gingerly1983

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    I haven't weighed myself in a lil over a week, quite a chore for me since I'd become a daily weigher. It's partly because my scales are broken,and the new ones haven't arrived on my door step yet lol...but the other part is because I don't want to be hard on myself if the weight on the scales is the same every day.  I know it's healthy to lose 2-3 lbs a week.  So....let's just do a weekly weight on a day that I feel my skinniest?!  This past week I've gotten myself back on track with the protein shakes, and I've paid more attention to the timing of drinking liquids after meals. I was slacking on that one too.  Those are the main 2 I got off track from.  It's soooo hard to do right ALL the time!  I've been trying to shrink my stomach back to what it should be.  I drink more liquids and only eat food when i'm really hungry.  It's working.  When i do eat food, I get full faster.  I'm not starving myself, please don't think that.  I had started eating when i wasn't hungry :( I'm just getting back on track!  So anyway, I put my scrubs on for work tonight...and they FEEL more loose than they did a few days ago.  I actually FEEL like I've lost some inches (or centimeters lol ) this week.  It felt nice :)  I can be proud of myself for once.  I made it through the holidays without busting the seams on my skinny scrubs lol..and I'm prepared for the new year....I have a 4 pack of Unjury Chocolate in the mail!  I WILL be in the low 240's by the time I get done with this assignment in Vermont and head home to Florida.  I know I can do it, I have until Jan 31st!  As soon as I get home, I can get a fill, and my tool will keep assisting me on this loooooong journey.   I just have to stay optimistic!  Getting back into OH is def helping me keep that optimism.  Thanks OH.  Couldn't do it without u.

i didn't even stress about those broken scales today.  when i got off work this morning, i downloaded some fast workout music on my ipod and sneaked off to my room. i plugged in my ear chops (skullcandy-chops are the ear buds with the hook that goes over ur ear.  won't fall out when u move a lot)  and jammed out for about 30 minutes!  i was hardcore dancing to some lady gaga lol.  i ran in place between songs,  actually put effort into it.  i hate exercising...but i looooove dancing!  i want to get out and try jogging a little bit...but it's 20 something degrees here on a warm day!  vermont is chilly, especially for a florida girl like me :(  the ice covering the streets doesn't make it any easier. i may have to run in place for a little bit rather than risk broken bones. i get to go home in 5 weeks!  so excited to get out of here. i've made a nice amount of $$, but i'm ready for a change of scenery.  oh...protein shake mix...in coffee...still delicious!  no clumps!  the clumps made me get away from drinking the shakes...ugghh..they make me gag.

seriously...they're broken.  i got home from work this morning and found myself heading to the kitchen to weigh myself.  i know i'm not supposed to weigh after a long night of work, but i can't help it.  i wanna know where i am at all times.  so...my scales wouldn't come on.  i started to panic. yeah....panic.  i began to panic because the scales are broken?  WTF.  it shouldn't be like that!  i changed the batteries, 3 times, still nothing.  my scales have bitten the dust.  you think this could be a sign that i need to stop being a daily weigher, and to not even weigh myself on christmas??   give myself a break from the daily routine?  geez.  there is NOWHERE around here that sells scales, it's a tiny little town and the nearest walmart is over an hour away.  there's snow and ice all over the road and i don't want to drive that far in it.  i went ahead and ordered a set of scales from walmart.com, and then the question about the shipping came.  do i want regular, 2-3 day, or 1 day shipping??   even with 1 day shipping, it'll take 5 days to get here (christmas and a weekend).  i footed the bill for the 1 day shipping because i don't think i can go that long without knowing where i stand.  i'm stuck in the 250s...some days i'm 252, some days it goes up to 256.  i need to lose!!!   i've only lost 5lbs since november 6th.  i know this is bad.  maybe i need to start drinking those awful protein shakes again?  i had some unjury travel size packets in the cupboard, so i grabbed them and headed to work tonight.  i mixed one in my coffee...it was actually REALLY good!  i think tomorrow i will get online and order more.  i have to do something!  i can't go home for a fill for another 5 weeks.  i'm struggling somethin fierce up here in vermont.  every day i pray for god to give me the strength to resist the temptation of carbs.  please help me, i need it.

