AsuraDunnigan

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Update:  Hmmm. I guess I will say what I say every month.  I have a food addiction.  I wake up thinking of food, I think of food before eating, while eating and after eating.  My PCP has prescribed my a anti depressant which I think may help with the food preoccupation.  It was prescribed 2 weeks ago, but I have not picked it up from the pharmacy yet.  I guess I had not decided to take it until today.  She said that weight gain may be a side effect.  Lord knows I don't need that!!  I have made little progress in the last five months.  In the past month I have fluctuated between 231 and 225 lbs.  Actually, my highest weight was 325 lbs so that is 100 lbs down from my highest weight.  The problem is this is very hard.  Whoever said having WLS is the easiest way out is a f&^*ing  liar.  I could make a bunch of excuses for why I am not closer to my goal but the truth is they are just that, excusses.  This morning I weighed in at 225lbs and I want to be sure not to go above that again.  Despite all the stress in my life I need to love myself enough to put everything into this.  This is really a lifestyle.

Size:  Before surgery I was wearing the largest size in the plus size stores (28-30) and they were a snug fit.  Today I comfortably wear 18s but can fit some 14s and a lot of 16s.  I hadn't been able to shop in a regular clothing store as an adult!   This is major!  I am not sure which size I wanna be, but I know I am still very dissatisfied with my body.  In fact, my body looks exactly as it did 100 lbs heavier.  I still have a huge stomach that covers my female parts.  I still look 6 months pregnant and need to wear a girdle every day although I don't.  I might be thrilled if I were comfortable in a size 12 or 14.

Good:  Everymorning I race my 5 year old son from the car to his school.  I couldn't have done that a year ago.  I spent my day off painting my den.  When I tryed to paint a room at 325 lbs I was exhausted and I gave up quickly.  I am now noticed by men and even flirted with often.  I wear make up every day now.  I feel beautiful most of the time.  I have more confidence to speak up and be seen.  I am not as embarrassed by all of my excess fat.

Goals:  I would really like to be down to 214 lbs by October 26th (my 1 year surgiversary)...its only 11 lbs in a little over a month.  This is my final answer.  Without a goal, one wonders aimlessly!

To the Newbies:  It gets frustrating.  The surgery is on your stomach and not your brain.  I will look into that brain surgery though, lol.  I would do it again in a second.  Meanwhile I will begin to work this marvelous tool again.  The beauty of it all is you get another opportunity everyday.

Well, I have been looking at the losing trend that I am in.  I don't seem to be losing well at all, I do know that I haven't put everything into this as I should, which is why I don't have optimal results. 

After 9 months, I do get hungry.  I am a stress eater.  I have been giving myself 2 free days per week, but really its just an excuse to eat whatever I want.  Yesterday I had 2 orders of french fries in one day!  This is crazy. 

Most days I am completely unhappy with the way I look.  My current measurements are 40" chest, 46" waist, 41" hips (pre op my waist was 57" and my chest was 50").  So I guess you all know the area of most concern.  I was exercising pretty regularly, but honestly did not see any improvements in my weight loss, although I felt better.  I haven't turned back into a total slacker, but I have not been waking up and riding my bike before work lately...once in the last 7 days.

I am still wearing 14-18 pants, 16 shirt.  It feels good, but I have the aweful midsection.  I hae been reading the OA book and I really want to go to WLS support groups, but my schedule is horrible.  I know I need to take charge of things.  I also know I can end up exactly where I came from it I don't get a handle on things.  Usually, I eat ok.  today I had protein coffee drink for breakfast, hamburger no bun or cheese for lunch, a peach for a snack.  I am not sure what dinner will look like.  I try to avoid bread, fried food, and sugar.  However, I am more successful some days than others.

I am just asking for support.  I know I am not supposed to compare my loses with others, but I still do and feel like I am incredibly behind.  I KNOW I HAVE AN ADDICTION.  I think of food all day whether I am eating it or not. 

I almost let today go by without blogging my progress.  First of all, I am in a similar space as I was last month.  When I got on the scale yesterday it said 231 lbs.  I have been bouncing between 225 lbs and 231 lbs. for a while.  I stopped dancing for a while, I had stopped bike riding for a couple weeks and I have been giving in to head hunger way too much. But,  I am doing well overall, I am still having protein shakes daily.

