Nikki C.
Yesterday (9/28) - Not Feeling Guilty But....
Sep 29, 2009
I'm not quite sure what I am feeling. Truth be told I am phsyically hungry. I think regardless of surgery or not it's still possible to be physically hungry.
We were told that it will be possible to have things in the pureed stage that should most likely be avoided later but I'm still staying away from mashed potatoes. I'm still trying to make good choices that have protein etc. Yesterday my weakness was a little bit too much cheese mixed into my purees which caused the calories to creep up. Overall I was at 1020 calories yesterday above the suggested range of 600-800 but of course 1K calories is nothing compared to my before surgery 3-4K calories a day living off fast food in the end there!
I prefer to get my protein in by eating and not drinking. I don't want to drink my calories and I am still not able to drink any of the shakes I had before surgery. I'm sure and I hope this will pass since I still have a ton but It's not something I prefer. To add my extra protein, I do the Unjury Chicken Soup which is WAY tolerable with the same amount of protein as the shakes.
Yesterday I just felt crappy all day...issue was I didn't eat much during the day because I didn't feel well. I tried the whole grain Cream of Wheat Maple Sugar and it made me sick...the taste the texture everything! I didn't even eat the full serving and threw it away and then ended up nauseous with a headache the rest of the day at work.
So when I got home, I was ravenously hungry and any meat and cheese I had to pureed I ate. I even pulled one of my old stunts by waking up and eating! Damn it! I woke up from falling asleep on the couch and at some SF/FF Edy's fake ice cream. A couple of spoonfulls but still, I woke up this morning and was like, Did I really get up in the middle of the night and eat? WTF not that starting again! That has been the major cause of my rollercoaster of weight gain for many many years.
Well today I am still tired and hope I don't have a night like last one. I packed everything for lunch today and I'e got my fruit, beans, greek yogurt, and Unjury Chicken Soup. One of my indulgences which is almost gone is crab and spinach dip from Phillips. This is getting me into a little trouble but I won't throw it out. It's good source of protein but I think in the future I will just make my own so I don't worry about the additives. I could have easily eaten that whole entire small frozen bowl full in 2 mins before...now I am measuring every TBLS and it's lasted me 4 days so far and will probably last another day or two.
Tonight I have my group nutrition class and I weigh in on their scale so we'll see if there is any progress from last Tues. Need to try to get all my fluids in today. I was short yesterday! Update more after my class and the weigh in!
0 comments
We were told that it will be possible to have things in the pureed stage that should most likely be avoided later but I'm still staying away from mashed potatoes. I'm still trying to make good choices that have protein etc. Yesterday my weakness was a little bit too much cheese mixed into my purees which caused the calories to creep up. Overall I was at 1020 calories yesterday above the suggested range of 600-800 but of course 1K calories is nothing compared to my before surgery 3-4K calories a day living off fast food in the end there!
I prefer to get my protein in by eating and not drinking. I don't want to drink my calories and I am still not able to drink any of the shakes I had before surgery. I'm sure and I hope this will pass since I still have a ton but It's not something I prefer. To add my extra protein, I do the Unjury Chicken Soup which is WAY tolerable with the same amount of protein as the shakes.
Yesterday I just felt crappy all day...issue was I didn't eat much during the day because I didn't feel well. I tried the whole grain Cream of Wheat Maple Sugar and it made me sick...the taste the texture everything! I didn't even eat the full serving and threw it away and then ended up nauseous with a headache the rest of the day at work.
So when I got home, I was ravenously hungry and any meat and cheese I had to pureed I ate. I even pulled one of my old stunts by waking up and eating! Damn it! I woke up from falling asleep on the couch and at some SF/FF Edy's fake ice cream. A couple of spoonfulls but still, I woke up this morning and was like, Did I really get up in the middle of the night and eat? WTF not that starting again! That has been the major cause of my rollercoaster of weight gain for many many years.
Well today I am still tired and hope I don't have a night like last one. I packed everything for lunch today and I'e got my fruit, beans, greek yogurt, and Unjury Chicken Soup. One of my indulgences which is almost gone is crab and spinach dip from Phillips. This is getting me into a little trouble but I won't throw it out. It's good source of protein but I think in the future I will just make my own so I don't worry about the additives. I could have easily eaten that whole entire small frozen bowl full in 2 mins before...now I am measuring every TBLS and it's lasted me 4 days so far and will probably last another day or two.
Tonight I have my group nutrition class and I weigh in on their scale so we'll see if there is any progress from last Tues. Need to try to get all my fluids in today. I was short yesterday! Update more after my class and the weigh in!
It's been a blogging minute! 9/28
Sep 28, 2009
Well I haven't been running my mouth so much on here since mid last week so I figured I'd give an update so people didn't think I disappeared.
Let's see. I'm still tired but at some fault of my own I am sure because I hate my CPAP machine. I need to make a concerted effort to change the settings and wear the thing.
I started my purees on Friday but did liquids until dinner. I was a little confused about how much I should be eating and then I resorted to my book which kind of was all over the place. First saying start with 2TBLS and gradually increase. Well I think my first meal was 1/2 cup and it went down VERY easy. It says not to exceed 6-8oz per meal which I havent, stay between 600-800 calories which I have, between 70-80 carbs which again I have, and to eat every 1/2hr to 3 hrs depending upon hunger. I thought over the weekend I was being able to take in too much per meal but felt better after I read my book. I was no banded with any fluid so besides the healing restriction, I have none.
I've been eating pureed chili, turkey hamburger bbq, baked lima beans, crab dip, crab, peas. I'm going to try making a faux lasagna and also doing something with chicken to puree it. I even got Fat Free Hot Dogs, which used to be a staple on a previous diet of mine and plan to ground them up and put a little ketchup on them. They have a pretty high protein count and only 40 calories per hot dog. No, they are not your normal cookout or stadium hotdog but hey I know I have to make substitutions!
