What on earth!?

Jan 20, 2012

The first week of my New Years resolution...I started paying attention to what I ate...and I was fine...lost from 209 to 203...and then without any changes, I went from 203 to 208.  No reason as to why that I can see.  Logged all of my food.  Reviewed it.  Nothing.  So, desperate Jen's call for desperate measures...I figured out my Weight Watchers daily allowance under the points plus program...27 points is what I've discovered from the formula derived from multiple internet sites. 

Thanks to the sleeve, this is easy peasy...I'm not hungry, I can easily stay within 25-27 points and I'm actually enjoying researching all the products to discover their points.  I also get the 35 extra a week which again, thanks to the sleeve, I have never actually tapped into.  So, I've been doing this for approximately 2 weeks.  

2 weeks.  I weighed myself today...I'm at 208.  2-0-8.  2 weeks.  I'm getting my protein in...thanks to a protein shake that gives me 52 grams of protein and is low sugar and low carb...it's only 6 points on weight watchers...

I've always been a slow loser...but it's because I've been so relaxed with it all...I've not the anal-losing-weight person...and I assumed that was the cause of the low weight.  I walk around for 8 hours a day...I'm not totally sitting on my tush.  

Any ideas?  I'm just stumped...
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Empowered =c)

Jan 01, 2012

 I took a leave of absence from serious  bariatric dieting.  I got pregnant (YAY!) and had baby...(YAY!) and while my surgeon warned me about getting pregnant before 14-18 months after surgery, my family Dr's assured me that I would never have children.  I will trade this miracle for the extra work it's going to now take to lose the weight.  I try to look at the overall journey, starting out at around 350...losing all of that weight,...losing my lapband...getting the sleeve...and then having baby.  =c) During the pregnancy, they diagnosed me with gestational diabetes.  I'm curious if maybe the results of the test that I took for the diabetes was thrown off due to my stomach.  When do I ever sit there and drink 50 ML of straight sugar?  It made me sick, took days to recover from that test and of course, my blood sugar jumped to 375 *scary* but I took the daily finger prick test and my blood sugar was fine for the most part.  A few jumps but nothing serious and I rarely had to take medication for it.  However, the diet that the counselor tried to put me on was 175g's of carbs and to stay away from the protein.  I went from 180 to 225.  Fantastic news though =c) Within a week of giving birth, I was down to 188.  

My body has changed in so many ways.  The way my body has adapted to food and the types of food that makes me gain weight has changed.  No longer does portion control alone work for me.  I'll admit that I've always been a slow loser and it's entirely my fault.  The type of food was low on the list of priorities.  The amount of food was what I paid attention to and I never really paid attention to my body telling me I was full.  I'd have a small portion and eat that small portion despite the fact that I was totally stuffed.  I drink while I eat.  Horrible and I'm addicted to it.  RIght now, I'm sitting here acknowledging it...with my coffee on one side and my egg scramble on the other.  I took three small bites of egg scramble and reached for the coffee...and I felt it.  That instant pain, full feeling that means there's too much.  Now I'm looking at both.  I want the coffee more than I want the food.  I wouldn't want the coffee if I didn't put gingerbread creamer in it (any suggestions on creamers for coffee that coordinates with my new lifestyle are more than welcome).  I should eat the food as it's good for me.  I'm thinking that since I woke up late (11:30am after going to bed at 4am due to a NY party) that I might save my scramble for a half an hour after I drink the coffee.  

Back to the body changing...it's no longer so simple.  I lost the baby weight to 188...I was so proud, but I'm currently weighing in at 209.  I don't eat a ton of food.  How can I?  But I've noticed grazing and even my portion control is out of control.  I had an enchilada meal the other day.  I took about 1/10 of the enchilada and two tablespoons of refried beans and that amount alone was enough to cover the paper plate.  That was a HUGE portion, but in retrospect, such a tiny portion compared to what I ate before surgery.  I could have eaten that entire plate and then some... but now, it's out of the question...in fact, no longer a question (that's how far removed I am from my OLD lifestyle).