For a slight moment I thought maybe this is enough, but I have entirely way too much stomach.  I still look pretty pregnant.  I try to wear a girdle often and I feel better.  The girdle seems to restrict the amount I can eat too!  I guess my next goal is to get to 214 lbs. (that would put me at 100 lbs loss), my second goal is to get to 199 lbs.  I will reassess where I wanna be after I lose the next 31 lbs.

Making good decisions is a battle with every meal.  Today I had a sugar free coffee drink and added 1 scoop of protein powder, ate about 1/4 cup of granola, a 6" tuna flatbread sub with lots of veggies for lunch, its almost 7pm and I feel pretty good, not hungry.  I drank about 4 cups of water and took my vitamins.  I got up at 7am and rode my bike for an hour.

I am wearing between a 14 - 18 pants.  I still feel great, more confident and sexy.  I am more active.  Usually getting in my water with no problem.

Hopefully, I will be closer to goal next month.  Thank you all for your support.

What a journey.  Well, everyday I am grateful for this wonderful blessing.  I heard over and over again pre op that WLS is just a tool to help you to lose weight.  They were not joking, it is just a tool, a wonderful tool.  I have remained at about the same weight for the last 2 months (bouncing back and forth between 232-240 lbs).  Some would call it a stall, but I can't because I began eating just as I had pre op.  No I didn't binge and eat and eat and eat, but I did partake in all kinds of unhealthy foods (chips, popcorn, tons of nuts, cake, cookies, potatoes, rice, fried foods, and yes fast foods).  I was having cravings everyday because I allowed the carbs back in.  I have to hold myself accountable.

I started to lie to myself saying, "I'll start over tomorrow (just as I had preop).  Well I do recognize my issues as an addiction.  I would take 1-2 more bites after I felt satisfied.  In my head I wanted the restriction, but resented the restriction too.  I wanted to eat and eat and eat.  I enjoy eating and I am just learning my triggers...pretty much everything.  I even found myself eating a ton of baby carrots the other day and I realized, I just like to eat.

I am riding my bike about 3 times weekly and taking a 2 hour dance class twice a week.  I walk all the time.  I park further away and look for excuses to get moving.  I have a lot of energy and my confidence is much improved.  I am working to track my foods.  I am working to measure more consistently and stop guestimating.  Last night at 3am I started to feel hungry and I said to myself, its ok to feel hungry and you do not always need to act upon it.  I will not die if I don't put something in my mouth as soon as I become uncomfortable.  This is something that I battle several times daily, not being hungry, but making a conscious decision not to put bad things into my body.

At 8 months out, I can eat whatever I want.  I can eat a whole sandwich.  I can eat any meat, cheese, deserts.  I can drink as much alcohol as I want.  I am not any more intoxicated than preop.  I don't drink soda at all, it has never been that appealing to me.  I have never been sick.  I only threw up when my gall bladder was irritated, in December 2009.  Somedays I have more restriction than others.

Today I have had:  a protein shake (ice, 1 scoop of banana muscle milk, 1 banana, 6 oz. of plain yogart, 1/8 cup of aloe vera juice) 40% of a chicken caesar salad sandwich, and a 20 oz. reduced calorie frozen latte.  I will maybe have a snack and another shake for dinner or a piece of grilled meat and veggies.  At this point in the road, it is a decision to eat healthy.  When I eat junk, I feel horrible the next day.  I have no get up and go.  When I don't get enough sleep, I feel horrible the next day.

Ok, I do compare myself to other VSG patients here who started at weights close to what mine was.  (When I started my BMI was 53 and now 39.3) and I get very disappointed in myself.  When I look at myself naked especially, I look just as I did 86 lbs heavier.  My body looks the exact same, but smaller.  Today I wear L/XL shirts and 14-18 pants depending on the manufacturer.  I shop in regular stores now.  I don't feel constantly embarrassed anymore.  I sometimes feel sexy and beautiful.  I plan to post some pics next week.  I have gone from a tight 26/28 to a 14/16 in 8 months, from 314 lbs to 228 lbs.. 

When I made my mind up to get WLS I looked at it as my only hope at losing weight.  I never had a weight loss goal in mind.  Right now I am just trying to make it down to 200 lbs, then I can re-evaluate.  I never really saw myself as being able to wear a 14/16, but look at me now.  I spend a lot of time on OH and Youtube following the journey of others.  Thats where I get hope and inspiration.  I am working to blog at least monthly so that others, pre ops and newbies can see how my mental journey is going as well as the physical journey.  I wish that more members on OH blogged regularly so I would have even more support.  I wish I knew if my experiences are more normal than not.