My grocery bill is ridiculous. Eating healthy costs so much money. No wonder I lived off the McD's $1 menu before surgery. I was broke and now I'm beyond in the hole. I also have to learn to buy in smaller quantities because things go bad before I can eat them!
My scale at home is moving. But I don't want to get too excited because it's always off from my surgeron's scale. HATE THAT! I notice a slight difference when I catch my reflection in a window that my tummy isn't as big. I can finally bend over but too much movement with my core and my stomach muscles are still so tender.
I've not really gotten into an exercise routine, mainly because I am still very tired and my sleep is very off. When I want to go to sleep at night I'm just not tired but come morning, I'm a zombie! Today will be a long one at work!
Not too much else to say. Just that some moments I am hungry and others not so much. I think about food alot but mostly about what I am going to eat how to prepare. Past few days haven't been obsessing over food that I can't have and the grocery store yesterday was a huge improvement from the week before.
I have my second post op appointment on Thurs and am wondering about a fill. I have a feeling they won't do one so soon but possibly on my third visit! I will however discuss with them my ability to eat the max amt of suggested pureed foods and see what they think. I'm going to take a wild guess that they want you to do 6 weeks of the post op diet and then on week 7 get your fill before you go to a regular 1200 calorie diet.
Well I am fading at my desk writing this and think I am going to go to my car for a nap at lunch! Wish we had a lounge or quiet room - yeah right!
2 comments
Let's see. I'm still tired but at some fault of my own I am sure because I hate my CPAP machine. I need to make a concerted effort to change the settings and wear the thing.
I started my purees on Friday but did liquids until dinner. I was a little confused about how much I should be eating and then I resorted to my book which kind of was all over the place. First saying start with 2TBLS and gradually increase. Well I think my first meal was 1/2 cup and it went down VERY easy. It says not to exceed 6-8oz per meal which I havent, stay between 600-800 calories which I have, between 70-80 carbs which again I have, and to eat every 1/2hr to 3 hrs depending upon hunger. I thought over the weekend I was being able to take in too much per meal but felt better after I read my book. I was no banded with any fluid so besides the healing restriction, I have none.
I've been eating pureed chili, turkey hamburger bbq, baked lima beans, crab dip, crab, peas. I'm going to try making a faux lasagna and also doing something with chicken to puree it. I even got Fat Free Hot Dogs, which used to be a staple on a previous diet of mine and plan to ground them up and put a little ketchup on them. They have a pretty high protein count and only 40 calories per hot dog. No, they are not your normal cookout or stadium hotdog but hey I know I have to make substitutions!
My grocery bill is ridiculous. Eating healthy costs so much money. No wonder I lived off the McD's $1 menu before surgery. I was broke and now I'm beyond in the hole. I also have to learn to buy in smaller quantities because things go bad before I can eat them!
My scale at home is moving. But I don't want to get too excited because it's always off from my surgeron's scale. HATE THAT! I notice a slight difference when I catch my reflection in a window that my tummy isn't as big. I can finally bend over but too much movement with my core and my stomach muscles are still so tender.
I've not really gotten into an exercise routine, mainly because I am still very tired and my sleep is very off. When I want to go to sleep at night I'm just not tired but come morning, I'm a zombie! Today will be a long one at work!
Not too much else to say. Just that some moments I am hungry and others not so much. I think about food alot but mostly about what I am going to eat how to prepare. Past few days haven't been obsessing over food that I can't have and the grocery store yesterday was a huge improvement from the week before.
I have my second post op appointment on Thurs and am wondering about a fill. I have a feeling they won't do one so soon but possibly on my third visit! I will however discuss with them my ability to eat the max amt of suggested pureed foods and see what they think. I'm going to take a wild guess that they want you to do 6 weeks of the post op diet and then on week 7 get your fill before you go to a regular 1200 calorie diet.
Well I am fading at my desk writing this and think I am going to go to my car for a nap at lunch! Wish we had a lounge or quiet room - yeah right!
Carb Blog
Sep 25, 2009
Thanks to Gabby77 - aka Laura she sent me over to another blog regarding some questions I was asking about carbs. It's still confusing which is why I think people just cut them out entirely but the post gives some examples as to which are good and which are bad. I will probably need to read this 9 million times.
Carbs & Weightloss
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| Monica Neave BellaOnline's Weight Loss Editor |
Carbs & Weightloss
What Are Carbs & Why We Need Them
A carbohydrate is an essential nutrient that is converted to glucose and provides energy to the body and brain. Carbs specifically:
- serve as the primary energy source for working muscle
- ensure the brain and nervous system function properly
- help the body use fat more efficiently
- are great for digestion when they are high in fiber
Carb Categories
Carbs fall into all types of categories and it's important to have a clear understanding of each so that you know which carbs to moderate and which ones to eliminate when losing weight.
Complex Carbs need to be broken down into a more simple form before they can be absorbed so they release glucose into the bloodstream slowly. Breads, cereals, potatoes, and legumes are examples of complex carbs.
Simple Carbs are already in their simplest form and are absorbed into the bloodstream very quickly giving you an initial burst of energy. Fruit, milk, juices, cookies, and yogurt are examples of simple carbs.
High Glycemic Carbs the glycemic index is a measure of how quickly a carb raises blood sugar. A high glycemic carb raises blood sugar very quickly. This spike in blood sugar elicits the insulin response which means that your body produces high amounts of insulin to return your blood sugar to normal. It does this by converting all the glucose into fat which gets stored in your body. It also causes low blood sugar that leads to more cravings for processed sugary carbs. Examples of high g.i. carbs include potatoes, corn, carrots, gatorade, bagels, white bread, corn flakes, ice cream, bananas, raisins, table sugar.
Low Glycemic Carbs cause a small rise in blood sugar. These include; skim milk, all bran cereal, apples, peaches, black beans, plums, fructose, broccoli, spinach, and, peas. There is a common misconception that the only way to lose weight is to stick to low glycemic carbs. This is not true. You can still eat high g.i. carbs as long as you combine with protein and healthy fats. Check out the examples below to see how.