It's time for a change.  Time to take control of my weight.  No magic genie is going to make this happen.  I have this tool and I know the tool works and I'm too damn stubborn and food obsessed to allow it to work for me as I work around it in every way I can.  I have no excuse.  I no longer physically crave food, I have head hunger...I need to do this, for myself, for my baby, for my husband, for everything I've ever wanted in life for myself.  If I can't do this, how can I be an example of healthy living to my child?  

I'm not going to beat myself up for my coffee and creamer and my egg scramble.  Nothing changes overnight and the fact that I acknowledged the problem and found a solution to it in the future (paying attention to the basic rules is a good start) then it's not a failure...it's simply a lesson to learn from, to move on from.  I haven't been on in awhile and I've noticed a few of my friends on my list are now posting on the Failed Surgery forum.  I'm not.  I'm posting on the Back on Track...because that's exactly where I'm at. 


I broke out of the 190's!!!!

Aug 10, 2010

I was 189 this morning!  Thank you Atkins induction diet for kicking my tush into gear.  I love this sleeve.  I'm eating a minimum of food altogether, but I totally upped the protein so really, right now, that's all I'm eating.  In another week, I'll slowly add in the good carbs.  The second best part?!  The headhunger for the bad stuff has gone away.  If I get snacky, I have a meat and cheese roll up that I can snack on and it's all a part of the induction.  Awesome awesome awesome.

Stall?! What stall?!

Jun 30, 2010

I kept thinking I've been stalling for 3 weeks.  I haven't.  I looked it up.  I've been this weight since 6/15.  I reach 195 every morning, after I comb my hair *since I'm losing my hair, I figured that if I comb it out, I'll lose an ounce...or a pound or such*...
I go for the marathon BM, shake myself awake (I heard that you're a dead weight if you're tired...gotta be awake and perky for my weigh-in).  195.  By the end of the day, I'm 197-198.  On a particularly depressing day, I reach 199, go for another BM and get to 198 or even, 197.  

I started my period today.  Hoping that this will break the mental stall as well.  Everything is going decently good in life right now.  I got a new manager who adores me, hence my job doesn't suck.  I have this uber amazing hubby who loves me to pieces.  I may have to have my gallbladder removed (on the bright side...that could lose me what...5oz of extra weight?) 
I have a cyst hanging around on my ovary...it has to be removed.  Bright side on that, I have vacation coming up so it won't interfere with anyone at work (they get really cranky when I have emergency surgery or when my mom died...)  Life isn't perfect, but it's high up there on the human interaction part.  

I'm trying to be positive about being a bit stuck at 195.  I hope to wake up any day and see 194...or even better, 185 *I lost 10lbs  overnight once and celebrated with popcorn like a moron and gained it all back plus 2 lbs...I'm still working that off*

I try to be realistic for my goals.  I remember reading about people who'd had the surgery in September...and by January, they'd lost 40-50-60 lbs...I was so impressed with their success.  I'd turn around to my husband and show him my screen and say, HEY!  Look...this is what they did!  I mean, seriously, I had the lapband for over a year and my weight was substantial, but most of it was lost in a 4 month period of being too sick to eat because of the lapband.  I've lost that amount now in 4.5 months.  How can I keep forgetting how much I rock and how much my sleeve rocks?  I had no delusions...I knew I wasn't going to wake up skinny.  Sometimes I wish I could kick my own ass. 
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Jun 27, 2010

This isn't some pornographic blog...but  was thinking this morning...I'm not a type A personality.  Oh, with money, sure...but I work with a bank.  Everything else, I'm live and let live.  Choices are awesome...I want to celebrate individual choices.  But it got me to thinking...Are people called "anal" because they over analyze things?  Or are they called anal because they went to Tight Ass University and at graduation, got a large stick shoved up their ass  (I work with a girl whom I'm pretty sure went there and has yet to remove the stick from her ass).  Lately...I've been wondering...does it make a difference when it comes to WLS and food?  I've been so anal about all of this...stick up ass type anal and the "I over analyze everything" type anal.
Yesterday was so busy, I didn't track what I ate.  And really...I got a bite here, a bite there...had some good steak last night as my hubby bbq'd.  I've been hovering between 199 and 196...so today I got to 195 *again*.  I had a bite of McDonalds yogurt parfait w/granola, one protein shake, coffee with creamer and...steak.  And a fudgebar.  