I AM NOT A FAILURE.  I am pleased to be in a healthier physical and mental state, but I know I am not content where I am.  I know I have a ton of excess fat and that I am gonna have to work like hell to get it off.  I do get compliments all the time.  People do say wow Sura, you're skinny now.  I am far from skinny.  I am still obese.  I would really like to be in the normal BMI range, but I haven't weighed 145 lbs since 4th or 5th grade.  Well, I will see where this journey takes me.

Lastly, thank you all.  I know I wouldn't be as successful as I have been without your support.  I continue to learn everyday.  I continue to learn to use my tool and get the maximum benefit.  I know I am not perfect, but I will not beat myself up for my imperfection.  We'll see ya here next month.  Peace & Blessings!

WELL, I HAVE DEFINITELY FELT OFF CENTER FOR A COUPLE WEEKS NOW.  I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY LKE I HAD BEFORE.  I HAVE BEEN IN A CRAPPY MOOD.  I HAVE COMPLETELY REGRESSED.  I HAVE NOT LISTENED TO MY BODY, EATING MUCH MORE THAN MY BODY NEEDS.  I HAVE EATEN JUST ABOUT EVERY UNHEALTHY THING POSSIBLE.  I HAVE EATEN A BAG OF POPCORN 2-3 TIMES PER WEEK FOR A COUPLE WEEKS NOW. 

I WAS AT A POINT WHERE I WAS VERY HAPPY WITH MY PROGRESS, BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT I HAVE MUCH MORE TO LOSE AND IT IS GETTING VERY HARD.  I HAVE BEEN WORKING OUT 2-3 TIMES WEEKLY, BUT MY STALL HASN'T MOVED.  I HAVE BEEN BOUNCING FROM 232-236 FOR A LONG TIME.

I SO KNOW I NEED TO GET BACK TO BASICS.  I AM GOING TO BUY A FOOD SCALE TODAY, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN EYEBALLING MY PORTIONS FOR THE PAST 7 MONTHS.  I HAVEN'T BEEN MEASURING A THING.  I HAVEN'T BEEN PUSHING MYSELF AWAY FROM THE TABLE.  I DIDN'T WANT TO BLOG THIS, BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I WILL PROBABLY BE ENCOURAGED TO GET A THERAPIST.  I WAS UTILIZING OA FOR A SHORT WHILE, BUT WHEN I WENT TO A MEETING I REALLY COULDN'T IDENTIFY WITH THE TWO OTHER PEOPLE THERE.

I AM WORKING TO GET MOTIVATED, BUT THE TRUTH IS I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO FOOD.  I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR OTHER BLOGGERS THAT MAY HAVE HAD SIMILAR ISSUES AT THIS POINT, BUT REALLY IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING REALLY WELL.  I KNOW I REALLY NEED TO LET GO OF ALL THE PAST EATING HABITS AGAIN!

ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME, ALTHOUGH I KNOW I PROBABLY WON'T LIKE THEM.  THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR SUPPORT.  I LOOK FORWARD TO READING YOUR REPLYS.

I am trying to make a special effort to document my experience.  I hope that it will valuable to me and for those who will go on the journey later.  I got the test results in the mail this past weekend from my 6 month check up.  My vitamin C and Magnesium were low and they want me to take supplements.  I feel great.  I am still working to increase my exercise.  I am attending a dance class twice weekly.  I am riding my bike weekly, and I have started lifting 5 lbs. weights.

I am still wearing between a 14 -18 in pants, L/XL shirt.  I am still battling with head hunger and  carbs.  I have been hovering around 232 lbs.  I am reminding myself to be patient.  I understand that the "sweet" phase may be over and I am really gonna have to work.

My quality of life has really increased.  I have more energy and less shame.  Although I am smaller than I have been in many years, I still want and need to lose a good bit more weight.  I am happy to be more normal (like my peers).  Preop I felt like be big pink elephant in every room; clumbsy and huge.

I have not regrets.  VSG has given me my life back.

Wow, its been six months.  I am on top of the world.  When I got on the scale yesterday it read 236 lbs.  I was hoping to be down six pounds by my birthday, which is this Thursday, but what the heck.  I have't been this small since high school.  Today I have energy, I have confidence.  I like the way I look.  I like being able to shop in "regular stores".  During this past Xmas season I was still super morbidly obese.  When we went out shopping with my sister and her friends they would go to a store like Forever 21 and I would have to wait outside.  Nothing I bought from any store looked good on me.  Often times I would squeeze into the largest sizes in the Big Girl stores.  I was embarrassed to be in my own skin.