Refined (Processed) Carbs are products that have been altered to increase shelf life. Anything that's frozen, canned, or boxed, is refined. If you check the list of ingredients you will often see words like rolled, bleached, dehydrated, partially hydrogenated, etc. Foods like white bread, pasta, fruit juice, crackers, cookies, etc. have been stripped of nutrients like fiber and fall into this category.
Unrefined Carbs are obviously foods that are in their natural state. Oranges are unrefined while orange juice is refined. The less processed a food the more nutrients it provides.
How Many Carbs Per Day?
Contrary to popular belief low carb is not the only way to lose weight and it's also not for everyone. If you've tried it all and think it's the only option left for you check out Is The Atkins Diet Right for You? and get the details. For most people the best type of diet for weightloss is one that still allows you a lot of the foods you like so you don't feel deprived and start cheating. It's close to balanced but almost low carb with the following breakdown of total calories, 45% carbs, 25% protein, and 25% fat. No matter what your situation you should never take in less than 1200 calories a day and for those who workout this amount of calories could send your body into starvation mode so be sure to figure your ideal calorie intake before cutting back. Create a small calorie deficit and multiply your daily calories by 45% for your daily carb calories. Then divide that amount by 4 to determine how many grams of carbs you need per day. Here's a few calorie ranges broken down into carbs calories and grams:
- 1300 cal./day - 585 carb cal./day - 146g carbs/day
- 1400 cal./day - 630 carb cal./day - 157g carbs/day
- 1500 cal./day - 675 carb cal./day - 169g carbs/day
- 1600 cal./day - 720 carb cal./day - 180g carbs/day
Carbs to Avoid
So which carbs are goods ones and which ones are bad? While you're trying to lose weight avoid most processed foods including: pasta, white rice, fruit juice, sugar loaded fat free yogurt, most crackers, cookies, pastries, white bread, chips, pretzels, bagels, sports drinks, soft drinks, and candy. This will help you reach your goal weight at a much faster pace. Once you lose the weight you will be able to eat these foods again in moderation.
Carbs to Moderate
Many of the most popular diet plans tell you to avoid starchy carbs and high glycemic carbs but they do serve a purpose. If you're working out your body needs them for energy and they also help your body burn fat. There are 3 simple rules when it comes to starchy and high glycemic carbs:
- Limit yourself to two servings a day of each
- Eat them in the first half of your day
- Always combine with protein
Carbs You Can Indulge
Not many people are into eating greens and high fiber cereal (13g of more per serving) but these are the carbs the help you feel full, have the most nutrients, and really boost metabolism so indulge all you want.
Cycle Your Carbs
Another great strategy is to vary your carb grams based on your activity level. On the days you're lifting heavy and doing a lot of cardio you can allow yourself a little more carbs than on the days you don't work out at all. But don't use this as an excuse to indulge your chocolate cake fantasies. All this means is that you can eat an extra piece of fruit or an extra serving of brown rice. If you stick to these simple rules you will have no problem shedding those pounds without feeling too deprived.
Recommended Reading
Good Carbs, Bad Carbs: An Indispensable Guide to Eating the Right Carbs for Losing Weight and Optimum Health
OK! This is getting ridiculous now! 9/23
Sep 23, 2009
I've already blogged a few times today but more keeps coming up.
I actually had a really good day today...who knew it wouldnt last!
Well it's Wed. and ever since I was approved for surgery I watch Big Medicine on Discovery Health every week! So tonight's episode there was a rather large woman pursuing surgery and she was really interested in the band! The father and son Dr. combo spoke against the band - maybe particulary for this patient but I've also never heard them talk about doing a band! They told her that band patients only lose about 40% of their excess weight and she really needed more than the band could offer. The son said average weight loss with band is 5lbs per month and they don't see results until 1-2 years out. The Dad said she needed something more successful than the band! DAMN DAMN ME this is the shit that goes through my head! So, they wanted to do the sleeve on her and she was terrified of them removing her stomach! (imagine that, all of my skepticism about the band working for me, I say to myself I should have researched VSG before doing this)
I was feeling positive today until this! It may seem minor to some but the fact that these 2 Drs. with a huge bariatric practice seemed to just sweep the band under the rug! Matter of factly, the only surgery I have seen them do while watching the show is bypass.
I'm afraid my day has ended again with feeling a bit down about my overall process and banding. God do I hope I can look back on these blogs and one day and say I can't believe I was feeling like because the band was more successful than I ever anticipated.
I do think I am going to make an appointment with the therapist at the practice and maybe see the Dr. again and talk to him about how I am feeling and how concerned I am about things!
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I actually had a really good day today...who knew it wouldnt last!
Well it's Wed. and ever since I was approved for surgery I watch Big Medicine on Discovery Health every week! So tonight's episode there was a rather large woman pursuing surgery and she was really interested in the band! The father and son Dr. combo spoke against the band - maybe particulary for this patient but I've also never heard them talk about doing a band! They told her that band patients only lose about 40% of their excess weight and she really needed more than the band could offer. The son said average weight loss with band is 5lbs per month and they don't see results until 1-2 years out. The Dad said she needed something more successful than the band! DAMN DAMN ME this is the shit that goes through my head! So, they wanted to do the sleeve on her and she was terrified of them removing her stomach! (imagine that, all of my skepticism about the band working for me, I say to myself I should have researched VSG before doing this)
I was feeling positive today until this! It may seem minor to some but the fact that these 2 Drs. with a huge bariatric practice seemed to just sweep the band under the rug! Matter of factly, the only surgery I have seen them do while watching the show is bypass.
I'm afraid my day has ended again with feeling a bit down about my overall process and banding. God do I hope I can look back on these blogs and one day and say I can't believe I was feeling like because the band was more successful than I ever anticipated.
