat, right? I'm not the only one out here...cheating all by myself. A big, fat, (and yet apparently muscular) cheater.
I've been determining what kind of mental unbalance I have to make me food obsessed. I've determined that I'm basically a man. With men, (most men...let's not generalize and make people peeved with me) you can mention certain words...and those words will pop up certain images in a mans frenzied and fevered sexually deprived brain. Women know this. This is called power.
Now, take me...there are certain words that will get my juices flowing...words such as "creamy"..."cheesy"..."fried"..."crispy"..."pastry"..."icing"..."buttery"..."golden"...there are so many words in the human vocabulary that really just turn me on. Turn me on towards food that is. The Food Network is my sick style of video pornography...cookbooks are my style of Playboy. And as in pornography...reality rarely meets my expectations and standards...and as with men and sex, I will need to find a way to make reality fit into the nice sized box that it deserves to be in.
There are some things in life that rarely meet our standards, but the few things that go above and beyond give us hope that someday, we will meet that perfect cream puff that is all that we've dreamed of. Peanut butter cups do this. I've never come across any combination of peanut butter and chocolate that didn't do everything that I thought it would...luckily, I rarely crave these. No, I crave the impossible.
And really, like a married man flirting with the idea of cheating, so often...I pick up that cream-horn...I nibble, I flirt, I desire, I appreciate...and voila...while I've done most everything past the point of nibbling, that nibbling bite expands in my stomach, pain shoots EVERYWHERE and I can't complete the act...and then, whatever I have woofed up in the toilet is replaced with a poisonous guilt...
And as with some men...the deciding factor of "was that really cheating" could be dismissed with ideas such as "well, I didn't actually have intercourse with that woman"..."well I didn't actually eat all of that cream horn and I woofed up most of what I did eat..."
So here I am...orally transgenderized by food. Not condoning cheating...not really even explaining it away...but essentially accepting it as a flaw that I need to fix, to control.
0 Comments
About Me
Spokane, WA
Location
40.8
BMI
Surgery
02/08/2010
Surgery Date
May 15, 2007
Member Since