I think about food constantly in an effort to plan.  Keep the calories down, keep the sodium down, keep the fat down, keep the protein up.  I didn't feel hungry at all.  Not once.  Although no clue if I got my protein in.  I know I at least got 25g's of it (protein shake)...and more due to the bite of yogurt and the...oh!  I forgot...I had a mixture of ricotta cheese, refried beans and cottage cheese...micro'd.  1/4 cup of each...so...3/4 cup of that little mixture (with  cayenne pepper in it).

I had one bite of a crazy mac noodle to test doneness...but the dish was for my hubby.

Down a pound.  Oh, I'm sure it will go up again...but I'll be hovering one pound lighter. 

Then again, it could be that I just realized that my scale may not have been level. 


Protein goddess...yes I am!

Jun 25, 2010

Okay, so today was better than the past couple of days.  Maybe my body is adjusting, or else...my body just really liked dinner. 

I had my usual shake this morning, chocolate peanut butter muscle milk lite...

For lunch, I planned it out.  I dumped a serving size of each...refried beans (1/2 cup) and then ricotta cheese (1/4 cup) and then cottage cheese (1/2 cup) and then micro'd it and melted it all together.  Well, it wasn't gross!  I was surprised.  Anyhow, here's a rundown, I'm kinda tired still so I'll copy and paste.  Of course, I can't discount the calories when my husband takes a bit of whatever I'm eating.  I couldn't finish my lunch, so I saved it for dinner...and I couldn't finish my spinach or my tuna...but, altogether, I think it's close!  
Calories 611  
Total Fat 9.4 g 14%
   Saturated Fat 3.6 g 18%
   Trans Fat 0 g  
   Polyunsaturated Fat 0.1 g  
   Monounsaturated Fat 0 g  
Cholesterol 94.1 mg 31%
Sodium 1740 mg 73%
Potassium 1758 mg 37%
Total Carbohydrate 46.9 g 16%
   Dietary Fiber 11.7 g 47%
   Sugar 14.1 g  
Protein 83.5 g 167%
Cookies and Cream Muscle Milk Light (2 scoops) Calories: 195, Fat: 6g, Carbs: 11g, Sugar: 2g, Protein: 25g unfavorite  edit edit Source: Marci M. Calories: 195, Fat: 6g, Carbs: 11g, Sugar: 2g, Protein: 25g  


remove Rosarita Spicy Jalapeno Refried Beans (1 /2 cup (8 Tbs)) Calories: 120, Fat: 2.5g, Carbs: 18g, Sugar: 1g, Protein: 6g unfavorite  edit edit Source: Darlene G. remove cottage cheese (fat free) (1 /2 C) Calories: 80, Fat: 0g, Carbs: 6g, Sugar: 5g, Protein: 14g unfavorite  edit edit Source: heidig remove Ricotta Cheese Fat Free (62 g (1/4 cup)) Calories: 40, Fat: 0g, Carbs: 5g, Sugar: 5g, Protein: 5g unfavorite  edit edit Source: YoliDada Calories: 240, Fat: 2.5g, Carbs: 29g, Sugar: 11g, Protein: 25g  


remove Spinach, frozen, chopped or leaf, unprepared (1 cup) Calories: 45, Fat: 0.9g, Carbs: 6.6g, Sugar: 1g, Protein: 5.7g unfavorite  edit edit Source: USDA remove Onions, young green, tops only (1 tbsp) Calories: 1.5, Fat: 0g, Carbs: 0.3g, Sugar: 0.1g, Protein: 0.1g unfavorite  edit edit Source: USDA remove Bumble Bee Chunk Light Tuna (5 oz. Drained) Calories: 130, Fat: 0g, Carbs: 0g, Sugar: 0g, Protein: 28

OMG...what have I done?