So here I am...almost 8 months post op.  Things are going slowly, and a little difficult.  Whoever said weight loss surgery was the 'easy way out' needs their lights punched out ;)  I've been dieting like crazy to stay on track.  It really sucks sometimes, but the mostly protein, very low carb diet keeps me from gaining weight.  I'm still losing, just not as much as I think I should.  I'm a travel nurse, I'm in Vermont..have been for 6 months, and my surgeon is in Florida.  I'm on contract up here so I can't get home for fills like I need/want to.  I did get to fly home in September for a fill, that helped a lot.  But before that, it was 3 months since I'd had a fill. I absolutely love being a travel nurse, but it's making my progress a lot slower than everyone else's I've looked at on here.  A little depressing...  
BUT..Overall, I'm still happy with the way things are going :) 

Here's my current stats:
weight: 252, down a total of  76 lbs
BMI:  37.2, down from 49
jeans size:16, down from 26
top size: 2x  (I'm quite big busted lol), down from 4x
I was wearing a size 3x scrub top when I came to Vermont 6 months ago, now I'm in a 1x...same name brand and everything...scrub pants, I was in a 2x, now in a Large...same style and name brand.
My feet have lost a lot of weight, so I can wear hooker heels more comfortably. I have a fetish for hooker heels.
confidence level: WAY UP
I've lost a lot of inches all over, like in my neck, my wrists, my ankles...so thrilled with that.  I can buy a necklace from Hot Topic, and it actually fits.  I had a bracelet that barely fit a year ago, now it almost slides off my hand.  Why can't I see that my wrist is smaller without me having to put on a bracelet?  geez....weight loss is complicated.

   I don't drink any non-diet beverages...at all.  Splenda has become my best friend :) No sodas either, still get horrible bloating gas from that.  Yuk.  Does anyone else have an issue with being constipated?  lol..WTF!  I have to take fiber pills on a daily basis just to make a 'movement'.  Does anyone have any remedies for this?
   I'm planning a cruise for when I hit the -100 lb mark.  That really helps keep me on track. I want to go somewhere warm, and sunny, and lined with beaches.  It's -3 in Vermont, and there's snow everywhere.  I wonder what I'll look like -100 lbs?  I'll find out in 24 more lbs.

Some bad habits?  Anyone have issues with these?  I need feedback/support!

    I still have trouble seeing myself as a size 16, and not a size 26. I know they say this happens with everyone, but how do you fix it?  I go shopping all the time (haha another fetish) and I immediately start thumbing to the back of the rack where the size 26 pants are.  Then I realize I'm not a size 26 anymore, and grab a 16.  When I hold them up, I'm like "no flippin way is this gut going to fit in them".  But they do fit, and I don't have a muffin top! Sometimes, I have to compare my total pounds lost to something that equals the weight, just so I can realize how far I've come.  I've lost a ilttle more than 9 gallons of milk.  You know how heavy a gallon of milk is...sometimes...just for shits and giggles, I try to hold as many gallons of milk as I can in the store aisle, just to see what it felt like.  I know it's sounding pretty dumb, but it's how I have to cope!  Those damn milk jugs are heavy...how did I ever weigh that much???
   I still weigh every day...I KNOW it's bad to do that, but I can't help it!  My scales are the kind that measure weight and body fat.  So..I step on them, let the weight calculate, if it's more than the day before I quickly get off of them so the body fat won't measure.  If the body fat doesn't measure, then it saves the last weight you had.  So...I keep my lowest weight on there...when a day comes that I'm lower than what it was, I let it go ahead and calculate the body fat percentage.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment.
   I have trouble staying on track if I'm around my family.  That was another reason I came all the way up to Vermont.  It was kind of like fat camp for me.  I was able to stay on track with the dieting, able to exercise regularly, able to stay focused.  I guess it was kind of like running away, my family isn't the problem...it's just that it's harder to control myself around them because no one else is dieting.  Ya know what I mean?  So anyway, my sister got a job at the same place I work now, and she came to Vermont late October.  Fat camp is over :(  It's easy to lose focus.  She and her husband had the surgery the same week as me.  We were supposed to be each other's support systems...but it's not working out that way.  My sister is pregnant, so no more fills for her until she has the baby.  My brother-in -law never eats what he's supposed to anyway, so now when she cooks, it's not carb free food. I eat the meat, but the temptation is really hard.  When will it stop being so hard?  I WANT that pasta!  I don't eat it, but I have to walk away or I will.  My bro-in-law has lost 91 lbs...Now don't get me wrong...I'm so happy for him, his health has improved so much.  But why is it easier for a guy to lose the weight?  He doesn't diet, he doesn't exercise, he just eats a little less than he was used to.  
  