I do think I am going to make an appointment with the therapist at the practice and maybe see the Dr. again and talk to him about how I am feeling and how concerned I am about things!
Picture of my ACTUAL Surgery! (In My Album Too Rotated View)
Sep 23, 2009
Ok I know it's not for the faint of heart but I love this stuff. I am beyond addicted to Discovery Health and TLC and glued to every medical show possible so none of this grosses me out. So sorry if you viewed and got queesy. It wouldn't let me put a caption on to say BEWARE.
So anyway the photo is the actual progression of my band being put in place in 4 steps. I was extremely excited to get this photo from my Dr. He promised he'd take a pic of my liver and there it is. All cleaned up from my 14 days of pre-op liquid hell. Bye Bye fatty liver!
Plus, I wanted to be sure, for as much pain as I had after the surgery taking double time, that my damn band was there! I have the proof.
For any of you who ever wondered what the band looked like on a real stomach, you've got your medical education from my profile today!
I have to admit, I am proud and get excited over this picture. A little nutty I know but hey, it's my journey and having this little piece is my evidence, my indication of that "TOOL"
I hope anyone else there who has the band is able to get the same type of pics. If not, I'd ask! Not sure how they'd show other surgeries since band is the only one using an object but never hurts to find out!
Whoo Hoo LOVE PICTURES!
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So anyway the photo is the actual progression of my band being put in place in 4 steps. I was extremely excited to get this photo from my Dr. He promised he'd take a pic of my liver and there it is. All cleaned up from my 14 days of pre-op liquid hell. Bye Bye fatty liver!
Plus, I wanted to be sure, for as much pain as I had after the surgery taking double time, that my damn band was there! I have the proof.
For any of you who ever wondered what the band looked like on a real stomach, you've got your medical education from my profile today!
I have to admit, I am proud and get excited over this picture. A little nutty I know but hey, it's my journey and having this little piece is my evidence, my indication of that "TOOL"
I hope anyone else there who has the band is able to get the same type of pics. If not, I'd ask! Not sure how they'd show other surgeries since band is the only one using an object but never hurts to find out!
Whoo Hoo LOVE PICTURES!
Add On To Yesterdays Blog! Well Here I Go Again 9/22
Sep 23, 2009
So last evening I sent two very similar emails to 2 friends on OH regarding their replies to my blog "Well Here I Go Again"
I thought that the content of the emails would be a good addition to my blog for a little more justification on my "journey" and clarification on my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
So Here Goes Again (from last night)....
I hope in few months I can start my little scale victory dance but just so much going on.
Maybe this will change when I am on pureed but right now I feel sick to think about another shake and now after an entire week of protein chicken soup that too is making me nauseous. I have 3 more days. I'm hungry but not all the time. I just had a glass of skim milk and seem to not be ravenous.
Perhaps I am just worn out as nothing is coming easy - not even the choice of what to have to "drink". I feel like Im doing too much/trying too hard. But that is just me. Everything I do I go hard but yet im so bull headed. I cannot continue to think the band won't work for me but call me skeptical as I've spent thousands already on WL stuff and what's another 10K when Im done paying my band bills. I think I need to stop reading the Lap Band forum for a while. I know people have had success with it while others have not. Same goes for RNY etc. Again I just hope I picked the right one. 8 years ago it was a no brainer - I was whole heartedly into Bypass and they even did it OPEN then...geez!
I wish I could get some relax time. Get a massage or something comforting. But I am so poor (from surgery and my house) that my parents had to buck up for me while they were here for surgery and buy a few things I really needed which did nothing for my pride whatsoever. If you haven't made the inference I am a very high strung person - For as hyper as I am i should weigh 110 but I haven't see that number since I am about 9 or 10 years old.
I realize I have to give myself time but time is all I've got. So hard to be alone all the time with no distractions. Certainly puts the mind on overlaod. I have a "man friend" that is super supportive but he is only part time in my life. Good and bad things about that arrangement. I dont have an every day companion or neighbor or someone to just talk to in general. I have other stress factors as well including my job which we'll just say I put in my time and get a paycheck. Sucks! I'm the type of person that needs self assuring fullfillment and I don't have that in my everyday work that is. Just not the right time to get a new well paying job no thanks to the economy.
I do have a lot of issues. I have been in therapy for years for many different reasons. And I will continue to go. I just would like to get this new life off with a bang which includes weight loss of course first and foremost, then meeting new friends which I pretty much have very little of as Ive mentioned in my posts again for varying degrees like the surgery, men, kids, the fact the ive moved 20 minutes further away or my friends are now distant having moved away. It's just a lot of things to tackle at once. I feel like If I didn't have my animals I'd be in bed around the clock while I was at home. Sort of helps supress things. I'm trying to get involved in things but again taking on more is just another tick on the tired clock! Im infamous for overdoing it and now is one of those times.
Maybe I am guilty after the gaining and losing and gaining and losing all these years of wanting a quicker fix for things. Hopefully I can look back in 3 months , 6 months and see a difference that is just not just merely minimal. For me to even start feeling normal I need to get off about another 50lbs. (then I will be at where I was 3 years ago - feeling great, lively and confident) I'll probably be kicking and screaming until I get to that point!
Well I really do hope tomorrow is better. I need to get better rest too to help with my healing and overall health. This sleep apnea is for the birds and my machine sucks so I end up with it off everynight. Discussions about this Thurs with my sleep doctor.
One thing after another. So tired. Really just want a night of no thinking!
0 comments
I thought that the content of the emails would be a good addition to my blog for a little more justification on my "journey" and clarification on my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
So Here Goes Again (from last night)....
I hope in few months I can start my little scale victory dance but just so much going on.
Maybe this will change when I am on pureed but right now I feel sick to think about another shake and now after an entire week of protein chicken soup that too is making me nauseous. I have 3 more days. I'm hungry but not all the time. I just had a glass of skim milk and seem to not be ravenous.