Today Although I am far from perfect, I do feel worthy.  I feel worthy of the attention I get from other people.  I feel worthy of the compliments I get from others.  I have an absolutely gorgeous younger sister.  She and I was at a bar at the same time and this guy that I was noticing noticed me back.  He was flirting with her too, but just think I was in the running with a guy that probably considered me to be just as beautiful as my sister.

I feel amazing.  I would do it over again in a heartbeat.  Without WLS, I probably would never get to know life again.  I am still a big girl (size 16/18)  but now when I walk in a room, I walk in without shame and embarrassment.

This past Friday, I met with my surgeon.  He said he is very pleased with my weight loss thus far.  They took a bunch of blood and said I would hear from them if there was a problem.  Other than that I don't go back until October 2010 (one year out). I do sometimes panick and think my weight loss is at a halt, but when I chat with other VSGers I get reassured.  I am taking a dance class 2 times weekly.  I am moving more, chasing kids, playing basketball, and gardening.  i am so grateful for this opportunity.  i sat in church for years and prayed for God to help me with my weight/health.  In my heart I know that he was right on time.  Thank you God.

I am almost at the 6 month mark.  I have been hovering aroung 240# for about a month...at least 20 days.  I have increased my exercise, I am working really hard to get all my fluids and protein in.  I have been grazing some.  It continues to be a struggle to get all my protein in, fluids in and remain under 1000 calories.  I find that I "want things" in the evening hours...nuts, popcorn, tortilla chips, cottage cheese.  I tend to snack on healthier things now, but still it is a challenge.  I have had cake a couple of times too.  In the past, I would have eaten multiple pieces, but now I stop at one and often times I don't finish it.  It doesn't seem like I have as much restriction as I did in the past.  I don't weigh or measure most of the time.  I guess I am just gonna have to work harder if I wanna get to goal.

I really want to make it to my first goal of 200#, but days like this it seems really tough.  I really don't hear of others going through these struggles on OH.

I am happy where I am.  Its difficult not to compare myself to others on here.  I am really trying to stay motivated.  I see my surgeon for the 6 month follow up this Friday.  I never saw myself wearing a size 16/18 from a tight 28/30.  I am happy with my progress, but ....

I was just wanting to share my feelings and experiences. 

Even if I never lose anymore weight, I don't regret my wls.  I am listening for suggestions on how to resist those empty calorie foods.

Well things are going pretty groovy.  I am down to 240 lbs.  I was hoping to be down to 230 lbs by my birthday, April 29th (There is still a chance). 

I still am not really exercising.  I am attempting to move my body everyday through housework and running after my kids.  I can wear a size 16 jeans, but often a size 18 are more comfortable around the waist.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't get a compliment from someone.  It feels great.  I feel sexy.  I can shop at a regular store for the first time in my adult life.  It is amazing.  I am still eating moderately.  Still struggling to balance calories versus protein.  I have to be very focused to get all of my fluid in. 

Although, I am no longer consuming the thousands of calories daily that I did before surgery, it seems like I think of food constantly.  I find myself chewing a lot of gum because I do still miss eating.  I found OA online a couple of weeks ago.  I am not sure if it is helpful or not.  I went to a face to face meeting last Thursday and it was ok I guess.  Although I know I shouldn't have certain foods, I still want them.

I am having some loose skin, but its not horrible.  To be honest with you my body looks the exact same as before surgery.  My stomach still hangs below my cookie.  My arms are still jiggly and flabby.  I am just a little smaller.  I have lost 74 lbs since surgery.  My BMI has gone down to 41.2 from 53.  I am still learning.  Still learning.  I need to clean my closet out more.  I am finding myself holding on to stuff I know is too big.

I meet with my surgeon for my six month follow up in April 2010.

My snacks are:  cashews, pistachio mix, cottage cheese, greek yogart
I struggle with potato chips, tortilla chips, popcorn and most of all chochlate covered cashews

I welcome suggestion/comments

Well, I got dressed for work this morning and decided to try on a size 16 jeans that I had gotten from the trift store last week.  I really didn't expect to be able to fasten them, but I did.  This is wonderful.  I still have a whole lot of stomach on top of them, but I put on a size 16 JEANS and fastened them comfortably.  My day has to be fantastic after this.  I kinda pranced through the house proudly, then left for work.