  This is all I can think of to update you guys on right now.  I'm gonna try to be more loyal to OH.  I need a support system back.
    

ok...I'm 6 weeks post op..and I'm really discouraged.  I'll start from the beginning.  I did great at my 2 week post op follow up..but it's like since then, i'm going downhill.  i went on a cruise 3 weeks after surgery...and had absolutely NO restriction.  I gained 6 lbs.  lol..it could have been sooo much worse though!  I did hold back.  So..when I came home from the cruise I got a fill.  1.5cc was all he put in.  The surgeon did it with fluoroscope so I had to swallow barium, put a little more in, swallow more, put a little more in.  Then I swallowed and he said I refluxed it, so he took a tad bit out.  I really don't think that 1.5cc is doing a damn thing in there.  I'm hungry all the time!! I was hungry the day he put it in, and the day after.  Nothing is changing.  I have to push the plate away or I could keep eating because I don't feel the least bit full.  I did lose the weight I gained on vacation back, so now...I'm stuck at 296-298..and flipping STARVING.  I'm doing my best not to gain weight back so I'm drastically limiting the carbs like I did before I had surgery, I'm drinking 2-3 protein shakes a day, and I eat a lot of tuna fish.  I don't drink sodas (of course), I drink unsweet tea with Splenda, water, or sugar-free kool-aid.  Why isn't the weight coming off??  On the happier side..I can tell on some parts of my body that I'm losing inches, and whenever I go for follow ups, they measure and show I'm losing inches.  The week I cam back from the cruise, I had gained an inch in my hips and a 1/2 inch in each thigh.  Not too bad...but I did lose 2 inches in my waist, and 1 3/4 inch in my bust.  When I sit indian legged, I can notice tiny wrinkles by my knees..it used to be stretched out and full of fat.  My shins, of all places, have a little lose skin.  Why my shins? Why can't it be my belly?  I can see the beginnings of collar bones and I'm thrilled for that. Since March, I've lost 32 lbs, but I haven't really gone down a pant size or shirt size.  Everything does fit better though.  I know this whole lap band thing isn't supposed to be easy.  I understand that it is a TOOL to help me change my life..but honestly, I didn't expect it to be so damn hard.  I didn't expect to be hungry all the damn time.  I have an appointment next Thursday for another fill.  Maybe this one will actually help me out.   I'm also moving to Vermont for work next week, so I have no idea when I'll be able to fly home for another one.  I'm gonna do some research and see if I can find a bariatric surgeon up there, just in case I can't make it home.  I'm really at my wits end, I need help.  What do you guys do to keep from starving?  Also...do any of you buy premade bariatric meals or anything like that?  Something like a microwave dinner that I can cook and not have to worry about how many carbs each thing has?  I think that would help me...like not have anything in my motel room but premade stuff that is good for me.  I'll be in Vermont about 6 months, and I do NOT want to go out to eat every night.  I don't want fast food either.  I want to sit in my motel room, eat my premade bariatric dinner, and find a 24 hour gym.  Any input you guys have about anything would be greatly appreciated also.
Thanks :)

I went for my week and a half post op appointment today.  I've lost 12 lbs since surgery and 12.75 inches off my body.   flippin sweet huh?  my ankles look so svelte hahahahha  those strappy little shoes i bought from torrid.com actually fit me now.  i'm eating normal foods..just a lot less than i usually do.  well...almost normal. i'm not trying to attempt steak or hard meats like that yet.  i'm drinking protein shakes at least once a day.  Unjury really isn't that bad.  does anyone have any tips on how to mix it????  like i put it in cold milk and stir it with a spoon.  i stir it a lot, but there's still those little gooey chunks in it.  you know what i'm talking about right??  those gross me out something fierce!  i tried to put it in the blender with milk.  man..that put a whole lot of air in it and there was no way i could drink it.  how are you guys doing the whole protein shake things??