Perhaps I am just worn out as nothing is coming easy - not even the choice of what to have to "drink". I feel like Im doing too much/trying too hard. But that is just me. Everything I do I go hard but yet im so bull headed. I cannot continue to think the band won't work for me but call me skeptical as I've spent thousands already on WL stuff and what's another 10K when Im done paying my band bills. I think I need to stop reading the Lap Band forum for a while. I know people have had success with it while others have not. Same goes for RNY etc. Again I just hope I picked the right one. 8 years ago it was a no brainer - I was whole heartedly into Bypass and they even did it OPEN then...geez!
I wish I could get some relax time. Get a massage or something comforting. But I am so poor (from surgery and my house) that my parents had to buck up for me while they were here for surgery and buy a few things I really needed which did nothing for my pride whatsoever. If you haven't made the inference I am a very high strung person - For as hyper as I am i should weigh 110 but I haven't see that number since I am about 9 or 10 years old.
I realize I have to give myself time but time is all I've got. So hard to be alone all the time with no distractions. Certainly puts the mind on overlaod. I have a "man friend" that is super supportive but he is only part time in my life. Good and bad things about that arrangement. I dont have an every day companion or neighbor or someone to just talk to in general. I have other stress factors as well including my job which we'll just say I put in my time and get a paycheck. Sucks! I'm the type of person that needs self assuring fullfillment and I don't have that in my everyday work that is. Just not the right time to get a new well paying job no thanks to the economy.
I do have a lot of issues. I have been in therapy for years for many different reasons. And I will continue to go. I just would like to get this new life off with a bang which includes weight loss of course first and foremost, then meeting new friends which I pretty much have very little of as Ive mentioned in my posts again for varying degrees like the surgery, men, kids, the fact the ive moved 20 minutes further away or my friends are now distant having moved away. It's just a lot of things to tackle at once. I feel like If I didn't have my animals I'd be in bed around the clock while I was at home. Sort of helps supress things. I'm trying to get involved in things but again taking on more is just another tick on the tired clock! Im infamous for overdoing it and now is one of those times.
Maybe I am guilty after the gaining and losing and gaining and losing all these years of wanting a quicker fix for things. Hopefully I can look back in 3 months , 6 months and see a difference that is just not just merely minimal. For me to even start feeling normal I need to get off about another 50lbs. (then I will be at where I was 3 years ago - feeling great, lively and confident) I'll probably be kicking and screaming until I get to that point!
Well I really do hope tomorrow is better. I need to get better rest too to help with my healing and overall health. This sleep apnea is for the birds and my machine sucks so I end up with it off everynight. Discussions about this Thurs with my sleep doctor.
One thing after another. So tired. Really just want a night of no thinking!
Updated My Tickers! & GOAL WEIGHT!
Sep 23, 2009
So yeah I know they are only numbers but that's what I see ALL the time! I decided to update my tickers to what I really know!
First off it's been difficult for me because I never weighed in before my pre-op liquid diet. I don't know how much weight I gained in the 6 weeks of last supper syndrome from when I had my first consult but I bet it was at least a handful of pounds if not more!!! That being said I will never know what my true starting/highest weight was!
I updated my tickers to reflect my consult weight on 7/3/09 and then I have in my day of surgery weight. My surgeron's scale in the office is ALWAYS higher than any scale I step on so that's a bit frustating but for the sake of tracking weight loss accurately, I will update per their scale!
I did get on another scale the other day and was down to 303 on that one, so it will be VERY interesting to see what I am at next week during my check up on the dreaded higher scale. I so hate that I can get on 5 different scales and even on the same one sometimes and be up and down up and down. I truly do not trust digital scales. I'd prefer the old fashion big clunker that you slide back and forth! I'm always higher on digital scales just as well my BP is always normal on an old fashion manual one but through the roof on a digital. What gives and in this instance for me technology SUCKS!
So as far as my goal weight. I want to be realistic with myself. 185 is always in my head and has been for years. Yes it is still obese at 32.8 BMI but to me a 140lb loss it's fantastic - almost half my weight. If I could go lower great but right now that number is what suits me so I'm sticking with it. I envision myself a healthy size 10-12 on the regular side of target around 185. Heck right now I can get into 22 pants which is clearly a miracle for my weight. For the moment I'm hoping to get under 300lbs and long term it's under 200lbs.
Now the Dr. is a different story. He himself has NEVER told me how much weight he wants me to lose or even talked numbers. The psych in his office well she sets the rules for you. So of course they say we want you at a "normal BMI" I laugh at that because I think that damn BMI calculator is LONG LONG overdo to be revised. If it was only more about the % of muscle to fat as that seems realistic.
So my normal BMI weight range is between 104.5 and 140.5 YEAH RIGHT! But....I had to pick a number to be healthy so I told them 138 was fair enough and laughed like hell. It would be a miracle and hell would have to freeze over to get me to that and well down to 104.5 - let's just amputate my legs and we might there!
So ok now that's off my chest and my tickers and goals are in check! Forward we move!
1 comment
First off it's been difficult for me because I never weighed in before my pre-op liquid diet. I don't know how much weight I gained in the 6 weeks of last supper syndrome from when I had my first consult but I bet it was at least a handful of pounds if not more!!! That being said I will never know what my true starting/highest weight was!
I updated my tickers to reflect my consult weight on 7/3/09 and then I have in my day of surgery weight. My surgeron's scale in the office is ALWAYS higher than any scale I step on so that's a bit frustating but for the sake of tracking weight loss accurately, I will update per their scale!
I did get on another scale the other day and was down to 303 on that one, so it will be VERY interesting to see what I am at next week during my check up on the dreaded higher scale. I so hate that I can get on 5 different scales and even on the same one sometimes and be up and down up and down. I truly do not trust digital scales. I'd prefer the old fashion big clunker that you slide back and forth! I'm always higher on digital scales just as well my BP is always normal on an old fashion manual one but through the roof on a digital. What gives and in this instance for me technology SUCKS!