Jun 24, 2010

Okay, so I started lowering the calories and upping the protein to kick start the weight loss that has been staying put for the past month and a half.  However, the past two days I've been too tired from lack of energy to come on here and post about the progress.

For breakfast, I had 1/2 cup cottage cheese...then lunch, 1/2 cup of refried beans and 1 cup of lite soup that's like 90 calories...

Then dinner, broth with three slices of pork and chives and cilantro.

Snack was string cheese.  

I'm going to go to bed now...too tired to work out, too tired to stay and chat.  

I hope this helps...I hope this works.  196-198 isn't doing the trick.  I have about 79 lbs to go...and the journey is getting longer as each day passes and there's no change.   
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I had my day planned...and then...

Jun 21, 2010

I did great this morning.  Protein shake-CHECK!  Then...3/4 oz cheese w/5 wheat thins...snack...happy with that.  Whole wheat is good for us, it's balanced, there was protein in the crackers.  I'm not sure if I'm justifying or making valid choices with those.
Then lunch came.  Wheat thins again, smothered in ricotta cheese and some pate'...protein central!  8 wheat thins.  *sigh*  that makes almost an entire serving size=150 calories, 2 g's of protein...
Then dinner...ah, nummy dinner.  I had a fish fillet.  No clue how many grams of protein are in a tiger trout, but we pan fried them in evoo and garlic.  The bone was left in so most of the serving size was bone...and I had 1/3 cup of yellow zucchini squash. 

Are we always going to question everything we eat?   Maybe that's a good thing.  I mean, it was a great deal of work to get up to 350lbs.  I didn't question any food choice.  The more the better, that was the rule.  Now...I question every calorie, every gram of sodium, every carb and every protein gram.  

Everyone has their own plan, their own ideas.   Daily, on the board, I hear advice that others completely disagree with.  What would have been amazing eating decisions 5 years ago for me are now subject to constant scrutinization. 

As I sit here, I'm not hungry.  I'm not craving bread...or anything for that matter.  I'm completely content.  It's 4.5 months out...I think my stall is breaking.  I hope it's breaking.  I'd like to see 195.  I'm at the point where each pound is now a goal not yet acknowledged.  

Exercise wise...I hope sex counts.  Even if he does all the work, I darn well hope it counts.  I've been crampy and nauseated all day long...so...*sigh* walking and sex is all I could fit into my busy work schedule.  I did walk across the yard to the garden to gripe about the beans smothering the tomatoes.  

I have a feeling that my weight loss journey isn't going to be this exciting new discovery path...more like a slow and steady walkabout...

As I mentioned before, I'm content...so I guess that's good enough for me.  

Daily Mantra-I'm going to be held accountable.

Jun 20, 2010

Accountable, accountable, accountable.  I always want to post, "what am I doing wrong!!?" and yet, I know enough of the non-bullshitters out there will set me straight.  Only I know what I'm doing wrong...and of course, when I look back on my journey, that whiny, apathetic towards weight loss part of me won't think...'Remember that donut that you had an affair with last week?  It's now attached itself to your left thigh and it won't go away for about a month without hardcore, butt kicking workouts'....

So here I am.  This will be my log, (pleaseletmekeepitup, pleaseletmekeepitup)...Good intentions only being half the battle, my wonderful willpower that was once strong enough to drive me through a blizzard to get a Big Mac has seemed to disappear when I really need it.  I'm just pissed off enough to try to turn the tides.  