I woke up this morning, after sleeping dang near 12 hours. lol   I've been babysitting my niece for the past 3 days.  Man...a 3 year old sure can wear you out when ur trying to recover.  But anyway, I stepped on the scales on my way to the living room..and there it was......298.  I'm under 300 lbs!!!!!  I can't believe it.  I've actually lost 30 lbs in this journey so far, 18 on my own, and I haven't gained it back.  I'm quite happy :)   The only thing that kind of bothers me is that I  don't see it.  Like when I look in the mirror I can't tell that I've lost weight.   :(   When is this roll gonna go down???  lol...it's bathing suit season!!!!

so..I wake up on my stomach this morning, and to my surprise...it didn't hurt.  :)  I got out of bed with very MINIMAL pain.  Not really pain....more like slight discomfort.  I think I'm ok today.  I'm not regretting the lap band as much lol.  I'm a big baby for pain lol  I was kinda depressed since I gained so much weight in the hospital.  I stepped on the scales this morning....304.  Holy crap....I haven't been that weight in years!!!  I'm ALMOST below 300 lbs!!!  I can't believe it...just can't believe it.

preop-328
day of surgery- 310
2 days after surgery- 316
current-304

ok...to everyone who said it wouldn't hurt at all..ur a bunch of fibbers!! That was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life!  I'll start from the beginning..... Friday morning, they took my sister in to get her surgery started.  I was scheduled to be after her.  The doctor said it would take 2.5 - 3 hours, and then it would be my turn.  I was sitting in the pre-op room, in my nice hospital gown...bawling.  just BAWLING!  I couldn't stop crying because I was so damn scared.  I got even more scared when my sis's surgery took 5 damn hours!!!  Apparently I was having an anxiety attack and they had to give me Versed...that didn't work so they loaded me up with Valium to keep me sedated.  I signed all the forms I needed to..and when they told me I had to have a tube down my throat for breathing, I freaked out again!!   I'm such a baby.  I begged them to make me go to sleep before I even got to the operating room.  I knew if I saw it...i'd panic again.  The anesthesia guy said he had to wait til they got me on the table to knock me out, but he PROMISED as soon as I got up there that he would put me to sleep really fast.  So..I cried the whole way to the operating room.  I got up on the table, they strapped my arms down and I started freaking out again.  Ms. Anxiety attack over here.   Apparently, I hyperventilated and passed out on my own before they could even put the mask to my face.  Mr. Anesthesia told me all this when I woke up.  He said he watched me really closely and made it so I wouldn't wake up during the procedure.   When got I back into recovery, they had to keep Oxygen on me because my O2sats kept dropping.  I remember the nurse kept yelling at me and telling me to breathe.   She sounded quite rude.  It was like I was in a trance.  Couldn't open my eyes, couldn't talk.  ooo but I sure felt myself screaming at her!  "I AM breathing you B****!!! Leave me ALONE!"  ..but i guess i wasn't lol. I finally got into my observation room to settle down for a night's rest.  Rest my ass.  I was up every hour or two in intense pain.  As soon as they doped me up I'd get nauseus because I had nothing on my stomach.  They gave me one of those little  30mL medicine cups with ice in it...one of those....every 6 hours.  My mouth felt like a plowed field!  flippin nasty!  So..all Friday night, I regretted having the surgery, all Saturday and Sunday I regretted it.  Today.....it's not so bad. I graduated up to protein shakes today.   Lemme tell ya...clear liquids is a real pain in the butt.  The hospital sent me home with a sample pack of protein mix stuff.  I'm using it sparingly lol..because NOWHERE in my hometown sells protein supplements for bariatric diets!  Nowhere!  I ordered some off of unjury.com today.  hopefully it will get here soon.   I think tomorrow will be a better day.  I'm weaning myself off of the Lortab elixir.  That stuff knocks me out and wakes me up nauseus.  I already had to get a refill on my anti-nausea meds.  If the doc would have given me more than 5 to begin with..I might not have run out. 

ok....i knew it would happen.  i was all calm up until the day before surgery, and now, i'm freaking out!!  i think i'm having a panic attack!  i'm scared shitless!  i've never had surgery before.  is is gonna hurt? am i gonna have trouble with anesthesia?????  i've only had an IV once in my entire 25 years....and i had a panic attack.   i was screming and crying to 'take it out!! take it out!!!!'    that was only last November...don't laugh.  i'm a nurse, i deal with this stuff every single day...why am i freaking out!?!?  i desperately need some words of encouragement here guys....