So as far as my goal weight. I want to be realistic with myself. 185 is always in my head and has been for years. Yes it is still obese at 32.8 BMI but to me a 140lb loss it's fantastic - almost half my weight. If I could go lower great but right now that number is what suits me so I'm sticking with it. I envision myself a healthy size 10-12 on the regular side of target around 185. Heck right now I can get into 22 pants which is clearly a miracle for my weight. For the moment I'm hoping to get under 300lbs and long term it's under 200lbs.
Now the Dr. is a different story. He himself has NEVER told me how much weight he wants me to lose or even talked numbers. The psych in his office well she sets the rules for you. So of course they say we want you at a "normal BMI" I laugh at that because I think that damn BMI calculator is LONG LONG overdo to be revised. If it was only more about the % of muscle to fat as that seems realistic.
So my normal BMI weight range is between 104.5 and 140.5 YEAH RIGHT! But....I had to pick a number to be healthy so I told them 138 was fair enough and laughed like hell. It would be a miracle and hell would have to freeze over to get me to that and well down to 104.5 - let's just amputate my legs and we might there!
So ok now that's off my chest and my tickers and goals are in check! Forward we move!
Well, Here I Go Again! 9/22
Sep 22, 2009
So instead of post my feelings on the MD board I decided to just blog about it instead. I would really hate for them to think I'm the downer of the group being negative all the time when they are all so positive.
At any rate I'm 11 days out from surgery and just overall kind of melancholy. First I have to start off and admit that I now feel like completely and totally rushed my surgery 100%. I did not give myself any time to prepare and besides pre-surgey stuff mentally prepare for life after. After having pursued RNY 8 years ago the second I found out my insurance now covered WLS I was on board with the band and never considered anything else. In my head I was like well Bypass is so drastic and I've had friends with issues yayaya, and I know with the band they don't remove anything or move things around blah blah so yeah I'm just going with that! Having been under more than I can count programs, I already had the documentation needed by insurance. From the time I went in for my consult until my surgery was only 70 days - a little over 2 months and bam - superfast. Hit me like a bolt of lighting and well I was like shit this is my opportunity damn don't turn back now since you got screwed before!
I never read anything but Lapband.com and of course they are going to promote their product. I only started reading on the Lap Band forum here when I was about 2.5 weeks away from surgery. Well at that point I wasn't about to drop the ball and nothing was going to make me cancel having surgery, but I have had concerns and still do about the band working for me.
The Lap Band Forum on OH has completely had me feeling negative about the band to the point I am already saying WTF if I need a revision down the line. I've read horror stories after horror stores - regret after regret. I just sit here and think if this doens't work for me, oh how I will be judged by people who know I did this thinking I would lose a large amount of weight.
There was one thing in particular I read online before even browsing OH - Lap Band Forum. I read a comparison chart for the surgeries on this site http://www.lapsf.com/weight-loss-surgeries.html
The bullet points I read that made me go
were
*Requires the most effort of all procedures to be successful.
*Slow weight loss
*Best for patients who enjoy participating in an exercise program and are more disciplined in following dietary restrictions.
WELL - none of that describes me! Nor did I hear about any of that BEFORE I scheduled my surgery. I have put alot of effort and a ton of money into weight loss in the past and I succeeded for a short time and failed doubly! Most of all with surgery, I need something that is going to WORK! Every bad band story I hear about removals several years out and not losing etc makes me feel like maybe I did make the wrong decision. I am not a lighweight in WLS terms. I have way more than 100lbs to lose. The whole thing is exhausting and to even think it won't work is even more devistating.
I worry when I see people saying I can't believe Dr.'s are still doing bands and anyone with more than 100lbs to lose should not get a band and so on and so on. My head is fried from reading but the worst part is I am reading real life experiences who went through something that could be in my future.
No one has to tell me twice that my thoughts should be somewhere else, I know this! But as I follow my rules daily and cringe everytime I see a food commerical, there I am making sure I get my fluids and protein in for the day not even attempting to just see what might happen if I eat something. The way people describe a slip is my worst fear along with losing the band and regaining any weight I lost. These don't seem to happen early on but years from now.
Actually right now my emotions are ridiculous. I want to try to make this work for me but I want to be realistic too. Honestly had I read the Lap Band Forum before deciding, I probably would have gone with RNY or VSG and walked away from the band instantly. That alone scares the crap out of me that my overzealous personality took a leep at something major and damn pray that I didn't get myself into a major F-up!
Regardless of that, above what my ins pays, my surgery has cost me quite a bit of money!
I wish I truly knew what my problem was. I am constantly up and down all the while being medicated for this very reason and even more so to cope with surgery - imagine that! But I can say alot of it has to do with the fact that I am hungry or feel empty most of the time and I'm having food withdrawl!
The psych at the practice really knows her stuff and if I could muster up $150.00 for a session i'd go see her because we'd focus on food entirely but I simply can't afford it.
Today is my first day back to work and maybe my head is just in 9 million places which is why I feel this way. I did something yesterday that I am not too sure of AGAIN....and feel very eh about it to day (long story). I hate how I get sucked into things that seem so fantastic for the moment. Then I think about them later and want to kick myself.
I know I might appear to be beyond negative to some right now about this surgery. Trust me, this is the only place I am venting and to my Mom of course. I already wanted to scream coming back to work and people asking me how much weight I've lost. I just ignore it and tell them I am not getting on scale - which at home, I am really not! I really hope to start feeling more postive about my decisions. Maybe when I can get off these liquids I will have an attitude change. I'll see about that this weekend. Also worried about gaining on food because I've been on liquids for 4 weeks and consuming 500-700 calories which is CRAZY low! I know I should feel different right now because some people can't even have WLS of any kind, but just as well I need to get used to all this. So much change, so many emotions, so much thinking all at once. Overwhelming!
That's all for now as if it wasn't enough!