Today I woke up at the lake.  Yesterday was a non-stop gorgefest of good and bad.  I craved the good, I was offered the bad and I caved on both.  What's good about that plate of cheese and fish if I follow it up with two doritos?  So today was a new day.  I started out with coffee...and about two tablespoons of milk.  Not much of a coffee drinker but up here in the Northwest, we're drowning in cold dismal days and nothing colder and more dismal than being at the lake on a rainy day.  My brother offered me a bite of his subway sandwich to illustrate how hot it was...so one bite of chicken with super hot stuff sandwich with a whole wheat bun was breakfast (and it was hot)...
My uncle had us stay at the cabin for an extra two hours and in that two hours, I hate 4 more Doritos and some sort of protein bar but I have no idea what the nutritional info was because the box had been thrown away.  It was really good so I'm sure it was horrible for me.  It had Chex cereal in it...pretty sure that alone should have tipped me off to it being not on the VSG approved list.  For dinner, I had half of the remaining sandwich.  I had one spicy pepperoni stick on the way home.  For desert, one red velvet lite Yoplait...(yogurt is my new go-to for something sinful without the sin)....
All in all, a slow come back for the foodgasm of yesterday.  Tomorrows meals are planned out, looking to stick between 500-600 calories and getting all of my protein in.  So far, so good.  =c)

The sneaky snackified blog...SUCK IT NUT CLUSTERS!

Jun 11, 2010

I don't want my weight and the loss of said weight to be the center of my universe.  I don't want food to be the center of my universe.  I don't want exercise and the proper calorie count to be the center of my universe. 

I never thought changing the laws of physics and defying the boundaries of the cosmos were going to be on my daily agenda.  Today it is.  I've been a good girl.  A damn good girl.  The kind of kick-your-high-calorie, carb-entrenched ass all over the place mindset has taken over.

I do cardio 3-4 times a week.  I think it's cardio...Richard Simmons, grooving to whatever Rich and I are in the mood to groove to.  I'll admit it, I get down with him.  It's actually quite a work out...and just watching him shake his hips is amusing enough to keep me entertained.

I pack my daily food bag.  I measure everything out...and thanks to a very healthy love of ALL foods, I love eating the healthiest of the healthy stuff.  I don't crave the carbs, not really...I know what I'll feel like once that first bite goes down.   All in all, give me a stick of string cheese.  I'm a happy girl.  

I'm working on my food log.  It's a blue book with white polkie dots that gets to go everywhere with me.  It's filled with happy faces, sad faces, angry faces following food items.  I can honestly tell you that the happy faces far outweigh everything else. 

I've lost 52 lbs.  I tell myself, this is 52 lbs that I wouldn't have lost without my sleeve.  I should be proud of myself.  But it seems like a cheat.  I lost 25 pre-surgery.  In the hospital, I gained that 25 back in water weight.  I lost that 25 within the first two months after the surgery.  I once made it down to 192...(oh the glory days!) but a movie, soda and popcorn (and yes, I knew/know better) brought me back up to 204 pretty much overnight.  It's been about a month since that 192 hit and the weight loss gods are punishing me.  I can feel it.  This isn't a stall...this is an ass-kicking.  I'm not whining, I'm repenting.

I have a full life...how much of that full life should be devoted to my weight loss?  The more I focus on weight loss, the more I focus on food and the more I focus on food, the more I stray towards bad habits.  I want this tool to work, I want this lifestyle change to continue...I don't want to be pacified with people telling me my body is in shock (I've had two more surgeries after the sleeve for non-sleeve related things).  I don't want people telling me that as a revision patient, I'll lose weight slower.  I don't want people telling me that because I didn't start out as an uber heavy weight, I won't lose as fast.  

I want just one person, ONE person to say...HEY!  I've been where you're at.  I sometimes screwed the pooch on this lifestyle change, but overall I was good.  I didn't exercise 10 hours a day and get a personal trainer and/or join a gym.  I hit stalls that lasted weeks or months...merely months after the surgery.  I drank and ate my protein like a crazy protein starved person...but the weight didn't fall off.  It crept off.  I want one person to say that they truly understand where I'm at.  June 4 was my four month anniversary date.  I was at 51lbs at that time.  

I'm writing this blog because the forums make me depressed and depression makes me snacky, but the boards also inspire me, which I need...and I wasn't inspired tonight...I was depressed.  So no Nature Valley nutclusters for me (bag is here, unopened...)  I'm going to snack on words tonight...and now I'm off to take a shower...no longer feeling snacky, but damn proud of myself that I didn't open the bag.  

Thank you!


About Me
Spokane, WA
Surgery Date
May 15, 2007
Member Since

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