2 years, and 220 lbs later - ONDERLAND
Jul 05, 2012I am trying to get my head around this. I, formerly 420 lbs, NOW weigh 199. It's a little unreal. Good thing I took a picture :)
It's been quite the journey up until this point. I've lost a shit load of weight. I've lost more than some of these people here getting surgery weighed to begin....Ive lost more than an adult person - ive lost an obese one at that !
Being closer to goal - this will hopefully push me a bit. Ive been struggling a lot - people don't realize that as much as ive changed physically, there is an equal, if not greater change psychologically. I often feel alone, burried in a deep hole because I feel isolated because of the mental struggles. People look at me like I should be happy all the time, in a permanent state of excitement and thrills because after all, ive accomplished such a huge feat. And while I am - I also have to deal with everything else- hating my now deflated body, feeling trapped in a body I dont want to be in, dealing with food/scale/coffee addiction (haha yes, I said coffee - its a problem now :-p), constantly worried about reaching some arbitrary goal, etc. People just dont understand and that just compounds the problem. Every time I try to talk about it and I get the "bitch, you are crazy" response, it just pushes me away more. Maybe I'm dealing with some anxiety/depression issues but ive just been down...down in the dumps for the last couple months. I'm attempting to get some help, but as much as I dont understand myself, neither do doctors.
But, I am strong. I'm a fighter and I'm not quitting. I will reach my goal, I will get my plastic surgery (date set, money in the bank, time off from work -done!) and I will be one hot skinny bitch next year. I'm going to spend the next few months hopefully getting some help for my head before I change my body once again so I can enjoy life to the fullest.
This should be a celebratory day - but I'm using it as a day of reflection, and planning. I need to get my head out of the sand, and get to work!
I am so grateful for all of my friends here, humbled by the inspiration ive been able to give to others, and optimistic for the months to come.
Granada Hills, CA
Sep 09, 2010