5 comments
At any rate I'm 11 days out from surgery and just overall kind of melancholy. First I have to start off and admit that I now feel like completely and totally rushed my surgery 100%. I did not give myself any time to prepare and besides pre-surgey stuff mentally prepare for life after. After having pursued RNY 8 years ago the second I found out my insurance now covered WLS I was on board with the band and never considered anything else. In my head I was like well Bypass is so drastic and I've had friends with issues yayaya, and I know with the band they don't remove anything or move things around blah blah so yeah I'm just going with that! Having been under more than I can count programs, I already had the documentation needed by insurance. From the time I went in for my consult until my surgery was only 70 days - a little over 2 months and bam - superfast. Hit me like a bolt of lighting and well I was like shit this is my opportunity damn don't turn back now since you got screwed before!
I never read anything but Lapband.com and of course they are going to promote their product. I only started reading on the Lap Band forum here when I was about 2.5 weeks away from surgery. Well at that point I wasn't about to drop the ball and nothing was going to make me cancel having surgery, but I have had concerns and still do about the band working for me.
The Lap Band Forum on OH has completely had me feeling negative about the band to the point I am already saying WTF if I need a revision down the line. I've read horror stories after horror stores - regret after regret. I just sit here and think if this doens't work for me, oh how I will be judged by people who know I did this thinking I would lose a large amount of weight.
There was one thing in particular I read online before even browsing OH - Lap Band Forum. I read a comparison chart for the surgeries on this site http://www.lapsf.com/weight-loss-surgeries.html
The bullet points I read that made me go
were*Requires the most effort of all procedures to be successful.
*Slow weight loss
*Best for patients who enjoy participating in an exercise program and are more disciplined in following dietary restrictions.
WELL - none of that describes me! Nor did I hear about any of that BEFORE I scheduled my surgery. I have put alot of effort and a ton of money into weight loss in the past and I succeeded for a short time and failed doubly! Most of all with surgery, I need something that is going to WORK! Every bad band story I hear about removals several years out and not losing etc makes me feel like maybe I did make the wrong decision. I am not a lighweight in WLS terms. I have way more than 100lbs to lose. The whole thing is exhausting and to even think it won't work is even more devistating.
I worry when I see people saying I can't believe Dr.'s are still doing bands and anyone with more than 100lbs to lose should not get a band and so on and so on. My head is fried from reading but the worst part is I am reading real life experiences who went through something that could be in my future.
No one has to tell me twice that my thoughts should be somewhere else, I know this! But as I follow my rules daily and cringe everytime I see a food commerical, there I am making sure I get my fluids and protein in for the day not even attempting to just see what might happen if I eat something. The way people describe a slip is my worst fear along with losing the band and regaining any weight I lost. These don't seem to happen early on but years from now.
Actually right now my emotions are ridiculous. I want to try to make this work for me but I want to be realistic too. Honestly had I read the Lap Band Forum before deciding, I probably would have gone with RNY or VSG and walked away from the band instantly. That alone scares the crap out of me that my overzealous personality took a leep at something major and damn pray that I didn't get myself into a major F-up!
Regardless of that, above what my ins pays, my surgery has cost me quite a bit of money!
I wish I truly knew what my problem was. I am constantly up and down all the while being medicated for this very reason and even more so to cope with surgery - imagine that! But I can say alot of it has to do with the fact that I am hungry or feel empty most of the time and I'm having food withdrawl!
The psych at the practice really knows her stuff and if I could muster up $150.00 for a session i'd go see her because we'd focus on food entirely but I simply can't afford it.
Today is my first day back to work and maybe my head is just in 9 million places which is why I feel this way. I did something yesterday that I am not too sure of AGAIN....and feel very eh about it to day (long story). I hate how I get sucked into things that seem so fantastic for the moment. Then I think about them later and want to kick myself.
I know I might appear to be beyond negative to some right now about this surgery. Trust me, this is the only place I am venting and to my Mom of course. I already wanted to scream coming back to work and people asking me how much weight I've lost. I just ignore it and tell them I am not getting on scale - which at home, I am really not! I really hope to start feeling more postive about my decisions. Maybe when I can get off these liquids I will have an attitude change. I'll see about that this weekend. Also worried about gaining on food because I've been on liquids for 4 weeks and consuming 500-700 calories which is CRAZY low! I know I should feel different right now because some people can't even have WLS of any kind, but just as well I need to get used to all this. So much change, so many emotions, so much thinking all at once. Overwhelming!
That's all for now as if it wasn't enough!
First Post Op Dr. Visit - Thurs 9/17
Sep 17, 2009
I am going to try and make this short and sweet and to the point about EVERYTHING from today's visit.
Worst thing was that MY dr's scale is higher than the scale the day of surgery weight UGHHHHH GRRRR and according to his scale I lost about 2lbs from my last visit on Wed 9/9. Surgery and consuming nothing and had having to see the number just really ticked me. We had a long long talk. Matter of fact he and I talked for a little over an hour.
He assured me that post surgery I do have water retention for one which will cause the scale not to move. He told I am in the range he expects of weight loss from consult to first post op visit. And prepared me what to expect for next time after I transition to pureed foods. In a round about way he told me I won't start seeing much until I am on a stable diet.
BAND unlike bypass there is no malabsorption which is why bypass patients can lose 15-20lbs+ at their first visit. As a former bypass surgeron he explained to me how crucial it is to compare notes with bandsters as the band is extremely different from bypass - from the procedure to the way your body works afterward. I tried to take in and believe him and he tried to convince me to not live by the "scale" which I know will be hard for me.
He explained to me why I feel the way I do post surgery and that my surgery took twice as long as normal. Most BAND surgery is about an hour and mine took TWO HOURS! He said my abdominal wall was so thick (meaning so fat) which means my organs are way back in the cavity that he had to use the largest tools and still had a hard time moving around with much leverage to manipulate the instruments. He said this was not my fault, just my make up and does happen in patients with a BMI over 50. Had I known, I really seriously may have tried harder to drop 15-20lbs even before my liquid diet but no one mentioned the necessity.
We talked about food choices and ideas for the next step. Also what I could do to get more protein and fluids in right now. He said any soups are fine that have no food particles. He was glad with my choice of Campbells healthy requests or the 98% fat free and encouraged me to add whatever amount of unflavored protein powder that I could tolerate by taste.
In the office, the girls were so worried about my protein intake they made me UNJURY Chicken Soup Flavor. It was actually much more tolerable than the shakes and I got my protein in with that! I also bought a canister and believe it will help me to up my protein.
I am certainly already brainstorming on healthy, high protein, low carb choices to have for the pureed phase and think I have quite a few great ideas.
I'm going to try and start blogging week #2 post op liquids tomorrow through next week.
All in all educationally and emotionally my visit was great. No scale victories but hopefully once I become a bit more active and get into a routine with my drinking first - then eating, the scale will move. I truly need to lost about 20-30lbs before I can fit into my damn fall clothes and I have NO BUDGET to buy new clothes right now. I have sizes as low as 1x and 16/18 so I hope they take me through the winter and cold spring season and that I don't need to start buying until late spring.
I try to look as much into the short term future as I do the current moment. I'm not weight frustrated a week out but I know I will be feeling pretty bad if I don't lose anything in the next two weeks before my post op #2.
3 comments
Worst thing was that MY dr's scale is higher than the scale the day of surgery weight UGHHHHH GRRRR and according to his scale I lost about 2lbs from my last visit on Wed 9/9. Surgery and consuming nothing and had having to see the number just really ticked me. We had a long long talk. Matter of fact he and I talked for a little over an hour.
He assured me that post surgery I do have water retention for one which will cause the scale not to move. He told I am in the range he expects of weight loss from consult to first post op visit. And prepared me what to expect for next time after I transition to pureed foods. In a round about way he told me I won't start seeing much until I am on a stable diet.
BAND unlike bypass there is no malabsorption which is why bypass patients can lose 15-20lbs+ at their first visit. As a former bypass surgeron he explained to me how crucial it is to compare notes with bandsters as the band is extremely different from bypass - from the procedure to the way your body works afterward. I tried to take in and believe him and he tried to convince me to not live by the "scale" which I know will be hard for me.
He explained to me why I feel the way I do post surgery and that my surgery took twice as long as normal. Most BAND surgery is about an hour and mine took TWO HOURS! He said my abdominal wall was so thick (meaning so fat) which means my organs are way back in the cavity that he had to use the largest tools and still had a hard time moving around with much leverage to manipulate the instruments. He said this was not my fault, just my make up and does happen in patients with a BMI over 50. Had I known, I really seriously may have tried harder to drop 15-20lbs even before my liquid diet but no one mentioned the necessity.
We talked about food choices and ideas for the next step. Also what I could do to get more protein and fluids in right now. He said any soups are fine that have no food particles. He was glad with my choice of Campbells healthy requests or the 98% fat free and encouraged me to add whatever amount of unflavored protein powder that I could tolerate by taste.
In the office, the girls were so worried about my protein intake they made me UNJURY Chicken Soup Flavor. It was actually much more tolerable than the shakes and I got my protein in with that! I also bought a canister and believe it will help me to up my protein.
I am certainly already brainstorming on healthy, high protein, low carb choices to have for the pureed phase and think I have quite a few great ideas.
I'm going to try and start blogging week #2 post op liquids tomorrow through next week.
All in all educationally and emotionally my visit was great. No scale victories but hopefully once I become a bit more active and get into a routine with my drinking first - then eating, the scale will move. I truly need to lost about 20-30lbs before I can fit into my damn fall clothes and I have NO BUDGET to buy new clothes right now. I have sizes as low as 1x and 16/18 so I hope they take me through the winter and cold spring season and that I don't need to start buying until late spring.
I try to look as much into the short term future as I do the current moment. I'm not weight frustrated a week out but I know I will be feeling pretty bad if I don't lose anything in the next two weeks before my post op #2.
Post Op Up and Down 9/15
Sep 15, 2009
I am 4 days post op and having quite a few rough moments.
Lots of gas that is hard to expel
Major left shoulder pain
No throwing up but not able to take a whole lot in
Very sore
Running a fever off and on
NEW ONE - Diarrhea today WTF but pure water! Just what I need to lose the little fluids I have
Weird empty hunger pain feeling.
Can't get a shake down.
Crystal light and Rita's SF italian ice are my friends.
Extremely hard to get comfortable in bed.
Couldn't get up by myself for the first 3 days.
Can't bend over
large Incision super sore
Want to burp but can't
The few pills I have to take get stuck
Liquid even feels stuck
Weened down on pain meds - trying just to take at night then Tylenol in the day.
Hurts to cough, yawn or take a deep breath
I am concerned about my overal liquid intake and definitely the protein as I am not getting really any. Follow up on Thursday. I feel pretty crappy. Maybe second half of the week will be better.
1 comment
Lots of gas that is hard to expel
Major left shoulder pain
No throwing up but not able to take a whole lot in
Very sore
Running a fever off and on
NEW ONE - Diarrhea today WTF but pure water! Just what I need to lose the little fluids I have
Weird empty hunger pain feeling.
Can't get a shake down.
Crystal light and Rita's SF italian ice are my friends.
Extremely hard to get comfortable in bed.
Couldn't get up by myself for the first 3 days.
Can't bend over
large Incision super sore
Want to burp but can't
The few pills I have to take get stuck
Liquid even feels stuck
Weened down on pain meds - trying just to take at night then Tylenol in the day.
Hurts to cough, yawn or take a deep breath
I am concerned about my overal liquid intake and definitely the protein as I am not getting really any. Follow up on Thursday. I feel pretty crappy. Maybe second half of the week will be better.
About Me
Gaithersburg, MD
Location
31.0
BMI
Surgery
09/11/2009
Surgery Date
Aug 06, 2009
Member Since
